Girlfriend and hair loss

[grinners182]

Hi,

I have been dating an amazing girl for over two months now and things are going great in that regard. I'm increasingly thinking about my hair loss more and more and worried about telling her at some point. I had a transplant in 2005 from which I was happy with the results, over the past few years as the native hair has slowly fallen out I'm not so happy and have chosen a hair cut and concealers to hide my hair loss.

 

I'm contemplating a second transplant and am really anxious about telling her, I will also admit to using concealers which I don't think she knows that I use. I really don't want hair loss to be the factor that potentially ends our relationship. When I'm with her I feel extremely confident and in times when I'm alone I spend quite a bit of time thinking about hair loss and the negative impacts it could cause in the relationship.

 

If anyone has had similar discussions with girlfriends and how you went about it I'd love to hear your story. Please keep comments as positive as possible.

 

Cheers

[Roman94]

Grinners,

 

I can very much relate to your story being a 20 year old battling hair loss. I had a HT from a national chain nearly 2 years ago and it did not do much for me being uneducated on choosing an ethical surgeon. Then I met Dr. Alexander in Phoenix, he normally would not perform a HT on someone my age, my he wanted to correct the national chains sloppy work I had going for me. I'm at the 2 month stage with his procedure so I use caboki for now until I start seeing some nice results.

 

Anyways, I can very much relate to you. Keep in mind that despite how pretty some girls are; they do many things to enhance their beauty. (Make-up, getting their eyebrows done, waxing, extensions, ect..) I am very upfront with girls I start to date. I'll tell them my hair loss story, what I do, my past surgeries, ect. I date attractive women so it is hard to bring up the topic and tell the truth at times but I just keep in mind of all the things they do to enhance their beauty, so what's the harm if I want to use a little bit of caboki, get HT's ect.. Bottom line is a real woman wouldn't stop liking you for something you can't control. If she does, there is someone much better out there for you. Maybe both of you should have a "bum day" where she doesn't wear make up or anything and you don't use hair concealer. Looks do matter to women, any woman that says they don't she's lying. But there has to be some understanding between the two, such as "hey you wear make-up" but hey "you have a little bit of hair loss." no one is perfect.Most women won't mind a little bit of hair loss anyway. Hope this helps

[Rootz]

If you see this as a long term thing, I think you should tell her but only if/when you're certain you will going for the 2nd HT. Otherwise, I wouldn't say anything unless she asks or it just comes up on it's own. I think the concealers are a nonissue that isn't even worth bringing up either way.

 

If you do tell her, don't make it seem like a big deal. Don't build it up and be like, "Babe I've got to tell you something... I don't know how you're going to react blah blah blah" just be nonchalant about it as though you're talking about the weather.

[Roman94]

If you see this as a long term thing, I think you should tell her but only if/when you're certain you will going for the 2nd HT. Otherwise, I wouldn't say anything unless she asks or it just comes up on it's own. I think the concealers are a nonissue that isn't even worth bringing up either way.

 

If you do tell her, don't make it seem like a big deal. Don't build it up and be like, "Babe I've got to tell you something... I don't know how you're going to react blah blah blah" just be nonchalant about it as though you're talking about the weather.

 

Agreed, Rootz. You should bring it up only in a casual conversation. Coming off as obsessive about it really can be a turn off to women. It would be like them talking about how they're not happy without their make-up all the time. Whenever I tell a girl about my issue, I come off as confident knowing I have a lot to offer with or without hair and feeling that I'm still a good looking guy. But if you break the confidence level, then a woman may find you less attractive.

[grinners182]

Thanks guys, your replies are much appreciated. I'll see how I go over the next month or so as I contemplate doing a 2nd HT.

 

Cheers

[fueonly]

be honest and tell the truth

hair loss and tummy you cant hide for long time it will be visible

[Paulygon]

Agreed, Rootz. You should bring it up only in a casual conversation. Coming off as obsessive about it really can be a turn off to women. It would be like them talking about how they're not happy without their make-up all the time. Whenever I tell a girl about my issue, I come off as confident knowing I have a lot to offer with or without hair and feeling that I'm still a good looking guy. But if you break the confidence level, then a woman may find you less attractive.

 

I agree with Rootz and Roman.

Don't build it up, don't make it seem like a big deal at all. When you are telling her, come from a place of confidence that you have your shi* under control.

I'm in a similar situation right now, I've started a new relationship and am considering going long-term with this girl... but I haven't brought up the HT yet.. I'm in no rush to, either. I've brought this issue up in the community and have had helpful advice from the guys. If you search old threads you will see their opinions.

[glocktop]

I think Roman94 and the others nailed it. Be casual and matter of fact about it, and they will buy into it. However, if you are shaky about it, they will become shaky about it.

 

My story - I've used Couvre concealer for 6 years. I've had many casual gfs and two separate long term gfs for 2 years each who stayed over several days a week. I carefully hid my use of concealer until one day gf #2 saw the applicator (a little white sponge thing, covered in brown Couvre residue) in the cabinet. She asked what it was while we were getting ready in the morning. I simply replied:

 

oh, thats my "hair makeup," I use it right before I put on my hair gel, it makes my hair look better.

Then I put it on in front of her, and she responded in surprised manner that she never noticed it before! And that was it. Quite liberating, because after that I could put it on in front of her. (sigh, haven't reached that point with current new gf)

 

Regarding HT - which I've planned to do for years but haven't done yet - I subsequently introduced the topic to gf #2 by making observations about celebrities on TV.

 

Wow, did you see that clip from Season 1 of Daniel Tosh? He didn't have any hair back then! He must have had a procedure... I'll probably do that in a year or two... And then just casually explain it over time.

 

What I don't do is start with the hair topic with new girls. I wait until they're already on the hook. By then, they're sticking with you, and they're a lot more concerned about maintaining their looks and fixing their insecurities, than they are worried about yours. I'm sure you will be fine! She'll accept it.

[AlexParker55]

it happens sometime but don't give up

[WHTC-7706631290]

Make an extra effort to embrace her insecurities and always keep respect your first priority. If this is understood, just maintain your composure as you divulge your secret when you two get too comfortable with each other. Try to trade secrets when she initiates conversation that's relative to personal appearance and topics of similar subject matter. Every girl has a certain time when they feel less attractive; usually about once a month under normal circumstances:) Lastly, remember to keep it simple and show no fear! It's better to get more familiar with her before you pop the hair loss experiences bottle. Best of luck!

[RanDave]

I agree, nobody is perfect and hair loss is not something that should break the relationship of two people who really love each other. If this can cause a breach, then it is not your woman.

[Chewy]

I think the majority of responses above on dealing with your girlfriend are spot on.

On a side note:

Before going for a 2nd HT, consider the alternatives to maintain your hair. Finasteride, minoxidil, etc.

[hadenough2014]

I agree, nobody is perfect and hair loss is not something that should break the relationship of two people who really love each other. If this can cause a breach, then it is not your woman.

 

Agree. A woman who loves you does not love you for your hair. Hair dependency is lust, not love. Hair may be part of an initial attraction, but after time its value to a mate decreases and your other qualities take precedent (ie: will you be a good father? will you be a kind and caring husband?...etc). IMHO - most women really do look at the big picture better than men. Most of us men will immediately turn our head to a pretty girl, but most women are not wired the same way in my experience.

[1966kph]

If a woman cannot accept you warts and all is she the kind of woman you really want? If she has more of a hangup about your hairloss than you do just imagine how strongly she must think about?

I was lucky to find the most caring of wives who's been a excellent mother and I feel truely truely lucky.

I had been in a lot of relationships before I met her but they were never wife and more importantly to me mother to my children material.

Look beyond the looks at the character of her and weigh up what you want and whether she has it.

Have a nice day

[thebossman]

why make it a matter? unless she asks about it, i wouldnt mention it