Believe me we all understand where you are coming from. I was not fulfilled after my first HT and discovered this forum, it took me one year and a half before I came to commit to doing my second HT. Yes! My second HT. It takes time to research, learn and digest all this stuff, you'd think I was like a veteran with one HT under my belt ... Like my brothers said, don't fuss about anything, enjoy the forum, take your time, only you will know when you're ready and if it feels right or not.