Hair loss, solutions, and dating

[pkipling]

Warning: There's a rant coming your way....

 

I was listening to a podcast a couple of days ago, and the guest was a woman who gives love/dating advice to men and women in need of some romantic guidance. One of the questions that came in centered around a woman who had been on three dates or so with a guy. They were really hitting it off, she goes home with him and they sleep together, and the next morning, she realized that he was wearing a "toupee" because his hair was a little loose. She freaked out.

 

This lady was horrified and had no idea how to process this information. She couldn't believe he didn't disclose this beforehand and how deceptive it was of him to not tell her about this and if he could keep this from her then what else could he possibly be hiding from her.... He's probably a serial killer as well and has a wife and three kids along with 4 other mistresses and he probably doesn't really work where he says he works and is he really 38 or is he lying about that as well because I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth because HE'S WEARING A TOUPEE AND DIDN'T TELL ME.

 

Geesh. Of course, she didn't say all of that specifically, but that was the general idea and was a great representation of the train of thought I tend to see people (particularly women) go down in our society. For some reason, they view this as a betrayal of some sort and then go into this whole ordeal about how (or if) they should bring it up.

 

I don't get it. Women can wear makeup and hair extensions and get all dolled up every single day and it's not an issue. But if a man is insecure about his hair loss and decides to find some sort of solution, he's mocked and vilified by these same women who he probably really wants to impress anyway and the hair gives him that extra jump in his step. And if we're being really honest, most of these same women probably wouldn't date him if he disclosed before the first date that he wears a hair piece. (Speaking of which, can we get rid of the term "toupee" please? The negative connotations with this word are out of control.) And the bottom line is - does it even really matter?

 

Granted, the guest who was giving advice did give rather decent feedback. In short, she felt like the caller was being overly dramatic and that in the grand scheme of a relationship, the fact that the guy didn't tell her about the hair piece really isn't a big deal. She should be more focused on how the guy treats her, is he kind, does she have fun with him, etc. And if his hair piece is a deal breaker, she's gonna be a hard one to please in relationships.

 

However, she then proceeded to tell the caller that if she wanted to she could address it with him and express that she likes him the way he is and he doesn't need the hair piece. I wanted to scream in my earbuds, "But what if he's not doing it for you? What if he wears it because it makes him feel better and he likes it for himself? What if it makes him more confident? Let the man live in peace please." I mean, it had only been 3 dates - can the guy have a little space?

 

Then the host and the guest made some rather light hearted jokes about toupees and hair loss and what not, and while it wasn't explicitly mean spirited, it did portray the rather large amount of ignorance that society still has when it comes to hair loss, hair systems, hair restoration, etc. I wanted to call in and give them a crash course on hair loss and the possible solutions/fixes, but the show was pre-recorded. Plus, it probably wasn't the time or the place....

 

Anyway. That's my rant. Thanks for listening. :cool:

 

And with that in mind, do any of you have any stories (positive or negative) about your hair loss/transplants/hair pieces/etc. in terms of dating?

Edited February 12, 2016 by pkipling

[giantanddwarf]

Good thread. The expectation that men "tough it out" in the face of problems/disappointment, particularly when the interests of women are involved, is deeply ingrained. Progress has been/is being made on this front but it's hard to see things changing dramatically. Consequently, a man who wears a hair-system will potentially be at a disadvantage (if it becomes known) in the sexual marketplace. Just the way it is and the only thing to do is hope for big advancements in hair restoration (follicle cloning, genetically engineered hair follicles) that would offer an option to all hair loss sufferers. Or in the best case, a cure.

 

I agree that she's flipping out too much though. Wearing a hair-system says one thing about the person who wears it: that they suffer from advanced MPB and they took advantage of the only solution that was available to them. Obviously absurd to infer anything sinister from it. And it's a shame she (from your description, at least) seems to have limited sympathy for him. Even if a hair system reduces a male's smv in a particular woman's eyes, she should still retain a degree of sympathy for him in what is a very difficult situation.

 

As to the double-standard being reflected in the greater acceptability of women wearing makeup, I don't think makeup and hair-systems are comparable. Having one's attractiveness depend on makeup seems like less of a secret, less of an obfuscation, than wearing a hair-system. What women thought of toppik would make for a better comparison (toppik is quite comparable to makeup in my opinion). But the double-standard would still be present. A man's whose attractiveness depended to a siginficant degree on toppik would be viewed less favorably and have a greater reduction in smv than a comparably "done up" woman. I do think a decent portion of women would be accommodating though.

 

As far as hair restoration being looked down upon, that's just so ridiculous. It's your own hair, it looks natural, it doesn't change the appearance of your donor area (which is not important to begin with), and it requires no special maintenance. And I love how so many people still call it "plugs", thinking they're clever or something. Memo to those people: you are a bunch of laughably ignorant douches.

[Melvin- Admin]

What podcast was this? You know whats funny, you live in LA right? I'm from the Valley, and its quite the norm to see women who've had different types of procedures, Nose Jobs, Boob Jobs, Brazilian Butt Lifts, Lip injections etc.. When in the HELL have you ever heard a man go on a rant about how deceitful a woman was because she didn't disclose that she had procedures to make herself look that way?

 

There are a lot of double standards when it comes to this, women wear mascara to make their eyebrows thicker, if they fall asleep with it on it will be smeared all over the pillow, well that same woman would probably have a lot to say to a guy who wears toppik on his hair to make it look thicker.

 

The only way to move past this double standard is for more men like Wayne Rooney to be up front and honest, once the general population gets exposed to this it may not be seen the same way.

[voxman]

3 dates and she slept with him?

 

I want her number. I can bed her in two.

[esrec]

It just takes time for social stigmas to gain acceptance.

 

I remember years ago women were voicing their need for equal pay in the workplace. Just yesterday, I read an article on how minority women struggle to gain funding from VC's and have equal seats on the board. That's called progress, no matter what a feminist would tell you. That's a good dilemma from where we were.

 

Years ago you would NEVER see commercial for mens body and skincare. Now you have Axe bodywash and Old Spice commercials specifically geared toward male grooming. We don't even blink anymore. Eventually, men's elective surgery will progress to a place where it's no longer misunderstood and judged too.

 

Progress takes time.

[JON86]

What podcast was this? You know whats funny, you live in LA right? I'm from the Valley, and its quite the norm to see women who've had different types of procedures, Nose Jobs, Boob Jobs, Brazilian Butt Lifts, Lip injections etc.. When in the HELL have you ever heard a man go on a rant about how deceitful a woman was because she didn't disclose that she had procedures to make herself look that way?

 

There are a lot of double standards when it comes to this, women wear mascara to make their eyebrows thicker, if they fall asleep with it on it will be smeared all over the pillow, well that same woman would probably have a lot to say to a guy who wears toppik on his hair to make it look thicker.

 

The only way to move past this double standard is for more men like Wayne Rooney to be up front and honest, once the general population gets exposed to this it may not be seen the same way.

Totally agree only way it will change is when men start telling others this can be a great success and show their results. Why is this any worse than a breast enhancement ? I have been with a few women that have had them and it is more common that they are more unnatural than a hair transplant. Idk guess it all boils down to the individual . In the beginning I didn't want anyone to know if I had a transplant but after what I have been through I don't care. I don't care if my head is shaved for the procedure or have a strip scar. If it is a successful process and can help others and give them hope what else matters?

[pkipling]

3 dates and she slept with him?

 

I want her number. I can bed her in two.

 

Omg. Haha! Thanks for coming through for us there Voxman. It's a brave new world out there....

 

And yes - I'm in LA. I actually work in the heart of Beverly Hills, so you can imagine how much plastic surgery I see on a daily basis - stuff that would blow your mind.

 

Celebrities being open about it will definitely help, and it is something that takes time. We've already come a long way in that I believe it's pretty socially acceptable to use Rogaine and take Propecia, for example - so it's not the act of tackling MPB that is inherently the issue, rather the method used that is frowned upon. There are levels, it seems, to what is acceptable for a man to do, and what is not. I still think hair transplants tend to fall on the side of "taboo", but that's in large part due to people not knowing much about them. Soon enough, I think it will be a far more common and acceptable practice. I've actually had women reach out to me in regards to helping their boyfriends/husbands learn more about the procedure, which I find really encouraging.

 

Hair pieces, on the other hand, have a long way to go before they lose the very negative stigma they have - which is unfortunate for the guys who maybe aren't candidates for (or can't afford) a hair transplant.

 

Oh. And the podcast was Rob Has a Podcast. I'm a Survivor geek and it's the best podcast out there for anything Survivor related (and gets me through countless hours of LA traffic), and he has random "just for fun" shows that he does, this one being a dating/Valentine's day special with a former Survivor player (who is now a relationship counselor).