Pulling the Trigger (and social stigma)

[Artie]

Hi Everyone,

 

I've been losing my hair since I was around 18 but the process has been rather slow. Even now I'm approaching my mid-30's I can still wear my hair in such a way that you can't really tell I'm losing too much hair but I've noticed the process is starting to gather more pace.

 

Therefore, I scheduled an appointment and have been taking Fin for 5 months now in preparation to support a HT.

 

However, I keep seeming to post-pone the procedure! I'm a confident person (probably due to the fact it's not entirely obvious that I'm balding) but I think I'm more concerned about the social stigma that seems to go with hair surgery. Obviously, the goal is to have it without being noticed and I feel fortunate that I might be able to get away with it (particularly since I'm not required to shave my head) but I still keep hesitating.

 

Hearing stories of breast augmentation or facelifts, it doesn't appear (at least to me) to be treated with such social disdain almost, as a HT. Maybe this is just my perception but it appears to me that HT are perhaps the hardest form of cosmetic surgery to accept in modern society. I recently heard a work colleague talking of a guy who got 'plugs' - that word is horrible and will be around forever! I realize that most people won't be educated on the forms of FUE unless they're actively considering a HT but it has such negative connotations.

 

My last long term girlfriend where we were very much in love obviously new of my balding and didn't care at all and would make comments of 'you'd look great shaved etc'. Sadly, we split up and her passing shot was 'good luck with the hair plugs' which totally rocked me. I'm sure that this is playing a part in my hesitation. To make it worse, there has been emails to suggest that we *may* consider a re-do in the future so naturally, this has caused me to consider her comment and again, is holding me up.

 

Sorry for the personal background but I'd be grateful to hear of other member's stories of hesitation etc. But I know if I get it done now (circa 2800 grafts I'm told) then in 12 months I could potentially looking at a new man. Rather strangely, it's not the operation that bothers me, but the lifetime to commitment to drugs such as Finasteride. It's almost like once I've pulled the trigger, I've now made a life-time life-style that I have to honor otherwise, there's no point.

 

Maybe I have more psychological problems to deal with first!

 

Your comments are welcome.

 

Thanks,

 

Art.

[RockZ]

Great post. I have struggled and have been dealing with these issues psychologically too. I would think that most people considering a hair transplant have went through this as well. From what I have seen this is a totally normal reaction from someone who is considering an HT. There are a lot good posts out there about this. I finally pulled the trigger and scheduled a FUE (1200 - 1800 grafts) at SMG this May. I took two weeks off of work and it certainly has the type of culture where colleagues like to 'raz' each other. I was extraordinarily concerned about this and would lying if I said I am not, but the thing is I'm starting to get less concerned as time passes as I'm not going to let these short term issues or potential comments dictate my long term goals and choices in life. I think this only is coming about after scheduling the surgery date as it's now starting to sink in so to speak. I might even tell some of my immediate coworkers beforehand. I'm 28 and have had some recession for over decade and am glad I am finally doing something about it. This forum definitely played a key role in accelerating my decision-making process.

 

Like someone else mentioned elsewhere in this forum, you're just recovering something you lost. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to recover what one once had. Why should we all accept having a shaved head? With the current advances in hair restoration, we have options now and if it makes your quality of life better in the long term I think that's great. Unfortunately the social stigma makes it seem like your overly vain and a loser for going forth with such a supposedly extreme option. And if you can get away with it you don't ever have to end up telling anybody about it.

[baldingbro]

Until I lost more than 50% of my hair not many people even noticed it. I guess similarly if you haven't lost that much hair then I dont think any body would notice that you have got HT done.

Only people losing hair at younger age are more obsessed about hair , watching everybody else hair.

[hairhair9000]

Its a good question and an interesting point.

 

Can i just say 2 things that might help:

 

Firstly, im not sure the social stigma is as bad as you think. Advanced hair - an international ht company- has celebrities all over the world advertising their product with before after pictures. Its common knowledged that a number of celebs have had it, many even admit it. The face of advanced hair in australia - shane warne, jokes about it all the time and just recently started dating liz hurley. So who really cares.

 

Secondly, why do i want to get one:

 

To look at myself. As odd as that may sound, I thoroughly enjoy seeing myself looking, fit, young and healthy. I honesty would like to get one done even if i was the only person in the world. Sure there are other benefits, but as far as im concerned, thats a good enough reason alone to get one. I like to see my eyes bright with energy, my skin glow vitality, my body fit and poised for action and my long hair glisten with health. Healthy hair is a sign of good health, and if you think i take pleasure in others seeing it(my health), you can guarantee i take more pleasure in seeing it.

 

If you're having trouble deciding, may i suggest some sort of deep mediation which may allow your mind to clear up enough to make the right decision. Good luck

[RodG]

Hi,

 

I had my HT procedure in August last year and prior to leaving on my holiday I told quite a few people in my office and friends. I'm about 6 months post operation and I get really positive comments from my work colleagues.

 

Initially, I did get a bit of teasing from some friends but now they are amazed at how natural it looks.

 

I wish you luck.

 

Regards

 

Rod

[RCWest]

In my opinion hair transplants are becoming more accepted. Why? Because these days they truly are natural looking and undetectable. Back in the day when they really used "plugs" and everyone had dolls hair, it was an easy joke to make. Now they replace follicular units with follicular units. After the initial scab shedding and redness heals, no one is the wiser. I can't wait to get a nice session in!!

[Spanker]

If anyone say anything, just say, "Haters gonna hate!" , that is my go to line. And a mid 30's girl might poke a little at you....so what? When you are both in your 40's, the man is usually (not always) socially more atractive, IMO. Women get their socail stigmas from weight and age. An upper 40's guy can swing a mid-30's girl all day long (if he has skill...or money)....but not the other way around. (again.....usually). There are exceptions to this just like there are exceptions that some bald men are very attracttive.

 

I agree that there is a little bit of socail taboo with this surgery, however, I feel that it is mostly due to lack of education.

 

I showed my mother in law some before and afters on here and she was absolutely BLOWN away. When people see your results I feel that they are going to have a different attitude about it.

[Artie]

Great feedback everyone, thank you. And Spanker I definitely agree with your post with respect to age and appropriate responses. The fact is that I'm not even looking to return to a teenager, ruler-straight hairline because it's not appropriate so my hairline will actually be rather conservative and I'm told that it's very sensible.

 

I'm not a particularly vain person (for lack of a better phrase) but I feel that this will be a step-up and be an even greater confidence booster than my natural self-confidence. I have the cash up-front, I'll be taking about 2 weeks off work and I think I feel confident in some respects is because I can hide it. I won't be shaving my head, the scar will be under the hair and the time off from work will allow the redness to ease down so I can wear my hair where it can't be noticed. I have the cash, so really I'm all set!

 

This is forum is a great asset to hair-loss sufferers. The irony is, is that if we hadn't have split, I'd have most likely settled down and accepted my hair loss (but still felt less confident) but I guess now I feel I have an opportunity to start new chapters in every respect.

[Spanker]

We seem to be in a very similar situation but I think I am a year or 2 younger (32). My loss is not noticable to most people and I plan on being able to hide it. I am also saving to pay cash....I have 3K right now and am looking at about 1000 grafts, so I am getting close.

[Tao]

Artie,

 

I was right there with you before my HTs (I've had two now) but I gotta tell ya, in my case, it was one of the best decisions I made (and I don't consider myself a vain person either). I am so much more confident now than pre-HTs. And really, I did it for myself, not for potential women I have met or will meet (although that's been a helluva lot easier since). Its really nice to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and like what you see. That just carries over into the rest of your life. If you have the money and you've done your research and found a good doctor, I don't think you'll regret it, especially 12 months after the procedure! Good luck to you, man.

[RegretDoingIt]

Artie, please note that Tao can state the above because he was smart enough to go to a top-shelf surgeon.

 

I was not as smart as Tao. I went to a sub-par surgeon, got sub-par results and therefore I regret doing it.

 

Please do your research and only go to a surgeon who has a lot of great results posted on these forums. Your choice in surgeons is extremely important.

[Artie]

Thanks Tao and RegretDoingIt, I'm sorry you had a poor experience. The Dr I am choosing is Dr. Ross in La Jolla - I've looked at numerous photos and blogs from this site and I'm impressed with his work. There is one member (whose name slips my mind) who has a similar hair style, texture, and loss pattern that received excellent HT results so that was a big plus for me. He's obviously a member of the Coalition so that's encouraging and I like his attitude. With me being in SoCal is a plus and he also happens to be very competitive with his pricing model.

 

So going back to my original point, I have everything I need in place but it's just taking that first step that is troubling me. What was encouraging however was a friend of mine who is around 20 years older that when we approached the subject of wisdom and life experiences mentioned he wishes he'd have gotten plugs (there we go, negative word) but then suggested it's 'where do we stop'? I'd feel so much easier if I could just have a HT once, take no meds or shampoos and forget about it. It's how I approach this with future partners that troubles me sometimes but clearly, I recognize that my recent experiences with my ex are the cause of this.