Need help on HT Depression & Anxiety

[Viper1991]

Hi Guys,

Below is my story and what i am feeling/going through right now.

Got a HT done 8 months back in a clinic in India taking an impulsive decision without proper research. I just thought i had lost all the hair, and was very frustrated, and was never on any medications, and directly went for HT thinking that HT will solve all my problems, and i am going to have permanent hair, and a permanent solution. I cant believe it i was so stupid, thinking this way. The first one week post OP went in regret and a trauma induced by a cosmetic procedure. Post which i got busy with work, and i knew i could not undo it, so did all i post op care i should be doing, and waited for results.  6 months passed by, but i was hiding the ugly duckling phase in social situations, covering the hairline, and so on., thinking sometime in near future, the transplanted hairs are going to take shape and look more natural.

At 7th Month mark, i had met a friend wearing my hair up, without hiding the hair line, and he seeing me after a long time was shocked with a full head of hair and questioned me looking at my hairline if i got something done, which i rejected, mentioning medication. I got very conscious around him throughout the meeting, and could not have proper interactions, eventually destroyed the evening, returning home disappointed. 

Since then i started my research, after which i realised what i big mistake i have made, all the results that i have seen, could have achieved without HT, just by use of medications such as Minoxidil, Finasteride, and PRP, which is making me feel even more stupid, and in addition loosing my precious donor hair.

Since 1-2 months, i am severely stressed, trying too hard to focus on work, not able to sleep properly. Mornings are a nightmare, dreams are nightmare, shivering while waking up from bed, worst feeling ever. Never did i feel like this while getting up. Have gotten so obsessed with this part, that i have stopped reading/thinking about other things. This is the only thing in my mind. 

Feeling so guilty, and lost complete hope on life. I look at every other person outside, and i feel, he is so happy with his hair, and his life, what have i done to myself taking such stupid decisions, suicidal thoughts. etc.
Further Feelings.

1. Scared to go infront of friends/family(except parents). Already avoiding social situations, and for the questions that will be raised. Makes me feel even more bad that i can never ever lead a normal social life which i had prior to HT.

2. Lost all the confidence that i had earlier. Though i have got a head full of hair, there is no happiness of gaining this, which has only left me with guilt and shame.

Just wondering if i will be gaining my inner self back, and if i will ever  start to feel all normal.

Here are my stats and pictures. 

According to the Clinic and what i was billed for.

3500 Grafts, but when i shown the counts during the OP, i was not completely convinced by the counts they have shown. So not sure, how many grafts i was extracted from Donor. Could somebody please evaluate my pictures. Would like to learn more from you guys. 

Looking forward for some help.

Thank You.

Pre-OP

Post-OP

 

 

3-Months result

6 months result

7 months result

8 months result

[digi23]

50 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

Hi Guys,

Below is my story and what i am feeling/going through right now.

Got a HT done 8 months back in a clinic in India taking an impulsive decision without proper research. I just thought i had lost all the hair, and was very frustrated, and was never on any medications, and directly went for HT thinking that HT will solve all my problems, and i am going to have permanent hair, and a permanent solution. I cant believe it i was so stupid, thinking this way. The first one week post OP went in regret and a trauma induced by a cosmetic procedure. Post which i got busy with work, and i knew i could not undo it, so did all i post op care i should be doing, and waited for results.  6 months passed by, but i was hiding the ugly duckling phase in social situations, covering the hairline, and so on., thinking sometime in near future, the transplanted hairs are going to take shape and look more natural.

At 7th Month mark, i had met a friend wearing my hair up, without hiding the hair line, and he seeing me after a long time was shocked with a full head of hair and questioned me looking at my hairline if i got something done, which i rejected, mentioning medication. I got very conscious around him throughout the meeting, and could not have proper interactions, eventually destroyed the evening, returning home disappointed. 

Since then i started my research, after which i realised what i big mistake i have made, all the results that i have seen, could have achieved without HT, just by use of medications such as Minoxidil, Finasteride, and PRP, which is making me feel even more stupid, and in addition loosing my precious donor hair.

Since 1-2 months, i am severely stressed, trying too hard to focus on work, not able to sleep properly. Mornings are a nightmare, dreams are nightmare, shivering while waking up from bed, worst feeling ever. Never did i feel like this while getting up. Have gotten so obsessed with this part, that i have stopped reading/thinking about other things. This is the only thing in my mind. 

Feeling so guilty, and lost complete hope on life. I look at every other person outside, and i feel, he is so happy with his hair, and his life, what have i done to myself taking such stupid decisions, suicidal thoughts. etc.
Further Feelings.

1. Scared to go infront of friends/family(except parents). Already avoiding social situations, and for the questions that will be raised. Makes me feel even more bad that i can never ever lead a normal social life which i had prior to HT.

2. Lost all the confidence that i had earlier. Though i have got a head full of hair, there is no happiness of gaining this, which has only left me with guilt and shame.

Just wondering if i will be gaining my inner self back, and if i will ever  start to feel all normal.

Here are my stats and pictures. 

According to the Clinic and what i was billed for.

3500 Grafts, but when i shown the counts during the OP, i was not completely convinced by the counts they have shown. So not sure, how many grafts i was extracted from Donor. Could somebody please evaluate my pictures. Would like to learn more from you guys. 

Looking forward for some help.

Thank You.

Pre-OP

Post-OP

 

 

3-Months result

6 months result

7 months result

8 months result

You have an amazing head of hair at the moment and I do not certainly know why you are not just happy about it and move on. 

I guess its difficult maybe for you to open up that you had something done to your hair and that will most likely bother you for the rest of your life if you are not telling friends and so on the truth. There is no need to lie about this, your friends will think wow that is amazing, in the end its just your hair but its been taken from the back of your head and placed where needed. You should see it in the way that you paid a Dr to spread out your existing hair so it will not be balding on top. 

There is no shame about this, you had hair there before but lost it due to DHT.

[asterix0]

With all due respect, I don't understand what you are trying to say.

You lost self confidence because you got your hair back? Usually it is the other way around, once people get their hair back they feel much better and like themselves again.

Why not just get on finasteride and minoxidil now to keep what you have? 

[digi23]

On the thing you said that you could gain this with only medication is very false. You look like a NW6 and you would have needed a transplant anyways. Just start with finasteride now to keep all the hair you have.

I dont get it why people are ashamed that they did this, its your hair, just placed more appropiately, and you paid some big money for this, most people would do the same if they had the money.

[Viper1991]

47 minutes ago, digi23 said:

You have an amazing head of hair at the moment and I do not certainly know why you are not just happy about it and move on. 

I guess its difficult maybe for you to open up that you had something done to your hair and that will most likely bother you for the rest of your life if you are not telling friends and so on the truth. There is no need to lie about this, your friends will think wow that is amazing, in the end its just your hair but its been taken from the back of your head and placed where needed. You should see it in the way that you paid a Dr to spread out your existing hair so it will not be balding on top. 

There is no shame about this, you had hair there before but lost it due to DHT.

Thanks for your words. You are right i guess i am feeling more anxious because i want to hide the HT from friends. I have been in touch with few of my friends, and they have not noticed much. I should be vocal about it even when there are no questions asked?

What is also bothering me is the hairline. I am not happy that i have got a less dense and bad hairline design which i have to cover keeping my hair long and wearing a fringe.

Also, when you say, there is no shame about this, Why do people try to hide FUT scars, FUE scars or fill up those, just to hide from people or make it seem like they have never undergone surgeries.

[asterix0]

1 minute ago, Viper1991 said:

Thanks for your words. You are right i guess i am feeling more anxious because i want to hide the HT from friends. I have been in touch with few of my friends, and they have not noticed much. I should be vocal about it even when there are no questions asked?

What is also bothering me is the hairline. I am not happy that i have got a less dense and bad hairline design which i have to cover keeping my hair long and wearing a fringe.

Also, when you say, there is no shame about this, Why do people try to hide FUT scars, FUE scars or fill up those, just to hide from people or make it seem like they have never undergone surgeries.

You did not really make it clear that you were self conscious about your scarring. That is a legitimate concern if your donor still isn't healed.

How bad is it exactly, from the pictures immediately post op it doesn't look too good to be honest, but perhaps that could have been shock loss.

 

[Viper1991]

3 minutes ago, asterix0 said:

You did not really make it clear that you were self conscious about your scarring. That is a legitimate concern if your donor still isn't healed.

How bad is it exactly, from the pictures immediately post op it doesn't look too good to be honest, but perhaps that could have been shock loss.

 

No @asterix0 Currently i am not self conscious about scarring, as it is covered by my remaining donor hair. Not sure if it has healed like what you are expecting. Let me dig a picture which was taken 4 months post O/P where i went 2 mm at the back.

I am mainly concerned about the HairLine, which i feel is not nicely designed.

[Viper1991]

1 hour ago, digi23 said:

On the thing you said that you could gain this with only medication is very false. You look like a NW6 and you would have needed a transplant anyways. Just start with finasteride now to keep all the hair you have.

I dont get it why people are ashamed that they did this, its your hair, just placed more appropiately, and you paid some big money for this, most people would do the same if they had the money.

Isnt NW6 is completely bald on the crown? I thought i was more of a NW2 or Nw3. Need to get my Norward scale correct again. 

i am on Minoxidil 5% currently. Have used Fin and Biotin for 6 months post O/P. Doctor have advised to continue Minoxidil and stop the rest. Any reason why again Finasteride knowing the sides of it.
 

[Berba11]

7 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

No @asterix0 Currently i am not self conscious about scarring, as it is covered by my remaining donor hair. Not sure if it has healed like what you are expecting. Let me dig a picture which was taken 4 months post O/P where i went 2 mm at the back.

I am mainly concerned about the HairLine, which i feel is not nicely designed.

You'd need to post some nice and clear close ups of your hairline so we can be sure, but what I see from those pictures is a very natural looking hairline with a naturally occurring irregularities. Natural hairlines have irregularities in them them (they aren't dead straight - that would look weird), and it seems the clinic you went to did a decent job in this respect.

Your hairline looks good, mate! No reason at all to hide it unless you've got multi graft hairs all along the hairline (we'd need closer up pics to say).

[Berba11]

5 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

Isnt NW6 is completely bald on the crown? I thought i was more of a NW2 or Nw3. Need to get my Norward scale correct again. 

i am on Minoxidil 5% currently. Have used Fin and Biotin for 6 months post O/P. Doctor have advised to continue Minoxidil and stop the rest. Any reason why again Finasteride knowing the sides of it.
 

Finasteride will help you keep your native hair - it's the most important one. However, if you're feeling depressed and suicidal, then you shouldn't use it as you may be at risk of suffering futher.

But with that said, I'm not seeing what you'd be so concerned about. You have a pretty full looking head of hair (you haven't showed up the midscalp post op) in the frontal third - it looks absolutely fine and natural from the photos that you have shared!

[JDEE0]

17 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

Thanks for your words. You are right i guess i am feeling more anxious because i want to hide the HT from friends. I have been in touch with few of my friends, and they have not noticed much. I should be vocal about it even when there are no questions asked?

What is also bothering me is the hairline. I am not happy that i have got a less dense and bad hairline design which i have to cover keeping my hair long and wearing a fringe.

Also, when you say, there is no shame about this, Why do people try to hide FUT scars, FUE scars or fill up those, just to hide from people or make it seem like they have never undergone surgeries.

Just own it and have some confidence. Not saying you have to voluntarily let the world know you've had a HT, but especially your mates, just tell them. As for anyone else, if they ever ask/the topic comes up, again just admit it. Do what makes you happy, who cares what anyone else thinks about it.

You'll need to post better pics of the hairline close up, but you probably just need a touch up at a good clinic and you'll be good to go. But by the looks of things you were certainly a NW6 in progress before and you need to commit to meds.

People try to cover the scars because they're unsightly. It's less about them being a marker to identify to the world that you've had a HT and you don't want people to know and more the fact that your head, the most visible part of your body, is covered in scars/disfigured to some degree. People are obviously self conscious if this happens and will do their best to cover it up.

[digi23]

For scars, of course people want to hide it because its not looking good. 

We are all different. I went to a sports event with thousands of people 2 days after my hair transplant, could not care less what people think about me. I had scars, was all red and looked like a complete fool but I wanted to attend it to see my brother play, and he was really happy to see me there.

You should not be self conscious about that you did this, this should be something positive, get something done that you really wanted. You paid your hard earned money for this and in the end its just your hair as I told you, just spread out evenly.

For Norwood you are definitely a Norwood 6 in the making. You were almost bald in the crown.

[asterix0]

20 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

Isnt NW6 is completely bald on the crown? I thought i was more of a NW2 or Nw3. Need to get my Norward scale correct again. 

i am on Minoxidil 5% currently. Have used Fin and Biotin for 6 months post O/P. Doctor have advised to continue Minoxidil and stop the rest. Any reason why again Finasteride knowing the sides of it.
 

I don't know why he would advise you to stop finasteride. That is the most important component for keeping your native hair and also protecting your transplant for the future.

Take some pictures outside in the sunlight with a good camera so we can get a better idea about your hairline/hair.

[Viper1991]

4 minutes ago, digi23 said:

For scars, of course people want to hide it because its not looking good. 

We are all different. I went to a sports event with thousands of people 2 days after my hair transplant, could not care less what people think about me. I had scars, was all red and looked like a complete fool but I wanted to attend it to see my brother play, and he was really happy to see me there.

You should not be self conscious about that you did this, this should be something positive, get something done that you really wanted. You paid your hard earned money for this and in the end its just your hair as I told you, just spread out evenly.

For Norwood you are definitely a Norwood 6 in the making. You were almost bald in the crown.

Thanks @digi23 I think i should just change my perspective on this, and start being more comfortable with this. You are right. I actually wanted to get this done for myself, and i did.

I really like the way you state "in the end its just your hair as I told you, just spread out evenly." by the Doc.

[digi23]

1 hour ago, Viper1991 said:

Thanks @digi23 I think i should just change my perspective on this, and start being more comfortable with this. You are right. I actually wanted to get this done for myself, and i did.

I really like the way you state "in the end its just your hair as I told you, just spread out evenly." by the Doc.

Yes, to your question in the beginning, you will gain your inner self again when you start to look at it differently, there should be no guilt or nothing to worry about really. I think everyone around you if they are your true friends and family they will just be extremely happy for that you did something that made you happier and less anxious. 

For the people on the street who dont know you from before, they will just think WHAT A HEAD OF HAIR, he is probably a movie star.

Actually hair transplants is one of a few "plastic surgeries" if you can even call it that, that are the most natural. The Dr just takes the roots of your hair from one place and places them on another place. 

For me the responses has been from friends and also random people, what have you done to your head? I did a hair transplant. Oh really? I also thought about that, how much did it cost and does it hurt? Some other guy/girl just asks how they do it etc. People are just curious really, and think its fascinating.

[Melvin- Admin]

If you’re having suicidal ideation it’s time to see a therapist. Take care of your mental health. The feelings are probably much deeper than getting a hair transplant.

[follically challenged]

Personally i think your hairline looks great from the photos you posted!

[Gatsby]

@Melvin- Moderator has stated exactly what I wanted to say. You need to see a therapist (based on the results from your surgery which look excellent). You may be suffering from an anxiety disorder such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) or you may just be hyper sensitive to the comments of others? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is very good in this regard. You may also just need to be more involved in a forum like this one to be able to educate yourself more about everything 'hair transplant' to realize that what you percieve to be a bad result is actually a great one reflected in reality. At 18 I made the same emotional impulse as you but I actually had a barbaric result. A year later I chose to see my GP and I got a referral to see a psychologist which helped me immensely for the next couple of years. Wishing you all the best.

[Legend007]

Shave it all off n  go bald again .. problem = solution .. 

u were bald as hek before n u feel more self conscious now ? 

[Viper1991]

On 10/18/2021 at 6:25 PM, Gatsby said:

@Melvin- Moderator has stated exactly what I wanted to say. You need to see a therapist (based on the results from your surgery which look excellent). You may be suffering from an anxiety disorder such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) or you may just be hyper sensitive to the comments of others? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is very good in this regard. You may also just need to be more involved in a forum like this one to be able to educate yourself more about everything 'hair transplant' to realize that what you percieve to be a bad result is actually a great one reflected in reality. At 18 I made the same emotional impulse as you but I actually had a barbaric result. A year later I chose to see my GP and I got a referral to see a psychologist which helped me immensely for the next couple of years. Wishing you all the best.

@Gatsby Thanks for mentioning different options on what might be root cases for my anxiety and depression. I will surely look at CBT if that helps. And yes, i am educating myself by involving more in these forums and gaining more knowledge. 

I will also look at seeing a Psychologist, but any reasons on how they can be of help? This is my going to be my first hand experience with them. 

[Viper1991]

On 10/18/2021 at 5:24 PM, follically challenged said:

Personally i think your hairline looks great from the photos you posted!

I will post more close up pictures to evaluate. @follically challenged Its making me more anxious if i think of some random person pointing at my hairline, and questioning if it is a transplanted hairline. 
Is it easy for a 3rd person to spot and notice transplanted hairlines easily?

[ciaus]

16 minutes ago, Viper1991 said:

Is it easy for a 3rd person to spot and notice transplanted hairlines easily?

Unless the doctor did a bad job, and unless the 3rd person has already had a hair transplant or has been looking into getting a hair transplant, no they are not easy to notice. And always remember nobody pays as much attention to our hair as we do ourselves.

Judging by the pictures that you've already posted for 6 and 7 months, you're hair really looks good. The picture from 8 months where you are looking straight ahead looks like you could benefit from a small procedure to thicken it up a little. Give it a full 12 to 18 months, and in the meantime look into using some concealers like in the links below. I've used these myself, as do many others on the forum. They can make your hair look alot thicker now.

 

Dermmatch:

https://www.amazon.com/DermMatch-Waterproof-Concealer-Naturally-Concealers/dp/B01A5U7K7K/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=dermmatch&qid=1634665600&sr=8-4

Hair fibers:

https://www.amazon.com/Toppik-Hair-Building-Fibers-Brown/dp/B0009FHJRS/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=hair+fibers&qid=1634665573&sr=8-5

 

[Viper1991]

@JDEE0@asterix0@Berba11Hi Guys, Here is my close up pictures of the hairline. I am little over 8.5 months. Please let me know how my hairline looks. I am thirty years old. Did i be too aggressive with the hairline? Please let me know if i have to post any more pictures.

Thanks

 

Edited October 24, 2021 by Viper1991

[asterix0]

No, to me it looks pretty much completely normal, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I don't think the hairline is the issue, what about the rest of your top/crown?