Guest Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I have been dating this girl 3 months and am scheduled to have a ht in a couple weeks. I do not want her to know about it, we live in the same city and see eachother almost everyday. Has anyone been in this predicament before? What excuses can you guys suggest to hide this from her the first two weeks or so? Any help is greatly appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 I have been dating this girl 3 months and am scheduled to have a ht in a couple weeks. I do not want her to know about it, we live in the same city and see eachother almost everyday. Has anyone been in this predicament before? What excuses can you guys suggest to hide this from her the first two weeks or so? Any help is greatly appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member hoose Posted September 18, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 18, 2007 IMO, you should be honest with her and tell her you are going to have a HT; if she is worth being with, she would support you; You will not be able to hide it even if you told her you are going to be out of town for 2 weeks. You will have redness for a few months etc....Even a small HT of 1300 grafts would be hard to hide. Just be honest--hell, maybe she will be very supportive and go with you to your surgery, drive you home and tend to you while you recover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill - Seemiller Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 morenewhair1, I agree with dhoose75. If there is ANYONE that it's virtually impossible to hide your HT from, it's a girlfriend. Considering it sometimes takes up to 2 months to look completely normal (depending on the number of grafts, whether the recipient area has to be shaved, etc), unless you want to tell her you can't see her for 2 months (I don't think your girlfriend would go for that), telling her is the only option. Honesty is the best approach. If she is understanding, this could grow the relationship to a new level. You may want to start off by asking her if there is anything she doesn't like about herself and let the conversation go from there. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER THAT YOU THINK SHE IS PERFECT FIRST . Best wishes, Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 i do have a "thinning buzz cut" that the doctor thinks will cover the ht enough. So maybe it wont be too obvious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member TheHairLossCure Posted September 18, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 18, 2007 You should be able to cover the donor incision and, hopefully, explain away the pinkness in the recipient area. The temporary scabbing in the recipient would be the bigger issue. Longer hair comes in handy when you are initially trying to conceal the work. Unless you lay low, you really do run the risk of your lady friend finding out. The question is: Is that such a bad thing? Notice: I am an employee of Dr. Paul Rose who is recommended on this community. I am not a doctor. My opinions are not necessarily those of Dr. Rose. My advice is not medical advice. Dr. Rose is a member of the Coalition of Independent Hair Restoration Physicians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member NervousNelly Posted September 18, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 18, 2007 morenewhair1, You have to tell her dude. Getting a HT is stressful enough and the last thing you want is to be avoiding her or staying in the dark, etc. Just fess up. Did I ever tell you guys that story of when I had this hot chick back at her place a week after my first HT 17 yrs. ago. She was the type that wanted to rub her hands thru my hair, etc. Oh I digress. I'll save story for another day or you can search posts as I think I already mentioned it--good story though. NN NN Dr.Cole,1989. ??graftcount Dr. Ron Shapiro. Aug., 2007 Total graft count 2862 Total hairs 5495 1hairs--916 2hairs--1349 3hairs--507 4hairs--90 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member nobuzz4me Posted September 18, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 18, 2007 Tell her, she will either totally understand your feelings and support you or probably say you do not need anything done. She is not with you for your hair. Now, if you cannot tell her, grow out your hair, stay away from her for at least two weeks and comb your hair forward. Might work but if she finds out, she may be pissed that you did NOT tell her. NoBuzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member pushing 40 Posted September 18, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 18, 2007 Dude, give it up. This is coming from someone who used to have more skeletons in his closets than Harvard medical school; more guilt on his conscience than anyone should serve themselves in a life time. Soooooo many people have no idea the freedom that comes along with honesty; pure, disciplined, gentle honesty. Granted it takes a lot more balls, but a LOT less effort. Seriously, if you try to duck and dodge on something as insignificant as a HT, you'll end up looking like an insecure dork to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member MrJobi Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 Good topic I did actually hide it from all the women I was dating during the 3 HT's.. Tough but I did it .. Post op , I managed to not see them for 10 days and then avoided them touching the donor area.. I used Dermatch to cover the pinkness. Very challenging though!! JOBI 1417 FUT - Dr. True 1476 FUT - Dr. True 2124 FUT - Dr. True 604 FUE - Dr. True My views are based on my personal experiences, research and objective observations. I am not a doctor. Total - 5621 FU's uncut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member nobuzz4me Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 Jobi, You must work in the CIA or something, Man can you keep a secret! NoBuzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member calvinmd Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 F--k it. I say tell her. She can be bothered by it or not but it's more trouble than it's worth to keep it from her. I don't see what the big deal is about admitting to hair loss or getting HTs as long as the work is professional and the results are gonna be good when they're grown out. The fact is that society values better/younger appearances as much as a lot of educational degrees. A HT, especially a major one during the first half of your life, is a career & romantic investment that's justifiable with cold hard logic as far as I'm concerned. I've gotten cut up several times to fix my teeth, I've gotten cut up to breathe through my nose better, I've gotten cut up to fix a broken arm . . . might as well get cut up to fix my hair too. ------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Al - Moderator Posted September 19, 2007 Moderators Share Posted September 19, 2007 Tell her you're having it done. If you don't, she'll just be pissed that you didn't tell before you did it. When you tell her, if she doesn't like the idea at first, then mention how hot you will look in 6 to 9 months time. If she still doesn't like it don't worry because you'll have fun getting new girlfriends. Al Forum Moderator (formerly BeHappy) I am a forum moderator for hairrestorationnetwork.com. I am not a Dr. and I do not work for any particular Dr. My opinions are my own and may not reflect the opinions of other moderators or the owner of this site. I am also a hair transplant patient and repair patient. You can view some of my repair journey here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regular Member MarylandGuy Posted September 19, 2007 Regular Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 If I can insert another point of view... While honesty is always the best policy, if you're not comfortable telling her, don't. I'm not sure what your work is, but depending you should be able to have a "business trip" come up or family emergency that takes you away for 10 days. You'll just have to weigh with your own conscience whether telling a little white lie is worth it or not. If she's "the one" then no harm in telling her, but if you're still not sure and want to keep it to yourself as much as possible, a little fib won't hurt. It's not like you're lying about seeing another woman. And if she does "bust" you, well come clean and tell her you were just unsure how to tell her, etc. Consider the other fellows on the board the angel on one shoulder and me the devil saying, "lie, go on, you'll feel better." lol FYI- Nobody knew I had it done aside from my one family friend who took me to and drove me home from the surgery. I scheduled mine around a week off from work and as far as I know, nobody has ever been the wiser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 She knows i cracked the back of my head open a few years back, so... I was thinking i could say i had to have them cut into the back of my head and parts of the top to relieve some pressure (common after a serious head injury) what do you think? My current hair, while grown out a little, will mostly cover it, but how long does it stay red/pink in the recipient area? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 It is going to be a little more than obvious for over a week or two. Some people can pass at the two week mark as just having a little sunburn, weird hair cut, etc., while others take a lot longer. If you see her everyday now, I don't see how she will not inquire or wonder. Listen to what pushing40 said, lots of wisdom in his statement. If you like her that much just tell her, otherwise when she finds out you have been hiding this or keeping it from her she will not be happy My girlfriend is younger than me and I thought she would never understand why I would want a HT, but I told her and she of course does not think I should do it, but I can talk to her openly about it rather than hide it from her. I feel that is now one less burden/stressor about this decision to have to live with. What if we break up and will she tell? A chance I take, but hopefully I am dating only women who are mature, respectful, and compassionate enough to keep this to themselves. The old cliche, Honesty is the best policy!! My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member finnari Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 exact same thing happened to me for my first HT. I flew from Phoenix to New York for it and the girl I was dating (turned into a girlfriend) even met me at the airport to send me off. I just said I was going for a conference. I never did tell her. Just avoid her for a couple of weeks it will make her desire you more. Always lie to women. Its good for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member finnari Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 What if we break up and will she tell? A chance I take, but hopefully I am dating only women who are mature, respectful, and compassionate enough to keep this to themselves. The old cliche, Honesty is the best policy!! Dude what are you smoking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member finnari Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 I cant say you dont make a lot of good points but what is the chance your going to stay with this woman? I did tell my wife about my recent HT and it did feel good to tell her. She was understanding. But she is my wife and she is going to have a boob job soon. Originally posted by pushing 40:Dude, give it up. This is coming from someone who used to have more skeletons in his closets than Harvard medical school; more guilt on his conscience than anyone should serve themselves in a life time. Soooooo many people have no idea the freedom that comes along with honesty; pure, disciplined, gentle honesty. Granted it takes a lot more balls, but a LOT less effort. Seriously, if you try to duck and dodge on something as insignificant as a HT, you'll end up looking like an insecure dork to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 i cannot just avoid her for weeks, for the past 3 months the longest we've gone without seeing eachother is 2 days. a couple weeks break right now would not even be possible. I'm thinking ill tell her i had some other kind of surgery, that way i can avoid her for the first 3-4 days during the swelling. My questions is, how long does the recipient area stay very red/pink, not normal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Arrie Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 Great topic guys, Morenewhair if you feel strongly about this person tell her. I don't think you know how much a relief it will be for you. I finally confronted my girlfriend about my insecurity of hair loss when I finally decided to get an HT. Me telling her was one of the best decisions of our relationship, she thought I was the most confident guy she has met. It was an eye opener to her to see that people "hurt" in certain areas of their personal life and don't show it. My girlfriend was so understanding because she had an insecurity and did some cosmetic work about it (guys you only have one guess, and its not a nose job) The bottom line is believe it or not I am a 25 year old male that is confident, succsesfull, happy etc... But when your in that hotel room or on that flight or even in a different city you have some wild emotions going through your mind, at least I did. Chances are she will actually be so grateful you have let her "in" on this part of your life, and as Bill said, you may take this relationship to a higher level. My honest opinion, and please don't think I am trying to past judgement, you may be hesitant to get committed to this girl. For personal reasons or she may not be the one for you. Honestly tell her the truth, the truth really does set you free, cheesy but true. I even began telling my close buddies and they were supportive (amazingly not busting my chops). You will gain a new respect from people, for the simple fact that everyone has insecurities, few if any admit them. You will gain respect from others, those that make fun or critisize, are empty shells that have some insecurities and doubts in themselves. Take care... You only live once... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member Eman Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 finnari- only the good stuff!! My initial HT thread: done and done!! Check it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member finnari Posted September 19, 2007 Senior Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 Originally posted by morenewhair1:i cannot just avoid her for weeks, for the past 3 months the longest we've gone without seeing eachother is 2 days. a couple weeks break right now would not even be possible. I'm thinking ill tell her i had some other kind of surgery, that way i can avoid her for the first 3-4 days during the swelling. My questions is, how long does the recipient area stay very red/pink, not normal.. Tell her your out of town for 10 days and make sure you dont answer your phone. That's what I did with my girl long time ago. Then when you see her just say you burned your head a bit at the tanning salon. If you must face her a couple of days post op just say a couple of guys attacked you with a machette. You managed to fight them off and now she will see you as a superhero. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I might add that we have many mutual friends and I think its best just to not tell her. What if we break up and she spills the beans. I'd rather not chance that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regular Member stumper Posted September 19, 2007 Regular Member Share Posted September 19, 2007 Yea what Michael said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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