Strange situation

[Telepinu]

I have been balding for a number of years now. Strange thing is, I have never really gotten any comments about it from almost anyone I am close with. My best friend commented once on how I had lost more hair, but he made it in sort of passing, as if it wasnt anything he put much attention to. Mostly people Im not close to seem to have given looks, others I know have never once so much as made a point of it, not even the occasional stare at my hair.

 

Now it makes me feel weird. Are they afraid to mention anything? Or is the close relationship I share with them make sort of not really pay attention to it? I know people can tell Ive been balding to a large extant now, it really cannot be hidden anymore... but still, it seems I am by far the most conscious person in the world about it...

 

I dunno whether to be happy or somewhat annoyed my friends dont mention it. In fact, most stares I get are from other men who are going through the same thing.

[Sparky]

Other people couldnt care less if your balding, its only you that it really matters to. I learnt that too late.

[Al - Moderator]

It really depends on how old you are and how fast you're losing it. If you're 35 or older and slowly losing hair over many years then nobody is going to say anything because that's accepted as normal.

[mattj]

What is your age and just how much hair have you lost?

 

Your age will make a difference. If you're very young then your peers are more likely to point it out to you (as if you hadn't already noticed), but there comes an age when it's just accepted as normal.

 

I'd be very pleased if I was you. Your friends seem mature or maybe your hair isn't that bad.

[TheEmperor]

Baldness looks natural on some people. Maybe you look good bald.

[Judge Holden]

I really only care about my own balding head. When I notice someone else balding I quickly forget about it and it is not a big deal. Half the guys I work with are bald/balding and I think that they all look fine and should be perfectly happy with their lives. Two guys I work with have shaved heads and have never been seen without hats on. One time the one guys hat was bumped and fell off revealing his bald head, he quickly scrambled to get his hat back on over his bald spot, obviously embarrased. I actually thought this guy looked quite sharp bald and never would have suspected it would have bothered him so much. It kind of shows that much worse than the actual aestetic aspect of losing your hair Is the phychological, but in reality nobody else cares unless they are a loser. They are too worried about their own appearance to pay much attention to yours.

[Davis]

I really only care about my own balding head. When I notice someone else balding I quickly forget about it and it is not a big deal. Half the guys I work with are bald/balding and I think that they all look fine and should be perfectly happy with their lives. Two guys I work with have shaved heads and have never been seen without hats on. One time the one guys hat was bumped and fell off revealing his bald head, he quickly scrambled to get his hat back on over his bald spot, obviously embarrased. I actually thought this guy looked quite sharp bald and never would have suspected it would have bothered him so much. It kind of shows that much worse than the actual aestetic aspect of losing your hair Is the phychological, but in reality nobody else cares unless they are a loser. They are too worried about their own appearance to pay much attention to yours.

 

Like the others have mentioned, age has a lot to do with it...

 

I started losing it early on, roughly 17. That is an age where you begin to find yourself and appearances play a big part in your life.

 

If I started losing it 10 years later around 27 or so. As much as it would still suck, I don't think it would have affected me as intensely.

[EpilepticSceptic]

Well, I guess my opinion will differ from many here. First of all, unless someone has gone through significant MPB and seen themselves look radically different and much older than their former self-image, then they cannot possibly understand how it feels. To say that "nobody else cares about baldness" is completely meaningless and means the same thing as "nobody cares about obesity." So when you or I see a 600 lb. woman walking by DO WE REALLY CARE that she is fat ? No, we don't. But are we ready to ask her for a date ? No, so obviously we DO CARE on some level.

 

Baldness is exactly the same thing; in our society people have been conditioned to consider it as unattractive and a sign of getting old. Hence, if you are a young man going bald 9 times out of 10 it will be a significant disadvantage in attracting women, ESPECIALLY the type of sexy looking women that we are conditioned to be attracted to. So it is a societal trap for most, though they may not be aware of it on this sophisticated of a level.

 

I also disagree that as you get older baldness will bother you less. As a matter of fact, all through my 20s and early 30s it really didn't bother me much because I had no grey hairs in my beard yet and the MPB progressed slowly from a NW2 to a NW4. There are even many pretty good looking NW6/7 bald guys in their 20s who will look ALOT WORSE when they reach 30s and 40s!

 

For me it wasn't until 35 that it really started to bother me. I was NW3.5/4 and when I looked in the mirror it just seemed that I was staring at this stranger who was too much older looking than my feelings inside. Hairloss in itself is completely meaningless; it's the fact that it makes you look OLDER that is the real problem with it.

 

This is also IMO the case with women. If you ask them most will say that hairloss in men is normal and does not bother them, some will even say it is sexy. But they have no idea how it makes you look OLDER.

 

As an experiment to test this I recently posted some pics of myself on a dating website. The first set of pics I ran for 2 months and they were without my bandana and my NW4 front was completely exposed. I actually have very young looking skin for a 41 year old, and my head shape and facial features are quite similar to Bruce Willis. I received on average 2 responses per week, mostly from women age 35-55 with kids looking for a "reliable" man. Then I pulled those photos and posted photos of myself with a red bandana over me head, which makes me look WAY younger and almost like a completely different person! I started getting on average 5 responses per day from women mostly under age 25, some VERY good looking women too! To this day I am getting about 5 per day and rarely is one over 30 or with any kids. Like I said, I have facial features and skin of a guy in his mid 20s and a body in great shape as well. It is ONLY the receeded hairline that makes me look older.

 

I'm sure that if someone were to ask any of these younger women contacting me what they thought about hairloss MOST (if not all) of them would say they could care less about it. And this is true, they really don't care about baldness. They are innocent and are just responding to their first impression of you. If you saw a photo of them and they look all wrinkled and like an older women it would be the same thing.

 

Hair is completely meaningless, but what is not meaningless is how (in some people) a lack of it will make you look much different and much older. I just had my HT a little over one month ago. I had to come to terms with the fact that (on the outside) I am a totally different person with hair in other people's eyes. In my case it really has very little to do with what I think of it personally, as my experiment on the dating site proved to me.

[wb280]

Sceptic, i agree with your stand. I met a fellow HT goer from the same country just a day after my surgery at the same clinic i went to, except that she was a lady. Poor thing, she had thinning at the vertex and had abt 2.1k grafts done to it. She told me the reason she did it was actually the perception of others. She din actually mind the thinning herself. Mind u she is only 33, abt same age as me.

However, for my case, like my family members kept saying, u are married, have a kid and budding career. Y do u let yourself get so affected by something as meaningless as hair? Hence, in my case, its not abt what others see of me. Its all abt me myself and again myself. Pple obviously dun care whether i have hair or not, it does not impact anyone but myself.

 

To sum it up, as long as u feel there is enough reason for u to undergo a HT, that reason, IMO, will be good enough

[EpilepticSceptic]

wb280,

 

I'm in the music/entertainment biz. It matters, trust me! I've been told about it in polite ways too many times by peeps standing between the doors of opportunity to expand my career. They are nice about how they say it.

 

In this biz today a "look" comes way before talent. You could be a really shitty no-talent peformer and you'll get the deal before Mozart simply because you have a "look" and he doesn't. Now you know why 99.9% of all the new music is so talentless and lame -- sad but true.

 

Shaving my head worked quite well for me when it was still considered daring and not popular. I did it for many years, even though I still had a solid NW3. But now 99.9% of balding men shave to hide the monk fringe, not for a style. So shaving today just makes you another faceless clone baldie in the crowd amongst millions. Hence, I went for my HT as I've always been one to buck the trend!

[wb280]

sceptic, hey man, i m not in entertainment but i need not be in that industry to understand! I am in the commodities trading business and i face bankers and traders everyday. Nowadays its no longer just about your work attic or performance anymore... u see those smooth talking gelled hair guys getting promoted faster than a space shuttle would go to Mars. Somehow bald guys lack some confidence no matter what they say on the outside.

 

However, for my case, i do not work for anyone but myself... so its not abt what others perceive but how i perceive myself. Without that thick of crop, my confidence will always take a hit and i am not going to just sit there and whine.

 

After going thru the HT and now enduring the agony of the waiting time, i would like to give a thumbs up to all those ( including myself hehehe ) who have the courage to finally undergo a HT. Its indeed a tough road to travel guys...

[RE001]

I'm 22. To be honest with you, other people could care less about how you look. If I had a head full of hair and saw a balding guy my first thought would be "Sucks for him" and keep on minding my business. It's the harsh reality of it.

 

It's how you conduct yourself that speaks to other people. Confidence is key to all of it. I'm the most self-conscious person you will find but I don't let it bother me because I know one day I will do a HT and will solve my problems with hair loss. Until then, pardon my language, fuck it. My friends have more respect towards me now than they did when I always used to wear a hat.

Edited July 2, 2010 by RE001

[EpilepticSceptic]

I'm 22. To be honest with you, other people could care less about how you look. If I had a head full of hair and saw a balding guy my first thought would be "Sucks for him" and keep on minding my business. It's the harsh reality of it.

 

It's how you conduct yourself that speaks to other people. Confidence is key to all of it. I'm the most self-conscious person you will find but I don't let it bother me because I know one day I will do a HT and will solve my problems with hair loss. Until then, pardon my language, fuck it. My friends have more respect towards me now than they did when I always used to wear a hat.

 

 

I feel the same way when I see a fat chick with rotten teeth. "wow, must suck to be her" and then go about my business.

 

Do you or I want to ask that chick for a date ? Same applies to baldies in the eyes of sexy women. To them you are like the fat chick with rotten teeth.

 

Yes, they don't care about your appearence; and they don't care about you either, so much so that you probably couldn't pay them $100 just to kiss their ass! They'll reserve that privilege for a guy with hair!

[RE001]

I feel the same way when I see a fat chick with rotten teeth. "wow, must suck to be her" and then go about my business.

 

Do you or I want to ask that chick for a date ? Same applies to baldies in the eyes of sexy women. To them you are like the fat chick with rotten teeth.

 

Yes, they don't care about your appearence; and they don't care about you either, so much so that you probably couldn't pay them $100 just to kiss their ass! They'll reserve that privilege for a guy with hair!

 

Some women will totally disregard your looks and judge you by the confidence you have with yourself. It's all about how you present yourself out there, bald(ing) or not. If you feel comfortable with it then other people will see that it doesn't bother you and there is a less chance of them teasing you about it. I sometimes even poke a joke about my balding head and everyone laughs about it. I mean who's going to make fun of someone who makes fun of themselves? It's that confidence that appeals to women sometimes. The other narrow minded ones (women) are probably airheads anyway.

 

Hitting the gym should be the first priority for balding men. To perfect your body as much as possible so it balances out everything else. You do not want to be the fat bald guy, now that's a sure turn off for women unless you're a multi-millionaire. When the time comes for you to get the HT surgery, then you will have it all. lol

 

Just my .02,

Cheers

[Danielkiwi]

i agree with RE001, confidence is the big thing and hitting the gym will def help with that...i think comparing bald men with fat chicks and rotten teeth is a lil over the top...

 

having said that it is this confidence issue that leads us to get a HT....a lot of us are insecure in our skin and will try our best to look good!!!!As people say on this forum bald head does not suit everybody, i would like to say Ht's are not for everybody either,,,,mind you, you could be a great candidate if you have moderate loss and meds work for you...but if you are anywhere close to NW4 and above, and meds dont work for you, HT could be disastrous...and if you ask any chick if they prefer someone bald or some one with half head of hair/combover/bad HT etc, everyone knows what the answer will be

[EpilepticSceptic]

OK guys,

 

Yeah, the rotten teeth comment was a little over the top -- I agree.

 

But there are many fat women (300-400 lbs.) out there who exude confidence from within.

 

Are you 2 guys ready to ask any of them for a date ?

 

I'm sure there are also fat women forums where fat women tell each other that self confidence will help them overcome being fat. And I'm sure some of those fat women think they deserve a boyfriend/husband who looks like Brad Pitt with a full head of hair.

 

Seek and ye shall find.

 

I still contend that balding (in the eyes of most women) is equivalent to being a fat woman in the eyes of men. And I've got many years of experience at the age of 41.

[RE001]

OK guys,

 

Yeah, the rotten teeth comment was a little over the top -- I agree.

 

But there are many fat women (300-400 lbs.) out there who exude confidence from within.

 

Are you 2 guys ready to ask any of them for a date ?

 

I'm sure there are also fat women forums where fat women tell each other that self confidence will help them overcome being fat. And I'm sure some of those fat women think they deserve a boyfriend/husband who looks like Brad Pitt with a full head of hair.

 

Seek and ye shall find.

 

I still contend that balding (in the eyes of most women) is equivalent to being a fat woman in the eyes of men. And I've got many years of experience at the age of 41.

 

The fat women thing is totally different because of one thing: The weight can be burned off by exercise and in most, if not, all cases it is NOT genetic. They just need to go to the gym and workout. Simple as that. You can't exercise for your hair to grow back. Women aren't going to say "Look, he made himself bald." However, you can say that all day about fat women. They did it to themselves.

 

I do agree that some women think that way, yes, but I classify them as very narrow-minded individuals which I have no interest in whatsoever because of that mindset.

 

[wb280]

guys guys, whatever the reason is, i think it boils down to just each individual. If that reason compels u enuff to do it, imo, its gd enuff

 

Maybe all of us HT goers should just pat each other on the back for mustering up that courage to do it. I have been on the fence for a couple yrs but hair loss has haunted me from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep so i know i will have to give it a shot else it will bug me forever.

 

The research,the time spent to understand, not mentioning the hardest part which is the waiting... and anxiousness... i nvr know it was such a difficult path thats y kudos to all of us

[TakingThePlunge]

wb280,

 

 

I have been on the fence for a couple yrs but hair loss has haunted me from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep so i know i will have to give it a shot else it will bug me forever.

 

I can absolutely relate to this statement. I was on the fence for years and constantly waffling. One second I was sure I was doing it and the next there was no way I was going to do it. Meanwhile, I spent most of my 30's preoccupied with my hair. It was painful! Of course, I was also waiting for the magic time in my life when it would fit into my schedule and finances.

 

Ultimately I realized that I just had to do it. It was never going to be the "right" time in terms of money and scheduling and I didn't want to spend my forties worrying about my hair as well.

 

Everyone has to decide for themselves. No one can tell you if it's the right thing for you. That said, I'm glad I did it. It has already helped me to restore my lost confidence. I rarely worry about my hair anymore and I'm looking forward to seeing the benefits of hair transplant #2 over the next few months.

 

All the best,

[EpilepticSceptic]

The fat women thing is totally different because of one thing: The weight can be burned off by exercise and in most, if not, all cases it is NOT genetic. They just need to go to the gym and workout. Simple as that. You can't exercise for your hair to grow back. Women aren't going to say "Look, he made himself bald." However, you can say that all day about fat women. They did it to themselves.

 

I do agree that some women think that way, yes, but I classify them as very narrow-minded individuals which I have no interest in whatsoever because of that mindset.

 

 

 

Dude,

 

I used to think the way you did when I was in my early 20s, and even up until 30. As a matter of fact, as a performer I overcame pretty much any insecurity related to hairloss; I got buff, got some tattoos, shaved my head and really dove into my music career full force. On stage I am the center of attention and the proverbial alpha male, and not too many other dudes (no matter how good looking) could compete with me. And for MANY years I held the attitude that men who worry about hairloss are just insecure dweebs who have very little to offer from the inside.

 

Now, let me say that this indeed served me well for a long time -- and still does. It IS true that people will respond to you based on the confidence that you project from the inside, but to a certian extent. Now I realize that I lived in denial for many, many years of what hairloss denies a person in life (YES, even a confident person with great charisma!!). It is called "discrimination", something that black people who lived in the 50s understand very well.

 

At a certain point I could no longer deny that women I was attracted to were attracted to me on stage, but off stage they wanted guys with hair. They were VERY attracted to me as a performer, and they wanted to hang out with me often in a casual manner. But when it came to attempts at fooling around they wanted to be my "friend". When I would inquire about what was wrong with me, they would tell me that I was too OLD for them to be intimate with. Then when I would show them my ID that proved I was not as old as they thought, they would just look at me astonished but it still made no difference.

 

Now, before you go accusing these women as being the shallow, superficial types, let me come to their defense! I have never been attracted to shallow women, and this is what was MOST painful about these experiences! Time after time I would attract some very beautiful and very deep girl who really turned me on because she was so sweet, smart, sexy, and spiritual; and time after time when it came to attempts at getting intimate the AGE issue would rear its' ugly head once more! Women are very social animals, and they are VERY worried about what others think of them as they stroll through the crowd. This DOES NOT mean that they are shallow, which took me some time to learn. It used to make me bitter until I matured and realized that, to them, balding is a DEEPLY ingrained sign of unattractiveness. Over the years many have admitted they were turned on by me, but they worried about what friends/family would think because I looked so much OLDER! And there was only one reason I looked older -- hairloss, and nothing else!!!

 

Since age 20 I have always looked 10-15 years older (in the eyes of most women) than I really was. Now at 41 it has balanced out, but that still did not make me forget about my hair. I actually have the skin and body of a 30 year old I am told; so if this HT is a success then I will be reversing a scenario that has been the opposite for over 20 years. I will actually be looking YOUNGER than I really am for the first time in my life.

 

When you are 22 you think you are strong enough to handle anything. This is why the military likes men aged 18-30, they are incredibly naive. Once you go through enough rejection that you are able to relate exclusively to "discrimination" associated with your hairloss, then you WILL want to do something about it.

 

Imagine being a black person in the 1950s with a very high IQ, beautiful body, handsome face, etc., but you are denied equal opportunity ONLY because you are black! You see others who have half your intelligence getting all the good things from life, yet you are denied those things because of something you have no control over. How long would it take for you to rebel against that oppression and seek a solution ?

 

IMO today balding/baldness is in some ways similar to being black in the 1950s or being a woman in the 1890s. It's "discrimination" based upon a social stigma that is completely meaningless, but is reinforced on a daily basis by the media and the mass cultural perception.

Edited July 6, 2010 by EpilepticSceptic

[Danielkiwi]

Hi ES

 

I see where you are coming from but their comparisons are way too extreme dude and i sincerely hope your HT comes off well. If not, you might have serious issues to deal with emotionally.....

 

Although i will confess that bald men start with a serious handicap in the dating world, there is no way you can justify that blading affects your professional life unless you are in show business..all you have to do is look around and see people like Steve jobs (Apple CEO), Ben Bernanke (Fed chief), Lloyd Blankfein (Goldman Sachs CEO)...and all have a common trait...guess what they are bald...

 

I will agree with you that we have been dealt the wrong cards in life but i want to make a request to all my balding brethren...dont let this get you down as you can still make it in life unlike the black men in 1950's...hair transplants is a solution but only temporary as we all have to win the battle of our mind...once we do that, we will not need anything else to prove to anybody

[wb280]

dudes, i goto chip in here. Both EC and Daniel are spot on but i tend to agree with EC more. At least for my situation. Like i said before, i am married with kids and no one EXCEPT myself are concerned with my hair loss. But lets be honest, no matter at wat age, we still want to look presentable and hold a certain degree of attraction ( face it dudes, there is not denying ) I am reasonably tall and i work out like a few times a week and yes, i have been told i look younger than my age but thats bcos i use toppik and dermatch extensively. I can guarantee u that if the very same person is to see me without the enchancements, i m sure they will not say that.

 

And that will affect my confidence. Daniel, i concur with u on Bernanke and the likes but my point is most of us will more or less be hit by hair loss in the confidence category. There is no doubt abt it, its only whether that individual admits or not.

[Danielkiwi]

hair loss is not in our hand wb 280 but the mind is and we can only control that....

 

Professionally, i think all os us would be better off by letting it go so that one can concentrate on work and waste time putting concealers and worrying all day how they look..i do the same and know exactly how it sucks..and you have to admit that...i foe one would love to just get up and be ready for work and lets face it, once you get a HT, unless you are one of a few lucky poeople, you be forever be a slave to meds. concealers, wind, ocean etc...you know what i mean...

 

Personally, it is another story..but imagine you have concealers on and get a hot date...next day you wake up with her and take a shower...do you wantto build a relatinship on mistrust in the first place...been there, done that...seriously, i would totally do a ht if somw body were to guarantee i that will not have any sides with propecia and will not loose any hair...but that is not realistic...hence i am hesistant

Edited July 6, 2010 by Danielkiwi

[RE001]

Dude,

 

I used to think the way you did when I was in my early 20s, and even up until 30. As a matter of fact, as a performer I overcame pretty much any insecurity related to hairloss; I got buff, got some tattoos, shaved my head and really dove into my music career full force. On stage I am the center of attention and the proverbial alpha male, and not too many other dudes (no matter how good looking) could compete with me. And for MANY years I held the attitude that men who worry about hairloss are just insecure dweebs who have very little to offer from the inside.

 

Now, let me say that this indeed served me well for a long time -- and still does. It IS true that people will respond to you based on the confidence that you project from the inside, but to a certian extent. Now I realize that I lived in denial for many, many years of what hairloss denies a person in life (YES, even a confident person with great charisma!!). It is called "discrimination", something that black people who lived in the 50s understand very well.

 

At a certain point I could no longer deny that women I was attracted to were attracted to me on stage, but off stage they wanted guys with hair. They were VERY attracted to me as a performer, and they wanted to hang out with me often in a casual manner. But when it came to attempts at fooling around they wanted to be my "friend". When I would inquire about what was wrong with me, they would tell me that I was too OLD for them to be intimate with. Then when I would show them my ID that proved I was not as old as they thought, they would just look at me astonished but it still made no difference.

 

Now, before you go accusing these women as being the shallow, superficial types, let me come to their defense! I have never been attracted to shallow women, and this is what was MOST painful about these experiences! Time after time I would attract some very beautiful and very deep girl who really turned me on because she was so sweet, smart, sexy, and spiritual; and time after time when it came to attempts at getting intimate the AGE issue would rear its' ugly head once more! Women are very social animals, and they are VERY worried about what others think of them as they stroll through the crowd. This DOES NOT mean that they are shallow, which took me some time to learn. It used to make me bitter until I matured and realized that, to them, balding is a DEEPLY ingrained sign of unattractiveness. Over the years many have admitted they were turned on by me, but they worried about what friends/family would think because I looked so much OLDER! And there was only one reason I looked older -- hairloss, and nothing else!!!

 

Since age 20 I have always looked 10-15 years older (in the eyes of most women) than I really was. Now at 41 it has balanced out, but that still did not make me forget about my hair. I actually have the skin and body of a 30 year old I am told; so if this HT is a success then I will be reversing a scenario that has been the opposite for over 20 years. I will actually be looking YOUNGER than I really am for the first time in my life.

 

When you are 22 you think you are strong enough to handle anything. This is why the military likes men aged 18-30, they are incredibly naive. Once you go through enough rejection that you are able to relate exclusively to "discrimination" associated with your hairloss, then you WILL want to do something about it.

 

Imagine being a black person in the 1950s with a very high IQ, beautiful body, handsome face, etc., but you are denied equal opportunity ONLY because you are black! You see others who have half your intelligence getting all the good things from life, yet you are denied those things because of something you have no control over. How long would it take for you to rebel against that oppression and seek a solution ?

 

IMO today balding/baldness is in some ways similar to being black in the 1950s or being a woman in the 1890s. It's "discrimination" based upon a social stigma that is completely meaningless, but is reinforced on a daily basis by the media and the mass cultural perception.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

To tell you the truth, maybe I am in denial at this stage because I have just recently started to become comfortable with the fact that I'm balding. There's no way in hell I can hide it even if my hair grows back hence why I shaved it bald. I hate it. At the same time, I'm not going to let anyone see me sweat if you get what I'm saying. I'm just waiting for the day that I can finally say I'm going to get a HT done. Until then, I will fight off the self-insecurity no matter what comes my way. In other words, I do respectfully agree with you. I do want hair no matter how confident I am without it, we can all relate to that.

[wb280]

Daniel, wow thats a gd pt. Its a tough situation to be in esp if u r embarking on a new relationship. Its rough i can concur, but in my case, my hair became much worse these couple yrs when i am in my 30s and i m married with kids so in a way, phew!

 

I know watcha mean by not letting it affect u but i am somehow sure most of the members here would agree with me its damn hard... on the surface we can appear non chalant but i think most of us here would ve lost some confidence no matter wat

 

for me, its big time