At Face Value

[OtherSyde]

OK so I got inspired by Flavio's "Are We Shallow" post and this post started out as a reply in that thread, but went off on a tangent about psychology, anthropological tendencies of society, etc., and ended up barely fitting there (content-wise) and being way too long as well, so I made it into a post of its own.

 

Being always the outside of society, and later a balding guy in society, I have made many observations about peoples' behavior towards what society views as its distinctively less-than-perfect members.

 

Being a bald guy is pretty much like being a fat chick in our society: You'll be accepted on the surface out of common decency and allowed to interact with society on a limited basis, but only as far as you're useful. The prettier people are more desirable, which gives them instant ground to stand on. If you're not good-looking, then you have to compensate somehow (having money or influence, being able to do something that others can't, etc.).

 

And although a fat chick or a bald guy can force him or herself to be accepted on some level, or work themselves into a position of power using other factors like intellect, talent, charm, manipulation, raw power, etc., but that's still the only reason they'll be accepted; if someone comes along with an equal amount of skill but a prettier face/body/whatever, they'll almost always be picked over you, because beauty is a very, VERY legitimate and very real and potent strength, heavily valued in our society. It's just a fact. When it comes to raw sexual attractiveness and that instant, instinct-based snap-judgment in the eyes of any stranger, the prettier always get the smile, the better treatment, easier popularity (which often equals out to being elected into positions of power), etc.

 

Being bald/fat/ugly is an automatic stigma against you, and it's very difficult to overcome this; not because you're in any way truly inferior, but more due to the way society collectively thinks, which can be attributed to deeply-ingrained anthropological factors involving symmetry, perception of fertility (even though hair on the top of your head has long been proven to have nothing to do with fertility or virility, this absurd myth still persists in our society in subtle undercurrents), genetic characteristics that would make offspring more likely to be successful/accepted in society, as well as more recent, surface-level factors like Hollywood's massive social influence, and even simple churlish views left over from high-school that people just can't let go of.

 

In this image-centric, beauty-obsessed, post-MTV-generation society full of easily-obtainable plastic surgery and cosmetic perfection, beauty can be bought, and being attractive and having hair is no longer some unobtainable birth-right reserved for the genetically fortunate but simply a choice on your part, a sign of one's awareness of and/or agreement with society's ideals and tastes. It is also an indicator of your own status and financial success (or lack thereof), which makes conforming to the ideal all the more... expected of you. There are so many ways and so many reasons to be attractive and so few reasons not to be, it's all the easier for society to outright demand it of you.

 

And you can't change society's ideals. Mind you, I'm usually kind of stubborn and in no way a surrenderist, but society as a whole is way, WAY bigger than any one person or one group. It would be an enormous waste of time and energy to try and make society think a different way about such a trivial issue when you could just buy some hair (or lose some weight, or whatever area you may be lacking in), thus simply stepping out of the line of fire; common sense prevails. And besides, if you're gong to spend your time and energy valiantly white-knighting some ideal or cause, you should probably use your momentum to raise cancer awareness or start a food drive for starving people or something noble like that.

 

And sure, one can argue that it's what's on the inside that counts, that intelligence, adeptness, decency, charm, wit, or overall goodness is more important than a simple aesthetic feature, and that may well be true. But that's not gonna stop society from subtly ostracizing you and giving you crap at every turn for the rest of your life.

 

And besides, do you really want to have to do your little song-and-dance for 80% of the people you meet, time and time again, in order to to convince them of your worthiness (as if you should even have to) just so they'll think "Oh, he's actually somewhat intelligent/talented/whatever, so I will now grudgingly accept him in spite of my initial negative snap-judgment based on appearance alone?" Especially when the more handsome guy next to you, who might be a complete inept retard or a terrible person, will instantly and automatically be much more widely accepted without even trying? What a waste of time and effort.

 

Some people use beauty as a weapon to attack others or feel superior. I intend to use that which I develop/build as a preemptive strike against peoples' natural judgmental tendencies, for the sake of making my life easier and letting me focus on more important tasks without having to worry about hang-ups and being short-changed because of people prioritizing me in second or third place because of low-level judgments based on external characteristics. In the business environment, work environment, and social environment alike, it just helps so much and makes life so much more pleasant and easy to be instantly liked, even if only for superficial reasons at first. Being handsome and vibrant-looking is such a social lubricant, allowing one to move through society with far less hassle on a daily basis.

 

If you look at the evidence, being pretty (or at least not being ugly) is not a shallow thing at all; it's an important tool in one's social (and possibly career) toolbox.

 

And this discussion, so far, is mostly only based on science and external observations; it's not even beginning to delve into the whole internal psychology of what thousands of snide comments and almost-daily small rejections eventually does to someone's mental and emotional state in the long run; We are Modern Man, not Cro-Magnon Man; even if we're not all metro-sexual or anything, we feel things, and need some level of acceptance (or at least not rejection), and therefore we need form and not just function. But that's a whole different thread.

 

I've been forced to analyze this subject for years and years now, because growing up in the Midwest and eventually becoming military means constantly running into people who are all-function and no-form, who just can't grasp any reason for needing to be attractive, the blunt stupidity/ignorance of which drives me freaking insane.

 

Opinions? Input?

 

TL;DR?

Edited January 5, 2011 by OtherSyde

[Spanker]

This may be a funny question..but are you a redditor?

BTW...the best looking guy at my work is a bald guy that shaves with a razor....we have over 300 employees and all the girls talk about is this joker. He hits the gym hard tho.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Spanker

[OtherSyde]

Yeah, I can testify that some people actually look good bald, although most of us don't. You have to have the right facial structure. Also having a buoyant personality helps, or the touch-guy thing like Jason Statham. Having huge muscles generally makes you attractive as a male as well, more in the manly Cro-Magnon way though.

 

What's a redditor..? Like a re-editor? Or does the "red" part refer to something involving communism?

Edited January 5, 2011 by OtherSyde

[OtherSyde]

Wait OK, I looked up Redditor on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redditor

 

Nope, never heard of it. What characteristics of my post or writing style make me seem like a Redditor? I gather from the Wiki article that they collaborated with Stephen Colbert to do some kind of satirical rally campaign thing... Do they write satire?

 

At first I thought you were referring to the "red" part of the word Redditor, relating to communism, brainwashing, propaganda, etc. and I thought you were asking if I'm someone who is paid to try and proliferate a particular ideal through my writings and whatnot. Which I'm not; I just have very thought-out ideals, and I tend to rationalize a lot and act on my ideals (thus getting a hair transplant for starters). Maybe some of my rationalizations aren't completely accurate or valid, and some are probably slightly biased based on my upbringing and experiences, but I try to be as objective and perceptive as I can, I try to stick to facts and relatively-provable/observable factors instead of barfing out opinions on people or starting flame wars.

Edited January 5, 2011 by OtherSyde
Elaboration

[OtherSyde]

OK, in reference to people who look OK being bald...

 

Stanley Tucci looks pretty good bald.

 

Jason Statham could be the spokesperson for Bald, Inc. just because he makes it look so good. I guess a great physique, ample charisma, a bad-ass attitude and lots of ass-whippin' tendencies more than makes up for it. Not to mention being a rich actor.

 

Edward Norton looks pretty appropriate being bald and ripped in American History X, although this only furthers the negative stereotype of bald white guys being seen as "skin-heads."

 

And finally, I suppose Ronnie Coleman's little tiny bit of muscle could compensate for his baldness. I'm not going to tell him otherwise.

 

So some people look good bald. But your average guy, like me just doesn't really.

[wb280]

I thought Jason Statham looks good. Like u said, a kick ass attitude, not to mention a killer bod. I mean, give him the credit, he was dealt whatever cards he had ( just like us ) and make the best of the good. Nobody likes to be bald.

[EpilepticSceptic]

Statham looks good because he's on the big screen, popular, rich, famous, etc. Plus, NOBODY looks the way they do on the screen in real life. I've spent enough time out in Hollyweird and seen alot of famous people face to face getting their coffee in the morning. Trust me, most of you would be shocked to see what some of them look like off screen.

 

So if you took away the fame and hubris that somebody like Statham seems to have because of the roles he plays in films, plus all the editing room "enhancements" to his look, and stuck him in a crowd of other faceless balding ordinary everyday men then he'd be just that -- another ordinary everyday faceless baldie in the crowd who would have a hard time getting laid by a fat chick.

 

BTW I think the OP has made some excellent observations and touched upon things in great detail concerning modern western culture and its' superficial obsessions.

[Spanker]

Statham looks good because he's on the big screen, popular, rich, famous, etc. Plus, NOBODY looks the way they do on the screen in real life. I've spent enough time out in Hollyweird and seen alot of famous people face to face getting their coffee in the morning. Trust me, most of you would be shocked to see what some of them look like off screen.

 

So if you took away the fame and hubris that somebody like Statham seems to have because of the roles he plays in films, plus all the editing room "enhancements" to his look, and stuck him in a crowd of other faceless balding ordinary everyday men then he'd be just that -- another ordinary everyday faceless baldie in the crowd who would have a hard time getting laid by a fat chick.

 

BTW I think the OP has made some excellent observations and touched upon things in great detail concerning modern western culture and its' superficial obsessions.

 

I think I could look pretty bad and still hook up. Maybe not with the prom queen....but not being able to hook up has never entered my mind. Good personality and nice teeth is plenty enough to hook up. (I am married now so it doesnt matter).

 

My head is jacked up like Terry Crews (from Everybody Hates Chris) and I feel that there will always be women willing the "talk" to me.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Spanker

[Spanker]

the reddit site is the only places that I have seen the:

 

TL;DR

 

That is why I asked

[moses0324]

I dont agreee with your assessment at all. I have been balding for a while now. I shave it now with a razor. Go tanning and concentrate on other things (i.e. hygiene, dress, appearance, accesories, etc). I obviously want my hair back but have never had a problem picking up girls. Its a confidence thing. While I still lack the confidence I had when I had hair...I guess its not blantantly obvious. Thats what girls look at most.

 

1. Confidence

2. Personality

3. Looks

 

Remember looks fade no matter who it is...And after people get over initial attraction which only lasts a few months in my opinion...The relationship must rely on interaction and personality. This holds true for any girl worth pursuing anyways.

[mattj]

Being a bald guy is pretty much like being a fat chick in our society: You'll be accepted on the surface out of common decency and allowed to interact with society on a limited basis, but only as far as you're useful.

There is some truth to this, but I think you over-state the degree to which baldness can hold a person back. Bald guys aren't outcasts. I simply see too many balding guys in successful jobs or with nice women to think that baldness alone is a huge handicap.

Of course, it's going to depend a lot on what the particular career in question is, or what type of woman you chase, but most employers couldn't care less what your hair looks like (as long as you don't have the appearance of a slob) and many, many women will be able to look past baldness.

 

You're right that overcoming social attitudes towards appearance is a battle that cannot be won. These things are deeply ingrained and exist at an instinctive level. They aren't taught or learnt. But having said that, I do believe that trends or fashions can just tweak at the edges of human instincts and make subtle differences in how we perceive physical flaws.

 

Everyone is flawed (whether physically or in character) but most of us also have something to offer. Happiness is possible even for those of us who feel we have nothing.

Edited January 5, 2011 by mattj

[moses0324]

mattj,

 

i agree with you for the most part.

 

To the OP...I think it is yourself that is handicapping your own ability to be successful, get woman, live life, etc...

 

Most other people dont think twice about having hair or not...just my 0.02

[Taken4Granted]

There are books on the psychology of hair - not just in modern cultures, but in literature and ancient societies, too. Any competent lit teacher should be able to hold a discourse on it.

 

I don't believe in the biological/evolutionary framework for explaining it. I believe the appeal of human hair is purely aesthetic; and, while scientists would try to explain human tastes (aesthetics) within the said framework, I believe this ancient philosophical topic embodies the aspect of humanity that separates it from all other known life forms. Thus, it cannot be explained by the biology of the natural world. It's that spark that distinguished cro-magnon from neanderthal and had him making beads, painting on cave walls, dancing around fire pits.

 

And there is simply no way to evaluate the question objectively. That's the other thing about aesthetics. At any rate, the platonic "dianoia" of science lacks the scope to comprehend this stuff. The problem we spend our hard-earned money trying to avoid, REALLY, can be understood best, not within the framework of science, but within the framework of Plato's Republic, Books 6-7. The world is a confluence of cultures and religions dominated by "pistis" and "eikasia." The whole world is blissfully trammeled in a cave. Maybe we are, too.

 

Taken