Should I Tell My Girlfriend About My Upcoming Procedure?

[hairman22]

I am thinking about telling my new Girlfriend dating 3 months but already quite serious about my upcoming SMP procedure. I could maybe get away without telling her as it is a density treatment.

 

But Hairloss has been a struggle for me & I would like to tell her.

One of her best friends is transgender so I am thinking it wont be a huge issue or anything.

 

Would like to hear some opinions

[Curious25]

This is a predicament that I can very much empathise with. 
 

Hair loss is my biggest insecurity , and has played a major role over the years affecting my dating life with women, largely because I have always kept it as my ‘dirty little secret’ , out of a toxic alpha-male pride trait, that is unwilling to let anyone into a self perceived physical flaw that I have . . combine that with the types of women I usually like, and it has tragically always been one of the fundamental reasons I have failed to pursue anything to a more serious level. 
 

Ultimately, what I have came to realise, is that if you don’t feel comfortable being able to share something like that with your partner, out of fear of her/his reaction, then it’s not, and never will be a relationship worth pursuing.

 

[ciaus]

2 hours ago, Curious25 said:

I have always kept it as my ‘dirty little secret’ , out of a toxic alpha-male pride trait, that is unwilling to let anyone into a self perceived physical flaw that I have

I know these days people want to try to make everything social constructions that can be changed, but there are fundamental biological realities we live within that do serve a legit purpose. Instinctually, and more or less consciously, we all know physical attributes like good hair are important attraction triggers for vitality, fertility, good genetics, reproductive fitness. Which is after all the fundamental function of sexuality, no matter how much we try to change it or just focus on certain aspects of it when times are easy enough to allow for that. As long as its not obsessive, concern about physical conditions like this are perfectly healthy.

If this change from the SMP is subtle enough that you can get it done without her noticing, don't tell her for now. Wait at least until the dopamine high wears off, if she's still around by then.

 

 

============================

Dopamine in Early Relationships

Dopamine is at an all-time high when we're first pursuing a relationship with someone who we're very interested in. This high level of dopamine makes new love feel extremely rewarding, exciting, and worth pursuing over other things. There is nothing that quite feels like our first serious love, especially if that love is returned. You may feel like you've found your soul mate like there's a connection between the two of you is like nothing else.

There's nothing wrong with these feelings. In fact, they are an important part of building the foundation of a long-term relationship. If you and your partner are a good match, this initial dopamine rush can plant the seed for a powerful connection that lasts over time.

Some people may realize once the dopamine high wears off that they are no longer as interested in their partner. Others may feel distraught if they don't feel the same rush that they once did and end a relationship prematurely. However, it's normal for the fires of passion to cool off as a relationship matures, replaced by neurochemicals that foster attachment and connection.

Neurochemicals In Mature Relationships

After about six months to a year of being together, dopamine and cortisol ease. Other neurochemicals related to long-term attachment are released instead, the most notable one being oxytocin. Oxytocin is the same chemical involved in the connection between mothers and infants, as it facilitates bonding and security. Known as the "bonding hormone" or the "cuddle chemical," oxytocin is released through many activities, including holding hands and hugging.

Oxytocin encourages us to develop trust in the person we're with. This social trust has been a crucial part of survival since the beginning of human civilization and is hardwired into the brain.

Edited October 22, 2021 by ciaus

[LaserCaps]

It is evident this is not a concern for her otherwise the subject would have been brought up already. And while 3 months is not a long time, if this does develop into something more serious, you can bet this might become an issue. "Why didn't you tell me?  You could not trust me?"  I can hear it already.  Be up front and confident.  If you don't put a lot of emphasis on it - she won't either.  You may even want to tell her you are sharing this with her because you actually care for her......Good luck.

[ciaus]

37 minutes ago, LaserCaps said:

It is evident this is not a concern for her otherwise the subject would have been brought up already. And while 3 months is not a long time, if this does develop into something more serious, you can bet this might become an issue. "Why didn't you tell me?  You could not trust me?"  I can hear it already.  Be up front and confident.  If you don't put a lot of emphasis on it - she won't either.  You may even want to tell her you are sharing this with her because you actually care for her......Good luck.

 

No matter what disney and the rest of the general narratives forming the mess that is modern marriage and relationships declare, women want their men to be problem solvers, not to hear about your problems. Not to say you should be a heartless robot, but wait for the more serious problems you can't hide to bond over.

If she's willing to blow up your relationship because you discreetly addressed your hair loss, good bye and good riddance. That gives you more time to find the right girl.

Edited October 22, 2021 by ciaus

[giegnosiganoe]

If you're getting a density treatment, does that mean she already knows you have hair loss, or have you been hiding it with concealers? What is your reason for wanting to tell her?

[digi23]

4 hours ago, hairman22 said:

I am thinking about telling my new Girlfriend dating 3 months but already quite serious about my upcoming SMP procedure. I could maybe get away without telling her as it is a density treatment.

 

But Hairloss has been a struggle for me & I would like to tell her.

One of her best friends is transgender so I am thinking it wont be a huge issue or anything.

 

Would like to hear some opinions

Why not tell her? What are you afraid of?

[ciaus]

1 minute ago, digi23 said:

Why not tell her? What are you afraid of?

Guys get it coming and going, just can't win in these 'enlightened' times. Either you're not in touch enough with your feelings or you have little pecker energy. LOL

[aaron1234]

What would be worse? Telling her or her noticing you did something to your head without telling her.  

[kirkland]

I think you should tell her but be confident about your own choice first. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve your looks. But do it in tandem with always improving the whole 'you', and not just the appearances. If she can understand your goals when framed in this regard, she should be supportive.

[hairman22]

1 hour ago, giegnosiganoe said:

If you're getting a density treatment, does that mean she already knows you have hair loss, or have you been hiding it with concealers? What is your reason for wanting to tell her?

I only use a slight bit of toppik in the crown.

I have diffues thinning but transplants so it covers well in mist areas.

Just want to get SMP to improve density visually.

 

She has brushed her hand threw my hair it is thin but said nothing.

Im not going to tell her about the mental battle of hairloss though. Ill juts mention it is something im doing in a confident manner.

It would just be a weight of my shoulders

She's the type of girl who will probably start reseaching it then to help me lol.

[follically challenged]

18 minutes ago, hairman22 said:

I only use a slight bit of toppik in the crown.

I have diffues thinning but transplants so it covers well in mist areas.

Just want to get SMP to improve density visually.

 

She has brushed her hand threw my hair it is thin but said nothing.

Im not going to tell her about the mental battle of hairloss though. Ill juts mention it is something im doing in a confident manner.

It would just be a weight of my shoulders

She's the type of girl who will probably start reseaching it then to help me lol.

Good luck man, and let us know what the reaction is..? Thanks

[SeanT1]

7 hours ago, hairman22 said:

I am thinking about telling my new Girlfriend dating 3 months but already quite serious about my upcoming SMP procedure. I could maybe get away without telling her as it is a density treatment.

 

But Hairloss has been a struggle for me & I would like to tell her.

One of her best friends is transgender so I am thinking it wont be a huge issue or anything.

 

Would like to hear some opinions

You'd be fooling everyone but yourself if you don't tell people.
People are more accepting than you think.

Edited October 23, 2021 by SeanToman

[Gatsby]

I believe you should tell her and it has nothing to do with hair loss. The most important thing in any relationship (romantic or otherwise) is honesty. I realize that your relationship is only three months old but as you say it is already quite serious. If you value her, by telling her about your upcoming SMP, you are firstly being honest with her about who you are as a person. It will show her that you are willing to take the leap of being vulnerable to her because you value her that much. I'm sure you would want the same honesty from her. It will also reassure her that she can trust you to be honest with her in the future. I see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. It will also give her the reassurance to be able to communicate with you things that she may feel vulnerable about herself either now or in the future. And if she reacts negatively (which I know 'London to a brick' that she won't) then is she the person who has values that you admire or respect? All the best!

[Zoomster]

“ London tô a brick “ ..classic Gatsby 😊

[deeznuts]

Are you planning on keeping her?

[Curious25]

On 10/22/2021 at 11:33 PM, hairman22 said:

She's the type of girl who will probably start reseaching it then to help me lol.

This tells you all you need to know, she sounds like a keeper. 

Where are you going for your SMP out of interest? 

[pkipling]

 

On 10/22/2021 at 3:33 PM, hairman22 said:

She has brushed her hand threw my hair it is thin but said nothing.

Im not going to tell her about the mental battle of hairloss though. Ill juts mention it is something im doing in a confident manner.

It would just be a weight of my shoulders

She's the type of girl who will probably start reseaching it then to help me lol.

I'm very happy to see that you're reaching this conclusion. And as Curious25 said above, her being the type of person who would probably start researching to help you speaks volumes of who she is and also of what the two of you have already started creating together. ❤️

It also should be acknowledged that she's the type of person who has a best friend who is transgender, which would lead one to believe that her views about life, humanity, romance, and social constructs probably don't fit into those traditional views of "Man must be confident at all times and never show weakness...", so if you ever feel compelled to let your walls down with her and give yourself permission to be a human with complex emotions, I have a suspicion it won't be something that scares her off. But that's something you do on your own terms, little by little, if and when you feel it would be good to do so. 

The beauty about relationships is that there's no right or wrong formula on how they should look, so you get to decide for yourself what you want and how much transparency you would like there to be. And the more you're honest about that for yourself, the more you open yourself up to finding someone who views them the same way. 

[hairman22]

I told her about it,

It went very very well. I  She did mention would it bother me if she was in my feet. She also knows what SMP is. Her hair is a little thin so that was interesting.

 

But it went great. Wait off my mind. Ill just see how the consultation goes for this smp density

She seemed really happy after it all

[Fue3361]

This is an easy answer.  

Tell her or don't tell her, it makes zero difference.  

One one side, Don't tell her if there's nothing to hide.  As in, go to the place, get the SMP done, and you're finished.  If she notices a difference, just answer "I got SMP done", and explain if she asks more.  As long as it appears like it is no big deal for you, it should be no big deal for her.

On the other side of the coin, Do tell her, and just casually mention it.  "I'm gonna get SMP done tomorrow".  "SMP is a simple procedure to make my hair look thicker, it's harmless".

But DON'T go around trying to hide things and looking insecure, and doubly don't act like it is a huge deal and that thinning hair is crushing you inside.  Just treat it like no big deal and she'll follow suit.