Unbelievable situation I am in.

[Jdog]

Hi All,

 

Just wanted to tell you my current position that is consuming me. 2.5 months ago I had an FUT procedure for 4500 grafts. I was a system wearer for 7 years. Whilst the system gave me confidence I was sick of the constant maintenance where I had to take it off every 4-5 days, wash scalp and system and tape it back up and put it on. These systems were very natural looking and I'd never been questioned about it. Anyway so in August my wife of 5 years left me and I panicked and immediately thought I do not want have to tell someone else that my hair isn't real. I looked into hair transplants and was told I could continue wearing a system until the hair grows in as long as I clip the system on. It sounded good to me so I went ahead and booked the transplant with a very reputable surgeon. Anyway I had the procedure of 4500 grafts, I am in between Norwood 4 and 5. I got grafts from front to crown. The procedure went well and doc said I should expect good results. Anyway afterwards it came to me how silly it seems clipping a hair piece over my scalp, after all I am very active person and play a lot of sport.he clipping would not work out for me and the piece would need to be taped at the front below my hairline which would look so ridiculous, the hairline of the piece would be so low!

 

Anyway so what has transpired is I have now quit my job because I couldn't possibly turn up to work with no hair after having a full head of hair, am wifeless and have moved in with my parents. I do not go anywhere without a hat and am no wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. Obviously the quicker this hair grows the better off I will be but at nearly 3 months post op I have a long way to go.

 

There are 3 options for me:

1) Somehow come out and be honest with people (my god that seems impossible).

2) Move to a city or town where I know nobody, find a job and ride the wave for 6 months.

3) Continue to live with my parents for 6 months, wearing a hat everywhere I go. I can get away with it financially but I need to be busy and get my mind off these ridiculous issues. So option 3 is not a healthy option.

 

Obviously if the transplant works out as planned this will be the greatest thing I've ever done but seriously I have psychologically destroyed myself by panicking after a marriage separation without thinking it through properly. So I basically have 6 months ahead of me and I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

What a ridiculous predicament to be in, I will certainly learn from this experience but man the next 6 months will be brutal and I'm just praying the procedure is a success.

 

Any thoughts on this ridiculous situation that I'm in? Seriously you wouldn't read about this in a lifetime!!!

 

I've been so unbelievably anxious and depressed for 3 months due to dealing with this issue and the separation. Makes me wonder would this stress and anxiety effect on the success of the procedure?

 

I am getting better about it all but I need to make decisions ASAP.

[densedream]

Wow, sorry about you predicament. I would choose option 3 and just better yourself with a hat on. You can study your as off and exercise like a mad man. You'll come out of it smarter and in great shape. Get a new job and start dating again while being the new you. I hope you surgery is all you hoped it to be. But be prepared for it not to be the amount of hair you anticipate.

 

I, too, put my life on hold and did all kind of wacky stuff in life that set me back while waiting for hair to grow in. In the end, I was just chasing more hair and not progressing my life as a professional or a mate. After 4 procedures, I still don't have the hair I desire but have finally accepted that it is what it is and I can't keep fretting about it.

 

Who was your doctor BTW? You should share you procedure with the board since we are all here to support each other and your results could inspire some one else to fix their insecurities.

 

Good Luck!

[Jdog]

Densedream - thanks for the response. At this stage I'd prefer not to mention the surgeon's details only because I don't want them to look bad because I never told them about the separation prior to surgery. They may have told me I am rushing into something huge but I foolinshly didn't mention anything.

 

The fact of the matter is a hair system should not be worn at all after a transplant in my opinion. But certainly my lifestyle would not allow me to clip a hair system on. I did not give this proper thought, just a stupid mistake that I am now paying for. All I was thinking of was a nice head of hair. Just foolish of me and something that has been controlling my life for 3 months.

 

Most guys after a marriage separation are out drinking and prowling for women to nail. I am at my parents thinking what the hell have i done to myself and literally waiting for hair to grow. As I said you wouldn't read about this. Seriously my friends and family (outside of my parents) must think I have lost the plot!

 

Anyway during my research I have come across someone with my pattern of hairloss and have seen their results in a timeline. I am hoping i can achieve something similiar. here is the link HAIR TRANSPLANT | Hair Transplants | Hair Loss | Hair Surgery

[Harbal]

Why don't you shave it all off? (possibly get (temporary) SMP for the mean time? Otherwise just confess..

[Triple7]

I would probably do either #2 or #3. I agree #1 would be tough but if you have enough guts to do it, it would be the easiest route. You are already 2.5 months in so the growth isn't too far away most likely. I know it sucks having to wear a hat everywhere but it also sucks wearing a system everywhere and worrying about if people know it's not real. Look at the bright side, in a few months, you will have your own hair that is real. In the mean time while you wait for it to grow, I would try and work out a lot and do a lot or cardio to improve yourself physically and take your mind off of things. Working out and running have always helped me in this way. Good luck and remember there are better days ahead!

[voxman]

They say in the world of story telling, whether it be great literature, Movies, Opera, etc.. there are only 7 basic plots.

 

We have heard your basic plot outline 3,562 times on this website.

 

You are in the throes of a tragedy that will turn out to be a victory. You are in the 'ugly duckling' stage - smack dab in the middle of it in fact - and it is the darkest hour for you.

 

I would opt for #1 because I am a man who believes in truth and living my life to the fullest. Moving to a new city or hiding out is running away from a seemingly sane decision you made that you temporarily regret - but it is for the best. Doing the right thing is always difficult. Suck it up bruddah, go out and live.

[Harbal]

Amen Voxman

[JON86]

Agree with Voxman live your life don't let this cripple you. We are all our own worst critics when it comes to hair loss. Going through the ugly duckling phase sucks but it will be ancient history in no time.

[Triple7]

A lot depends on what you want. If you want to move somewhere else and aren't happy in your current situation, do it. If you like where you are at and don't want to leave family/friends then stay. I see nothing wrong with living with your parents for a little while longer and wearing a hat for a while until things start to grow in and you feel more comfortable. Telling everyone that you got a hair transplant is not easy, especially in the early stages when things don't look good. It is really nobody else's business that you had a transplant and you aren't obligated to tell anyone anything until your are comfortable and ready. It would be much easier to break the news of having had a transplant once things start to grow and look better in my opinion. Not many people have that option. Consider yourself lucky to have some down time.

[Dumpling]

You quit your job? Seriously? I know it can be embarrassing, but you need to develop the courage to go back. Are you wearing the piece over your transplanted hair? I hope not, but that's what it sounds like.

[Jdog]

No I canned the hair piece, I have read there are certain ways to attach it to make it work but I cannot possibly make it work for me. Wearing it cannot be good for the procedure I don't care what anyone says.

[Al - Moderator]

Do not wear a hairpiece after having a hair transplant. I can't recall any good results from anyone who wore a hairpiece while waiting for the transplanted hair to grow, however I do remember several poor results from wearing one.

[Transhair]

You could give Dermatch or something similar a try

[Jdog]

Tried Toppik and works quite well. Not sure if it will affect growth at all though it I wear it mist days for the next 4 months?

[AB2000]

Why not just buzz your hair right down for a year, then let it grow out?

[Jdog]

It is at like a 4 guard now, can't go any shorter due to scar at back. Issue is the hair piece was dense and now my hair is shaved and very patchy. As I said toppik makes it look ok.

Just can't help but think that wearing a lot of Toppik everyday cannot be good.

[pkipling]

I'm gonna chime in here and agree with those that are encouraging you to not let this situation and your current circumstances get the best of you. I understand completely how defeated this current chain of events can make you feel, and I don't want to downplay any of that. The ugly duckling phase is without a doubt the hardest part of a hair transplant, and combined with the other stuff life has thrown your way, I know it seems overwhelming.

 

That said, from the outside looking in, it's often easier to have a different perspective - and for that I just urge you to at least consider a different outlook and see if it resonates with you. (If it doesn't, that's okay - there is no right or wrong here). But consider this: Ask yourself what you're afraid of, and entertain the idea of walking towards those things instead of running away. What if this is an opportunity that life is giving you to step into a more grounded, confident version of yourself? Usually when things like this happen (to all of us), we have underlying fears that overwhelm us. We're afraid that people are going to mock us, judge us, and reject us. So in order to not even let that be an option, we head in the opposite direction and run for cover and think that makes us safer. But it doesn't. Life will continue giving you obstacles and lessons until you finally decide to learn what it is you should learn. Sure, you could move off to another city and start over, or you could continue hiding from the world while all of this subsides - or you could take a chance and do the scary thing and be honest with people about your situation - with as little or as much detail as you want. You don't owe anyone more of an explanation than you want to give them, but you do owe it to yourself not to shut yourself off from the world because of your fears.

 

And no matter what happens and how you choose to proceed, the world will keep turning and you'll keep on breathing. So don't put pressure on yourself to make the "right" decision.... Just be honest with yourself about where you are, what's holding you back, what you're afraid of, and how far you're willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone at this point.... And whatever answer you come to will be perfectly fine.

 

I hope that made some sense, and if it all seems like spiritual/psychological mumbo jumbo, just disregard it entirely. Sending you all the best wishes, and happy growing!

[Melvin- Admin]

It is at like a 4 guard now, can't go any shorter due to scar at back. Issue is the hair piece was dense and now my hair is shaved and very patchy. As I said toppik makes it look ok.

Just can't help but think that wearing a lot of Toppik everyday cannot be good.

 

Once the grafts have shed toppik does not affect the growth. Plenty of guys use toppik whilst they wait for their results, you'd only be wearing toppik temporarily and you'd be washing it out every night, it's relatively harmless in the short term.

[Shampoo]

I'm gonna chime in here

 

And I am certainly glad you did, because you offer some incredibly wise words, full of wisdom, and very well put. Great post!

[Jdog]

Hi Guys,

 

So I've taken the first step and stepped out without a hat on in public, used some Toppik and it looks pretty good. Got a job interview over the phone today. Things are looking a little positive. Just hoping the damn grafts grow in the coming months. Whilst I'm not 100% mentally there, I am better than I wasn't. Thank god for concealer. Now all I need is a bit of luck to go my way with both securing work again and the hair to grow.

 

Thank you all for your support, it's been wonderful. Hopefully this is the turning point for me from what has been some dark, dark months.

All I can say is don't go diving into hair transplant if you are not emotionally stable at the time and you don't have a great support network around you. If you have a supportive wife/partner that's a huge bonus, for me my wife left me, I was wearing a hair piece and panicked when she left and booked the procedure after 2 weeks extensive research into physicians. What I didn't think about was the emotional toll it puts on you and the fact that being the victim of a breakup you lose enough confidence in yourself as it is let alone literally taking away the thing that has helped you with self confidence for 7 years. Let's hope everything happens for a reason.

 

Cheers

[pkipling]

All I can say is don't go diving into hair transplant if you are not emotionally stable at the time and you don't have a great support network around you. If you have a supportive wife/partner that's a huge bonus, for me my wife left me, I was wearing a hair piece and panicked when she left and booked the procedure after 2 weeks extensive research into physicians. What I didn't think about was the emotional toll it puts on you and the fact that being the victim of a breakup you lose enough confidence in yourself as it is let alone literally taking away the thing that has helped you with self confidence for 7 years. Let's hope everything happens for a reason.

Cheers

 

That's some really great, candid advice. Many people often don't realize the importance of emotional stability when it comes to having a positive hair transplant experience. Without it, even the most ideal, standard procedure with stellar results can seem like a nightmare to the person going through it. Glad to see things are on the up and up for you and you're getting a new perspective. Keep your head up. It's clear to me that you're very open to making positive changes are willing to step outside of your comfort zone and challenge yourself, so there's no doubt in my mind you'll be feeling like a brand new man in no time. Thanks for the update.