I'm about to lose it

[WIBELZ]

I'm almost at a full mental breakdown. Well maybe I'm already there. I just can't take it anymore. I flat out hate myself. I stopped looking in the mirror over a year ago. If I catch my reflection in something I feel sick. I have no friends, no girl will ever give me the time of day, and hate my job.

 

It wasn't always like this. In high school I was the loner. In college I was the hockey star. All of a sudden I was popular. I had alot of friends. Girls would just throw themselves at me.

 

As you can guess this isn't the case now. I have no one. What I do have is a high paying high stress job in Information Technology. Its not that I hate techonology. I hate the stress of having to keep everything up at running with 99% uptime. I hate the people I work with.

 

For example just the other week one of our sites got hit by lighting. All of the computers and phones got fried. I get a call on a cell phone from the head guy over there. He is pissed about their stuff being down. He says I need to fix the server. THIS GUY HAS A FUCKING PHD. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE THAT STUPID? This is just one of the countless examples of the people I work with. I just want to bang my head on my desk after talking to these people. They think because it has buttons and you plug it into the wall I can work magic on it.

 

Anyways, besides my fun job at work I live at the gym. I work go to the gym, work to hockey, work to mountain biking, or to snowboarding. All I do is work and exercise.

 

I just can't take it anymore. I'm 27. I went to the doctors last year. He said about 1350 grafts. I'm going to get a transplant one year from now.

 

If it doesn't turn I'm going to climb the 14,115 ft to the top of Pikes Peak and blow my brains out.

 

I just can't take it anymore. I'm a loser!

[WIBELZ]

I guess I should also add I've been reading the various hair loss sites for almost four years now

[Am0986]

wow... I am going through the same thing.I live at the gym as well .i totally understand how you feel trapped and alone. Lost alot of hair by 22 and just got 2,500 grafts done on the 7th. Just hang in there bro. why are you waiting? its your life why wait a year?

[thanatopsis_awry]

Don't take this the wrong way, because it does bodes well for your future, but you seem to have some pretty severe emotional/psychological dilemmas that extend beyond the plane of hairloss. Maybe hairloss was the ultimate catalyst and straw breaking the camel's back (I know it was for me).

 

No joke, though, your life sounds pretty sweet; you obviously loathe it right now, but that doesn't mean you have to loathe it "tomorrow". You have your health, physical talents, intellectual prowess, ambition, financial well-being, and youth.

 

Basically, you have every superficial and otherwise accoutrement to attract people. You could be a NWfckin6 and it'd still be the case. And it seems you are hardly a NW6, though that's actually beside the point.

 

The question is why with all of this you are nonetheless miserable, and why your misery happens to be connected to isolation (/alienation) from friends and lovers. I can almost guarantee you that if you had Elvis-hair tomorrow your discontent would not fundamentally change.

 

Look to the future, in which a HT can make your life all the more perfect, but don't hyperfocus at the neglect of potentially omnipotent problems that lurk under the cloak of "needing" more hair.

 

I would spend some coinage on finding a cool therapist and give that a go, to be perfectly honest and totally frank.

[Bill - Seemiller]

Wibelz,

 

I couldn't help but see myself in your first post, at least somewhat. I can relate to almost everything from the way I felt about myself, to feeling I had no life, to my career as an IT Manager. I think we should share IT war stories and compare the stupidity of the people we've had to deal with in the profession :-).

 

Frankly, it sounds like you're due for a change - and I'm talking about more than just finding a solution for your hair loss. But if you're anything like me, you continue to live out each day for the sake of security and familiarity. I did this for years until I eventually found this community and was hired as the Associate Publisher.

 

Making changes can bring upon some initial anxiety and worry. But when you're at the point of no return and hate your life, it's seriously time to think about a change.

 

Most people don't like to lose their hair and for some, it feels like the end of the world. The good news is, something can be probalby be done about it depending if you're a candidate.

 

Right now however, it sounds like there are a number of things in your life that are bringing you to very dark places. Thus, in the process of considering hair restoration solutions - you may also consider seeing a counselor especially if you are seriously considering suicide.

 

I'm going to send you a private message with my phone number. If you want to talk about hair, compare IT war stories, or anything else, give me a call. I'm not suggesting I will counsel you. But I think we have a lot in common from dealing with the emotinal stress from hair loss and our career choices. I've also restored my hair and can probably help direct you and educate you in surgical hair restoration.

 

All the Best,

 

Bill

[HTInitiate]

Hi Wibelz, You are a pretty smart guy, and you seem to be doing something for making a change. I work for a fortune-10 IT company too, and have to deal with work related stress occasionally. I took up yoga before several years to combat stress and it proved to be a life saver for me.

Check this link out:

http://www.time.com/time/magaz...9171,1580401,00.html

[HairDew]

I too work in IT industry, I write programs for the past 15 years...but I'm the opposite I don't let ANYTHING put me down. It's all in your head brother. Over the years, I've worked for many corporate america companies and I do agree that most times the job can be extremely stressful but I can assure you, it's all about how you approach the problem. As far as hair, since you said that you have been to hair loss sites for the past few years, you probably gathered enough evidence to suggest that you can get that fixed (of course I don't really know what your NW level is).

 

You work out - THAT'S GREAT. Keep it up. As far as friends, don't be afraid to get social with people, I know it's hard but instead of saying "I CAN'T" say "I'm currently struggling with", live you life to the fullest, it is VERY SHORT.

 

Sorry for the lecture, just my $0.02

[imissthebarber]

Dude I think you've had some sound advice here and I too can relate to a lot of what you've said having worked in high-pressure blue-chip IT environments and coping with losing most of my hair.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you've shared your situation with us and I hope it is some consolation, however small to know that you've got some brothers online who will support you and have had many of the experiences you've described. It's a cliche but often people really do find 'a problem shared is a problem halved'.

[dakota3]

Shave your head, get some counceling, and keep exercising

[vincehair]

I know exactly what your going through,believe me i do.

 

You feel so bad about your hair yet a measly 1350 grafts can fix it? Either you think WAY more about your hairloss than other poeple or that doc is off his rocker.

 

If you have the body of an adonis then your 1 up on me man. I am a flabby god

 

Hope things get better for you.

[Stimpson]

Life being a downer after college is EXTREMELY common. It happens to a TON of us. I think you are focusing too much on hair. Like Thanop said, if you had Elvis hair tomorrow nothing would be different about your life. I'm not saying don't get the HT, but it sounds like you have unreasonable expectations about the impact it will have on your life. Your problems, which are SO MUCH more common than you realize, aren't really hair related. An HT won't be a magic cure to make you this outgoing social butterfly. It wasn't for me, at least. You don't sound even *remotely* like a loser. Stop being so harsh on yourself.

 

Stimpy

[Stimpson]

And at work, it takes practice, but just STOP worrying about things you cannot control. If the server is zapped, than the systems dependent thereon will be back up when it is replaced. Sure people bitch. When all is said and done, you get it back up ASAP, and that is all that you can do. I KNOW this is so much easier said than done, but worrying about it does not accomplish anything. You CAN build this habit. I know I sound like a cliche...

 

Stimpy

[regretht]

If you get a HT you will almost certainly regret it I promise. I did get one in my 20s and it was by far the worst mistake of my life.

[WIBELZ]

Thanks for all the kind words guys. To be honest I haven't looked at any hair loss sites for a little over three months now. I'm still just as messed up as ever. I've found buying stuff and craigs list hookers make me feel better.

 

Along with my regular full time job I do contract work on the side. With this economic recession I've been pulling in a nice pile of cash doing contract work on the side. It seems alot of businesses around Denver let go of the entire IT departments. I also received a big promotion at my full time job last month. With this extra cash I've managed to save up a 20% down payment on a cabin in Frisco. For those of you outside Colorado Frisco is a town in the middle of the majority of the ski resorts. I figure a ski girl could look past my hair if I have a place in Frisco.

 

Now for the Craigs list hookers. I would never sleep with one of them. I should say that first. I found talking to them helps. I buy them for a hour. We go out to dinner. Once at dinner I pour my little heart out to them. I tell them everything. Every feeling on have. The majority of them just sit there with a stunned look on their face. A few of them have told me I'm crazy. One I think was a cop. She kept asking me to pay her for sex. I kept telling her. I'm not interested in sex. I'm just looking for someone to listen to my problems. I'm still surprised on just how hot these girls are. After my little "dates" I feel happy.

[hrvoje14]

i agree with the others - life after coillege can be a bit of an anti-climax, psychologically and emotionally... you should know you are not the only guy this is happening to... i also agree that your hairloss, as tough as it may be, may not be your real issue...

 

my advice, and this has helped me in the past, is to work on YOURSELF, from the inside out... happiness, as cliche as it may sound, really IS inside of you (as is misery!!!)... it's not the things around you, it's how YOU perceive and react to the things around you... so it's something you can work on and change, whether through some counselling, or medication, if appropriate, or both...

 

it's great that you are talented physically - i often find that physical activity helps a great deal to keep one from slipping into anxiety and depression... another thing that helps is to try and force yourself to be/think positive, no matter what... it's not easy if it goes against your nature (as is the case with me), but it can be done, you can slowly re-program yourself to be more positive and relaxed... be kind to yourself, congratulate yourself on all the good things you've done in life, all you've accomplished so far, focus on the 99 things you have in life rather than agonizing over the one thing you don't: you have your health, you have both arms and both legs, you are doing well financially, you are young, you are educated, obviously, you have (at least) half a brain in that head of yours, lol... focus on that, and don't take everything you have for granted, like it didn't matter, and just worry and criticise yourself for the one or two things that you are missing right now...

 

some people are positive and happy by nature (lucky bastards!), others have to work on it a bit, but i assure you, YES YOU CAN! lol...

[hrvoje14]

also, sometimes a mantra or two can help, something like: 'i CAN be happy even if my hair is not perfect', 'i CAN be happy even if my colleagues at work are jerks'...

 

i myself am a total control freak and perfectionist, so, for instance, my two mantras are: 'i CAN be happy even if i am not in control', and 'i CAN be happy even if not everything in my life or about me is perfect'...

 

silly but helps...

[Sparky]

While your feeling like this a HT might push you over the edge. There is a lot of downtime before finally seeing results, 1 HT never seems to be enough to make the difference you are looking for, and if you go for strip you'll have a life long scar on the back of your head, meaning you will never be able to shave down.

[mattj]

You seem to be putting the most emphasis on your dissatisfaction with you job and your social life, rather than your hair. Do you feel that your hairloss is somewhere at the root of your problems?

 

I think it sounds like you've got it good in some ways, what with having a well-paying job (at a time when many people are struggling in that department) and good physical health.

I guarantee that your self-hating attitude is going to be much more of an obstacle to finding a girl than your hairloss is. I can say that with 100% certainty despite never having seen the condition of your hair (which is probably not bad anyway considering how many grafts you said you're getting - I hope you've researched the topic thoroughly though) because women don't like that sort of an attitude in a man. It's about as off-putting as it gets. You're 27. There are many decent women out there in the right age bracket who won't care about your hair. Trust me.

 

If the work is giving you stress then maybe you should ditch the contracting you do on the side and replace the boost to your finances with something that will increase your well-being. Voluntary work, perhaps. It carries less responsibility and you can find something that will widen your social circle. At this moment you're just a small amount of effort away from coming into contact with people who are worth knowing. Just take a few chances.

[CaptainO]

Bro, let me tell you, were all in the same boat. I got hired as an airline pilot at the age of 23. I was always told growing up about how handsome I was etc. When I started flying, I got the stared from women, I had my fair share of one night stands with flight attendants and hot passengers.

About 3 years ago, I stopped taking propecia because my dick stopped working. Literally! I was in bed with the hottest girls and couldnt get it up. It was demoralizing. I live in Orange County so when I mean hot girls, these girls were smoking. And they would melt in my hands.

 

After getting off the propecia, my hair started thinning a little. No biggie. I was with the girl I loved, the most georgeous girl, with brains to go with it. Then my life just fell apart. EVERYTHING. I somehow lost her, I ore my shoulder in a basketball incident, had to move back in with my folks, didn't get my dream pilot job at Southwest Airlines, and lost all my weight. I was a wreck.

 

I withdrew from everyone and EVERYTHING until recently. My hair started falling out dramatically. I went from needing 1200 grafts, to now at least 1800. I am now just happy with having a somewhat full look. I don't even care if its a little thinner than normal.

 

I started finding happiness within again. Time healed the pain. Time will heal your pain. You will find your way of dealing with it.

 

I also contemplated suicide. I think at one time we all do. Then one day, for just a moment, you have this small glimpse of what your life could be like again, being happy. And that little light of hope keeps you going.

 

I am going in for my 3rd consultation tomorrow. I have planned a surgery event for Jan 2. I will be 30 on Jan 1. I hope this is the start to getting some of my confidence back. If not, I'm not worried. I am still a successful person. I've achieved so much at such a young age, that I have lots to be proud of. Screw the people who like you for your looks, they aren't real friends anyway.

 

Hang in there man, things will get better.

[John Malloy]

Originally posted by regretht:

If you get a HT you will almost certainly regret it I promise. I did get one in my 20s and it was by far the worst mistake of my life.

Who did your HT? I'm in the same boat. worst mistake of my life

[WIBELZ]

I've made up my mind. I'm going to get my temples fixed.

 

What made up my mind happened last weekend. I was up in the mountains playing some pond hockey at Keystone. I was a having great day. I was skating around and over everyone there. I was in the zone. I could feel every detail of the ice through my skates. I could feel every little move the puck made on my stick. It was a great day. I haven't felt that good in a very long time.

 

After the game I go back to my cabin. When I pull in I see the people at the cabin next to mine pulling away in their car. One of the girls kind of looks like my ex. I think nothing of it. Its the middle of the ski season. What are the odds my ex would rent the cabin next to mine.

 

Later that night I was in my hot tub doing some work. Yeah a laptop and water I know not a smart idea. The people in the cabin next to mine get back. They walk right past. The girl is my ex. She gets this big smile and runs over. Keep in mind its cold and there is a couple feet of snow on the ground. I'm wearing a hat.

 

A little while later she gets in the hot tub with me. We start catching up on old times. It was just general stuff. She asks me if I'm dating anyone. I tell her. I haven't dated anyone in years. She says why you have a fantastic body. I take my hat off. The big smile on her face just slowly goes away. She tells me I'm stupid for thinking that its not that big of deal. I know deep down she is just trying to make me feel better.

 

This girl was my dream girl. I never thought. I'd meet my dream girl. She is perfect in everyway.

 

Last time I spoke with a doctor was Aug. of 08. Its been about a year and a half. I'm almost 29 now. I'm going to go talk to some more DRs. Pray to god they don't say I need more grafs. I'm thinking of just getting some FUEs into my temples. I'd be happy with a solid mature nw2 hairline.

[youngsuccess]

Wibelz,

 

It sounds like you've been dealing with a multitude of issues and this recent run-in with your ex-girlfriend may have been the spark that finally ignited the powder keg.

 

However, I'm a bit confused by this part:

 

Originally posted by WIBELZ:

The big smile on her face just slowly goes away. She tells me I'm stupid for thinking that its not that big of deal. I know deep down she is just trying to make me feel better.

Do you mean she told you not to worry about it, or that she thinks it is a big deal? Also, did you broach the subject of wanting to restore your hair? Have you talked to her since the hot tub conversation?

 

Best,

 

Anthony (youngsuccess)

[Manko]

I'm suspicious.

[PathsPatient]

Have you just started Propecia? Doesnt that cause moodswings in some people? Just trying to help.

[gonetodayhairtomorrow]

@WIBELZ

 

Hey man, I can sympathize with you, and hopefully help you out a little bit. Let me give you a bit of background, I was always a dork in school, and only developed into a slightly attractive young dude when I was around 16ish. Started getting a little more notice from the ladies and got to like it a lot.

 

Then father time struck me with the onset of baldness when I was 17! dam.. and it just kept going. I noticed everything fall apart around me, girls not interested, people dont give you the respect you deserve anymore (and you know that on a primal level it's just their reaction to a guy with lesser hair, unfair but true). Anyways reality bites, and I finally came to a point.

 

I had researched TONS and it consumed all my spare time and all my thoughts. I got rejected by a few docs when i was 23 because they said i was too young, and by this time i had pretty decent loss. So I took their advice to start propecia( which everyone should take for the rest of their lives anyways), and did it for one year while honing in on my final choice.

 

I set up my appointment for the sweetest surgeon in the world, out of vancouver bc (dont know if we can name drop or not so i wont, didnt read the terms lol). I was scheduled for 3000 g's. With the amount of time i pre stretched my scalp and the effort i put into it, we were able to do 5300 grafts in one session!

 

It's a month and a half later, the hairs have fallen out, the redness has went down and things are in waiting mode. I have a renewed sense of self esteem already and I know the worst thing i can do is worry, cuz stress is a bish

 

The difference before and after ( and i haven't even seen a dam hair yet!) is phenomenal and life changing, im confident and im back to my old playful self again, letting my mind deal with things that are interesting and more trivial.

 

If you need around 1500 grafts I would absolutely recommend going through with this(just make sure you feel comfortable), because if you already had chicks throwing themselves at you, then you better dust off the charm again, because its only one right decision away!

 

Best of luck man, and i work in an office too, bottomline, a lot of people are ignorant morons, take pleasure in knowing you can identify this and therefore know you're not in that pool! Anyways I dont think i could have possibly made a longer post, this is my first and i plan to update pics and stuff when my phone is charged again, taker easy!