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Support Group - Discuss personal issues due to Hair Loss Interact with hair loss sufferers by sharing your hair loss experience and how it has impacted you. Relate to others on a personal level and offer and receive helpful support

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Old 07-18-2012, 10:22 PM
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Default Focus on what you can control

I read threads such as this

and its kind of heartbreaking...I get how devastating hairloss can be, I was there (and still am).

We seem to equate our success in dating negatively correlates with baldness but honestly some girls just DO NOT care that much. Women are different than men, studies show that women are much more variable in what they find attractive whereas men are more coherent in what they find attractive. (there are evolutionary reasons for this which I won't go into)

I definitely try to focus on the things that you can control which include the following attractive factors:

[ ] under 10% body fat
[ ] bench 125+% / squat 200+% of your weight?
[ ] make a 6 figure salary
[ ] have a wardrobe that women rate as 9 or 10 out of 10, ask them
[ ] do you have high status? are you the "boss" or the "leader" (if not, work/fight for it)
[ ] play a musical instrument and/or sing well
[ ] have a beautiful apt/home and a nice car
[ ] are good at socializing and connecting (how to win friends & influence people)

you CAN control these things and honestly, i'd focus on them. Realizing you are in control of your life makes you confident. Focusing on things you can't control makes you feel helpless, which is really unattractive.

my hair started thinning at about 18, since that time it has ALWAYS bothered me. However it has also been part of the motivation for so many other parts of my life. It STILL bothers me, but it is not a crippling blow.

my main point, go through the checklist and FOCUS on what you can CONTROL.

remember there are beautiful girls out there that just don't care about your hair, but they
DO care about other things like your incredible singing voice, six pack abs, perfectly white smile, six figure salary, or the fact that you are the one that everybody looks up to, listens to, and is the leader in your group.

I'd love to hear what other people think can be done to improve your social/dating life.
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Old 07-18-2012, 11:06 PM
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Great post. You make a lot of very good points and things to think about.
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:56 AM
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My feelings about losing hair have nothing to do with women.
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Old 07-19-2012, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanker View Post
My feelings about losing hair have nothing to do with women.

It sounds like dating/women aren't your main concern when it comes to hair loss...

what would you say is your main concern/worry?
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Old 07-19-2012, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueSteel View Post
It sounds like dating/women aren't your main concern when it comes to hair loss...

what would you say is your main concern/worry?
How I feel about the way I took to myself when I look in the mirror.
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Old 07-19-2012, 01:08 PM
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Blue Steel,

If I can add a line to your write up, it would be:
Hair and Dating goes hand in hand with the age. Hoping the candidate is father of 2, (and is committed in the relationship) his concern would not be for dating, just would be as to how he looks to himself as Spanker indicated.

Cheers

Last edited by Cartesian; 07-19-2012 at 01:10 PM. Reason: added a phrase.
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Old 07-23-2012, 10:31 AM
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for me, its not abt girls or dating at all. once i bathed and off concealers, i find it very depressing to look into the mirror.Its like a Jekyl and Hyde personality and its affecting my mental well being
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:12 PM
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I concur with spanker......how I feel about myself is paramount!

One thing I should have done when I started losing my hair at 20......see a shrink. I wasn't thinking logically at the time and needed to speak with someone to put my feelings in perspective. Losing the majority of one's hair in his early twenties is tough, but making it worse with poor choices in hair transplant doctors is much much worse. At 20 I felt that it was too embarrassing to speak with anyone, so I figured that I would take on the burden of losing my hair and trying to fix it all by myself.

Hopefully someone reading this, a young person losing their hair, will subscribe to my advice and let me know if it helps.
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanker View Post
How I feel about the way I took to myself when I look in the mirror.
Have you thought about talking to a therapist? (with sincerity) You can't control your emotions perfectly but you certainly can modify "distortions" and negativity with therapeutic techniques.
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by almostdone99 View Post
I concur with spanker......how I feel about myself is paramount!

One thing I should have done when I started losing my hair at 20......see a shrink. I wasn't thinking logically at the time and needed to speak with someone to put my feelings in perspective. Losing the majority of one's hair in his early twenties is tough, but making it worse with poor choices in hair transplant doctors is much much worse. At 20 I felt that it was too embarrassing to speak with anyone, so I figured that I would take on the burden of losing my hair and trying to fix it all by myself.

Hopefully someone reading this, a young person losing their hair, will subscribe to my advice and let me know if it helps.
agreed.
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