The Sociology of Hair Loss

[Robert_]

Ok, the title makes it sound like I did some profound research on the socio-environmental concerns that a person may have with his or her hair loss situation. This is not the case.

 

Today, I took my dog down to my favorite little coffee house in Columbia to sit at the tables on the sidewalk and work on a Sociology class paper that is due Monday. I have my coffee, my dog is enjoying being out of the house, and I have some fresh air to help grease the thinking wheels; I'm all set to go.

 

I get about a paragraph down on paper when a couple sit at the table next to me and bring up some idle "dog chat." The woman is about my age (26) and the guy is around 28. They are married and are expecting their first child in a few months. Even though she was with-child, you could tell that she was a beautiful woman. We exchanged pleasantries for a while and I learned that she is a successful real-estate agent that works with some friends of mine that are in the business. The guy just graduated law school this past semester and is looking forward to a bright future with a firm that he interned with.

 

Nothing too out-of-the ordinary, right? Exactly. However, one thing stood out to me. This guy was easily a NW6 at 28 years old. The top of his head was "slick bald," so to speak. There wasn't even a hint of fuzz up there. He had the back and sides buzzed neatly down at about a #1 guard length. From my best estimate, he probably started balding very young or lost it all very fast. This guy is riding as high on life as one possibly can: a great new job, a beautiful young wife, and expecting a baby very soon....and he's bald. Not thinning, bald.

 

While we were talking, there were three younger men sitting with four young women at a table near us. One was complaining to all of his buddies about this and that. How school sucks, his job sucks, he's thinking of dropping out of his graduate program because of this professor or that. This guy was a real ray of sunshine, let me tell you. Rising high off of his head is one of the thickest mops of hair that a person should be allowed to have.

 

As I tried to direct my attention back to my paper, I began to think about what was going on around me. I looked up and scanned my immediate surroundings. At least 50% of the males in my direct vicinity were thinning in some fashion or another. Most of them were worse than I was even before my transplant and before I re-started medication. However, they were all nicely dressed, groomed, and professional-looking. Most were in their late 20's and early 30's. More than a few were accompanied by very attractive women.

 

I was the only person there sporting a ball cap.

 

As it started getting dark and the wind started picking up, I decided that any attempt to continue writing would be fruitless. Heck, I got about three good pages done that I could later edit so the trip wasn't a complete waste.

 

As I was getting up I shook the original couple's hands. They wished me luck on my own pursuit of a law degree. I wished them both the best of luck with their child and careers. As I walked my dog away I saw her lean to him and kiss him; rubbing his bald head as they laughed.

 

Ok, so I didn't get as much done on my Sociology paper as I would have liked, however I was reminded of something that is going to be more important for me to carry throughout life than the inevitable "A" that I will make on this paper (heh heh): We all have to play the hand that we're dealt. I am not saying that anyone should accept being bald. As we all know, that is an option that, thankfully, we no longer have to accept. However, I have been guilty of putting my life on hold in some respects that I would not have if I had a full head of hair. I believe that this is not only dangerous, but can be habit-forming. I know that it was for me.

 

In conclusion, the pursuit of hair can envelop someone's thoughts. It can fester on the mind continuously and cause other aspects of life to be compromised. While we should do everything that we can to help alleviate our affliction, let's not forget that there is a life to live for the rest of the person that resides under the scalp.

 

-Robert

[Robert_]

Ok, the title makes it sound like I did some profound research on the socio-environmental concerns that a person may have with his or her hair loss situation. This is not the case.

 

Today, I took my dog down to my favorite little coffee house in Columbia to sit at the tables on the sidewalk and work on a Sociology class paper that is due Monday. I have my coffee, my dog is enjoying being out of the house, and I have some fresh air to help grease the thinking wheels; I'm all set to go.

 

I get about a paragraph down on paper when a couple sit at the table next to me and bring up some idle "dog chat." The woman is about my age (26) and the guy is around 28. They are married and are expecting their first child in a few months. Even though she was with-child, you could tell that she was a beautiful woman. We exchanged pleasantries for a while and I learned that she is a successful real-estate agent that works with some friends of mine that are in the business. The guy just graduated law school this past semester and is looking forward to a bright future with a firm that he interned with.

 

Nothing too out-of-the ordinary, right? Exactly. However, one thing stood out to me. This guy was easily a NW6 at 28 years old. The top of his head was "slick bald," so to speak. There wasn't even a hint of fuzz up there. He had the back and sides buzzed neatly down at about a #1 guard length. From my best estimate, he probably started balding very young or lost it all very fast. This guy is riding as high on life as one possibly can: a great new job, a beautiful young wife, and expecting a baby very soon....and he's bald. Not thinning, bald.

 

While we were talking, there were three younger men sitting with four young women at a table near us. One was complaining to all of his buddies about this and that. How school sucks, his job sucks, he's thinking of dropping out of his graduate program because of this professor or that. This guy was a real ray of sunshine, let me tell you. Rising high off of his head is one of the thickest mops of hair that a person should be allowed to have.

 

As I tried to direct my attention back to my paper, I began to think about what was going on around me. I looked up and scanned my immediate surroundings. At least 50% of the males in my direct vicinity were thinning in some fashion or another. Most of them were worse than I was even before my transplant and before I re-started medication. However, they were all nicely dressed, groomed, and professional-looking. Most were in their late 20's and early 30's. More than a few were accompanied by very attractive women.

 

I was the only person there sporting a ball cap.

 

As it started getting dark and the wind started picking up, I decided that any attempt to continue writing would be fruitless. Heck, I got about three good pages done that I could later edit so the trip wasn't a complete waste.

 

As I was getting up I shook the original couple's hands. They wished me luck on my own pursuit of a law degree. I wished them both the best of luck with their child and careers. As I walked my dog away I saw her lean to him and kiss him; rubbing his bald head as they laughed.

 

Ok, so I didn't get as much done on my Sociology paper as I would have liked, however I was reminded of something that is going to be more important for me to carry throughout life than the inevitable "A" that I will make on this paper (heh heh): We all have to play the hand that we're dealt. I am not saying that anyone should accept being bald. As we all know, that is an option that, thankfully, we no longer have to accept. However, I have been guilty of putting my life on hold in some respects that I would not have if I had a full head of hair. I believe that this is not only dangerous, but can be habit-forming. I know that it was for me.

 

In conclusion, the pursuit of hair can envelop someone's thoughts. It can fester on the mind continuously and cause other aspects of life to be compromised. While we should do everything that we can to help alleviate our affliction, let's not forget that there is a life to live for the rest of the person that resides under the scalp.

 

-Robert

[Brando]

Very good story Social. I love hearing things like that because it makes me feel better about myself and it makes me want to go out without my baseball cap on. Good luck on your paper, by the way. I've got a Sociology paper due next week, maybe I could come down to Columbia's coffee house and clear my head as well!

[qvarnis]

Robert

 

great post mate, weve all been or are there at one stage. Tell you what though, if you can get through that stage and realise what you have detailed in your post your much better off for it. Its a slap in the face from yourself when you realise how much you have been putting off or hiding from. Once its over though its a great feeling, your appreciation of life changes for the better.

 

And as we know, if you dont want to lose the hair you dont have to...

 

qvarnis

[Robert_]

Thanks for the kind words on the post, fellas. We all frequent this forum to exchange information on our hair loss regularly and with fervor. The exchange is, for the most part, polite and educational content that perpetuates progress and support. I guess what I wanted to say with that was that I hope everyone of our members keeps their hair loss in perspective and lead fulfilling lives no matter what NW level they may be categorized as.

 

-Robert

[gillenator]

Hey Robert,

 

Some good reflection on life my friend! You know, I used to think am I the only one who feels naked without my hair? Are we concerned about what others think of us especially our appearance? The answer is yes on both points for many of us.

 

There seem to be two classes we can fall into that society tends to view as something abnormal. That is over-weight people and those missing their hair. Many over-weight folks feel less worth than those who are thin and eating disorders run rampant in our society. And some will nearly starve themselves to death desperate to be thin. They even start seeing things in the mirror that others do not see. Some end up in fatal situations. And when we hear about them or see their photos we think, my word that person was skinny as a rail! But the victim did not perceive themself that way. When I was diffusing badly and at times asked for opinions, some would say "you have lots of hair left, you're just thinning a little bit". Maybe that was their opinion, maybe they were just being kind to me. Either way, what I saw in the mirror was a dilemma I was desperate to change, even to the point of wearing hair systems for 11 years. Still I did not feel complete until I was able to obtain some decent coverage in three procedures to where I now enjoy a restored look unless my hair is wet. I can deal with that!

 

The young attorney you mentioned is probably somewhat affected by his hairloss which is probably why he wears his hair cut so short. Yet he may think well there's not much hope in getting his hair back to where it used to be so he may choose to just cut it all off. And why not, he has a beautiful supportive wife who may be rubbing his head in a sort of intimate way which subtlely shows her support of his balding. And it sounds like he has alot going for himself and to be thankful for, but I bet deep down inside he would like to have his hair back. None of us want to openly admit that our hairloss makes us feel less than complete. And the fella with a full head of hair probably takes his hair for granted.

 

Sometimes it takes a loss of something near and dear to us before we can really appreciate what it is like to lose it. This is true in many other aspects of life. It's a real personal issue. But if hair restoration causes or helps us to grow individually including our confidence, than it can be a good thing. Although hair restoration can never replace that special character inside, it can indeed help open the social doors that we felt were once closed because of how society views appearances. Robert, maybe this guy had a full head of hair when he met his wife who was his girlfriend at that time. Now for the magic question. Would she have still been attracted to him had she met him when he was already bald? It is something we will never know. Would he have the same confidence level to have approached her without hair? It is very interesting to see how dramatic our view-point can change with just a little turn of events. Many of us are subject to changes in our social status with divorce unfortunately ranking high. Hair restoration provides many folks a new lease on life socially speaking, AS LONG as we understand that our inter-action with others is still based on our character and our inter-personal skills because hair can never replace good character.

[Kez]

Good thread chaps.

 

Raises some real issues. I long ago realised that we are more than external appearances, external pursuits, external aspirations. We are something special inside, ultimately, and what IS that something special inside ? This is every man's quest, one way or another.

 

We are definitely more than either our our appearance or worldly careers, or lovely women for that matter. Fortunately, through hard work, I found the answer to this. Something deep within which in unaffected by the externals.

 

But nonetheless, the external world does press on one, and going bald is a bloody headache! I'm so glad now that I have not only the inner island of strength, but also hair on what was once a bald pate.

 

Life is short, and the clock is ticking. Maximise your time here on this planet.

[qvarnis]

Imagine the depth and complexity of conversation if we all got together one day and ate and drank. Excellent. I belive out of all the different posts that occur on the forum that these types are the most benefitial, especially for those who have been where we have.

 

Nice one guys

 

qvarnis

[gillenator]

I say we meet at Robert's for a cookout! I'll do the cooking and maybe the state of West Virginia will grant temporary leave to Martha Stewart who can give us some good tips on which pharmaceutical stocks to buy! Just kidding!

[Brando]

Hey Gillenator, I live about about 20 minutes from the prison Martha's at in Alderson...maybe I can bail her out for the evening??!

[gillenator]

That's a plan Brando!!!

[Old Baldy]

Yes Robert I sometimes think my getting an HT was silly and shallow. Both of the women I am close to could care less about my thinning hair. (5A)

[Guest]

Nice post Robert. I've been witness to the same phenomenon many times. Now that the buzz cut/shaved head has become a socially acceptable fashion choice, receeding hairlines and baldness are really no longer a major issue. My greatest frustration is that I cannot buzz my head because of the ht scars. I would advise any person considering a ht to first buzz their hair and see if they like it. I was forced to shave my head this summer due to chemo and was surprised at how great it looked (besides the nasty scars)

[Hoser]

Here, here!! Very well written!!

 

Forget law school; you should be a writer.

 

Cheers,

hoser

[Bill - Seemiller]

Robert,

 

I'll tell you brother, that story of yours brought some tears to my eyes, and I'm not one of those over sensitive types either. But in all truthfulness, I feel that I've been guilty of that recently, and probably for all the wrong reasons as well. I happen to be a married man with a beautiful wife, but feel that in a lot of ways I've been putting my life on hold too because of consuming thoughts...feeling less attractive than I used to be with a balding head, feeling old, and undesirable, I feel I've been searching to feel desirable in all the wrong places. This doesn't mean that I regret getting my HT (as it's still new and I see no results of course cine I'm only 1 month post op), but it does mean that I have been focusing a lot of my energy in things that I shouldn't be worrying about. I am constantly wearing a hat because I am worried about how the rest of the world will see me with little to no hair.

 

It is true what you say...get busy living and not let these thoughts consume us. It's funny, sometimes you find wisdom in the strangest places...and you have surely instilled some wisdom in me today...so thank you!!!

 

Bill

[JacobS]

This is a very interesting discussion, Robert! I often look at pictures of transplant patients and wonder if they look any better, even with a great transplant. I met with a surgeon recently regarding a jaw implant and after our conversation I was not convinced I was going to end up look any more attractive. I always think of Elton John. It appears Elton has had a jaw implant at some point however I could not classify him as a handsome man. Surgery may not be the final solution and placing enormous hopes in it can leave one feeling angry with the world if those around you are no more accepting of you after. I guess we all hope that some little thing (like a transplant or some facial reconstruction) will make us the next Cary Grant. Good hair or high cheekbones or strong jaw line does not necessarily make you handsome. A lot more goes into the magic of being beautiful. It must be very disconcerting for a young man to participate in these discussion groups and find that there are men in their 30's and beyond still very tortured by physical appearances.

[Brando]

I agree. Look at Melanie Griffith. She used to be a beautiful woman. Now, she looks fake and older than what she is because of all the plastic surgerys she's had. Joan Rivers is another example. She even made a special appearance on the show Nip/Tuck playing herself. Another big example is Michael Jackson. This was...brace yourself...at one time a great looking guy. I guess he felt the same about his nose as we do about our hair. Now...when we think of Michael Jackson, our thoughts immediately focus on his nose; however, before the surgery(s), we wouldn't think twice about it.

I do not at all regret my HT...I'm so thankful I had it done and I'm so thankful for this network and for finding an excellent doctor. I agree with you guys that we shouldn't base our lives around our obsession with our hair. I am going to make a New Years Resolution. Alot of my hair will be grown in by then, but I will still feel weird because I ALWAYS wear a hat. I am going to go to school every day and not wear a hat more than once a week. That'll be a big step for me. Maybe everyone hear can make a New Years Resolution that'll help you get through this.

Thanks guys,

Brando

[Robert_]

Wow, I really didnt expect this much of a response from my day down at the coffee shop.

 

Yeah, I really do not mean to make anyone feel bad about getting a hair transplant. That would be ludicrous. The entire point of this forum is to find a solution for our hair loss problem. Refined hair transplant surgery is the absolute best solution to hair loss that most men have at this point. To combat hair loss is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I only want to make sure that the one facet of our lives - our hair loss - is not interfering with other aspects.

 

What you said, Brando, made me laugh. After Christmas and my six-month post op point is when I will be saying goodbye forever to my ballcap. I have been going without it less and less these days but it still feels like a crutch. I don't like the fact that if I know that I am going out without it on, I throw it in the car "just in case..."

 

-Robert

[HairBeThere]

Robert's (moderator) post is outstanding!!

 

But I do want to say this. We at times have to bair a cross. And it is true, how you make of it is best.

 

But for some, it is extremely hard without support. If we could all handle everything that is dealt to us, then it would truly be a perfect world. But it's not.

 

I've personally have learned dealing with one hard ship, only amplifies a dedication torwards something else.

 

So are we losing, well yes. But are we also gaining what ever our refocus is on. ABSOLUTELY.

 

It is up to us all to take in what we learn from our experiances, and try to make the best of every outcome. That is only human.

 

Should we ever fault ourselves for feeling a failure or less a man... NO!!

 

Instinct involves sorting out all posible solutions and try to remedy the best positive solution. This is why I believe we are all here!

 

Robert, excellent post!