Confidence after new hair....?

[trooper]

im curious to know how much the confidence level has gone up since you now have hair? even after my first transplant, i wasent to confident regarding talking to girls, going out without a hat, going to the beach. My life pretty much revolves around the scenario that as soon as i leave my house, if i dont have a hat, i wont go out at all. Its pretty hard to live life like this. Even at work, i wear one. On rare occasions (i mean once in a blue moon) i would have to engage in something that requires you not to wear a hat such as a funeral, wedding, etc... I try to avoid going to bars and so fourth... Like i said, im not a hermit but avoid scenarios where not wearing a hat is not acceptable. I know that its a stupid idealism and not much bothers me in life except for this particular issue. It seems no matter what people say, in my mind, i don't look good. Sorta like telling your girlfriend/wife that shes not fat but she will always think that no matter what you/anyone sais.

So i had surgery done many years ago but i guess the surgery (although was done well) was done at the same time where i was loosing my hair. So in essence, by the time the new hair grew, the old hair fell off completely which made me look like i was at square one which was the reason why i did the transplant a second time. Of course if i didn't do it the first time, i would have completely lost hair.

So at this stage, i have hair but its fairly sparse which is why i did the second one with dr. feller a couple months back to dense it up. My expectations are high within the coming year (or should it not be and just see what happens) so i guess i just have to put up with the hat a little while longer.

Sorry, getting off track here.... So back to my original question. I guess i would say a year after your transplant, how much more confident are you? Or are you still weary and thinking what other people may think about your appearance in a negative manner? Or are you living life like your friends that have a full head of hair going out more often, talking to girls alot more? Pretty much just going back to the lifestyle you had when you were 20?

Im just curious as to what kind of life changes you have experienced now that you have more hair. Thanx in advance.

 

--Im a Norton (or whatever his name is) level 5A

--1 transplant 7 years ago consisting of 2100 grafts

--2 months ago another 2000 or so grafts

[wb280]

I am at a month post op now, and i feel that if my op is a success, its not just the confidence. It brings my old self now. I find myself doing ridiculous things due to hair loss. Like sneaking in n out of my apartment, afraid to be seen by neighbours. Before hair loss, i am an avid swimmer and my gd friends must be wondering what happened to me as i din join them for years already...

 

My pt is, it will give me back my life and a ticket out of my own jail.

[Tao]

I'm a little reluctant to respond to this post though I can't help myself. On the one hand, I want to talk about how yes, indeed, my confidence has sharply increased when I regained my hairline and recovered a more youthful look. On the other hand, I understand that not everyone is a good HT candidate or has had such positive results as I experienced and those folks reading this might become more demoralized. With my newfound hair, I have a much more confident attitude now and that has affected how people relate to me. Is it the hair though that they're responding to? No, it's not. It's me. Would they relate to me the same if I came across the same way without my newfound hair? Yeah, I think they absolutely would. How we carry ourselves is much more important than how we look, in my humble opinion. I see a lot of bald men and men whose looks leave a lot to be desired being very successful with great looking women and who go through life confidently and successfully. Instead of only concentrating on their external looks, they rely on personality and charm. Had I not been able to get my HT, I would have been forced to concentrate my efforts more in that area. Would it have been harder? Hell yes. But well worth it and very effective too, I believe (and a helluva lot less expensive!).

 

Since my HT and regained hair, I have noticed a sharp increase in attention from women, from coffeehouse baristas to co-workers. But I'm convinced it has less to do with my hair and more to do with my attitude. I know they're linked so if you're lucky to have good donor hair and characteristics and can afford a good doc and you are fortunate to get good results, I'm here to tell you that it can really make a very positive impact on your life. If you aren't a HT candidate or had bad luck or a bad experience, I would say that you should really work on your internal self and find ways to build your own internal character (hell, you should do this no matter what) and become the person you want to be. People will respond and your life will change for the better, with or without a perfect coif.

[EpilepticSceptic]

Tao,

 

I can agree with your post to an extent, as we all know that even the best looking man who has 0 confidence and charm will still lose out in the end.

 

But the million dollar question is simply this: WHY does hairloss bother us as individuals ? Certainly, it MUST be because our particular society places a very high value upon it. If you didn't grow up in such a society, do you think that balding would have ever bothered you very much ?

 

So you see, IMO it has very little to do with what we personally feel about balding. Most on these forums advise getting a HT to overcome our personal insecurities about it. But if society didn't consider balding as something lame and unattractive, then would personal insecurities ever even have a chance to develop within us ?

 

I try to look at it from a psychologist's perspective. I really could care less about my hair, and I'm not someone who has ever spent alot of time looking in mirrors. However, one cannot deny that people's perceptions of you change from hairloss.

 

If Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt went bald (NW5/6/7), do you really think that simply having confidence would be enough for them to overcome how society would perceive them ? And if either one of them had gone bald in their early 20s, do you think there would even be a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise in Hollywood today -- or ever ?

Edited July 18, 2010 by EpilepticSceptic

[wb280]

ES, once again, spot on. 100% agree with wat u said, esp the TC and BP part. Lets give them a NW 5 in their 20s and see where they will be now. Anyone still feel they will end up being the A-listers? Well, Angelina Jolie might still snag BP considering she does not mind baldies as partners...( her ex hub )

 

To test if u are what ES described, simply ask yourself this. Imagine you are Tom Hanks in the show ( bloody hell i cannot remember the name ) but he was stuck in an island with near zero chance of returning to civilization... disregard that obviously u goto hunt for food for survival... lets concentrate on the hair part... do u think hair loss will still bother u that much? I wun, thats for sure

[waveskier]

We are all so different. Some of us are certainly more self conscious than others. I have friends who have 5 times the hair loss I have and it doesn't bother them a bit. There is just not one right answer. I'm just doing what I want to do to make myself feel better about my self.

 

For me it is no different than working out to keep my body looking good. I'm only 3 days PO so I have no idea what I will gain from this . But when I do I will share my thoughts. JMO

[Tao]

ES and WB,

 

I do agree with both your posts. Yes indeed our society does place a huge emphasis on looks and therefore on hair. Some can overcome baldness (Sean Connery) and I would argue that if Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise went bald, they would still maintain the status they have, but that would be because of their already established place in the spotlight (women love men in the spotlight, no matter what they look like, IMO). However, would those two have gotten where they are had they started out bald? Highly unlikely. Still, I see a lot of guys who aren't great looking or who are losing lots of hair do fine mainly because they concentrate on other aspects of themselves - confidence, talent, getting in the limelight somehow - women love and are attracted to that stuff. All I'm saying is that the game ain't over just cause you lose your hair. Do you have a harder road? Yeah, most likely but those other things are so much deeper than looks and hair. In a sense, I feel like I pretty much took the easy way out (yet, being honest, I don't regret it).

 

My own experience definitely supports your view. People do treat me differently now and things are easier - I enjoy that no doubt, but it also disturbs me on a different level. And yeah, if I were stuck on a desert island, I wouldn't give a crap about my hair (hell, it would easier to be bald) so that clearly indicates that we're victims of society's expectations and dictates.

[wb280]

Tao there u go

 

And yes, i also agree on your discussion on BP and TC. For myself, i feel, as long as i do not get my hair prob solved, i will somehow feel lousy and its tough for me to muster up much confidence!

 

I am glad things worked for u... i m now post op 1 month... wish me luck!

[jacksonbrowne]

I'm constanly going to the bathroom each day to check my hair. It's also thick enough in the front where I can comb it down to achieve desired hairlines. Man, I always feel better about my looks both from the front and sides when the temple regions are filled in.

 

I also look at pics where light/angle hit it so it looks like i have a flat hairline. It's devestating to me and being in school with 19/20year old guys with awesome hair and hot 19-21 year old girls is super depressing.

 

I'd rather be balding in the crown area than temples since it wouldn't be so noticeable to me.

[trooper]

Thanx for the heads up guys. I'm now 2.5 months post op and am now starting to see hair grow out. It feels great to just realize that shortly, I would have the confidence to go outside withought a hat. I'm not looking to have hair like BP or TC, however, it should be enouph to go out with confidence and not worry bout people judging me in a negative manner. I'm not saying they do but in my mind I feel a negative reaction from people.

Its soo odd and wonderous why we hair loss sufferers make a big deal about hair loss where others could care less about our appearance. I feel it has to do with the media and how were expected to look cause if were not up to there standards then we may as well burrow into the grownd until the sun sets.

Well thanx again for the comments as it sure helps shed perspective on other points of views.

[jacksonbrowne]

When I have a cap on, I feel like Superman, when it's off, I feel like a chump.

[wb280]

i wore a cap for the 1st month after surgery and i nearly flew into a cap-rage

 

from then on, i opted for the comb over look and ditched the cap completely.

[fuewatcher]

I wish I could tell you that I felt confident, but almost 6 months after a FUE HT and without seeing any clear difference in my hair, I am feeling more than a little depressed.

[wb280]

Hey there fuewatcher, sorry to hear that but i recommend that u start a new thread to attract more replies and allow us members to chip in and give constructive comments!!

[Surfarosa]

I think this is a great thread. I'm not at all surprised that you did not feel confident after your first procedure. 2000 graphs if you are losing hair still is not really going to give you a cosmetic bump only make you not as a bad as you would be without it and also set a base line up for future work. Sad but true. I was the same with my second procedure and went straight in for my third as soon as I could.

 

I have a total of about 3000 FUGs. My first procedure was only 500 FUG but it made me so happy as it meant the all important corners were full when styles easily. As my 2nd brought the hairline forward it was very sparse. The 3rd pulled it all together.

 

I hope your 2nd (& its way too early to make that call bro) gets you there.

 

I used to wear my hat all the time - now I wear it only when I am nervous and want to avoid the stress. But I can style my hair quickly and leave the house without feeling those old horrible feeling we have all had (or we wouldn't be here).

 

Keep the faith & start working on the next critical part of your restoration - the internal part.

[Surfarosa]

I also fully believe that some of us have really impacted our thought patterns by thinking about this issue so much. These forums are without question a double edged sword but we are blessed certainly with this one thanks to Bill & Pat.

 

We have gotten so used to reducing our world & our problems down to the hair on our head that it is very difficult to move on. The big missing part of our psychology is "acceptance" - that's what our bald brothers have over us and they are richer for it.

 

Would we had gotten there quicker if we had just resigned to the cards we were dealt = impossible to answer. I personally wanted the time to get to the "well established" man stage before I felt I could deal with the acceptance part. And on a positive note, I am almost there - so it may have worked for me.

 

Another thing is that I feel you obsess just as much post HTs as before. Now you have the "can anyone tell" angle which is quite scary. You wonder how far your hair loss will go still only with the added dimension of work & scars underneath that could be revealed.....

[BenUK]

I'm new to the forum but so happy to be in a place where others are experiencing the same up and downs as me, it can be tough.

 

It's funny, when I started receding in my early 20's I thought "I wish I had the hair I had in my teens", then when I started thining in my early thirties I thought "I wish i had the receded hair of my early 20's" and now I'm balding all over I think how I would have been satisfied with the thining hair I had! I never thought I would get this bald!

 

My situation is slightly different though. My head has a lot of moles on it and I find them really ugly to look at so I want a HT to cover them up as much as anything else. If it wasn't for them I would probably just shave my head and accept my looks or atleast it would be easier to do so. It's hard looking in the mirror and knowing you look older and less attractive then you could be. I would say I think about my hair loss all through the day, don't like having my photo taken without a hat, all the things some of us have faced but I don't let it get me down too much,it cetainly hasn't made me depressed as such, I still do things I wat to do, travel,go out with friends. It's only hair-loss! it doesn't make me a bad person or duisgusting,just a bit uglier : ))

 

I tried Toppic but although it looked good ( back when I had enough hair for it to work ) I don't like the idea of getting a crutch because you can't live without them once you begin using them. I wear my cap a lot and look good with one on but then it's embarasing taking it off, so I tend not to wear it too often. Better people know what I look like from the start as opposed to surprising them later! I think people who wear hats all the time draw more attention to the hair loss because people know why you are wearing it constantly and then snigger. Better to be open,even make a joke of it. I recently got divorced so dating is hard but I've had sucsess,but not as much as I'd like. I agree with what others have said though about women and confidence, doesnt matter if you are bald or not really. I would say if it wasn't for my sexual deires my hair loss would mean nothing to me, i mean if I was in a male only world, prison etc I don't think I could care less, although ofcourse I hope I never test this theory!

 

Anyway I have decided to have a HT ( probably with Dr.Path ) sometime next year. I'm lucky though in the fact that I'm not expecting miracles i.e a big full head of luxurient hair, but will be happy with enough to hide my moles better ( which are mainly at the front ) and a better frame for my face. Not too bothered about the crown, I could convert to Judaism and where a skull cap! ( I actually investigated which religions wear hats so that I could have an excuse to wear one but thought that a Sikh's turban on a white man would look too funny : ))

 

Anyway great to find this forum, look forwards to getting to kno some of you better.

 

Ben

[wb280]

hi Ben! U are a joker dude but thats the way to go! MPB is our common enemy and too bad so far there are no cures so the best we can do it laugh abt it and do something abt it, like getting on finasteride, minox or HT. In fact, i dun recommend wearing hats. Like u said, it brings more attention!

 

I had a HT with Dr Pat 3 months ago and i must say the experience was top notch. Results wise i cannot say much as i am only at 3 months post op

[BenUK]

Hi wb280

 

I checked out your pictures before whilst researching Dr. P, looking good man,looking good! I never tried the drugs route,finasteride etc. I was always sceptical and didn't bother taking them however after reading this forum I think maybe I should have.

Anyway looking forward to seeing your photo updates.

 

Ben

[Tom60]

He is right. Confidence and a good attitude are half the battle. Pay attention to your own body language as well!!!

[Danielkiwi]

Nice post BenUK....what really cracked me up was the Sikh part..I am from that part of the world but not a sikh....as kids we would make fun of my sikh friends coz of the turban and how they did not have much luck in dating with all that head and facial hair..and now, i secretely wish that i was born as a Sikh..hell, i was almost contemplating converting to sikhism as i speak their language as well....and guess what, i have seen some white sikhs here in the US..they look a little odd but who cares, atleast they dont have to worry about concealers, rogaine, propecia etc..i even asked my mom about converting but she just laughed about it and thinks it is no big deal with loosing hair!!!btw, the females in that religion are really gorgeous...and they pretty much mary in the same religion...