How supportive was your signifigant other?

[Frdtrtnv8]

Figure I ask how support everyones signifigant other was when you made the choice to get a HT. My g/f has been very unsupportive. She told me I could have spent 5k on something better and thats what they make Bics for. I dont think she understands the embarrassment of loosing your hair. My self-esteem, confidence, and happiness doesnt exist anymore. She continues to tell me i look like crap, right now i am in the ugly duckling phase, 7 weeks post op. It hasnt been easy, but i know the best is yet to come. I plan on growing my hair to my shoulders just to here people say, look at all of that hair!!!!

[Cant decide]

My wife was very supportive. She knew how hard hair loss has been for me. It sounds like it has also been hard on you. I think so many people just don’t get it if they don’t go through it themselves and your GF might be one of those people. I think if she REALLY knew what was in your head and how you felt about yourself because of it, she would be more supportive. I suggest sitting her down and really laying it out a different way to make her understand. Using analogies is always helpful. Like for example, would she be willing to accept walking around with very bad ache on her face if she could spend 5k to get rid of it.

Good luck

[Tonycc]

Can't decide is probably right. She just doesn't get it. Still, she shouldn't be kicking you while your down regardless of whether or not she disagrees with your decision. You should definitely lay it out for her. Good job staying positive!

[Tao]

Ask her to shave part of her head and go around like that for a couple months and then come back and see if she still feels the same way. If she does, ask her to keep her head shaved. After all, all that money for shampoo and hair care products surely could be better spent!

[Al - Moderator]

1. What does she think you could have spent the $5000 on that is better? If it's something for her then you know she only cares about herself and not you.

 

2, Tell her to stop wearing all makeup, hairspray, haircoloring because surely there are better things she could spend that money on.

 

3. As soon as your hair starts looking good get rid of her.

[Frdtrtnv8]

This hasnt been easy, I started losing my hair around 20. My hairline receded, than I thinned on top. At 24 I got my first HT, unfortuneately I suffered permanent shock loss, the transplanted hair grew, but after a year or so I was the same as before. Just got my 2nd HT 7 weeks ago, I cant wait for the results. Having to wear a hat everytime I go out in public, being anxious around people, and stuff like that will come to an end hopefully soon. As far as my g/f, at some point Im just gonna snap. Like everyone has said, I dont think she realizes the emotional trauma losing my hair has caused me.

[TakingThePlunge]

Frdtrtnv8,

 

Some people have a very difficult time empathizing. They can't seem to view a situation from another's perspective without having experienced the exact situation themselves. My ex was like that. I used to bang my head against the wall trying to explain things to her.

 

Anyway, it's not just women. I've got a buddy who is in his mid-forties with only slight receding and very thick hair. I don't think he's in for much more hair loss. One day I was telling him about the emails I get from all over the world from young men and women who only recently discovered that they are balding and how devastating it is to them. He had no idea. He has never had to think about hair loss and never really understood the emotional impact it can have on a person.

 

People for whom hair loss is not an issue take their hair for granted. I don't think we can really blame them for it. I'm legally-blind and have never had a driver's license. Having lived with this all my life, I know for a fact that most people with normal eyesight take their vision for granted and can't even imagine how not driving would impact their lives. People often say stupid things to me like, "you're so lucky you don't have a car payment" or "Be glad you don't have to deal with this traffic." Yeah...

[corvettester]

My girl is very supportive.

 

Her only concern initially was that I was not doing it for myself, but rather to stay handsome for her (or other girls, lol!). When I explained to her that it was for myself and told her how self-conscious about it I had become, she understood and was totally there for me... she thinks it's kind of interesting actually.

 

 

Corvettester

[hairthere]

You can't empathize with hairloss until it happens to you. Get a bald cap and make your GF wear it for a day and see how she feels.

[SkinUpPinUp]

My partner has been awesome with this. Simply put, if she has something deeply personal she wants to resolve, I will give her all the love and support I can, likewise, I hope she does the same for me.

 

Frdtrtnv8

I don't want to have a pop at someone you may very much care about, but I think you should reflect on where you are currently are emotionally and romantically.

 

I work in an office full of women and they love criticizing men (those who are short, bald, wearing clothes they don't like etc), yet they can rest safe in the knowledge that nobody will criticise them for their flaws. Insulting men is fine; insulting women is not. It's this messed up ideology that continues the myth that men are not allowed to have feelings or insecurities as well. As a result, it's okay to pick them apart - because it won't hurt them...right?

 

I suspect that your partner may come from this old school way of thinking. Worse still is the fact the evidence that you have insecurities by the fact that you've spent a lot of money on something that is deeply bothering you..and she is still criticising you for it. Even worse is the fact that you are going through the most difficult shedding stage of HT where you are at your most sensitive and doubtful and she is still criticising you.

 

It may be worth really having a proper talk with your partner and letting her know how much MPB has affected you and how much the HT means to you. If you get nowhere, I fear that she may not be there for other emotionally difficult times in your life as well. It sounds like she wants to you to fit into her understanding of what men should be as opposed to accepting who you actually are. If this is the case, it may be worth reflecting on how much of a future there is with this woman.

 

Best of luck. And apologies if you feel I've stepped beyond the mark.