Senior Member Eman Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 What is the best way to approach a friend who I think has had a hair transplant without making him feel like I am "outing" him or making him think it is noticeable? I think he has a really good result from the HT, as not one of our friends has ever questioned him. He is a buddy of mine and I have always wondered about it (as I am looking at possibly getting one). A bunch of us were swimming the other day and I noticed the infamous smile on the back of his head--small and barely noticeable. Mind you, his hairline looks really good with some diffuse thinning. I could probably figure out a way of asking, but I am curious what you guys think or maybe how someone may have asked one of you. Give me your thoughts or experiences. Thanks eman My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted June 1, 2006 Author Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 What is the best way to approach a friend who I think has had a hair transplant without making him feel like I am "outing" him or making him think it is noticeable? I think he has a really good result from the HT, as not one of our friends has ever questioned him. He is a buddy of mine and I have always wondered about it (as I am looking at possibly getting one). A bunch of us were swimming the other day and I noticed the infamous smile on the back of his head--small and barely noticeable. Mind you, his hairline looks really good with some diffuse thinning. I could probably figure out a way of asking, but I am curious what you guys think or maybe how someone may have asked one of you. Give me your thoughts or experiences. Thanks eman My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member dhuge67 Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 Originally posted by Eman:What is the best way to approach a friend who I think has had a hair transplant without making him feel like I am "outing" him or making him think it is noticeable? I think he has a really good result from the HT, as not one of our friends has ever questioned him. He is a buddy of mine and I have always wondered about it (as I am looking at possibly getting one). A bunch of us were swimming the other day and I noticed the infamous smile on the back of his head--small and barely noticeable. Mind you, his hairline looks really good with some diffuse thinning. I could probably figure out a way of asking, but I am curious what you guys think or maybe how someone may have asked one of you. Give me your thoughts or experiences. Thanks eman I did the opposite thing. I told all of my friends that I had it done and not one of them blamed me or thought of it as a bad thing. I got a lot of support and encouragement from my friends. A few said they didn't even think it was necessary for me to do. It's funny, that even when others don't care, I still do. That's the nature of this very personal operation. 1,614 with Dr. Pistone on 2/3/06 in Marlton, NJ. As long as the moon shall rise As long as the rivers flow As long as the sun shall shine And the grass will grow Let me listen, I will learn to speak The old language Yes, I yearn to bathe in blue skies And fall apart from the world of machines Regain my feet and my pounding heart My Hair Loss Weblog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member kamin Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 I wouldn't ask him. If he wants anyone to know, he will mention it. Asking him could make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe you could start a conversation about how you're thinking about getting an HT and ask his opinion. Maybe he'll open up then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Jotronic Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 Eman, Here's what I did once. I was working in my office (yes, before I worked for H&W) and there was a co-worker that I noticed had had work done. It was quite obvious but I of course didn't want to let on about it because I had gone through the same issue myself (bad work). He would come into my office often just to bs about work, talk about the market, etc. Well, one day I decided to have a hair website ( this one) up on my monitor for him to see whenever he came in. I did, he did and it worked. He started asking about it and that just opened the door. "You know, I've had work done before". Muhahahaha, it worked. This way, you will know for sure whether or not it is something he is comfortable enough to speak about. You could try this the way I did or even simply print out a page from this site and leave it mixed in with some papers. It "accidentally" drops on the floor and you pick it up hurriedly. Then offer up a slightly embarrassed explanation that again not only opens of the opportunity to discuss his work but even puts you in a position of need for a "mentor". Just a couple of ideas that I hope can help. The Truth is in The Results Dr. Victor Hasson and Dr. Jerry Wong are members of the Coalition of Independent Hair Restoration Physicians Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 What if it's not a friend. If you've just met someone or see someone in public. Often I've wanted to ask but I'm worried that maybe they don't want to discuss it. Has anyone ever just asked, and what was the reaction? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member PB Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 Nobody has asked me about my HT even though it was obvious seeing as I wore a cap in the office for 3 months. I haven't told anybody about it but if someone were to ask me about it, I wouldn't be bothered and would gladly discuss it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member JakeVig Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 PB, Why did you have to wear a hat for 3 months?? I am worried because I have my first HT scheduled in a couple of weeks and I only have 3 weeks off work. Do you think it will be detectable by that time? 1344 grafts with Ron Shapiro - June 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bro66 Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 JakeVig, Are you serious? Have you done any research? Unless your hair is long it will be very noticable. This healing/growth period has been a B*tch. And then there's shock loss, esp. around the donar area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member PB Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 It depends on the size of HT you are having. I had 2700 grafts in the front 1/3 and had the front half of my head shaved. So, my HT was very obvious for much longer than 3 weeks. Having fair skin I had problems with redness and suffered a lot of shock loss in the recipient area. I didn't have any shock loss around my donor area but had a very wide area shaved which was impossible to cover with anything other than a hat. I eventually had to shave my head to even things up. My transplanted hair started growing after 2 months 3 weeks and grew so quickly that I had a covering of hair after a week of growth and took my cap off at around 3 months. You can see how I looked here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted June 1, 2006 Author Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 Ok guys, back to the original question... How would you want to be asked if someone was wondering if you had had a HT? What have you been asked? Etc... My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member PB Posted June 1, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 1, 2006 Straight up, eg. "Your hair is looking great, have you had a hair transplant or something?" (this is how I would like to be asked about it...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member hairbank Posted June 2, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 2, 2006 Eman- Everyone feels differently about this so I'm sure responses will continue to vary on this. Personally, I haven't told anyone about my two HT's other than spouse, parents, brother & best-friend.....that's it. I have my own reasons for not wanting the world to know. If someone asked me point blank if I had a HT......I'd tell them. However, to me, it's personal and if I want someone to know I'll tell them. So, IMO, I wouldn't ask someone if you suspect them of having a HT............unless I was willing to tell them I'd had one or was considering it. In that case, I might just talk about HT's with them, mention I'd had one (or was considering it) and see their response. If they said nothing, it means they don't want to talk about it and I wouldn't press the issue. JakeVig- No, you don't have to wear a hat for 3 months. HT cases will vary, but, on average most should have healed up enough in a couple of weeks for redness to have subsided and graft incisions to have healed. If you have frontal work done obviously it's going to be more noticeable, but, the recipient site will have healed so you should be okay. I tackled the shaving of the head for the HT by clipping the rest to match (strategically around the scar, mind you) about a week after the HT (see my Blog). I work in a professional environment, no way I could wear a hat (suit/tie every day) and the only thing anyone knows is that I got a real short haircut. If you have shock loss around the scar (I had a little on HT #1, none on HT #2) I've heard a concealer will help. Hairbank 1st HT 1-18-05 - 1200 FUT's 2nd HT 2-15-06 - 3886 FUT's Dr. Wong 3rd HT 4-24-08 - 2415 FUT's Dr. Wong GRAND TOTAL: 7501 GRAFTS current regimen: 1.25mg finasteride every other day My Hair Loss Weblog Disclaimer: I'm not a Doctor (and have never played one on TV ) and have no medical training. Any information I share here is in an effort to help those who don't like hair loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted June 2, 2006 Author Senior Member Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hairbank, Thank you for the response. I agree with you in terms of not asking him point blank, rather discussing what I am thinking of doing and just letting the conversation take its course. Maybe he will say something. I just really want to ask him as he is a friend of mine and we have talked about proscar and where to get it, losing hair, etc,. But this was before I started researching HTs. Funny thing is last night we were talking about scars and he mentioned he had a bunch on his head. We were in a social environment so I was not able to ask him to elaborate...oh well. Anyone else?? My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member irish homer Posted June 2, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 2, 2006 If you have already talked to him about hair loss etc and he is a good friend then surely he would have mentioned HT if he wanted to talk about his experience. there is very little information, if any that, he can give you that can't be found on this site and you don't run the risk of making a friend uncomfortable. HT2 2570 grafts Dr Feller HT 2350 grafts Dr Epstein Finax 1mg per day nizoral 2% 3/week MSM 3000 mg / day TOTAL GRAFTS 4920 http://hair-restoration-info.com/eve/forums?a=albumtopic&TOPIC_OID=6751014913&f=2566060861 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member zerro Posted June 2, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 2, 2006 Eman... I think kaman has the right idea. "I wouldn't ask him. If he wants anyone to know, he will mention it. Asking him could make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe you could start a conversation about how you're thinking about getting an HT and ask his opinion. Maybe he'll open up then." Only two people outside the surgical team know that I had 2 HT's (my hair stylist and 1 brother, of course, my brother has probably told some people). Anyway, if someone was to approach it like kaman said, I would probably open up to them. I would be excited about sharing the experience. In contrast, if your asking just to know and tell other friends... I suggest you keep quiet. That may end a friendship! Eventually, most people closest are going to know anyway depending on what NW he/or you are. However, people with class won't say a word. Hairbank... I agree if you have work up front (like me) it will be very noticeable post-op and during the initial growth stage. You'll suffer a lot of redness from pimples and/or ingrown hairs (that is were the hat comes in.) If you have hair to camoflauge that, you probably can get away with it going undetected. JakeVig... The first 4-5 months is a really uncomfortable feeling for us on the high end of The NW scale. The new growth looks ridiculous until there's some length to it and begins coming in evenly. My opinion it doesn't really look good until you've been able to cut it a few times (mo 9-10 and beyond.) Of course, that only holds true if you want your hair to be more than an inch long. If you wear it shorter then it will look better sooner, I suppose. If you have hair in the front and not touching that area and are just doing the crown 3 weeks I should say is plenty of time off. Either way, to look better, you will initially look worse. If woman don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy -Steve Smith 'The Red Green Show' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted June 19, 2006 Author Senior Member Share Posted June 19, 2006 Well, an update on asking my buddy... We have discussed the hair loss issue several times. Every time I talk about me considering a hair transplant, all he says is "do your research". I mentioned the doctors I was considering all of who he has heard of. I have talked about costs, number of grafts, recovery time, etc., and he still won't talk about it. So, I have come to the conclusion that I will not ask (even though I would love to hear about his experience) and will let him bring it up if he wants. Thank you everyone for the advice... My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Spursman Posted June 19, 2006 Senior Member Share Posted June 19, 2006 I think he would have told you if he had a HT. maybe he is thinking the same thing as you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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