Pale, Bald, Scared, Sad, Ready to Do it.

[endoftherope]

Hey there.

 

I am 28 years old and as you can see by my username... i'm at the end of my rope.

 

I am so tired of being rejected by women because of my hairloss. It's unnerving. I know people say women generally go after personality, but I've run into NUMEROUS situations now where I've met a great woman and the only hang up in the relationship is her physical attraction to me. I am an artist and my personality is what attracts women to me initially. However... I've seen a large trend where a woman will discover my hairloss and then begin to distant herself slowly and carefully (as not to offend me). Then, because she loves my personality, she will try to maintain a close friendship with the whole "let's be friends" thing.

 

This has been my life for over a decade. I wish it wasn't an issue and for those that have found women without resorting to a HT, I envy you. My experience has been vastly different. The world has changed MASSIVELY since the introduction of television and the media. The physical standards have been carried to unreachable heights. It's crazy what a person must resort to these days just to compete.

 

At 29 I feel 45 and I look almost 70. I completely missed out on my early youth. While all my friends were going crazy during their twenties, I was quietly sitting in the background, doing my best to get along. It's been horrible.

 

Now I want to try and snatch a little bit of my youth back before I swim through my thirties. I need to salvage something! Anything!

 

And so... despite the fact I've always snubbed plastic surgery and the direction of the misguided American dream, I am lowering my head and getting a HT. I've tried everything else and I'm at the point now that if I don't do something, I'll just end up sitting in my house, alone with my guitar, until the day I die.

 

I have decided to get a consultation from Hasson and/or Wong and go with the best. I am very, very pale with bright blonde hair. My primary concerns are redness, scarring, and wounds. If something goes wrong, I won't be at the end of my rope anymore... I'll be sliding off it.

 

Are there any extremely pale people on this board that have had HTs? How was the scarring and how long did it take for your scalp to return to a normal color?

[endoftherope]

Hey there.

 

I am 28 years old and as you can see by my username... i'm at the end of my rope.

 

I am so tired of being rejected by women because of my hairloss. It's unnerving. I know people say women generally go after personality, but I've run into NUMEROUS situations now where I've met a great woman and the only hang up in the relationship is her physical attraction to me. I am an artist and my personality is what attracts women to me initially. However... I've seen a large trend where a woman will discover my hairloss and then begin to distant herself slowly and carefully (as not to offend me). Then, because she loves my personality, she will try to maintain a close friendship with the whole "let's be friends" thing.

 

This has been my life for over a decade. I wish it wasn't an issue and for those that have found women without resorting to a HT, I envy you. My experience has been vastly different. The world has changed MASSIVELY since the introduction of television and the media. The physical standards have been carried to unreachable heights. It's crazy what a person must resort to these days just to compete.

 

At 29 I feel 45 and I look almost 70. I completely missed out on my early youth. While all my friends were going crazy during their twenties, I was quietly sitting in the background, doing my best to get along. It's been horrible.

 

Now I want to try and snatch a little bit of my youth back before I swim through my thirties. I need to salvage something! Anything!

 

And so... despite the fact I've always snubbed plastic surgery and the direction of the misguided American dream, I am lowering my head and getting a HT. I've tried everything else and I'm at the point now that if I don't do something, I'll just end up sitting in my house, alone with my guitar, until the day I die.

 

I have decided to get a consultation from Hasson and/or Wong and go with the best. I am very, very pale with bright blonde hair. My primary concerns are redness, scarring, and wounds. If something goes wrong, I won't be at the end of my rope anymore... I'll be sliding off it.

 

Are there any extremely pale people on this board that have had HTs? How was the scarring and how long did it take for your scalp to return to a normal color?

[Lon]

I think you are doing the right thing..Haven't seen your pics..but it sounds like you need a good mega session...and you are right..most women are concerned about a hair line..Just do a alot of research and get the most hair for your money..(Doesn't always take a top surgeon to achieve this)

[thinkingaboutit]

I think its good that you are seeking out one of the best.

 

I can whole-heartedly understand your sentiments. I am an artist as well and have experienced many of the experiences that you have articulated.

 

Look at yourself as a work of art that you want to develop.You are the clay that you are about to mold. What do you have to do to make yourself a masterpiece? The hair is a good start. From the tone of your post it will make you happier. Then what? What will you do for your inner well being to make you as complete as you can be?

Remember that it is a process.There will be times before the process is complete when your appearance might be a bit more awkward and difficult than it is now.Prepare for it and use that down time to develop other personal interests that will make you a stronger over all individual.

 

There are a lot of shallow women out there.Do you deserve better than that?

 

Careful what you wish for,... you just might get it.

[FacelessMan]

Pale, etc.,

 

"thinkingaboutit" has shared some wise words, which I hope I can echo without getting too far afield of your specific question (which I'll gladly answer), or stepping out of line.

 

My gut reaction to your posting is that you are poised to make a fundamentally good decision (including choosing one of the best teams of doctors) from a frame of mind that may not work to your advantage. If you sincerely feel that, were your HT not to come out as you'd like, or were there to be some obstacle between you and the goals you want (bad donor area, whatever) you'd "slide off the end of your rope" as you put it, then I'd strongly urge you to hold off, at a minimum until you've had a chance to do enough research, talk to people, see many photos, to give yourself a more grounded picture of what you're undertaking. Yes, doctors of the caliber of H&W can do wonders even against big odds (talk to "Jotronic" about this), but if you are looking at the thousand or whatever transplanted hairs as a gateway to happiness, peace within, the affection of women, rather than what it is -- a cosmetic improvement, however excellent it may be -- then I can only think that you will be making the process far more difficult for yourself than it needs to be.

 

With respect to women, sure, many aren't attracted to men with thin hair, receding hair, no hair. Some aren't attracted to blondes with tons of hair, we all have our preferences. And sure, some are just shallow. But what price, the attention of a woman who will give you a second glance just because of a magnificent H&W hairline? When you're sitting in that chair for a day or whatever, and spending the following weeks and months patiently waiting for your result, and factoring in those first few healing nights of pain/discomfort, will you feel better to tell yourself "this is for all the one-dimensional twits out there?" I know it has been said thousands of times, but...a woman worth sharing your life, artistic and wonderful personality, and yes, new hair with is one who values you, hair or no hair, healthy or in a wheelchair.

 

So, at the risk of belaboring my unsolicited advice, by all means go for this, if it's what YOU want, but because it's what you want from the perspective of a man who likes who he is -- even bald as hell -- and simply wants to improve his natural assets. Don't let fear taint what is both a demanding and, I like to think, being at the beginning of it, very cool journey toward seeing something beautiful take shape. You get to watching as the "sculpture" of a talented surgeon slowly grows and thrives on your scalp (OK, that's both hokey and a weird image, but the best I can do at this time of day), and you get to keep it...pretty damn cool, say I.

 

Back to specifics...being pale myself, I suspect, from the photos I've seen (didn't ask Dr. Feller), that I will remain red for a month, maybe two. I actually like it, because it reminds me of the area that will be filled with hair rather than gleaming under lights as it had! But then I'm a tad odd...

 

Please feel free to ask me, or many of the far more experienced and knowledgeable guys here, any questions at all.

 

Benjamin

[wesley949]

Endoftherope:

You are a very young man and you are fortunate that the technology is available. How bad is your hair loss? You may want to get on Propecia. From what I have seen it does work if you still have "good" hair. It helps you maintain what you have-And from I am reading options will just be getting better. Study-go for a few consulatations and if a HT is what you need you won't regret it if you go with a top doctor. I have just passed 5 months and the growth is starting-I will need another procedure-but really the first one of 2,400 was not a big deal. It is just the waiting. It takes some patience. My best advice for someone your age would be to go to a top doctor and make sure you really need one at your age. Propecia may thicken things up enough for you. Good luck.

[JakeVig]

endoftherope,

 

We all know what the loss of confidence that hairloss can do. The most important thing is that you dont rush into anything as a bad HT is worse than no HT at all. Also know that a HT is a life long committment and that you can no longer be able to shave your head without the donor scar being visible.

 

Having said that if you consult with any ethical quality doctors (many of which you can researched on this site), they can assess your situation and let you know what can be achieved. The good thing is that top doctors produce consistently good results that have changed a lot of peoples lives for the better.

 

Another thing going for you is that you are young and you may be responsive to proven hair loss treatments. The only FDA approved treatments for hairloss is Minioxidil (Rogaine) and Finasteride (Propecia/Proscar). Both are lifelong commitments and can have side effects.

 

Although not FDA approved for hairloss there is also a more potent DHT Inhibitor called Dutasteride (Avodart). It is not FDA approved for hairloss but clinical results show that it is more effective than Finasteride.

 

You are also lucky that you have found this website, as there is a godsend of information about hair loss and an awesome support group.

 

If you post pictures of yourself on here we can let you know how many grafts you will probably need and recommend good doctors in your local area.

 

Hope this helps and good luck.

[Hoping]

I think you are wrong about women, at least women who are no longer in their twenties. I got an HT for me, not women? I have known plenty of bald guys who a number of women find very attractive. My best friend was bald as a cue cumber and had the prettiest blonde in the world, ten years younger, madly in love with him. Woman are much more into who the guy is and what he is about then whether he has hair. If you are slim with a good physique, have a handsome face, etc. your baldness should be little of an impediment. Its your outlook and confidence that is the problem.

[Lon]

If we are honestly giving opinions, I think that unless you shave your head and go with the trend of being shiney bald..Most women are impressioned by your hair line..and most will even admit it..Yes a good personality and confidence help..but you only get one first impression that may enable you to see the woman again so they can see how good of a person you are... I believe you are right about the older women not caring as much..(because they many imperfections themselves)Anyways thats my unsugarcoated opinion...Hair transplants are a good thing..

[JakeVig]

Well if were all throwing our .02 I also got some change to spare

 

First of all I do believe that 99% of men will always look better with hair. The loss of your hair will tend to make you look older, unhealthier, etc.

 

Having said that I believe the most attractive aspect to the opposite sex is self confidence and a good personality. Losing your hair will generally have a negative impact on your self confidence which in turn will lose your appeal to the opposite sex.

 

I also have a good mate of mine who lost his hair at an early age. Fortunately for him he was picking up top-shelf girls at school when he had hair. Now without hair he is still picking up gorgeous women. He still has a top personality, rockhard body and dresses well, now he justs adds stylish hats, barrets, etc. to his wardrobe. This has not affected him approaching gorgeous women at all and after he gets to know girls they don't seem to care if he has hair or not.

[endoftherope]

I appreciate the support and the responses. This is truly a great forum. Thank you all so much.

 

Concerning the personality/sex appeal topic, I have to say that I don't believe a woman is shallow for wanting a man she is attracted to. She is only shallow if sex is the sole reason she engages in the relationship. This also goes for men, too. Sex appeal has to do with survival of the species and a healthy sex life is an important part of a healthy relationship. My hopes are that a HT will help me complete the circle and eliminate the one gap that has kept me from entering a healthy relationship. I have been with a handful of women in my life that I truly connected with. Generally, everything was picture perfect, yet in the end, sex appeal was always the ONLY hang up. It's been torture to know that on all levels a relationship was 95 percent complete, yet her sexual attraction to me was invariably the sole reason the relationship dissolved. "I'm sorry... you're wonderful. I love you. I'm just not attracted to you." Ouch.

 

As for the statement that some women go for bald men (which I'm sure is a topic that has been discussed a million times over on this forum) I think that idea is subjective. For some that is true, yes, but for others it is not. Some men simply don't look good bald (which is my case) and that can pose a problem. I am pasty and pale with light blonde eyebrows and eyelashes. Basically I am the next closest thing to an albino. Hair provides one bit of coloration and a geometric balance to my head that makes all the difference in my physical appearance. If I could go bald and look good, believe me, I would. I'd do it in a heartbeat and never look back. Unfortunately, I am not so lucky. I don't look good bald at all.

 

I understand that hair is not a doorway to happiness. As I stated before, I've never been an advocate of plastic surgery. But I feel like I've been working on my personality, my confidence, my talents, and every other aspect of my being for years now and still, this one stupid, trivial thing seems to consistently block my progress in finding a relationship. I want a HT not as an end all be all solution, but to simply increase my chances of finding happiness.

 

Again, thank you all for your opinions and your insight. It's tough to make a decision like this.

[Browny217]

mate

im in your shoes im 23 and for a while i turned to alcohol to make me feel better and sleep im actually booked in for my ht next month and im very excited it may be a lil late to add to your forum but here it goes

 

you may be against cosmetic surgery which i kinda am but you have to seriously think about it and justify why you are getting it some people take it too far but i think if you feel it will make you feel happier then whats wrong with that? At the moment i cant look in the mirror without feeling depressed but i feel inside that once my surgery is done i will not only feel better in front of the mirror but i will be more confident in public which i think is priceless because at the moment i cant even go out with my mates for a drink cause of my confiedence and as i said i resort to alcohol and working weekends

 

but all i can say relating ht to women is make sure you not just getting it for women or a specific woman, most of all do it for yourself because i feel that before you can love somone you have to be love yourself (not in a ego type way)

 

most all keep your head up buddy as the lovely christina agulira said we`re all beatiful in every single way (easy for her to say)

 

and finnaly we`re all here for the same reason and i think its great that we all stick by each other like this

 

Take Care Yawl

[endoftherope]

Does anyone know if the scar becomes visible while the hair is wet?

[JakeVig]

endofrope,

 

It depends. After the first few weeks your scar will be noticeable due to the shaved hair around the donor and some shockloss. If you go to a top doc though and get the tricho closure technique in a lot of cases the scar will be undetectable after a few months of healing and surrounding hair regrowth. Scar visibility is just another reason why you should always go to a top Doc to do your HT.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Do you know how many grafts you are looking to get?

[the B spot]

Rope, as a man, you need to accept your hairloss for what it is------- an extremely difficult situation that affects many men, even those of us in our 20's. With that said, you want a woman who wants you for YOU, with or without hair. Physically you will not change after a HT, nor will your personality OR what you want/looking for in a woman. I met my girl while I was a NW4 and during the first 2 years of our relationship, I went to a NW6 who shaved down to a #1 guard. NOTHING CHANGED!!! In addition, instead of young girls being interested in me, I had women from 25 to 35 asking for my number or asking me out, so at 27-28, I felt that was appropriate. Please understand, I know how you feel---we all do. But do this for yourself and not some woman. A HT will not change who you are inside, and while I understand it is awesome to be attractive to hot women, the fact is, every woman is attracted to different things. A HT is not the answer to problem with women, nor will it ever be. Take some time and REALLY look things over and do this for you and nobody else. Hang in there buddy!!!

[Alexander]

I have to agree with B-spot in some ways- I'm not sure what kind of girls you are meeting or where you are meeting them, but I've dated girls as well who either didn't care about hairloss, or found it masculine and attractive. Seriously. I mean they really couldn't give a sh#t about hairloss at all. And I'm not trying to wave off what you are experiencing, but if women weren't attracted to bald or balding men, then the human race would cease to exist, because every guy is genetically programmed to lose his hair, some less than others of course, but still.

 

I'm curious also about this quote:

 

"I'm seeing a trend where a woman will look into my eyes as if she's found her dream man, and as soon as she notices the hairloss, she begins to distant herself slowly and carefully"

 

So is this all happening in one instance? It seems like a weird comment. Wouldn't she notice the hairloss right away? It seems odd that she would look into your eyes first and fall in love, and then look up and fall out of love in a split second. Usually people take in the whole appearance when they are "eyeing" up someone. Or are you wearing a hat at first? Hair is such a small variable amongst a million other things that generate sexual interest. You must be giving off some other vibe, because a woman can sniff out a lack of confidence from a mile away. I know you say you're confident, but how can you be completely confident? If you were confident then you wouldn't feel as though you need any surgical enhancements at all. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, but what if you spend a bunch of money and time on transplants only to find out that wasn't the problem in the first place?

 

There is a way to find out. Take some pics (without a hat) that at least show your face and hairloss pattern, and put them up on match.com, yahoo personals, etc. Write some stuff about yourself, what you're looking for, etc. Wait a few weeks or a month or two and see if you get any responses. If you get a good number of responses, then you know that hairloss isn't your problem, and maybe that will give you the confidence you need to go back out there and take what's yours! It certainly can't hurt.

[Guest]

A lot of these guys are just trying to be nice about this for your sake rope.

The fact is, in the western world anyway, girls of today are as pretentious and fake as they've been in the history of mankind.

It's basically because of what they see on TV and read in glossy trash mags. You know, monkey see monkey do.

I am a good looking, witty guy who used to score every weekend, no shit. That all changed when I started losing my hair. I could see girls eyes staring at my hairline as they were talking to me and their interest in me faded. Sure, I still had my fair share of girls after balding, but nothing like the numbers or quality as before.

Some may say it's because your confidence is lacking if you're balding, maybe so. It still doesn't change the fact.

I say get it done.

You're lucky you're around in todays world of excellent,undetectable HT's. In the old days you would have been butchered like so many of us older guys have and you would have spent not only your 20's but also your 30's hanging out in the background.

Unlike what most psychiatrists,psychoanalysts etc etc say, revenge is sweet. Make sure you break a few of those hearts that gave you the brush off because you were bald when you get your new hair.

But you're going to be out of action for 2 months while your donor and recipient area get back to pre-op stage. Do not believe this "everythings OK after 2 weeks" bullshit.

But it will be worth it. 2 months out for a couple of decades in.

Good luck,

Cheers

[JakeVig]

The fact is, in the western world anyway, girls of today are as pretentious and fake as they've been in the history of mankind.

It's basically because of what they see on TV and read in glossy trash mags. You know, monkey see monkey do.

 

 

I love your take no shit style brianf :-)

 

Again I think your only referring to the peer group driven, superficial attractive trophys girls who's only ambition is to be a footballers wife! And because they will be able to score whoever they want in a club will only consider the hottest guy in the club!

I personally think your going to be much happier in relationship with a woman with a good happy personality who is not superficial and only cares about looks (yours or hers).

 

Unlike what most psychiatrists,psychoanalysts etc etc say, revenge is sweet. Make sure you break a few of those hearts that gave you the brush off because you were bald when you get your new hair.

 

 

Hell that shits just too funny! Sounds like you've had some post op fun yourself there brianf!

 

But you're going to be out of action for 2 months while your donor and recipient area get back to pre-op stage. Do not believe this "everythings OK after 2 weeks" bullshit.

But it will be worth it. 2 months out for a couple of decades in.

 

 

Yeah sounds very true and straight to the point. Unless you got enough hair to cover the work, you pretty much are buzzing down and thinning hair buzzed down does not look that great. So yeah you will probably be out of action for a couple of months. Could be a blessing in disguise though, you can spend this time doing things you would not normally do as your not trying to pick up girls. Hit the gym if its your thing. Otherwise I find that you can have pretty interesting conversations with women if your not trying to pick them up straight away.

[Guest]

As usual, some wise words from you JakeVig.

As you've stated before, there are some good women out there, finding them requires one of the ingredients of a HT - Patience.

 

On an unrelated topic, how's your hair doing PB?

Any updates? Your donor area looks good, basically pre-op.

[PB]

On an unrelated topic, how's your hair doing PB?

Any updates? Your donor area looks good, basically pre-op.

After the rapid growth during the 4th, 5th and first half of the 6th month, things have slowed down and I haven't noticed much happening over the last 6 weeks. How's your scar and growth doing Brian?

[Guest]

The HT is coming in slowly but surely.Its 16 weeks but I dont seem to have the density yet of others Ive seen.

The scar is fading, still a bit pinkish though.

This pic is 16 wks a couple of days after a haircut with a #3 guard.

[Hoping]

Brian don't sweat it too much about that revenge thing. They get it with age. I'm now 51, good looking for my age, successful on a professional level, and although married I have had more than a few pretty woman as young as their thirties show interest in me (not that I ever bit). All those gorgeous women who were in their twenties when I was in my twenties are not in or approaching their fifties. I gurantee you they are no longer getting the attention they once got or any attention at all. Sad to say that I barely notice women in their late forties or fifties, and don't think they don't know it. So all of those women who today are superficial are one day going to find out that they no longer have the power they once had. It is true that many guys age gracefully and can still be attractive to woman for reasons other than looks. Women simply age.

[Alexander]

Brian,

 

You said the following:

 

"Make sure you break a few of those hearts that gave you the brush off because you were bald when you get your new hair."

 

That is some really shallow shit my friend. If you live in the world of shallow (ie nighclubs, bars, frat parties, etc) trying to "score" every weekend, you can't be surprised when those tables turn on you. Men have it easier than women actually, because as women mature mentally, they don't care as much about hair or other aspects of looks. Men remain much more judgemental when it comes to looks than women over time. I've seen lots of attractive 30- ish women with men in their 50s, even 60s. It's too bad that through this process you've learned nothing but to get revenge on superficial women who brushed you off.

[Guest]

Thanks for the advise Alexander. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

But, aah, what does it have to do with the original question posted by the OP.

 

By the way, I've never taken revenge on a woman and I never said that I did. I suggested it to 'Rope tongue in cheek. But that you didn't get that isn't surprising.

I suggest you might try sticking to answering the posted question.

Very sorry for airing an opinion that differs from yours sir.

[Alexander]

Brian,

 

I'm sorry if I didn't catch the tongue in cheek nature of your response. Your post didn't come off that way, so I apologize if I was too critical. But this is a serious post, and guys in here are trying to support a guy who is really struggling with his hairloss, and trying to come to terms with his life and a possible decision about getting a HT. And you told him in a nonchalant way to just go ahead and get the HT, as if it were no big deal. Even though the surgery is much more refined these days, and the days of butchery are mostly a thing of the past, it is a very serious consideration to get cosmetic surgery, and there are ramifications and potential downsides that everyone should be made aware of. I just found your post a bit cavalier for the overall tone of this topic. No hard feelings, ok?