feeling more and more hopeless - baldness and dating

[winglets]

Being bald is challenging in itself but to lose your hair at a fairly young age like myself (25/26) was not easy knowing that in time I would not be that attractive as I once was.

Now at 34, I’ve lost all my hair and I can definitely say that it has affected my dating chances. I’m not as appealing to women as I once was. I remember when I still had some hair left I would still get women in public giving me a second look etc. but now, nothing, I'd be lucky to get a glance. I'm sure this is something that many of you can relate to, that feeling like you're invisible sometimes and baldness has alot to do with it. Most women simply aren't into it. I obviously wouldn’t care if I was married but still being single, still searching at this age, this is not a great place to be.

Dating sites and statistics have proved that bald men receive fewer messages and spark less interest from women.

 

To prove this I actually did an experiment on a dating site I've been on for the past few months. I uploaded some old photos, ones of me from around 5 years ago when I still had a fair amount of hair (enough to have a buzz cut look) and still looked great. I left these photos on my profile for quite a while just to see who would message me compared to the messages I received when I have my current photos up (of how I look now with no hair) and did notice some difference. I tend to have older women viewing my profile with the bald look but I would say I’ve had less interest overall. There was one girl I remember who waved at me (whilst having my old photos up), I messaged back, she responded and then l changed them after my second message to her….and I haven’t heard from her since! She seemed very keen and then the moment she saw my baldness I guess it put her off.

I have thought about a hair transplant but even with that, I’ve been told that my baldness is so severe that I may not have enough donor hair to be a good candidate for one! I know there are some women who specifically like a bald head but they are few and far between.

 

How have other guys who are totally bald and still single coped with this impending thought that women won't even bother giving you a second glance?

[gillenator]

It's understandable that you feel this way however truth be told, some women are turned on by men who are bald or who shave their heads. Some women think it's sexy.

 

But the bottom line is that you need to focus on who you are as a man with character and strength, not the fact that you are bald.

 

Women can pick up on guys who have some self confidence and those who don't. Believe in yourself and they will too. They have to see that your hair loss is not a factor to your strength and character.

 

Just be patient my friend and eventually you will find the right woman who will be attracted to you for who you are, not if you have hair or not.

[pkipling]

I was listening to a podcast the other day with Dan Savage (who is a sex/relationship guru in many ways) and he had a call about this very thing... And I imagine his response is very similar to what Gillenator said and what most people with an outside perspective would say: that while many women/men are attracted to men with a full head of hair, there are also plenty of people who are not... And aside from that, one of the most universally attractive things on anyone (regardless of their physical appearance) is confidence.

 

So focus more attention on the great things about yourself that make you such a good catch, and build those things up and really carry yourself with a sense of confidence. I know this is easier said than done, and I understand how crippling hair loss can be to your self esteem, but you'll need to start doing the inner work to overcome this.

 

Also, it's a good opportunity to potentially shift gears with what you may deem as attractive in a woman. As men are very visual creatures, very often I notice that part of the reason many men deal with rejection is because they unfairly focus all of their energy and desire into women who fit the mold of what society thinks is on the upper end of "pretty". Without realizing it, a lot of men treat the majority of women the same exact way they feel women treat them when they lose their hair - they ignore them and don't give them the time of day.

 

I hope you're able to work through this, and with time and the right perspective, I know it's possible. Start looking around at other bald guys in happy relationships and observe what it is about them that makes this possible for them.... Because the truth is, if hair loss inevitably meant that you were destined to be single forever, the vast majority of bald men in this world would be single and lonely forever - and that's simply not the case.

[Melvin- Admin]

I’m all about looks maximizing, you don’t have to accept being bald if you don’t want too. I’ve been single for 6 months, I’ve been really successful in dating, more so than I was in my 20’s, a lot of it I feel has to do with my confidence and just being stable, but I’d be lying if I said hair didn’t play a major role, here’s a short video I made discussing hair transplants and dating and wearing concealers. DO NOT give up!! I didn’t,

 

[JayLDD]

The cope here is truly pathetic. There is plenty of legitimate research data beyond the common sense that balding is horrific to your quality of life. Figures such as it ages you 5-10 years, drops you around two points in attractiveness, the MAJORITY of women of any age will be unwilling to date you and people will think you look less intelligent. This is backed by research data. To act as if this isn't an impediment to wellbeing is disgusting and a lie. Look up studies on the issue for yourselves.

 

Stop telling people with hairloss issues on a fucking hairloss site that their problem isn't baldness. It's pathetic and disingenuous, this guy needs to look into transplants or a hairpiece and he's being swamped by a group of lying pricks who have themselves had hair transplants and full heads of hair. Look at your own hair situations Gill and Pkipling, the clinics you represent would be the last places I'd go to and I'd recommend others avoid them because it's so blatantly obvious you can lie with a straight face without a care in the world.

 

 

None of this is to say he should give up and roll over, but if someone says they have hair related issues and backs this up with evidence like OP that hair is the specific problem, then please cut the bullshit and help him with the hair issue, rather than jerking yourselves off about how he should just be "strong" have good "character" and focus on less attractive women, while you have a full head of fucking hair after transplants. You can tell him to be strong and confident etc all you like, it doesn't make baldness any more attractive. Unfuckingbelievable.

 

Not everyone looks or feels good as a roided up, tatooed, bald bearded beefhead either. It's a stupid thing to suggest.

[JayLDD]

the problem with the hair transplant thing is if you're a very bald dude and you don't have wiry, coarse, curly, thick donor hair...you'll never look decent. Even 7000 grafts on a NW6 (which is what OP sounds like) with fine/straight hair looks horrible IMO

 

I think my advice is pretty reasonable - you have 2 options...either do the hair transplant option or do the bald beefcake route. Lots and lots of men look good with bald bearded beefcake look. I wouldn't say it's a 2 point drop in looks.

 

now if you're a NW6 and you don't have a good jawline and good board genetics...that's a tough one. I don't know what to recommend in that case. The key to looking good with a bald head is having darker features, a strong jawline and chin and overall heavily masculine features

 

 

The hairpiece route is high maintenence and OP is beyond his youth, but certainly for a guy in their twenties who doesn't have a donor capable for their desires it would be the best option. "Strong jawline and chin" and "darker features" unfortunately aren't things you can magic into existence for yourself.

 

I think OP should post photos though, not every surgeon has the same idea of what is possible, and a big cosmetic improvement may still be available through transplants.

 

I can't find the exact study where it said 2 points on average but I found it in a lit review of various hairloss data.

 

Here's are a few general ones

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12492971

 

"Balding men were perceived as being older and less attractive by over 90% of respondents. A perception that balding men are less confident, duller, and less potent was reported by less than half of respondents. A perception that balding men are less attractive was significantly more common among women than among nonbalding men (P < 0.05). A perception that balding men appear less confident was significantly more common among balding men than among nonbalding men (P < 0.05)."

 

This in particular can be seen here from P and Gill's comments in this thread. Easy for people with full heads of hair to pretend that its not a big issue and those with baldness should "just be confident bro". Idiots, or liars?

 

"A perception that balding men are less attractive was significantly more common among women than among nonbalding men (P < 0.05)"

 

"A perception that balding men appear less confident was significantly more common among balding men than among nonbalding men (P < 0.05)."

 

And another general one

 

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/08/160825130440.htm

[Rawkerboi]

If your Hair loss is so severe opt for Hair Systems! Now a days Hair Systems are much more advance and they give very natural look.

Lastly if you wanna embrace Bald look, you need to have right features like good Jawline, nice chin and muscular body and yes confidence too.

The choice is yours

[jjsrader]

The cope here is truly pathetic. There is plenty of legitimate research data beyond the common sense that balding is horrific to your quality of life. Figures such as it ages you 5-10 years, drops you around two points in attractiveness, the MAJORITY of women of any age will be unwilling to date you and people will think you look less intelligent. This is backed by research data. To act as if this isn't an impediment to wellbeing is disgusting and a lie. Look up studies on the issue for yourselves.

 

Stop telling people with hairloss issues on a fucking hairloss site that their problem isn't baldness. It's pathetic and disingenuous, this guy needs to look into transplants or a hairpiece and he's being swamped by a group of lying pricks who have themselves had hair transplants and full heads of hair. Look at your own hair situations Gill and Pkipling, the clinics you represent would be the last places I'd go to and I'd recommend others avoid them because it's so blatantly obvious you can lie with a straight face without a care in the world.

 

 

None of this is to say he should give up and roll over, but if someone says they have hair related issues and backs this up with evidence like OP that hair is the specific problem, then please cut the bullshit and help him with the hair issue, rather than jerking yourselves off about how he should just be "strong" have good "character" and focus on less attractive women, while you have a full head of fucking hair after transplants. You can tell him to be strong and confident etc all you like, it doesn't make baldness any more attractive. Unfuckingbelievable.

 

Not everyone looks or feels good as a roided up, tatooed, bald bearded beefhead either. It's a stupid thing to suggest.

 

I nominate JeanLDD as the forum's unofficial 'anti-hero' moderator.

 

This guy! So young. So virile. So intense. Another transplant at age 23/24 - go for it! Australian Tasmanian devil man? Yes!

 

In the workplace he will dominate. Eating other men's young - taking their women. Unstoppable!

 

His knowledge unbound! ; )

[Legend007]

Hair matters a lot not just to girls but also guys .. I always had a lot of female friends in my life .. they be talking a lot of smack about ugly guys , Balding guys etc .. I remember hanging out with some of them at the pool hall n just out of the blue this one girl was saying eww that guy looks heka old .. n dude was just slightly balding with a buzz cut in his mid twenties ..girls can be so judgemental ..

I’m in my late 30’s .. n just started losing my hair .. n gosh my confidence n looks has just dropped dramatically n I have a full head of hair .. but with a receding hair line it’s hard to comb n look good anymore .. even my mom last time she saw me , she was like you are looking old now , Looked at me with a disgusted look in her face , just cuz my temple recession was showing a bit .. I can tell she felt bad for me , she knew girls will be less attracted to me now ..

that was the last straw .. I immediately researched hairtransplants to fix my hairline before it gets too bad . .. so I feel ur pain man , especially when u experiencing a more extreme hairloss .. best wishes to ya .. but don’t worry ,, for every guy there’s a girl meant for u .. sometimes it just takes more time to find that girl ..

[Legend007]

Oh yeah ur best bet is to find a fat girl with a cute face .. they will appreciate u since if u show interest in them they will appreciate the attention .. n be more willing to accept ur baldness since u accepting their weight issue .. two people with insecurities will attract to one another . Law of physics

[pkipling]

JeanLDD. Gimme a sec... I've gotta go find all the bald, successful, happy, confident men in my life and tell them all to give up the act and throw in the towel because clearly whatever they're doing is a sham and they should just call it quits already. (Insert the biggest eye roll and face palm I can muster for this weekend.)

 

And if having a successful hair transplant disqualifies anyone from offering words of advice/encouragement, then what is this forum even for? Yes, I am very fortunate that my hair loss was able to be addressed with a successful hair transplant, but not everyone is awarded that luxury in life due to various factors, and not everyone even wants to go down that road in the first place. This poster also mentioned he didn't feel he was a good candidate for a HT and asked about finding a way to be happy/successful while dating with hair loss.

 

And finally - if anything, the fact that I( (and many others on this forum) don't think the solution to every single man suffering from MPB is to tell them to GET A HAIR TRANSPLANT should add even more credibility to what we have to say. A hair transplant isn't the solution for everyone, and the idea you seem to have that the only way to happiness is getting a hair transplant or a hair system is laughable. Yes, MPB sucks. It can be crippling. It can be devastating to your self-esteem and your dating life and make you feel like crap... I bet every single person on this forum (successful hair transplant or not) has experienced that on some level or else we wouldn't be here. So get outta here with that negativity. No place for it around here.

 

Gotta go send that mass email to all my bald friends now and call them out on their fraudulent happiness and success.

[Justin77]

Gotta chime in here. I never had extreme hair loss because I stopped it relatively early with finasteride, so my opinion may not mean much, but here it goes...

 

I'm a gay man. I find a LOT of bald guys and guys with severe thinning hair very attractive, but they have to be in good physical shape. It may sound shallow, but that's a requirement of mine, and that goes for pretty much all guys with hair or not.

 

Will most guys look better with hair than without? Absolutely. But even if you're completely bald, you can do a LOT to make yourself look better by working out, taking care of yourself, dressing well, and projecting authentic self-confidence (which often is a natural result of the previously listed self-improvement steps).

[Gasthoerer]

Well, I can't grow a beard. And I cannot rock the "action hero look" which is always advertised here. Also, non of the girls I ever (!) dated is interested in the Vin Diesel, Jason Statham look.

 

And I'm guess I am not the only one!

 

This is really a terrible advice for most balding people.

How many women would fancy Jake Gyllenhaal without hair. Decide yourself:

Celebrity Hair l Parsa Mohebi

[Legend007]

The last three posters I agree with y’all n also see where Jean is coming from .. he’s a young guy that got dealt with aggressive balding .. yeah he’s negative n kinda pissed off about it .. most definitely he’s a go getter n gonna do well in his life. Hairloss affected him greatly .. that’s why he’s done all his research n got ocd about it .. but he’s a good dude .. just not politically correct ..

— the op ; it’s really not too bad man. Going bald sucks .. but everyone will go through it in life .. some sooner than others. But quite honestly being a regular guy myself .. I never looked twice or thought Any less of someone that’s balding .. it’s just who u are .. someone with not good hair genetics .. so what .. just be u .. u find someone that will want u .. without a doubt.. guys tend to look better than girls when they age bald or not. But yeah u have to learn to be comfortable in ur own skin though. U get there one day .. no worries.

[mikeyhwk]

. Also, non of the girls I ever (!) dated is interested in the Vin Diesel, Jason Statham look.

 

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that they admitted to you

[Gasthoerer]

that they admitted to you

 

There is only one answer: Yes, they did.

 

The look promoted here as a "solution" is a very particular one and in my opinion not attractive for women within my social evironment.

[mikeyhwk]

There is only one answer: Yes, they did.

 

I'm sure you were the biggest they'd ever been with too

 

I'm playin with ya but you gotta know by now what a woman says and actually thinks don't always line up

[Gasthoerer]

I'm sure you were the biggest they'd ever been with too

 

They never said that, but I always imagined that.

 

I'm playin with ya but you gotta know by now what a woman says and actually thinks don't always line up

 

I understand that, but it is misleading nonsense, sorry.

 

Do you really think that all women (girls) I have been with in highschool, at university, my former female flatemates and my exgirlfriends are part of a big conspiracy?

 

They can tell me that they like Jake Gyllenhaal, Joseph Gordon Levitt, James Franco, Ryan Gosling or George Clooney (who all have nice hair by the way) but secretely the are dreaming about Vin Diesel and Jason Statham? Seriously? That is what you belive?

[mikeyhwk]

They never said that, but I always imagined that.

 

 

 

I understand that, but it is misleading nonsense, sorry.

 

Do you really think that all women (girls) I have been with in highschool, at university, my former female flatemates and my exgirlfriends are part of a big conspiracy?

 

They can tell me that they like Jake Gyllenhaal, Joseph Gordon Levitt, James Franco, Ryan Gosling or George Clooney (who all have nice hair by the way) but secretely the are dreaming about Vin Diesel and Jason Statham? Seriously? That is what you belive?

 

No I don't believe that all are but I also don't believe that liking one precludes their inability to like the other either. Women have a tendency to say the least hurtful truth, I like the soft gentle guy cause my guys the soft gentle guy, my friends that, he's going to be a little more offended if i tell him the guy that gets my motor running is the guy who is totally the opposite of him and that he'll never be like. I'm not saying all do that but these guys didn't become the leading men they are if women didn't find them appealing so it's naive to think none of them did and that you want to cling to the idea that only guys like you get them excited is a nonsensical as anything you think I'm saying. If your girl is a short white girl and you want that relationship to last are you going tell her your dream girls are Beyonce and Rihanna? lets be real

[Gasthoerer]

Wow, you know nothing about women^^

 

According to you, my flatemates (!) in university told me that they like James Franco (just an example) to not offend me? They told me about brunet men, blond men, tall men, sporty ones, nerdy ones, big d.cks, short d.cks etc. but not about "action heroes" or doormans?Really?

 

There are for sure some women attracted to the Vin Diesel types. There is a matching piece for everyone. You mostly find this women in dedicated fitness studios or clubs. I used to know a couple of women like that. But I guess the major reason that these guys are famous is, that boys (!) who watch action movies like them. Most women I know laugh about these guys and/or find them disgusting.

 

One the other hand: The ones I mentioned a fancied by million (actually billion) of women from any age all over the world and their hair is a major part of that.

 

And the most important part: Besides this type of men not being attractive to women (in my social environment), most men cannot get this bulky without roids. And then I prefer FIN and my hair. And many men cannot grow an nice beard either.

 

Summary and my last word is: The comment "Just grow a beard, get tanned and bulk up" is both, wrong and insulting.

[mikeyhwk]

Wow, you know nothing about women^^

 

According to you, my flatemates (!) in university told me that they like James Franco (just an example) to not offend me? They told me about brunet men, blond men, tall men, sporty ones, nerdy ones, big d.cks, short d.cks etc. but not about "action heroes" or doormans?Really?

 

There are for sure some women attracted to the Vin Diesel types. There is a matching piece for everyone. You mostly find this women in dedicated fitness studios or clubs. I used to know a couple of women like that. But I guess the major reason that these guys are famous is, that boys (!) who watch action movies like them. Most women I know laugh about these guys and/or find them disgusting.

 

One the other hand: The ones I mentioned a fancied by million (actually billion) of women from any age all over the world and their hair is a major part of that.

 

And the most important part: Besides this type of men not being attractive to women (in my social environment), most men cannot get this bulky without roids. And then I prefer FIN and my hair. And many men cannot grow an nice beard either.

 

Summary and my last word is: The comment "Just grow a beard, get tanned and bulk up" is both, wrong and insulting.

 

I know nothing about women but you do because they told you and you believe them lmao

the difference is you're acting on what you've heard, I'm reacting to what I've seen. I've been on set with the rock when lines of girls hundreds deep wait around all day to get next to him. What's insulting is that you think that they would just be a niche interest for a certain type of girl, they couldn't appeal to the general woman. The reality is they do, cross over appeal is huge, you can't make a movie just for men anymore we don't carry the weight at the box office. Seriously, you think they're roided up and thats not appealing to women, look at the hottest stars right now...Mamoa, Evans, Hemsworth, Jackman, Efron and you'll find that body type absolutely appeals to the majority of women, I know for a fact the first 4 used roids, so why are their bodies appealing but the other guys aren't. Stathom is probably smaller than the first 4 guys I mentioned and the same build as Efron but somehow he's unappealing and they're not? The only difference is hair and it isn't as big a deterrent to as many women as we make it out to be. That's our own personal bias as we're obsessed with our own hair.

 

Again I'm not saying all your friends lied to you I'm saying they didn't tell you everything cause you aren't a girl at a slumber party with them. Which girl is sitting around telling her bf or male friend every guy she'd like to fuck. When my girls ask me who I'm attracted to I may say I think Blake Lively is gorgeous, but am I saying but you know who's is trashy as hell and that I'd love to throw around for a night is Bella Thorne. So I'm saying you cant speak authoritatively for women unless you are a women and that's where you're going wrong, thinking you know definitively what they're thinking and that you know any more than they wanted to tell you. I'm not speaking for them I'm saying what I've seen and it contradicts your women are laughing at them angle.

 

I never said you were wrong that women fancy the guys you mentioned, they do. I also never said get tanned buff and grow a beard, I didn't say anything about that at all but if you can't have hair all is not lost there is absolutely a market all you can do is maximize your assets the best you can.

[Gasthoerer]

If you think that Jackmann and Efron are part or "your" group, you totally miss my point. Further discussion does not make any sense, as you do not understand the "look" I am referring to.

 

Let us stop here:

You are in a hairloss forum and think it is not that important.

I am in a hairloss forum and think it one of the most important features for looks.

 

Agree to disagree.

[mikeyhwk]

Youre right this is pointless if after reading what i wrote that is what you got out of it explaining further is just wasting my time.

[Justin77]

There are for sure some women attracted to the Vin Diesel types. There is a matching piece for everyone. You mostly find this women in dedicated fitness studios or clubs. I used to know a couple of women like that. But I guess the major reason that these guys are famous is, that boys (!) who watch action movies like them. Most women I know laugh about these guys and/or find them disgusting.

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but when I was talking about getting in good shape, I didn't mean you had to bulk up to look like Vin Diesel. All I was saying is that if you're bald and out of shape, then being bald and in shape will make you much more attractive to the majority of women. It's about doing the best with what you have.

[JayLDD]

The discussion has already been had, but I totally agree with almost everything you said Gas, and the point made about opting for the muscly, bald bearded roidhead is too absurd for the people asserting it to actually believe it. It's like telling someone gay who feels they're dealing with social pressure or homophobia to just "be straight" and expect that's an intelligent solution. It's telling people to be something they're not, and in truth the majority of bald men will not ever suit that look or lifestyle.

 

"You are in a hairloss forum and think it is not that important."

 

This in particular is worth noting. Gillenator who has been here for 14 years and pkipling 3 years are supposedly unpaid representatives for clinics, have posted close to or over 1000 messages and have full heads of hair after transplants are attempting to argue hairloss is not a big deal and to focus on other variables.

 

Sure thing guys.

Edited March 26, 2018 by JeanLDD