Should I tell my girlfriend that I am having a hair transplant?

[JohnSmith90]

I hate losing my hair. It's all I can think about, I'm losing my confidence and it just plains sucks. I'm 25 years old and slowly but surely my hair is thinning. I've been in contact with a clinic in Istanbul and I'm going over there to do it in July.

I can't wait to be honest. I just want to get this over with. I've spent a year doing research, calling over 20 references, mailing and what not. I think after this I can be a hair loss surgeon myself.

 

One thing I have noticed is that every clinic has clients with bad results. If you do 1000 surgery's/year and 99% are happy there are still 10 that are not happy. I was really scared in the beginning because of these bad stories but at some point you just have to take a chance.

 

However my biggest problem is my girlfriend. I don't know what to tell her or if I should tell her. I won't see her for 6 weeks in July, beginning of August. This is very personal for me and it feels hard to talk about. But at the same time I don't want to lie to her. What do you think?

[BaldingInReverse]

There's a lot of factors that it. What is the extent of your relationship? You say you're going away for 6 weeks in July so I'm assuming you don't live with her. Does she know how you feel about your hairloss? Does she know that you've considered a hair transplant? How many other people have you told? For example, could she possibly find out from someone else? You most definitely do not want that happening.

For me, my live-in girlfriend was literally the only person I told. Nobody else knows about my transplant in this country except for her. I partly told her because I had to. I live with her, it would be impossible to hide. Another part of it was that I had to tell SOMEBODY. It was to daunting a journey to go through completely alone. I wish I could give you a solid yes/no answer, but I really can't. It's not really a black and white issue. Hope this helped.

[JohnSmith90]

I'm doing the surgery July 2nd and at that time she goes away for work and we won't see each other until the second week in August.

I haven't told anyone about anything regarding hairloss, surgery or any of that. So there is literally zero chance of her finding out from anyone else.

[HairyPotter79]

I'm the same age as you and I have my surgery in 3 weeks and idk man were not doing anything wrong,it's tough I've told nobody yet but it's more because I just don't want to talk about it until it's grown in.. I don't want to see people and get 'oh I guess it didn't work' and other silly comments,I think next year I'll be pretty open about it. Just do what you think is best think down the road a little bit good luck bud

[Wwiizzkkiidd24]

I would come clean mate the more you think about it the more you dont want to tell anyone what could go wrong? Her calling you vien or silly. Shes hardly going to leave you is she look i know its a big thing for you but telling someone ie girlfriend that you're going for a procedure will only make you feel better inside knowing you're not alone.

 

What practise arw you going to in turkey if you dont mind me asking?

 

Have a good day/night

[JohnSmith90]

I'm going through a Swedish service that has picked out a clinic that they have worked with for the past 10 years. It's a little more expensive than if you go directly through a Turkish clinic but I just feel more secure this way. I can't remember the name of the clinic but the doctors name is Merdan Celik. I contacted the clinic directly and called 5 of their references, I can't find any bad reviews online so I guess it's ok.

[voxman]

I think the real question is why would you not tell her? She knows you and your hair intimately I gather. Not telling her could have worse consequences. Trust, confidentiality, etc...

 

Hell, I even tell panhandlers now.

[BaldingInReverse]

@ Voxman, Very true. I mean she's gonna find out eventually. There's no way out of it. If you're uncomfortable telling her now, before the surgery, you could opt to wait till you see her again in August to show her. You could play it of like a surprise. But one way or another she's gonna know.

[Shera]

To be honest if you can't tell your girlfriend and share your feelings with her, you're probably with the wrong girl. There should be no stigma attached to you wanting an HT, you should feel good about yourself for actually doing something about it, something positive for yourself, there is no shame in this. Personally I told my friends and family when I had mine done, the overall response was very positive, I'm sure it will be the same for you. Tell her you are having it done, she'll probably insist on being by your side if she cares which can't be a bad thing. Good Luck.

 

Hope it all works out.

 

My FUE with Dr Tejinder Bhatti OCT 2014 - Forum By and for Hair Loss Patients

[scar5]

Why tell her unless you have to?

 

Every relationship coach is gonna say the same thing, 'Don't give a f&%k what other people think of you"

 

By doing a HT you are showing weakness. You are showing neediness. You can still turn that into an advantage if you play it the right way, but you have to really ready for the arrows and curve balls.

 

I have won over girls because I have admitted I had an HT, but only because the guys in the immediate area were insecure and gobsmacked. All it would have taken, would have been for some shaved guy to say, 'I think, you should accept baldness bla bla bla' and he would have immediately assumed the alpha male role. Sometimes, there is not that kinda guy around.

 

If you are in love, wanna get married, are funny and think you can play the joke through all the scenarios that might come your way, go ahead. If you wanna buy her love with humility and submission, go ahead, you could still win. If you are on the border, look for ways to bullshit your way through it. IMO

Edited March 29, 2015 by scar5

[pkipling]

Absolutely zero reason not to tell her. I understand that some of us are embarrassed when it come to this sorta thing, but when it comes to being in a relationship, the worst thing you can do is try to keep it from her. I honestly can't think of one legitimate reason why you wouldn't tell her if indeed this is someone you (seemingly) want a relationship with. Not to mention the fact that it could backfire tremendously and cause a whole other set of issues if (and when) she found out, in addition to adding extra stress to your life by trying to keep it from her - stress that won't do you (or your hair) any good at all.

 

Why tell her unless you have to?

 

Every relationship coach is gonna say the same thing, 'Don't give a f&%k what other people think of you"

 

By doing a HT you are showing weakness. You are showing neediness. You can still turn that into an advantage if you play it the right way, but you have to really ready for the arrows and curve balls.

 

IMO

 

And I would love to kindly disagree with this statement. This is the mentality and perception that causes us men so many problems. Getting a hair transplant in no means is a direct indication of your weakness or your neediness. I, along with many guys on this forum, have had hair transplants - and I don't consider being weak or needy a characteristic of mine or of many of the other guys who have had transplants. It all depends on how you look at it and the perception you place upon it - and if you yourself choose to view it positively or negatively. For me personally, I view it as a sign of strength.... You have something about your appearance that you don't like, and instead of crying and whining about it and throwing your hands in the air, you seek out a solution and take steps to solve it. You take control and take matters into your own hands to the extent that you can. That's what a man does, not someone weak and needy.

 

So own your decision and open up to her about it. And if for some reason she is the type of person who wants to kick you to the curb because of something so trivial, count your blessings and move on. :cool:

[delancey]

If you're set on Turkey, the only surgeon I would go to is Dr. Erdogan. Best of luck.

[scar5]

I don't consider being weak or needy.... guys who have had transplants.

 

It all depends on how you look at it...

 

if.... she is the type of person who wants to kick you to the curb because of something so trivial, count your blessings and move on. :cool:

 

This respectfully is BS.

 

It doesn't matter what WE think...! We know getting an HT takes balls, but that counts for nothing, worse, it reeks of desperation.

 

 

And if she runs, itd not her fault. She isnt bad. Men are programmed and women are programmed. We can't do anything about it.

[KO]

I'm not an expert, but I think if you can pull it off confidently without sounding insecure, you can casually tell her.

[scar5]

I'm not an expert.

 

 

Luckily, I am an expert.lol

 

Seriously, understandable and natural to share this stuff with your significant other but remember,

Vanity for men is uncool.

 

Having said that, I think you can use the HT as a bargaining chip. It's like a confession, a sacrifice.

 

But it is a gamble. You are burning a valuable card but just once or twice, maybe OK, even bonding.

 

But when you have to book HT operation number 3 and 4, because Dr. Ear-to-ear Scar leaves you with no option, it is time to remember the mutual friend of you and your wife's. The guy who 'bravely' shaved it all off because he 'Didn't give a ....',

 

See what I mean?

Edited March 29, 2015 by scar5
Too wise ass - people r human sob sob..

[Shadow of the EMpire State]

It doesn't concern her, and I wouldn't tell her.

 

This notion that men are obligated to confess every microscopic detail of their lives is a symptom of our increasingly feminized society, and contrary to popular belief, it's not something that women want. Sure, they say that they want honesty----until the truth is something they don't like. Then they ditch you, and you're left asking, "What happened to honesty?"

 

At *best*, getting a hair transplant makes women think you're insecure and by extension, weak. At worst, it makes them think you're going to look like a freak. Either way, it's a bad deal.

[JoeTillman]

This notion that men are obligated to confess every microscopic detail of their lives is a symptom of our increasingly feminized society, and contrary to popular belief, it's not something that women want. Sure, they say that they want honesty----until the truth is something they don't like. Then they ditch you, and you're left asking, "What happened to honesty?"

 

My respect for you, sir, has just climbed another unexpected notch.

 

At *best*, getting a hair transplant makes women think you're insecure and by extension, weak. At worst, it makes them think you're going to look like a freak. Either way, it's a bad deal.

 

Oh the contrary, when I told my wife (before we got married) she said it was awesome that I did something because there is nothing wrong with fixing a problem if you can (within reason) and she told me I look far better with hair so she's glad I did it and she said it makes me look stronger and healthier but that was comparing me to the before pictures after my bad hair transplants.

[Shadow of the EMpire State]

My respect for you, sir, has just climbed another unexpected notch.

 

Haha.

 

There's actually a scene in Tootsie, where Dustin Hoffman, disguised as a woman, is having a conversation with a woman who has no idea that he's a man. Anyway, the woman says, "I just want men to be honest. I would love to have a man come up to me and say, 'You know, I find you very interesting, and I'd really like to make love with you. ' "

 

So he files that away. Then, later in the movie, when he's dressed as a man, he approaches the same woman at a party. And of course, she has no idea who he is. And he says, "You know, I find you very interesting, and I'd really like to make love with you." And she responds by throwing her drink in his face.

 

Haha. Too good.

Edited March 30, 2015 by Shadow of the EMpire State

[fortune11]

Haha.

 

There's actually a scene in Tootsie, where Dustin Hoffman, disguised as as woman, is having a conversation with a woman who has no idea that he's a man. Anyway, the woman says, "I just want men to be honest. I would love to have a man come up to me and say, 'You know, I find you very interesting, and I'd really like to make love with you. ' "

 

So he files that away. Then, later in the movie, when he's dressed as a man, he approaches the same woman at a party. And of course, she has no idea who he is. And he says, "You know, I find you very interesting, and I'd really like to make love with you." And she responds by throwing her drink in his face.

 

Haha. Too good.

 

I have to get a hold of this movie now just for this scene !

 

Anyways agree w what you guys have said . Your HT is no one else 's business . Here I will make one distinction though -- being in a marriage , you have already made the commitment and being a little more transparent will not necessarily hurt. At the GF / BF stage , no matter how serious you are , there is still some showmanship going on to impress the other person and being proactive about an HT is not going to earn you any positive points , in my opinion .

[matt1164]

I told my gf and she has been supportive. don't overthink this but I would just tell her if you have been with her a while and think you are going to stay with her. if you don't tell her and then have a bad result you will be answering a lot of questions about why you didn't trust her enough to tell her. you know how girls are.

[Al - Moderator]

I think some of it depends on how long you have been dating her. If she's only been your girlfriend for a few months or less, then I wouldn't tell her because she probably doesn't really know or understand how you feel about it and at that early in a relationship it's probably not really much of her business yet. If you've been dating for more than maybe six months or so, then I think you really should tell her because she has put in enough time in the relationship that you should let her know what's going on in your life.

[MAGNUMpi]

I have yet to meet one woman who thinks kindly of a guy getting a HT. They all seem to think its a major insecurity and a bad way to deal with it. They would rather be around a guy who is losing his hair naturally (or so they say).

It really comes down to how much you trust her and if you think it's "serious". If not, remember the minute you break up she WILL tell her girlfriends (if not earlier). I mean WILLLLL.

I guess it depends mostly on if you are totally 100% ok with having people know about your HT.

Good luck. And let us know what you choose to do.

[FUE2014]

Couldn't agree more with Shadow and Magnum, if you can get away with it, don't tell her. It reaks of insecurity, and girls that age (I'm assuming she is a similar age to yourself) are much less forgiving than women in their 30's and beyond. As Shadow said, don't be an over sharer, and don't expose your weaknesses if you don't have to.

[TommyLucchese]

It'll be tough hiding it from her, but if you can, it might be the way forward.

 

I'm so glad I told my friends because it meant I could still socialise and not live under a hat for months - but girls are different.

[johndelta22]

First off I do believe most people are less secure about having the transplant after it is over. This is especially true if you are happy with the result, so your feelings now may change either way down the road.

 

If your intention is to keep the transplant a secret from everyone (which may or may not be realistic), then you may not want to tell her. If the relationship ends badly at some point she may not keep it to herself. We all think the best of someone until a relationship ends badly.

 

On the other hand if this is a longterm relationship you are in and if you believe it will last well into the future, maybe even marriage, then I would think this is the one person you could tell.

 

I only told my wife, brother and my best friend about the transplant. I am about 8 months in now. Just the other day my wife's good friend said "I need to ask you something. Did John do something to his hair? He really looks great. Not that he hasn't always (a quick sidestep on her part), but I noticed at dinner the other night he look different." My wife said she was so caught off guard she did not know what to say, she did not want to say anything I would not want her too, so she said "I think his doctor put him on some kind of pill or something". My wife's friend said again "well he looks great".

 

My wife came home and said OMG I need to tell you a story and preceded to tell me what happened. I yelled "finally someone noticed" and started to laugh. She looked at me like I was crazy. In your own mind even though you do not want people to know you had a transplant, you say to yourself is there such a little difference that nobody is noticing. You know the change is gradual, but there is still a change.

 

I was glad my wife responded the way she did to her friend (her friend has a big mouth). Although, at this point it would not bother me if people knew the same way it would have before it grew in, but it is still really nobody's business but yours unless you want it to be.