Eye Drifters

[nm76]

Hi,

Has anyone noticed these people? They really p*ss me off. An eye drifter, is someone who while in conversation with you starts looking at your balding areas.

I've never understood why? Here's the thing, for the longest time, even when I had more hair - I never used to stare at bald people. Or if I was in conversation with them, starting scanning their frontal area or sides. In fact I don't recall even making jokes (an entirely different discussion) about them. What is this fascination that people have? I asked someone once what they were looking at and they just smiled...I wish I had punched him after, it was such a dopey smile.

[Yogi's Dad]

I really noticed this phenomenon when I was in my mid to late twenties (a NW3 back then). Indeed, it used to bug me a bit. It is very distracting when you are trying to hold eye contact with someone who's gaze in transfixed on your hairline.

 

Fast forward 20 years and I've been a NW4 for quite a while. I don't notice it as much anymore. I'm not sure why. It could be that I'm not as sensitive to "hair scrutinization" as I used to be. I dunno.

 

Like you nm76, I'm not a starer at balding spots either. And, I surely do not make hair loss jokes at somone else's expense.

 

Hairloss has given me empathy for similar others in matters such as these.

 

Cheers!

[Bill - Seemiller]

mm76,

 

I feel exactly the same way. It was very discouraging when I could feel or see people looking at my thinning areas let alone a few comments here and there.

 

I guess people look for a number of reasons. I think people have a tendency to compare themselves to other people and eyes are often drawn to imperfections on others as a means to feel better about themselves.

 

Now I have to say - I take notice of hair loss all the time, but obviously, it's for a different reason, since I'm a recovered bald guy and work with people with hair loss all day long.

 

Best wishes,

 

Bill

[custard]

I must confess to being one of those who stare at other peoples hair,although its because as a hair loss sufferer myself, I am facinated to see what fate is in store for them and guess the level of loss.

 

Sad but true

 

Custard

[Yogi's Dad]

Custard-

 

It's funny you mention this because when I used to notice the "eye drifters", they were all suffering hair loss themselves.

 

As I'd noted above, it seems odd to me that I noticed more eye drifters 20 years ago as a NW3. As a NW4a, I've not noticed this as much.

[nm76]

I agree with you all - I too take notice of hair loss. Not because it satisfies be that someone else shares the same pain as I do . But just I guess I'm just curios about the pattern/type of loss etc. That said, I don't do it while I am in conversation with them.

 

This reminds me of another annoyance - something I experienced the other day.

Someone will say "Hey you're going bald", or hey "you're losing your hair".

People stating the obvious.....man i'd love to rock bottom them.....if you can smell what i'm cookin..

[Take a chance]

I agree with nm76 a few years ago at a funeral I saw some family friends I hadn't seen in over 15 yrs. The first thing the guy did was point to my head and say "what happened here". Was quite an awkward moment for me as there really is not much I can come back with. I did feel like just smacking the guy in the jaw then as he is on the ground say " hey what happened to your jaw mother f@#$%^.

 

People dont often realise that their comments can leave lasting scars. Especially if you are already concerned about your hair loss. I can remember with tremendous accuracy every comment made to me about my hair loss from friends, family etc. No need to remind us or state the obvious we know we're losing our hair.

[johnno]

Originally posted by Take a chance:

I agree with nm76 a few years ago at a funeral I saw some family friends I hadn't seen in over 15 yrs. The first thing the guy did was point to my head and say "what happened here". Was quite an awkward moment for me as there really is not much I can come back with. I did feel like just smacking the guy in the jaw then as he is on the ground say " hey what happened to your jaw mother f@#$%^.

 

The jaw smacking comment made me chuckle, funny but very true!

 

Know where you are coming from as people say to me that I used to be good looking when I had hair and call me baldy; Drop the "Jaw", wack!!

 

People don't often realise that their comments can leave lasting scars or are just ignorant to the fact and think they are better!

[Byehair]

This no different then when Elaine from Seinfeld met with the woman who had alarge goiter. She could barely keep from looking at it while talking to the woman.

Things that are not normal draw our eyes away from eye to eye contact.

So rather it be goiters or hairloss, we are screwed

[MrJobi]

Humans like symmetry.

 

if there is something that is not symmetrical such as a big nose, zit, or balding area our eyes are naturally attracted to it ..

 

As far as the comments, those are really uncalled for..

[For_Indai]

test

[Stimpson]

I appall the eye-drifters. However, as an HT patient, it is one of the main ways that I pass time in airports (that and of course female watching). I try to either A) spot transplants or B) just observe balding patterns in general for my own future planning purposes.

 

Please note that I do not do this in conversation.

 

Stimpy

[nm76]

I think some of you are right. the more i notice this happening - the more i realize it is with people who are in some stage of hair loss. In fact, I think people who do not have hair loss, appear to notice it less if at all - or perhaps they are just being nice, or perhaps they are quick to the draw and i never realize they have done so....damn them.

[Eman]

nm76- I typically say to friends and family when I notice the "eye drifters" looking that way, "Whatchu looking at??" But I say it in a funny/sarcastic way as I know exactly what they are looking at.

 

I have got to the point where I make fun of myself or tip my head down for them to take a good look. Usually, they tend not to eye drift again.

[nm76]

Heh, eman, I know that - I've done it myself before - with co workers mostly.

[imissthebarber]

Have to say I agree with the guys who say that they are doing it too. Once or twice I've notice another guy see me looking at his receding hair then I felt bad because I don't like people doing it to me. But like everyone said I am not doing it to insult the guy just because I guess I think about it quite a bit. I disagree with people saying it is just other balding guys that eye drift. I can think of lots of women that have done it and made comments as well.

[Mark S]

I tend to eye drift at guys that are my age or older and have thick looking hair. I'm thinking "Damn that's a good head of hair is it real?"

 

I've been on the receiving end too (glancing at my thinning areas) and it bugs me a little but I realize it's just human nature.

 

All us guys eye drift on women's bodies and it makes some of them uncomfortable but that's not stopping us either.

[HTinthefuture]

I hate that!

it isn't everyone. just some people do it. and I notice it.

my advice, find something 'wrong' with them and focus on it....

[jmt1]

turn the tables - if their eyes drift to your hairline, and you are sensitive, your eyes should drift to their teeth while they are speaking. do it couple of times and see their reaction. just a thought.

 

In the corporate world senior managers will do this to me while i am speaking to them - it is a technique used to 'size you up' - do you get flustered or distracted easily if they are looking elsewhere, or do you simply overlook it unfazed. i have trained myself to ignore it, and on occassion, will look at their tie, teeth, collar, ear, etc. to have the same fun.

[celeb hair vet]

It's funny you mention this because when I used to notice the "eye drifters", they were all suffering hair loss themselves.

 

lol, yep. Its the insecurity that makes people obsessed with other peoples hair.

 

People with full heads of hair dont think about it and dont really care. Unless theyre ass holes and want to ridicule you to make themselves look better.

 

When you're dealing with one of those, a show of force is in order.

[celeb hair vet]

I make an effort myself to look people right in the eye when they're talking to me. An extra effort if there is something about their appearance they could be shy out.

 

Birthmarks, lazy eye, etc. Same deal.

[TheEmperor]

Its natural for bald and balding guys to check out each other's situation.

 

Do you think that women do not look at each other's boobs and butts to see what they've got and compare?

 

No they are constantly looking!

 

 

I think most people look, but have learned that its not polite to be caught staring so learn to make eye contact when the other person is facing them. But make no mistake, EVERYONE looks when they will not be caught, and sometimes even polite people get caught in the act.

 

I wouldn't stress over it, either being the looker or lookee.

 

Of course, if they follow it up with a response or a disapproving gesture/expression, then that is another issue.

[dalew]

I have dealt with the ED's for 20 years. oddly enough, as i read in this thread.. for me it was not when i was losing my hair.. another thread i want to start.. you always get that jacka@@ "hey, did you know u r losing your hair?" thanks, i had not figured that one out yet. glad you could let me know. i want to ring those peoples necks back in the day.

 

but after the plugz.. oh God did the eye drifters start. it always bothered me.. i guess i can't blame them.. with my initial horrible results.. they were probably thinking: "what the hell is this freak of nature?" i would probably do the same. that being said, after a few glances, why keep looking? it aint gonna change. that's when i got pissed. i once pulled the mel gibson line from his disfigured face movie. a lady just kept looking up all during a lunch meeting. I finally got up walked over to her seat, bent over, and said: here, u are so interested, why don't you take a good look?. i pulled my hair up and pushed the hairline back.

 

she ran out. now luckily for me, i was with my practice partners, who all know, and she was your typical company rep.. so no harm done.. she did not get the account.

 

made me feel good. but did not change the fact i had bad plugz a young lady was transfixed on. i guess she got last laugh... but i would bet she won't do it again.

 

over the past 10 years.. i have had a lot corrrected, and it looks better, or perhpas i am just used to it. does not happen as often, or i don't notice it as much.

 

however, i don't want to be a hypocrite. when i see the lady with the big breast implants.. i can't thelp but let my eyes wander. the problem.. they dress it up and want people to see.... me??? i try to cover it up and hope no one notices. ahh,, the irony!!!!!

[Mr. GQ]

dalew awesome post man!

 

i'm glad to hear that your "plugz" situation has improved lately. nice closing statements with the touch of irony.

 

cheers

[Acrobaz]

I commented about this phenomenon to my wife a while back. Her reply was a classic. "Now you know how I've felt for the last 20 years, when men's eyes drift down to my tits!"

 

Joking aside, the experience of being on the receiving end of eye drift offers an interesting insight into what it might be like to be an objectified female. Just a thought.