Seriously, people attitudes have to change!

[swayzedo]

After having a discussion with friends and friends of friends about all things personal we got onto the subject of physical things we'd change about ourselves that would make us so much happier.

 

All manner of subjects were discussed from being taller, breast enlargement, botox, nips tucks in certain areas etc and it was all good fun and quite enlightening about what people think of themselves.

 

It turned sour when it came to my turn and I honestly only had 2 things I'd change about myself. I'd have some pock marks from teenage acne on my face removed and I'd have my hairline restored. This caused an absolute barrage of taunts, verbal prods and rather soon deteriorated into insults and argument.

 

I was accused of being vain as per the normal but what I couldn't get over is that these people really couldn't get the idea out of their head that I wanted my hairline restored so I could get more women. That's it, that was their sole idea of what a man who is losing their hair thinks about.

 

They really couldn't understand the fact that it was ME who didn't like the way I looked and if I did anything about it it would be for ME and no-one else.

 

One of the girls also said one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard, she said "I can understand being upset if a woman goes bald but a man? Grow a pair and just accept it!" This was also the girl who wanted bigger boobs, liposuction (instead of diet and exercise) and get's a fake tan every week. Equality is not alive in this day and age.

 

The taunts and insults don't actually bother me personally but It really sticks in my craw that it's socially acceptable to mock someone for this affliction, or to be more accurate for showing that it bothers you. I would never insult someone for being fat, for having a birth mark or for having some condition that is beyond their control affect their physical appearance.

 

I'd like to hear about anyone else who has been witchhunted for opening up about their hair concerns and if you have any funny quotes from people like my bronzed female friend above then please feel free to post them!

[Bobilero]

I hear ya 100%, Its unbelievable that a LOT of people have this assumption it is Ok to taunt people about their baldness. Mainly from those who are sitting with decent hair i might add.

 

I find its generally from kind of ugly guys with their hair being their only appreciatable asset on their body. It may be an insecurity on their part trying to elevate their position in a group.

 

I remember a guy who was teasing me bout my receding hairline. I then subjected him to a fair amount of teasing bout his large nose which was a state after being broken a few times.

 

The guy ended up almost in tears massively offended and i was perceived the 'bad guy'. ? WTF?. What is the difference.?

 

I find people who would actively do this disgusting . Even when i had all my hair i would never make fun o mention anyone bald. Cause even then i knew how bad it would make someone feel to lose it.

Edited July 19, 2012 by Bobilero

[swayzedo]

Thanks for the reply and the story! That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about!

 

It's a shame that there isn't some rule, even a social one that prevents this sort of abuse, and it is abuse at the end of the day.

 

What's more saddening that even if there was one the amount of men that would stay silent rather than support it for fear of taunting would probably outweigh the ones that would, but then again you never know.

[RCWest]

So it's OK for her to get a boob job, lipo, etc., but all you want is a little hair and you get attacked? This is why guys try to keep their hair transplants quiet from everybody. It seems as if hair restoration is still the only plastic surgery that has a stigma. Everyone else talks freely about all the butt implants, boob jobs, etc.

 

I guess because hair loss has been a natural male problem since the dawn of time, while everything else is just an "improvement" on what you already have.

 

I'm glad you shared this story. It's going to be interesting.

[zenmunk]

It may be an insecurity on their part trying to elevate their position in a group.

 

Nailed it. Everyone is insecure about something(s). Unfortunately, empathy is in short supply. It's about group status. Many people put others down to lift themselves up. The problem is that it doesn't work. The effect is superficial, short-lasting, and often replaced by guilt and regret. They have less self-esteem than before, and if it's done in public they end up looking like douche bags. Their anger eclipses their consciences over and over again. It's a sad and pathetic downward spiral - the lower they sink, the more they try to tear others down. Solution: avoid those toxic people at all costs. Life's too damned short to waste it on them.

 

Regarding why there may be more of a stigma attached to MPB, perhaps it also has something to do with status in greater society. Men have typically held the power positions. So, one can look at it two ways:

 

1. It's a great opportunity for anyone consciously or unconsciously looking to lower a man's status (the "they have it coming" mentality). That doesn't only apply to women. A man can feel threatened by another man's status.

 

2. There's social conditioning at work. Because men have traditionally held the power positions, any exposed vulnerability or deviation from the norm is perceived as weakness. Men have to be tough guys 24/7. As long as they're engaged in war, sports, fart jokes, and the like - then it's all good. God forbid they pamper themselves or focus on their appearance. Then they're considered "gay" (an insult to homosexuals everywhere) or "metrosexual" or some other label meant to disparage. That's why that woman told swayzedo, "I can understand being upset if a woman goes bald, but a man? Grow a pair and just accept it!" That's also why most men keep their hair transplants to themselves, as RCWest points out.

 

It's unfortunate that men have been trained/forced to keep their feelings inside. It's not as severe as it was in the past, but that social conditioning still exists.

[hairshopeing]

Hi guys,I'm totally new to this site and havnt commented on anything on here before but I totally agree with what your saying! I'm booked in for a ht in October and only my wife knows at the moment and id never even mentioned that my hairless affected me to her before I made the decision to do something about it! She was pretty shocked as I come across as a very confident person socially and she couldn't understand why it bothered me! So the best way I could describe it to her was,all woman and I mean all talk about there weight,and most iv met even if not fat are onvinced that they are,but on a night out with there friends they will be reassured that they look lovely etc etc. However they could if they choose to,eat less and exercise more if there that bothered! But for a man who's loosing his hair,when going out already self conscious of this he would be met,certainly in my group of friends with a constant stream off piss taking about going bald,looking old for your age,which will sometimes be come the main topic of conversation,in fact I can't remember the last time I went out with my mates drinking where it wasn't brought up for most of the night! Now if you've got a big nose or crooked teeth,your teeth atent gonna get more crooked and your nose ain't gonna get any bigger,but baldness is different it' gets worse,and when you already hate the fact yourself and constant reminder from different people only makes it worse and begins to ruin your evening! So I said to my wife,imagine everyday no matter what u did u were getting fatter and fatter and you had no way of stopping that and eventually u knew in 10 years time you were going to be huge! But on top of that when ever you saw your friends or people you know they felt it was ok to keep reminding you how fat you were getting and how you u used to be so thin!!!! Then you may just be able to realise what hairless does for your self esteem! Ps my wife isn't fat,just thought I'd say that in case she happened to read this blog,but like most women shed like to lose a bit of weight,but the difference is,she can,as for hair,without ht we can't!

[swayzedo]

Thanks of the reply's guys. Zenmunk you've got it in one. Guys have this macho bullshit force fed to them from birth that nothing, and I mean noting should bother them. It's an outdated point of view that most men and women alike share and it's a load of rubbish.

 

Hairshopeing made a very good point, if someone is overweight then some discipline, a good diet and exercise can sort that in a matter of months. With hair loss it doesn't matter what you eat or how many pushups you do it's not going to grow hair back and is such beyond our control, which pisses me off more than the taunting I have to admit so in this field we HAVE to ask for help and I maybe fear that's part of the problem because I for one like to do things on my own steam if I can, but I can't so I don't mind asking for help, but it seems others do and will make a joke out of a sensitive issue.

 

Keep em' coming folks, it's great hearing folks tales and opinions on the subject!

[Shampoo]

I was at a school reunion once and this girl that is known to be aggressive/pushy/loud came up to me while I was chatting with some people and basically blurted out "so...ummm whats going on under that cap...ya hiding anything?....are you bald now?".

 

Being that she is known as being rude I immediately answered "I guess the same thing that is going on with all that makeup on your face....what are you trying to hide under all that makeup?"

 

She responded "dont be rude"....and I said "oh you can throw punches but nobody can return fire"? She walked off shaking her head.

 

I agree with you guys it seems that joking about balding is A-OK with some people, but fire back about someone else's insecurities and they cry foul!

[zenmunk]

I was at a school reunion once and this girl that is known to be aggressive/pushy/loud came up to me while I was chatting with some people and basically blurted out "so...ummm whats going on under that cap...ya hiding anything?....are you bald now?".

 

Being that she is known as being rude I immediately answered "I guess the same thing that is going on with all that makeup on your face....what are you trying to hide under all that makeup?"

 

She responded "dont be rude"....and I said "oh you can throw punches but nobody can return fire"? She walked off shaking her head.

 

I agree with you guys it seems that joking about balding is A-OK with some people, but fire back about someone else's insecurities and they cry foul!

 

Definitely agree that most people who dish it can't take it, but that girl has mental problems. No other way to describe someone with such social dysfunction. My condolences to any man she's ever had a relationship with. How could it possibly be appropriate to ask someone that question? And, she walks away shaking her head? Talk about adding insult to injury.

[RCWest]

I was at a school reunion once and this girl that is known to be aggressive/pushy/loud came up to me while I was chatting with some people and basically blurted out "so...ummm whats going on under that cap...ya hiding anything?....are you bald now?".

 

Being that she is known as being rude I immediately answered "I guess the same thing that is going on with all that makeup on your face....what are you trying to hide under all that makeup?"

 

She responded "dont be rude"....and I said "oh you can throw punches but nobody can return fire"? She walked off shaking her head.

 

I agree with you guys it seems that joking about balding is A-OK with some people, but fire back about someone else's insecurities and they cry foul!

 

PERFECT RESPONSE! Excellent! That is pretty much how all things are as far as high school, etc. are. This is a textbook example of how I felt after high school. Luckily, nobody found out anything until hair transplantation, or DHT blockers. These days I feel lucky enough that noone has noticed any different, as I am in much better shape than I was 2-1/2 years ago. I consider myself very lucky.

[TakingThePlunge]

The very strange thing about this kind of thinking is that a man restoring his hairline is only trying to get back what he once had. He just wants the image he sees in the mirror to reflect the image he has of himself in his head. Those seeking boob jobs, nose jobs, chin implants, etc. are looking to get something they never had before and essentially become something new. I can't imagine why someone seeking cosmetic improvement of any kind would belittle a guy trying to get his hair back. Unreal!

 

I have no problem with any kind of surgical tweaks if it makes people feel happier and more confident in themselves. After all, someone has to fix all of God's horrible, horrible mistakes. .

 

But seriously, if I had the cash there's a couple of other nips and tucks I'd gladly have done. I see nothing wrong with it unless it becomes a compulsion and people don't know when to stop. Unfortunately, the cosmetic surgery industry has created some very freaky looking people but to each their own.

[aaron1234]

After all, someone has to fix all of God's horrible, horrible mistakes. .

 

Haha! Nice one there Plunge.

 

I definitely follow the logic that us HT patients are simply trying to restore something we lost. Most women never had DD's in the first place.

[nikemata]

Yes this is really needed. These days a lot of people are discriminant and derogating others..

[swayzedo]

TakingThePlunge has nailed it right on the head, it's getting back what we once had before. Society seems to view loss as some sort of strength test for the macho man, be it hair or any other kind. The less you are bothered by it the more of a man you are. Women seems to get away with anything simply because they are women and are allowed to do so by society. (This is just an comparative observation, not a misogynistic remark)

 

I'm sure I've expressed on this forum before that I regard hair loss as a genetic fault that serves no purpose nor gives any evolutionary advantage and hence should never have been there in the first place. So, not only am I trying to get back what I once had, I am trying to put things back the way they should have been in the first place.

[nikemata]

TakingThePlunge has nailed it right on the head, it's getting back what we once had before. Society seems to view loss as some sort of strength test for the macho man, be it hair or any other kind. The less you are bothered by it the more of a man you are. Women seems to get away with anything simply because they are women and are allowed to do so by society. (This is just an comparative observation, not a misogynistic remark)

 

I'm sure I've expressed on this forum before that I regard hair loss as a genetic fault that serves no purpose nor gives any evolutionary advantage and hence should never have been there in the first place. So, not only am I trying to get back what I once had, I am trying to put things back the way they should have been in the first place.

 

Yes exactly...

[michaeljames]

After having a discussion with friends and friends of friends about all things personal we got onto the subject of physical things we'd change about ourselves that would make us so much happier.

 

All manner of subjects were discussed from being taller, breast enlargement, botox, nips tucks in certain areas etc and it was all good fun and quite enlightening about what people think of themselves.

 

It turned sour when it came to my turn and I honestly only had 2 things I'd change about myself. I'd have some pock marks from teenage acne on my face removed and I'd have my hairline restored. This caused an absolute barrage of taunts, verbal prods and rather soon deteriorated into insults and argument.

 

I was accused of being vain as per the normal but what I couldn't get over is that these people really couldn't get the idea out of their head that I wanted my hairline restored so I could get more women. That's it, that was their sole idea of what a man who is losing their hair thinks about.

 

They really couldn't understand the fact that it was ME who didn't like the way I looked and if I did anything about it it would be for ME and no-one else.

 

One of the girls also said one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard, she said "I can understand being upset if a woman goes bald but a man? Grow a pair and just accept it!" This was also the girl who wanted bigger boobs, liposuction (instead of diet and exercise) and get's a fake tan every week. Equality is not alive in this day and age.

 

The taunts and insults don't actually bother me personally but It really sticks in my craw that it's socially acceptable to mock someone for this affliction, or to be more accurate for showing that it bothers you. I would never insult someone for being fat, for having a birth mark or for having some condition that is beyond their control affect their physical appearance.

 

I'd like to hear about anyone else who has been witchhunted for opening up about their hair concerns and if you have any funny quotes from people like my bronzed female friend above then please feel free to post them!

 

 

Hey Mate,

 

One of the most rewarding aspects of our work at Mohebi Medical, US Hair Restoration centers is that the work we do as advocates, administrators and most importantly DR. Mohebi and the medical staff is knowing that we make a difference in people's self esteem and confidence. There is really no excuse for demeaning another person based on any physical attribute. It's really that simple. Being kind is so much easier.

 

All the Best, Michael

[Shampoo]

"a man restoring his hairline is only trying to get back what he once had. Those seeking boob jobs, nose jobs, chin implants, etc. are looking to get something they never had before and essentially become something new"

 

That's a very interesting point...that I had never really considered before.

[aseda1979]

In my experience, and as Shampoo has talked about before, is high school reunions the one that most people have encountered criticism.

 

Its like people dont see you for years, suddenly your hair is different, you look balder or fatter or whatever... there's always someone or a group of people that still has that image of you when you were 17/18 yrs old and of course they comment about how fat/ bald you look now etc...

 

I hate it when you go to these reunions to see people you havent seen for a while only to encounter derogarive comments about yourself

[KO]

I think the reason for the attitude is that hair loss is seen as a natural effect of aging, rather than a condition to be treated among the population. And if someone expresses negative feelings about their hair loss the natural reaction is...."who cares, just shave it off!". I can see how they would think that way.

 

I'm never going to my reunion.

[GBU]

There definitely seems to be a double standard with men having cosmetic surgery - like hair transplants. If more people knew what it was like to lose your hair they would understand and be more in favor of it .

[Shampoo]

I am 15 days post-op and I must admit I am a bit surprised how well it has gone upon my return to work. Pre-op I was pretty apprehensive about facing all the "OMG!...what have you done?" But once I got through surgery I guess I got braver and I decided to not wear a hat as planned and just "let it all hang out" so to speak. It seems like people react better when you "have no secrets" as opposed to "whats going on under that hat" you wear now 24/7 after being off a couple of weeks. (I do wear a hat outside in the hot direct sun as advised by my doctor)

 

Everyone has been quite nice and mostly not interested. A few show interest, ask questions, "how long 'til it heals?"...."if ya dont mind me asking what does something like that cost?"......"is that real hair they transplant?"...."does it hurt?"...."why did you do that I never really noticed you were thinning?"....ect

 

We being members on this message board are pretty well versed on hair transplants, but most of the general public are just oblivious to what it actually involves.

 

And of course there are the few that say things like "I think I'd rather just be bald that pay for that...or go thru that.....blah blah". And I just gently say "hey I understand....it is definitely not for everyone, but it was something I just wanted to do".

 

Another thing that should have been obvious pre-op to me, but really wasn't, was how being in public constantly all day every day with almost entirely people you dont know....you get almost zero second looks....because strangers don't notice anything different because they've never seen you before the transplant. Basically once you get past the people you see often and let them "gawk" or ask a question or two then they are educated about what took place and it is nothing new after that and the subject is pretty much done.

 

Mostly people are so busy with their own lives....they really don't care.

Edited August 29, 2012 by Shampoo

[TakingThePlunge]

Shampoo,

 

Great observations! When I had my work I opted to tell a lot of folks right off the bat. It really does become a non-issue for most.

 

Glad to hear it all worked out to your advantage.

[savehair]

After having a discussion with friends and friends of friends about all things personal we got onto the subject of physical things we'd change about ourselves that would make us so much happier.

 

All manner of subjects were discussed from being taller, breast enlargement, botox, nips tucks in certain areas etc and it was all good fun and quite enlightening about what people think of themselves.

 

It turned sour when it came to my turn and I honestly only had 2 things I'd change about myself. I'd have some pock marks from teenage acne on my face removed and I'd have my hairline restored. This caused an absolute barrage of taunts, verbal prods and rather soon deteriorated into insults and argument.

 

I was accused of being vain as per the normal but what I couldn't get over is that these people really couldn't get the idea out of their head that I wanted my hairline restored so I could get more women. That's it, that was their sole idea of what a man who is losing their hair thinks about.

 

They really couldn't understand the fact that it was ME who didn't like the way I looked and if I did anything about it it would be for ME and no-one else.

 

One of the girls also said one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard, she said "I can understand being upset if a woman goes bald but a man? Grow a pair and just accept it!" This was also the girl who wanted bigger boobs, liposuction (instead of diet and exercise) and get's a fake tan every week. Equality is not alive in this day and age.

 

The taunts and insults don't actually bother me personally but It really sticks in my craw that it's socially acceptable to mock someone for this affliction, or to be more accurate for showing that it bothers you. I would never insult someone for being fat, for having a birth mark or for having some condition that is beyond their control affect their physical appearance.

 

I'd like to hear about anyone else who has been witchhunted for opening up about their hair concerns and if you have any funny quotes from people like my bronzed female friend above then please feel free to post them!

 

 

hairloss is "funny" to those who are not going through it

 

challenge them to having a balding hair cut for a month and see if they can even deal with it

[almostdone99]

I've been teased about my hair loss for years. It is my only obvious weak link in a very robust chain. Yet, what's the use of having a robust chain if it can be easily broken by "one" weak link. Hopefully I can strengthen this link, or at least have it appear so.

[michaeljames]

Hey Mate,

 

You can get new hair and more women, but be careful what you wake up next too if there of your friends ilk. The dazzling curvy brunette you took home; turns into a flat chested, flat bottom, chubby, with cropped hair( not that there is anything wrong with that) it just wasn't the sale, sort of speak...lol Her extensions come out when you pull her hair, her padded bra and panties are thrown on the floor, her green eyes are brown, because her lens are in saline solution...I guess you get the picture, hope you don't live it...forget the double standard mate and go for what makes you have a strong self image and confident. All the Best, Michael.