'Just shave it bro...'

[follically challenged]

- or dumb, ignorant statements to that effect. 

How many times has someone pointed out your thinning hair situation? How do you / did you deal with it? (besides HT)

It's like a gut punch every time, and there is nothing satisfactory you can say.

If you just accept it in the jokey nature it is intended, then you just become fair game to the taunts. And you certainly cant get defensive about it because then people will view you as overly sensitive and treat you differently, or potentially tease you more...

Overall, its a shitty situation, and quite amazing to me that with all the sensitivity nowadays around others issues, like race, culture, sexuality, weight, etc, it is still viewed as totally acceptable to just mock someone's thinning hair. Sigh.

Just wondered how you guys deal with it / dealt with it, and if you have any tips. Thanks

[Berba11]

Honestly? It's just words. Nothing happens. We choose how we react and how they affect us. Personally I'm very open to the banter and joking around - I gladly join in or initiate at my own expense. I really couldn't imagine taking it to heart or anything - I certainly don't see how that would help. If anything it's healthy, de-stigmatising and funny.

And it's only close mates or family members that might bring it up anyway - it's all meant in good fun. It's not as if random people walk up to me in the street and say "dude, you're losing your hair!". I mean, even if they did... So what? Again, nothing happens.

I just don't personally resonate with the description of such comments as a "gut punch". Most men experience hair loss to varying degrees. It's just a normal, mundane thing. You can either roll with it or take steps to restore the hair. For me it's nothing to get sensitive about and best (as with most things) to see the funny side and not take it too seriously.

[LaserCaps]

Semantics, as Berba says.  Leave it along and move on.......but wait.......

How about when no words are spoken but everyone just keeps looking at the top of your head while talking to you? Does it make you more self aware of the situation?  You, initiating the fun - may diffuse some of it.  But I can understand how hurtful it can be.  I lived it. People can be cruel at times. Confidence can also help overcome this.  My grandfather was bald and I wanted to be just like him.  Losing hair never bothered me.  If so, shaving is also an option.  You can control you and how you choose to act.  If it bothers you, do something about it.   This is tough and sensitive subject that can go into so many directions.  

How about women? If I guy feels like this, should we multiply by 10?

 

[Berba11]

31 minutes ago, LaserCaps said:

Semantics, as Berba says.  Leave it along and move on.......but wait.......

How about when no words are spoken but everyone just keeps looking at the top of your head while talking to you? Does it make you more self aware of the situation?  You, initiating the fun - may diffuse some of it.  But I can understand how hurtful it can be.  I lived it. People can be cruel at times. Confidence can also help overcome this.  My grandfather was bald and I wanted to be just like him.  Losing hair never bothered me.  If so, shaving is also an option.  You can control you and how you choose to act.  If it bothers you, do something about it.   This is tough and sensitive subject that can go into so many directions.  

How about women? If I guy feels like this, should we multiply by 10?

 

If you're losing your hair to the extent that it's so unsightly that people are glancing at it without saying anything then that just means you have bad hair and it's time to buzz it down - as you say, take ownership and tidy it up!

99% of people aren't going to notice a bit of diffuse thinning or mild recession and aren't going to be glancing at it.

I can well imagine for women it would be quite different as hair loss isn't so mundane and ordinary (excluding the regular sort thinning that everyone experiences with age). 

[Melvin- Admin]

I had a few people tell me just shave it. I had toyed with the idea of getting a hair transplant, even wen't so far as to schedule a consultation with a local clinic, but in the end canceled it. Finally, the straw that broke the camels back was when one of my friends I hadn't seen in a year or two saw me, and commented that I should consider shaving cause it wasn't looking good. I went to Walmart that same day bought some clippers, and shaved my head. 

I still remember all the looks I got when I came in to work the next day. Everyone looked shocked. I recall one of my coworkers (older one) telling me I looked like Kojak I didn't know who that was, but when I googled him I wish I never did. Now, that was a gut punch. I was only 28 years old, this guy looked at least 50. For the next few months, I continued to wear a hat despite shaving. That's when I started to research hair transplants, but stupidly I researched the wrong way, I came to the forum asking if anyone had ever heard of 'Dr. X' of course, no one had heard of this doctor because he wasn't good. His Yelp reviews were excellent, his YouTube looked good. So I booked. 

The results, were not good, and that is when I came back to this forum and finally listened to the community. My second hair transplant resurrected me and the rest is pretty much history. The funny thing is I still see the same thing happening now, a few days ago someone made a thread asking about the same doctor lol. That's why I'm so passionate about this place, it will literally save you. I spent my late 20's under a hat, both from shaving and the embarrassment of a bad hair transplant.

Shaving is something everyone should try at least once. Is it always the solution? Hell no. But for some it might be the solution. Are hair transplants the solution? For some yes, and others no. I would basically tell anyone who tells you just shave it, the facts. If you have shaved and don't like it, tell them I don't like shaving. If you're seriously considering a hair transplant, just say "nah id rather get a HT." People who don't suffer from baldness think it's like a switch. I would tell them this: "how about I shave my head, and you shave your eye brows, it's just hair right?" That will shut them up. 

[ciaus]

6 minutes ago, Melvin- Moderator said:

I would tell them this: "how about I shave my head, and you shave your eye brows, it's just hair right?" That will shut them up. 

Whenever someone mentions shaving their eyebrows can't help but think of Robert Blake in Lost Highway. The fact that years later he pretty much got away with murdering his wife makes me wonder how much effort beyond shaving his eyebrows was actually needed to come off so creepy.

 

 

[Marko7t4]

During the various lockdowns, I’d not seen my friend for a while. I’d lost nearly 2 stone through stress at work. First thing he says when he sees me? “F#%k me, mate, where’s your hair gone?”. I told him I’d actually booked in for a HT and he asked why. I referred him to his previous statement. 

[follically challenged]

2 hours ago, Berba11 said:

Honestly? It's just words. Nothing happens. We choose how we react and how they affect us. Personally I'm very open to the banter and joking around - I gladly join in or initiate at my own expense. I really couldn't imagine taking it to heart or anything - I certainly don't see how that would help. If anything it's healthy, de-stigmatising and funny.

And it's only close mates or family members that might bring it up anyway - it's all meant in good fun. It's not as if random people walk up to me in the street and say "dude, you're losing your hair!". I mean, even if they did... So what? Again, nothing happens.

I just don't personally resonate with the description of such comments as a "gut punch". Most men experience hair loss to varying degrees. It's just a normal, mundane thing. You can either roll with it or take steps to restore the hair. For me it's nothing to get sensitive about and best (as with most things) to see the funny side and not take it too seriously.

Thanks for the reply. I certainly wish i was less sensitive to things in general. And yes, ultimately, they're 'just words'. But behind those words seem to be a feeling of 'wow, you look like shit'. There's no smoke without fire, right?

Also, and i ask this in a sincere way as i'm genuinely curious, if you're really not bothered by such remarks, and really don't seen to care about your thinning locks or how others perceive you or how they respond to you..... then why are you a part of a hair restoration forum? I presume you have had work done, or are at least considering it..?

[follically challenged]

2 hours ago, LaserCaps said:

Semantics, as Berba says.  Leave it along and move on.......but wait.......

How about when no words are spoken but everyone just keeps looking at the top of your head while talking to you? Does it make you more self aware of the situation?  You, initiating the fun - may diffuse some of it.  But I can understand how hurtful it can be.  I lived it. People can be cruel at times. Confidence can also help overcome this.  My grandfather was bald and I wanted to be just like him.  Losing hair never bothered me.  If so, shaving is also an option.  You can control you and how you choose to act.  If it bothers you, do something about it.   This is tough and sensitive subject that can go into so many directions.  

How about women? If I guy feels like this, should we multiply by 10?

 

For sure, i really do feel for the women affected by this, it must be so, so much worse.

But you say that losing hair never bothered you...? Then, I have to ask, why are you part of a forum which deals with exactly that issue?

[follically challenged]

43 minutes ago, Melvin- Moderator said:

"how about I shave my head, and you shave your eye brows, it's just hair right?

I'll try to remember this one

[follically challenged]

10 minutes ago, Marko7t4 said:

During the various lockdowns, I’d not seen my friend for a while. I’d lost nearly 2 stone through stress at work. First thing he says when he sees me? “F#%k me, mate, where’s your hair gone?”. I told him I’d actually booked in for a HT and he asked why. I referred him to his previous statement. 

Haha. And how did the HT go?

How did you respond to such comments before booking in for a HT? And would you say such comments as his was the final straw which made you book in for it?

[LaserCaps]

1 minute ago, follically challenged said:

For sure, i really do feel for the women affected by this, it must be so, so much worse.

But you say that losing hair never bothered you...? Then, I have to ask, why are you part of a forum which deals with exactly that issue?

When I became a consultant I had little to no native hair left.  I was told "how can you talk about hair loss to patients when you have none?" It was then suggested I go through the process. Now I have what I believe to be pattern and age appropriate hair.  It was served me well - and has served all the patients I've helped through the years.  As a consultant I feel everyone in this industry has the obligation to educate those who are new to this and have no clue what they're getting into.  

[Marko7t4]

30 minutes ago, follically challenged said:

Haha. And how did the HT go?

How did you respond to such comments before booking in for a HT? And would you say such comments as his was the final straw which made you book in for it?

I’d already booked my HT anyway but it just made me think that I’d made the right decision. If you click on my name you can see my progress on my post The Hair Dr, Leeds. I’m 5 and a half months post op and happy so far. Just started minoxidil to help with growth. 

[Berba11]

20 minutes ago, follically challenged said:

Also, and i ask this in a sincere way as i'm genuinely curious, if you're really not bothered by such remarks, and really don't seen to care about your thinning locks or how others perceive you or how they respond to you..... then why are you a part of a hair restoration forum? I presume you have had work done, or are at least considering it..?

I think you're conflating different things here.

I'd like to have my hair back (and am having my first surgery in two weeks!), but it's not essential to my well-being. Desiring to have my hair back but not being bothered enough by the issue to be sensitive to comments by others are not incompatible.

I do care that I'm losing my hair - not enough to feel sensitive about remarks by others or to not be able to have fun with the issue though. Nowhere close. It's really as simple as that. I understand that there are guys who get themselves into a right state over their hair - feeling down, loss of confidence etc... I can't say I truly understand how a person can get to that place (unless they've been butchered after a HT or something) as in all reality, it is just hair, and literally every bloke on earth who is losing their hair to a noticeable level (ie, the point at which styling it becomes hard) looks a million times better buzzed down. I've been buzzing down for years and years. It's a good look, easy to maintain etc... It's a pretty easy thing to deal with in my opinion whilst considering and researching the next moves because we have a super credible, viable and stylish buzz-cut option.

Would I prefer to not be balding? Sure. And after nearly a decade of research and interest I've made the calm and rational decision to do something about it. But if I found out tomorrow that a HT wasn't an option, then I'd be totally cool with that too. It'll save me fair whack of money if nothing else! I don't think people should be getting surgery on their heads from a place desperate need, but rational, well-researched want.

 

35 minutes ago, follically challenged said:

And yes, ultimately, they're 'just words'. But behind those words seem to be a feeling of 'wow, you look like shit'. There's no smoke without fire, right?

Really? You think people are really and genuinely thinking "you look like shit"? Dude, nobody cares enough about your hair to think that, and obviously your own friends and family don't think that about you either. Most people are just being playful about an ordinary thing that happens to most of us when they joke around about it.

Do you go around looking at other dudes thinking that sort of thing about them? I certainly don't and it would be very unhealthy of me as an individual if I did!

[follically challenged]

28 minutes ago, Berba11 said:

Dude, nobody cares enough about your hair to think that, and obviously your own friends and family don't think that about you either. Most people are just being playful about an ordinary thing that happens to most of us when they joke around about it.

Do you go around looking at other dudes thinking that sort of thing about them? I certainly don't and it would be very unhealthy of me as an individual if I did!

OK, I see your point. And yes, maybe they are not thinking 'look like shit', perhaps that is my own thoughts about myself, ha. A better phrase to use would be 'look worse'.

That phrase, I guess you would agree with, as you explained that you have spent a decade of your life researching this, and now paying a substantial amount of money to get your hair back.

So, while perhaps not as sensitive to such remarks as I am, ultimately it seems it still lingers on your mind enough to invest such time and money into changing your appearance with a HT. 

Will / did you tell friends about your HT? How was their reaction?

[Berba11]

4 minutes ago, follically challenged said:

OK, I see your point. And yes, maybe they are not thinking 'look like shit', perhaps that is my own thoughts about myself, ha. A better phrase to use would be 'look worse'.

That phrase, I guess you would agree with, as you explained that you have spent a decade of your life researching this, and now paying a substantial amount of money to get your hair back.

So, while perhaps not as sensitive to such remarks as I am, ultimately it seems it still lingers on your mind enough to invest such time and money into changing your appearance with a HT. 

Will / did you tell friends about your HT? How was their reaction?

It lingers of course, but more in the sense of "I'd love to have my hair back and I can't quite get the fact that I could sort it out off my mind" sort of thing. If I didn't have the option it would be no problem. But the option is there, nagging away at me!

Yea I've told friends and everyone is super excited for me. 100% positive reaction and actually a few people have said they've often thought about getting one. Mostly people are curious about it. It's all good.

[TEXAN35]

When people say its just the hair I think they are trivializing a real issue. I think only 10% of the guys carry on the shaved look very well, some are just ok with it for rest, it dents the appearance pretty badly specially after NW3. Should we not care about looks and how other perceive our appearance ? We would like to but in real world it matters. Women might say they don't care but till you are in dating business they do really care. Its unfair to expect them to not care because its part of inbuilt selection process.  Men and women both have physiology inbuilt to care about appearance at least during initial phases. Apart from dating business in certain job industry also appearance matters. We dont want to look 10 years older than we are. Just like its good to keep our body in good shape, there is nothing wrong in improving your hair if you can. If there are options available why not.  In future I hope solving this problem becomes much easier but getting a transplant for an individual male or female is not at all being in vain, its completely ok. Just have a real expectation. Now if you are barely Norwood one and you are worrying too much about hair ,  that may be signs of other problems which needs to be sorted first.

[FUT4000]

9 hours ago, follically challenged said:

- or dumb, ignorant statements to that effect. 

How many times has someone pointed out your thinning hair situation? How do you / did you deal with it? (besides HT)

It's like a gut punch every time, and there is nothing satisfactory you can say.

If you just accept it in the jokey nature it is intended, then you just become fair game to the taunts. And you certainly cant get defensive about it because then people will view you as overly sensitive and treat you differently, or potentially tease you more...

Overall, its a shitty situation, and quite amazing to me that with all the sensitivity nowadays around others issues, like race, culture, sexuality, weight, etc, it is still viewed as totally acceptable to just mock someone's thinning hair. Sigh.

Just wondered how you guys deal with it / dealt with it, and if you have any tips. Thanks

You don't need friends like that. Make your circle smaller trust me you will be happier

[digi23]

There are alot of people like this, they are totally worthless though and have some underlaying problem themselves with their self confidence.

I would say you can either approach it the way that you are totally roasting them in a nice way but with irony and they will think again before they say anything like this, something like: "You are making me sad when you say such things, what about if I told you can you not remove your big ugly looking nose so I dont need to see it everytime I see you?" 

Its not so nice but they started the war, and now you flipped it, they gut punched you and you pretty much knocked them out.

You can also just accept them saying it, but they will not learn anything from it. Probably they will do this again to someone else who also take it bad.

[Gatsby]

Taking the piss out of someone dealing with hair loss seems to be the last acceptable bastion and is still totally acceptable in society today and for some reason it is sacrosanct. Try getting away with telling a female that she has 'a fat arse, big/small boobs' or a guy that 'he is fat, etc' and you will get nailed for it! In the work place it would most likely end up with you getting the sack. If you brought up the issue of feeling offended because someone made a joke about your hairloss and everyone would just laugh! I know that people talked behind my back when I wore a hair piece for 25 years (to hide not just my baldness but also my hair transplant scars). After I had my SMP I had a great response from people but I also had a few comments like 'You should have done that long ago' (that is get rid of the hair piece as they didn't know it was SMP). I think I'm fortunate because I learned to deal with horror stares when I had punch grafts growing out of my hairline when I was just 18. Also with the passage of time I have learned to grow an incredibly thick skin and to be quite frank, today I really just couldn't give a F@#K what people think about me. Period! Not just in terms of hair/scars/wigs/SMP and my future surgery in 8 weeks but just anything about me in general. Oscar Wilde has been quoted as saying 'The youth is wasted on the young' and 'The gift of old age is wisdom.' I'm having my upcoming surgery with Eugenix for me (as I did with SMP, hair pieces, etc) and not for anyone else's approval. All the best!

[Westview]

When people say just shave it, bro.  I always respond with, can I grab  hair clipper and shave all your hair off right now??

That almost always gets a negatory response. 

If you were to threaten any woman with I'm going to give you a buzzcut right now, they would head for the exit door pretty quick 😂

[follically challenged]

15 hours ago, rambunctious said:

You don't need friends like that. Make your circle smaller trust me you will be happier

For sure. But sometimes when my hair gets a bit longer and it starts to look like im covering the receded temples it may look a bit....odd? Hence they may be trying to let me know to sort it out with a hair cut or something, i.e. jokes are perhaps their way of trying to help me? I dunno...

Don't get me wrong, Im not rocking a combover, but with receded temples and the hair is super thin anyway, perhaps i do let it grow somewhat longer than it should just to try and reduce the forehead size somewhat ha.

Also, it isn't always friends. At a party last week, a guy i kinda know was pointing out my hair to some others of the group and i caught him and asked what was up... He then explained they were just talking about hair color... but the fact that there was sniggering going on makes me think otherwise. Those situations are hard to deal with.

[follically challenged]

3 hours ago, Gatsby said:

hair loss seems to be the last acceptable bastion and is still totally acceptable in society today and for some reason it is sacrosanct.

Absolutely. I wonder if and when this will ever change. 

Also, the real annoyance to me is how guys who make the jokes often with no thinning whatsoever just seem to have that aura about them that they think they're better than you because of it...

Perhaps luckier, yes. But better, no. 

[follically challenged]

19 hours ago, TEXAN35 said:

When people say its just the hair I think they are trivializing a real issue. I think only 10% of the guys carry on the shaved look very well, some are just ok with it for rest, it dents the appearance pretty badly specially after NW3.

I think this gets to the heart of it.

While it may be 'just hair' and you should 'just shave it' behind those words are a viewpoint, a feeling.

When enough people have let you know this feeling through their words that you are.. looking older/worse/less desirable, you start to internalise it and it can mess with your head.

Not all of us look OK with a shaved head, that's just a fact.

[FUT4000]

40 minutes ago, follically challenged said:

For sure. But sometimes when my hair gets a bit longer and it starts to look like im covering the receded temples it may look a bit....odd? Hence they may be trying to let me know to sort it out with a hair cut or something, i.e. jokes are perhaps their way of trying to help me? I dunno...

Don't get me wrong, Im not rocking a combover, but with receded temples and the hair is super thin anyway, perhaps i do let it grow somewhat longer than it should just to try and reduce the forehead size somewhat ha.

Also, it isn't always friends. At a party last week, a guy i kinda know was pointing out my hair to some others of the group and i caught him and asked what was up... He then explained they were just talking about hair color... but the fact that there was sniggering going on makes me think otherwise. Those situations are hard to deal with.

I feel you on situations like that. Those people are extremely immature, but they have insecurities too. They aren’t as obvious as ours probably but we’re not the type of people to make fun of them for it. You’ll meet a lot of good people in life like on these forums that help with things like this. You’re not alone!