Psychologist: Am I Seeing Things?

[Sparse]

Hi All,

 

I'd be grateful if you could offer a little perspective on my recent experience. Right now I'm 14 weeks post-HT: even with some nice early growth from a mega-session, my new hairline - while already pretty decent - has no real density yet (it's pretty see-through from most angles, depending on the lighting).

 

Still, over the past 2-3 weeks since my new hairline has started to really come in, I've noticed that when I interact with strangers - cashiers, waitresses, students on the large campus where I teach, etc. - they seem much more likely than I recall in recent years to smile and make friendly eye contact. The effect also seems larger for women than for men - not in a flirtatious way, really, more in a warm, friendly, you-seem-like-a-nice-guy sort of way.

 

Has anyone else noticed this sort of change in the way others interact with you? Does having hair (as opposed to a starkly receding hairline) really make that much of a difference in the way strangers appraise us?

 

Because I'm a clinical psychologist and a researcher, I'm highly skeptical of my own ability to be objective on this one, and I can think of any number of alternative explanations (e.g., "Sparse, maybe you're just more confident now, so you're inadvertently smiling more and thereby inviting reciprocation"), but I'm pretty sure I'm not behaving any differently.

 

Anyway, I'm eager to hear your own experiences with this one.

[hairwaiting]

Judging by your photos you do look more approachable, younger, and attractive than your prior self. I doubt it's all in your head. Before you may had been a wallflower to strangers, where as now you appear on people's radar, attractive people tend to grab people's attention much more so than less attractive people, and there is no doubt that a receding hairline severely ages a person and makes them less attractive to the common person.

[azn_guy]

Based on my experience, people get "attracted" to confidence. So if you having more hair is resulting in more confidence, then I suspect this to be the case.

 

I know completely bald guys that get all sorts of attention, not because of their hair, but other factors...

 

Obviously as hair loss occurs, we all lose a bit of our confidence, we just need to learn to either work around it or overcome it

 

[Going4Broke]

In short, No I don't think you're imagining this at all.........

 

I started noticing the very same reactions as my hairline started to strengthen and form around 4 - 5 months. Subtle, slightly longer eye contact, smiles, more conversational etc... so far from women only thankfully......

 

Just recently passed the one year mark and it just kept/keeps getting better and better. I've never lacked confidence, so I personally have striked that out as a factor for the perceived change in reactions (IMHO)......

 

During the course of this year, Ive pretty much gone from appearing 10-years older than my actual age (42) to 10-years younger.......

 

Might even have a second pass done in about a year or two for a nice tweak.......

[hairwaiting]

I was going to mention confidence, as personality really talks louder than looks when you're in a room with someone. But if you're more melancholy, and especially when it's just a brief encounter, people tend to judge you based of your looks.

[hrvoje14]

i agree with the others - being more confident and more relaxed goes a long way... self-conscious people (whether due to hair loss or other things) make people feel uncomfortable...

 

also, don't forget, on campus, you're surrounded by young people, and looking 10 years younger than you are makes it easier for them to relate to you...

[Sparse]

Thanks, everyone, for the thoughtful comments.

 

Of course, I had already considered the "increased confidence" angle, and I really don't think that's what's going on. The thing is: I'm a pretty confident guy, which probably explains why - despite being no better than average looking - I've always been improbably successful on the romance front (also, bizarrely enough, I'm the only male prof in a department of 40 faculty with a "hot" rating from the students on ratemyprofessors.com).

 

But over the past 10 years, as my hairline receded ever more severely, I noticed that complete strangers - who had no basis for judging me on anything other than cursory appearances - began reacting with greater coolness and indifference. That's what's really changed in the past few weeks: other people now seem to like what they see on the surface, even before they have any inkling about what I might be like as a person. It's been a refreshing change, and reminds me what life used to be like 20 years ago! But I believe any increase in confidence of late is a consequence of the greater social reinforcement (itself a function of getting my hair back) and not a cause.

 

More than anything else, this whole crazy experience has given me greater compassion for all our balding/thinning/receding brothers out there who have to face such abject "look-ism" on a daily basis.

[Bill - Seemiller]

Sparse,

 

From the hairline point of view, your hair already looks pretty thick which is probably what others are noticing and liking (in particular, women).

 

While hair is far from everything, the right hair (especially a nicely positioned hairline) with the right face can make people more attractive.

 

I swear there are those who can carry off the bald look real well and still attract women without a problem and then there are others who look better with hair. I happen to be one of the latter. Like you, women have responded better to me since I restored my hair.

 

It sure gives you more confidence though doesn't it? And restoring our confidence is really what hair restoration is all about.

 

Best wishes,

 

Bill

[scar5]

It must be instinctive and automatic because it seems like an instant thing. Once you notice a distracting or ugly feature you start looking for ways to get out and away and smiling only encourages more interaction, which you instictively don't want. If I reverse the situation I am not surprised the least that I am smiling at nice things. Self-confidence, of course is the other factor, but looks play a part

[Sparse]

Bill : I think you're right about the hairline (and thanks for the kind comments). Like you, I'm one of those guys who just looks better with hair. And the fact that others are already responding more positively despite my less-than-stellar density here at 3-months post-HT: that's priceless (well, it cost $20k, but you know what I mean)!

[Sparse]

Originally posted by scar5:

It must be instinctive and automatic because it seems like an instant thing. Once you notice a distracting or ugly feature you start looking for ways to get out and away and smiling only encourages more interaction, which you instictively don't want. If I reverse the situation I am not surprised the least that I am smiling at nice things. Self-confidence, of course is the other factor, but looks play a part

 

Good point: It does seem like our initial reactions to others are largely unconscious (sub-cortical) and very rapid. Kind of crazy that hair plays an important role in such quick-and-dirty social appraisals, but it sure rings true with my own experience.

[Ronald]

Smile and the world smiles back. Cliche but true.....my guess is you are smiling more than you realize and are getting good responses.

[thanatopsis_awry]

It's an interesting question, for sure, and I agree with what has been said -- there's a certain interplay between having a nice hairline and the instantaneous attraction it will garner from some, and then the very hypothetical possibility of this very thing occuring being a boon to your confidence, which is will instantaneously attract some, as well.

 

I would say this, though, generally speaking: no matter how bad your hair is, you can still have success with women, and no matter how good your hair is you can still have abject failure. I can personally attest to the latter, unfortunately (speaking about my earlier youth, but, to be candid, my present to an extent, as well).

 

Like Bill said, hair restoration is not just a process that improves our looks; it is fundamentally tied to our very virility and the psycho-emotional confidence to not just function but *thrive* with the blessings we all have, and make the most of them, and, of course, life itself.

 

The key with hair restoration is to have a fully informed view of your hair and the surgery so once you attain the excellent result you deserve you can truly make the most of it.

 

I also agree w/ Ronald that there's likely a good deal of sub-conscious (positive) signals you are emiting to the world -- on top of your obviously blooming new hairline.

[Sparse]

This whole topic - i.e, the interplay between post-HT elicitation of positive interpersonal feedback and post-HT increases in the patient's confidence (both implicit and explicit) - would make for an interesting longitudinal study . . . ;-)