Why did you decide to save your hair? & other thoughts

[natalie6]

So I see there's a recent post entitled "My BF is going bald" so I suppose this thread is kind of like that, but I wanted to discuss other things and get other insight specific to my situation.

 

My boyfriend is 27 and extremely thinning, he doesnt have a "bald spot" per say, but its very thin near the vertex and he always says something like 'but thats my part, its what its supposed to look like" however, my hair definitely doesnt look like that and i've seen other guys' hair that doesnt. He also has a pretty large receding hairline, but hides it with longer hair. I worry if he ever cuts it short how he'll look, bc its pretty far back and makes his forehead area huge...

 

We went to a hairdresser recently and they said his hair looks extremely damaged, rather than just thinning. His hair is kind of long because he just stopped cutting it. The top of it has lots of short fly-aways/frizz that are shorter than his hair and I dont know if its damage from not using conditioner, or towel drying too hard, or just being unhealthy.

 

 

He's also supremely skinny-- I've wondered if his issues might be thyroid problems. Does anyone have any thoughts about someone thats extremely skinny and has damaged thinning hair? I worry he's missing some specific vitamin or nutrient.

 

 

Anyway, what made you decide to help yourself? What made you google a forum, register and post? Right now I feel terrible bc he basically says he's only trying to save his hair for me, and wants me to be happy and show he cares so he's doing things I tell him I read online might help. Is this a bad reason? If he hasnt taken the initiative to notice and care about his hair himself should I just let it go?

 

 

He hasnt been to a doctor in years, if I got him to go, what should we ask about? I've read about propecia but I worry about the side effects and that he wouldnt be taking it if it wasnt for me. He claimed he had no idea he was losing his hair until I pointed it out, so I worry that he's not invested enough in this. Like I feel like the terrible girlfriend judging him about his hair. When he started rogaine he even joked that it warns about heart problems and if he gets heart issues from it will be my fault.

 

As men interested in your hair, what do you think about me trying to help him? Am I overstepping? Should this be completely his thing? I've spent hours reading this forum and googling other hair loss information. He does what I reccommend, (better shampoo, rogaine) but if something goes wrong, I worry it would be all of my fault.

 

Now after seeing all of these before and after photos I cant stop thinking about how great he would look with a hair transplant. His receding front is so bad, so far back, I would seriously pay for a hair transplant for a lower hairline because of how good I think it would make him look. But hes mentioned he doesnt want to do "anything crazy."

 

But he's 27, and the longer we wait, I worry it will just get really bad and we will regret not doing anything sooner.

 

Thoughts? He started rogaine, should I encourage him to see a doctor? Would we just search for a regular internal doctor or something else? What kind of doctor prescribes propecia? And is that too much of a risk if HE himself would not do it if I wasnt encouraging him to do it?

[Thehairupthere]

I would suggest seeing a doctor recommended by this forum they will be able to tell him what pattern he's at and what he's projected to lose in the future. He should definitely start rogaine foam and use it twice a day and if he sees a doctor you should talk to them about propecia, which gives better results in my opinion. He should definitely do the medication for at least one year and then consider treatment if the doctor deems him a candidate.

[Bill - Seemiller]

natalie,

 

Welcome to our forum community. Your post was of special interest to me because your boyfriend is around the age I was when I first really started researching and exploring real hair loss solutions. Mind you, I had a lot less hair than him at the time, but I had tried a number of so called hair loss remedies that did nothing more than waste my time and drain my wallet. Being tired of losing both money and hair, I started researching "hair restoration" online and found this community. My long posting history and hair restoration journey can be found by clicking on my name and then "Find all Posts by Bill - Managing Publisher".

 

While it's possible that your boyfriend's hair is only damaged, thinning hair in the vertex is most likely an indication of male pattern hair loss. To be sure however, he may want to consult a dermatologist/trichologist for a scalp/hair miniaturization analysis. If it turns out that your boyfriend is losing his hair, if he's interested, there are steps he can take to attempt to maintain it.

 

The two most effective and only FDA approved drugs to treat hair loss are Propecia and Rogaine. While Propecia does come with a rare risk of sexual side effects, Rogaine is relatively side effect free for most people, especially the foam. Read more about Propecia and Rogaine foam at our online hair loss treatment shop.

 

The best thing you can do as a woman is to support your boyfriend and listen to his thoughts and feelings on the matter. Hair loss can be a touchy subject for many men just as weight can be a sensitive issue for women. But if you truly desire to help him, be considerate and compassionate of his feelings and support him no matter what he decides to do. Remember, true beauty radiates from within as does the love two people share for one another.

 

Best wishes,

 

Bill

[aaron1234]

If you're worried that he's not really invested in saving his hair you can dump him and I'm sure that'd change pretty quickly. I'm only half-kidding. But seriously, hair transplantation is not for the faint of heart. If he undergoes a surgery just to please you he might end up resenting you during the doldrums.

[orlhair1]

I think most men who end up looking at forums like this do so because they want to do something about their hairloss but are skeptical about the industry. The hairloss industry in general is full of misleading information and there are a lot of unethical doctors in the business. When you do research you come to understand that there are very ethical and highly skilled surgeons who will give you good advice and can really help you restore your hair. I am so happy that I found this forum and some other sources to help me. I would never have had a HT otherwise. I am thrilled that I did have one now. You can be helpful to your boyfriend, but my advice is not to pressure him or obsess on it. If he wants to do something it needs to be his decision. I do think all guys go through a denial phase with hairloss, so that is normal. If he does want to do something, the best thing to do is consult with a few top HT surgeons.

[natalie6]

I think two of you mentioned Rogaine foam-- we actually got the liquid. Specifically Walmart generic, but I read thats OK since it has the same ingredients.

 

But what about the foam vs liquid recomendations? We decided on liquid because we read, and after thinking about it, assumed foam might get lost on his hair since he doesnt really have bare bald exposed skin and his hair is about shoulder length. So if you think about it theres still a bit of hair for the foam to get caught on and not reach his skin. (even though he is still obviously thinning)

 

I bought him a 3 month supply to see how it goes. Hopefully we wont need to switch to foam and waste it, I just really really really hope he does it twice a day. We dont live together so I cant be sure.

 

 

Re: doctors, should we have him go to a regular general doctor first? Since I worry it might be nutrition/health issues since he's so thin too? Or should we look for a specific doctor? He doesnt have insurance, which is why I dont want to push him too much. If he goes to a doctor for tests I feel like its my place to pay for them since he wouldnt be going if I didnt ask him too. Also we live in the chicago suburbs if anyone happens to be around there and has specific recomendations.

 

I dont want to scare him too much by taking him straight to a hair doctor, hopefully take some baby steps first and find a general doctor that will actually take hair loss/being extremely thin seriously.

 

The hair dresser was shocked at how bad his hair was, and at one point said something like "grow it out here [here= the back of the head/upper neck area]" As in, he thought my boyfriend was trimming it there because it was short- and he was NOT. Its just oddly thin & short even though my BF hadnt cut his hair in years.

SO I mentioned since he's under 30 and his hair is so bad, should he see a doctor and the hair dresser laughed and said no.

 

So, my BF might have that stuck in his head that the head dresser DID acknowledge his hair was bad but thought it was stupid to see a doctor about it....

[aaron1234]

You're in Chicago? Have him consult with Dr. Konior and you both won't regret it.

[ziggy00]

Hair Loss is a really personal issue. It can sometimes be hard to come to terms with. It can also be hard to start treating it, because the process of research and treatment is often time-intensive, expensive, and life-long.

 

I think it's OK to recommend something to your boyfriend and point him in certain directions. Even tell him your honest feelings. But try not to pressure him. The decisions he makes here aren't trivial or just superficial--they could affect his entire life. If he's happy without addressing his hair loss, then its important to consider that maybe he shouldn't.

[natalie6]

That's what I worry about, the affects. If it was just time, research, & money I would take care of all of that because its a big deal to me. But the health problems- I dont want to ask him to try propecia and then have problems with it.

 

I probably sound like a horrible shallow girl, but it at least goes both ways, I care about myself too and just went to a plastic surgeon to remove some moles lol.

There's just specific things that I focus on and a guy's hair is one of them =( I want to save his so bad because its not that bad yet.

 

Sometimes he stays at my home for a few weeks and I live with my parents-- my mom consantly takes me a aside and whispers about how much hair is in the bathroom or guest room and he needs to see a doctor. So she's constantly reminding me of it too, so its not just something I notice.

 

He literally said he had no idea his hair was falling out before I said anything, and once when we mentioned it in front of him his mom she agreed it is. So its just strange he never noticed it when there is SO much evidence all over the floor (and he has long dark hair so you can see it) and it doesnt freak him out. Everytime he showers Im worried he's losing hair he'll never get back lol.

[ziggy00]

Sounds like a pretty weird situation. Obviously his looks (and his health) are important to you, which is not at all a bad thing. See if he'd be willing to take Finasteride(propecia). It's proven very definitely to be safe. If he experiences side effects that persist after a while, you can discontinue the dose and the side-effects should go away.

 

Finally, I do agree that he should head to the doctor. If he hasn't been to the doctor in years, and he doesn't seem healthy, then it's definitely a good idea.

[jessie1]

Natalie,

 

It sounds like you are more bothered about your boyfriend's hairloss than he is. Am I right in thinking that? It seems like you are the driving force behind his treatment plan.

 

Although I feel that your intentions are good, hairloss is a very personal thing and can effect people in many different ways. Some people are not bothered by it but some are, and I mean massively .... low self esteem, depression, confidence issues and much worse.

 

You know your man better than me but I would be careful about your approach to this. The last thing you want to do is give your guy a complex because of your view on hairloss.

 

Jessie

[Bill - Seemiller]

Natalie6,

 

Showing concern to your boyfriend is one thing. But it seems like your affection for him depends upon whether or not he keeps his hair. It's great to care about one's appearance. But unfortunately, some things are out of people's control. Physical beauty is only skin deep, and one day, no matter what we do, we'll be old, wrinkly and physically unattractive to the younger generations. This is the nature of age and physical appearance.

 

I agree with others that you should be honest with your boyfriend about how you feel. If his hair loss is bothering you that much, you should talk to him about it. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for yourself and not for anyone else. If your boyfriend wants to save his hair, he'll most likely take the steps to try and save it.

 

As I said, hair loss is a sensitive issue. Women we find attractive really do have a lot of power over the man's ego. Thus, I think you should really conclude how much you care about and love your boyfriend. If you love him, you can help to educate him on what you've learned here but also support him no matter what he decides. But whether you love him or the relationship is just physical, I suggest not putting him under any unnecessary pressure as he will most likely interpret this as being only interested in his looks. It may also convince him that he'd be ugly if he goes bald which is very damaging to a man's ego.

 

Nonetheless, I wish you and your boyfriend all the best in resolving your (and possibly his) hair loss concerns.

 

Best wishes,

 

Bill

[natalie6]

Hello again everyone!

I of course love my boyfriend, and not for his looks, BUT hair is something I notice and something that affects how attracted I am to someone. We've even talked about it and he's admitted he wouldn't be attracted to me if I gained a lot of weight lol. So the pact is that he will tell me if I ever start reaching that point and I will work on it! So we're just really open and honest about things like that.

 

As of now I would love to ask him to go to a doc and help pay for it, and ask about propecia but I will hold off for a couple months. I still don't understand if we can search for a general practitioner to check his overall health or if those kinds of doctors will scoff at us when we mention a hair loss drug. I was surprised the hair dresser thought it was not doctor-worthy even though he said his hair is falling out bad. So I dont know if he should go to a "hair specialist" or an internal general doctor.

 

But, as I said, I will give him some time and if rogaine isnt working out I will see if he would go to a doctor for HIMSELF and not just bc I suggested it.

 

I'm back on this forum because he's been using the rogaine on the back/top/vertex area of his head AND his receding-front-side areas but he just said today the front skin is peeling where he applies it. I'm not sure if he wants to stop, or how bad this is, or if it will go away... soo I'm about to search the forum and I will see him the next 5 days so I can keep an eye on it.

 

I did reply and give him suggestions (Its up to you how it makes you feel. I'd keep doing it. or you could do it less. Or stop; I dont want to force you to do it)

So it will be his decision if he wants to quit...

[horses12]

i agree try propecia to stabilize the hair loss.you love your bf and see his hair loss,however they say half the solution to a problem is seeing you have a problem, your bf doesn't see it as a problem yet.if he goes down the ht path he could have to have more than one procedure, the saying "one and done" is very seldom the case. so it is a commitment that takes time and patience.right now he is doing this for you, if this goes wrong how will he feel or better yet how will you feel, he could look worse. i heard when you use rogaine you could lose more hair in the beginning before it takes effect.is there anyway you could post some pictures, nothing could take the place of an on site consultation, but this would be the next best thing you will get alot of good advice. first thing is, it has to be his decision, next question is yours what if he says no.

[kathie47]

sounds like you're handling this the right way natalie!

[BadBeat]

Does his hair loss bother you more than it bothers him? I think hair loss is a personal issue. I've known some guys who lose their hair and do it gracefully and confidently. It doesn't bother them much. I've also known guys who have lost their hair and it seems to have practically ruined their life. It ultimately needs to be his decision.

 

It sounds as though the way he wears his hair isn't the greatest. Have you suggested buzzing it? Some guys with thinning hair can look great with a buzz look. I know for me personally my hair looks a lot better shorter.

 

To answer your question about how I ended up on this board....well, unfortunately, I'm one of those guys who has been slightly devastated by hair loss so I decided to do something about it. I've learned so much from this wonderful forum and I'm currently interviewing HT docs to decide who I want to go with. I plan on getting an HT next Spring to restore my hairline.

 

Good luck!

[Cant decide]

I know you and your boyfriend are only in your 20's but I must say, this just comes across as pretty shallow. Don’t get me wrong, everyone on this site is vain to some extent but this is not about you. If he wants to address it, that is his choice. If he is in denial and you know he will eventually regret not doing something, then I agree you may want to gently address it. But when you start with the fact that you like hair and notice hair, it sounds like you are doing this for you. If you are doing this for yourself in any way, that is pretty lame in my opinion and I would broom you fast if I were your boyfriend.

[hairthere]

You need to expose him to the forum too. Let him see some results and what can be realistically achieved. He will either get it and be into it or not.

[hounddog]

I agree..Dr. Konior is the man to see. He will give you the best option..period, even if that means going on finasteride and rogaine for several months. He has performed two small repair procedures on me and me and is a 1st class Dr. in my opinion. I wish I would have contacted him before I was butchered by MHR..Also, if you email him directly, HE will respond to each and every one.. You are more than welcome to PM me with any questions

[natalie6]

I'm back! I understand I may seem shallow, but there's nothing else i can say. All I can compare it to, is if you had a thin GF and she became 300 lbs over a few years, I really doubt most men would be OK with that.

 

Sure, someone will reply and say they wont care, but theres a specific difference between loving someone and ALSO being attracted to them. You need that attraction. You may deny it and try and seem like a wonderful person, but I dont believe you would be physically attracted to all types of women.

 

People have preferences, that they cant help. Why does that make them a horrible person? I will not leave my BF bc of hair loss, but it will make attraction easier with good hair! Just like a physically ideal woman would make you more attracted to her. [not emotional & companionship attraction which is different, but physical)

 

Why do you all want to save your hair? It makes you look healthier, younger, better.

 

I know it may seem terrible to some people that I want my man to look healthy & the best he can look. But shrug, can't think of how else to explain it and I apprectiate the people conversing with and helping me and being understanding =)

 

 

SO I haven't seen him since the beginning of November, and I will see him this weekend. So *almost* two months. I hope to see some difference!

I may see if he'll let me take some photos we can have so we can compare to his hair 6 months from now and I could post them with his permission.

 

I'm also looking for Nizoral shampoo to start.

 

I'm currently working on saving money for braces for myself, but I think maybe mid-year if we dont see much improvement with shampoos and rogaine I may help him pay for a doctor & meds if they both decide thats best.

 

Thanks, I will return to this thread and look up the doctors mentioned =)

1) I feel like the clock is ticking and every month his hair gets worse

but 2) I want to give him time and not bug him about it so I'm trying really really hard to maybe give it 6 months before I bring up a doctor.

 

Thanks all!

[Cant decide]

You sound like a keeper.....

 

Once you grow up, you will realize what some of us are talking about.

[natalie6]

OK, so you are being mean and sarcastic to me because I agree with everyone on this forum that people look better with their hair? Some of you are acting like a double standard, men are allowed to want their hair for confidence & physical appearance. But a woman is not allowed to agree and try to help her man?

[Cant decide]

Certainly, most men look better with hair. Nobody is arguing that fact including me. But there is a big difference between your boyfriend wanting to look better for himself and you looking into his options for your own personal reasons of preference and attraction. Big difference. Using your logic, as we all age, we should research and "Help" our partners improve every aspect of their appearance that we consider "Unattractive" instead of simply accepting them for who they are and supporting them in cases where something bothers them.

 

Wow, just wow.

[aaron1234]

I've never really bought into the bald man = fat woman comparison. Baldness is a genetic predisposition one can do basically nothing (aside from meds and surgery) to stop. Obesity, although may include some genetic factors, is largely a behavioral disorder.

 

Natalie, I would just dump your boyfriend and find someone with a better head of hair. I just want you to be happy. All the best.

[hairthere]

Hope you're not considering marrying this guy...the for better or worse part might stump you.