Perceptions of other balding men...

[Middleson]

The guy that works on our computers is a young fella, maybe in his late 20's or early 30's, and he's already fully bald (Norwood 6?). He only comes to our offices when we have network/computer problems, so I don't see him all that often & I never really paid much attention to him prior to my own HT a couple months ago. Whenever he was around I was only interested in getting our computers fixed.

 

However, since my own HT a couple months ago, I've started noticing that this same fella usually always wears a ballcap. He'll sometimes remove it in our office but he always has it with him and it is usually on his head. My impression is that he would prefer not to wear it, but does so for reasons that I (and all of you) would probably understand. This young man has no clue whatsoever that I recently had a HT, and I wonder what he would think of me if he knew?

 

My heart goes out to this guy because I now take notice of his personal discomfort with his own baldness. The thing is, from my own perspetive he looks just fine without that ballcap...he's what most of us would agree to be physically fit and what most folks would consider pretty attractive young man who just happens to be bald. Personally, I think the ballcap detracts from his otherwise very professional appearence while he's in our office environment. He's already married, but I'm reasonably sure he would not have any problems with the ladies if he were still single, even without that ever present ballcap. It's like an unecessary security blanket for him.

 

I want sometimes to say to him "Dude, forget the ballcap, you look just fine as you are...be proud of yourself!" Of course, I would never presume to say anything like that to him or anyone I knew only casually. But wouldn't that make me hypocritical if I did, considering I spent so much time to research and find a well qualified doctor to remove all those hairs from the back of my head and re-plant them in my balding spaces?

[Middleson]

The guy that works on our computers is a young fella, maybe in his late 20's or early 30's, and he's already fully bald (Norwood 6?). He only comes to our offices when we have network/computer problems, so I don't see him all that often & I never really paid much attention to him prior to my own HT a couple months ago. Whenever he was around I was only interested in getting our computers fixed.

 

However, since my own HT a couple months ago, I've started noticing that this same fella usually always wears a ballcap. He'll sometimes remove it in our office but he always has it with him and it is usually on his head. My impression is that he would prefer not to wear it, but does so for reasons that I (and all of you) would probably understand. This young man has no clue whatsoever that I recently had a HT, and I wonder what he would think of me if he knew?

 

My heart goes out to this guy because I now take notice of his personal discomfort with his own baldness. The thing is, from my own perspetive he looks just fine without that ballcap...he's what most of us would agree to be physically fit and what most folks would consider pretty attractive young man who just happens to be bald. Personally, I think the ballcap detracts from his otherwise very professional appearence while he's in our office environment. He's already married, but I'm reasonably sure he would not have any problems with the ladies if he were still single, even without that ever present ballcap. It's like an unecessary security blanket for him.

 

I want sometimes to say to him "Dude, forget the ballcap, you look just fine as you are...be proud of yourself!" Of course, I would never presume to say anything like that to him or anyone I knew only casually. But wouldn't that make me hypocritical if I did, considering I spent so much time to research and find a well qualified doctor to remove all those hairs from the back of my head and re-plant them in my balding spaces?

[the B spot]

Very Nice Post!!!!!!

 

I speak about my baldness with almost everyone I meet.

 

It is something I am proud to say that I am dealing with it.

 

Sometimes you just have to walk up to guys and give them the HTN website and just say "check this out" and move on.

 

Thanks for such a thoughtful post Middleson!!!

[pushing 40]

It is true that we make so much more out of our baldness than others do. I really only notice people's baldness if they seem uncomfortable with it: combovers, wearing a cap when a cap is obviously inappropriate for the clothes or environment. Or maybe if I'm just out bored somewhere and people watching. But still, other people's baldness seldom seems to detract from their appearance as far as I'm concerned. So why do I feel it REALLY detracts from my appearance? That's revealing something about the human character, I'm just not sure what......

[Middleson]

Thanks B spot. "I like the way you talk." ...I'm trying to work my way up to "Hard Core" karma points, and possibly contribute something in the process...

 

pushing: i think you're right, we probably do make more of our own baldness than others do.

 

It's a little bit funny. I've seen some before/after photos on this very website that make me think "Wow, what an amazing transformation", and others that make me think "That guy looked pretty damn good in his before photo, why would he go through all the trouble & expense of a HT when he looked that good?". I guess it is a matter of perspective.

 

The few people that know what I've done (recent HT) tell me that they never thought that I would ever need or even think about a HT, and yet it was very important to me. Even so, when I shared my before/after close up photos the response was fairly consistent "oh, I see, how cool". "now I understand", etc...

 

Interesting.

[Gorpy]

Interesting topic guys. Human perception of those around us is something that happens on a subconscious as well as a conscious level. I think we do fret about our own situation more than others think about us. However, everyone to some degree thinks about the physical image portrayed by others.

[Bill - Seemiller]

Great post and great discussion.

 

I'm sure I've stated this before, and a few people have already touched on it...it certainly is a matter of our own perspectives. It's basically about what WE see in ourselves when we look in the mirror. More deeply, it's not just baldness that gets to us, it's what we associate baldness with...and it's pretty similar for everyone who struggles with it. Going bald means the following:

 

1. We are experiencing the effects of aging - most people would like to be "forever young". But why don't we want to experience the effects of aging? See number 2.

 

2. We don't feel as attractive - we believe that women are less attracted to bald men. This may or may not be true and it will vary from woman to woman...BUT the way we FEEL about it is...we feel undesirable. Note: It doesn't mean that we ARE undesirable even if we believe we are....as Middleson pointed out above...he thinks the bald computer guy looks just fine bald...it goes to show...we are our own worst critic, and therefore our own worst nightmare....especially if we let our minds wander to number 3 which is typical.

 

3. Our confidence may be effected. Feeling less desirable in the physican realm makes us begin to believe we are less desirable as people. So therefore, not only does baldness = less attractive, but baldness now = less valuable as a human being, less desirable as a man. We may ask questions like "Who could love a bald man?". The belief that we can't or won't be loved leads us to a belief of lack of worth which may make us ask "What can I offer the world?" with an implied answer of "nothing". Now not everyone struggles this deeply, but many do. It's all our perception and what we allow our minds to convince us of. So what happens if our confidence is frayed? See number 4.

 

4. Once our confidence is frayed, our behaviors may change (depending on the person). Since some are more convinced than others that they are less desirable not only in appearance but as a person, some people will become more withdrawn, more hidden from the world. We'll try to conceal our "ugliness" with a hat or hair concealors if we can...or whatever it takes. It gives us an ounce of security, but even then, we know of the "deformity" that lies beneath the covering, and ultimately, though we have an ounce more of confidence with our concealer, ultimately, we still aren't as confident and therefore outspoken or outgoing as we used to be. On the flip side, though it's less common, there will be people who will try to overcompensate for their feelings of unworth and become MORE outgoing...to a fault. They'll become clingy...trying to hold onto anything that they feel is valuable to them to try to disprove their beliefs of feeling undesirable and not valuable. Ultimately, this clinginess will lead them to a self fulfilling prophecy because people ultimately are pushed away by people who cling and try to over compensate. This will only reinforce their belief that they are not valuable as a human being and eventually they will begin to withdraw and potentially suffer from depression. The interesting fact here is...people who withdraw in this scenerio aren't withdrawing because the bald man is unlovable or not valuable...they are withdrawing because of the conscious or subconscious behavior change that demands and asks too much of them.

 

So what's the point of all this? There are 2 things one can do in this situation, learn to accept it or change it. Now I believe in a combination of both...I've HAD 3 HTs after all....I see no problem with this. Since we can take back control, why not take advantage of it? However, I also believe that we need to learn to change our perspectives. This is easier said than done...in fact, typically, for deeply rooted beliefs to change, it takes counseling, time, and God.

 

On a side note: do you know how many younger guys I see shaving their heads even though they have the potential for a thick head of hair? They do it by choice and here we are wishing we had hair. The difference between us and them is the OPTION. These shaved head young guys still get girls and their confidence is not affected. BUT, once the choice is taken away, we develop a case of wishing for something we cannot have.

 

Anyway...those are my 2 (ok more like 1000) cents on the subject. What's the resolution? People will have to make their own choice as to what to do with their "afflictions" if you want to call it that. YET, some of us (most of us) are here to help steer people in a direction that's right for them (regardless of whether or not they choose to have an HT). Some people lose their hair, some people struggle with weight, some acne...all of which leaves us with a similar feeling of shame. We feel shameful not because it is wrong to have these afflictions...but because of how we view ourselves which is also derived a LOT by the way we know the world interprets these afflictions. In an ideal world, we wouldn't worry about these things nor let it affect our confidence...but the bottom line is, it does. So let's take back the power where we can, and where we can't, let's work to change our perspectives and see ourselves the way were were meant to...the way God sees us (sinners yet redeemed by grace for all those who believe in Jesus Christ). We are valuable because He gives us value. Hence my reason for "The Value in All of Us" post in the Open Hairloss Topics forum.

 

If you made it through this and survived...congratulations. You are either a lot wiser or a lot more tired

 

Bill

[YoungGuy]

I think we're all narcissistic at heart. I definitely agree with the fact that we make a lot more of this than anyone else does.

 

I'm now 5 weeks post op myself and we all know that this is really when one looks the worst. Here's the kicker: I just started dating someone this week. I don't think one can get more convincing proof that ya don't look as bad as you think you do. And yet I wear a cap as much as I can. Weird, unnecessary, and still - it's stronger than all of us and I completely understand why the guy Middleson mentions does what he does.

 

In the end, a ht is something you do for yourself, nobody else. Personal decision that makes us happier with ourselves. We can get all the proof that we don't look terrible that we want, but in the end it's that nagging feeling in the back of our heads that we try to kill.

[Guest]

Funny this post started tonight. I almost started one because of something I overheard today. I was sitting down at lunch with a friend today & we got seated next to two attractive 30 something woman. My friend left the table & I heard the Girls talking. One of them started describing a guy to her friend & her words were "He was tall & had this big full head of hair & all the girls were swarming over him". I didn't need to hear that!

[its-only-hair]

Folica,

 

I hope when your friend got back to the table you said, "I seen this gorgeous girl today, about 21 years old with big full beautiful breasts and all the guys couldn't take their eyes off her."

[Guest]

Originally posted by its-only-hair:

Folica,

 

I hope when your friend got back to the table you said, "I seen this gorgeous girl today, about 21 years old with big full beautiful breasts and all the guys couldn't take their eyes off her."

Good one It's only hair! Damn In missed that one! There will be a next time, just wasn't thinking on my feet...

[the B spot]

LMAO!!!! You Guys!!!!!!!!

 

It always relates back to women, doesn't it?

 

I suggest you guys find a woman who loves you without hair--- that way you are sure she loves you for who you are NOW and not the hairy God's you will be become

 

Later Mates!!!!

J

[Guest]

LOL Bspot! I already have a wife who loves me without my hair!

I'm not looking to pick up chicks but I don't want to be viewed as something less desireable or deficient in someway because i don't have thick head of hair...ya know?

[nobuzz4me]

Originally posted by folica:

 

I heard the Girls talking. One of them started describing a guy to her friend & her words were "He was tall & had this big full head of hair & all the girls were swarming over him". I didn't need to hear that!

 

 

 

Were they talking about Bill Clinton????

 

 

Great post, LOL!

[the B spot]

I did not hear anyone mention cigars, Buzz?

 

Couldn't have been BILL Clinton--- Maybe it was Hillary?

 

I heard people used to mix them up all the time.......

 

Fun Times!!!!!!!!

[nobuzz4me]

B-Spot,

 

Could have been agent Bill - He works behind the scenes and "under covers"!

 

 

 

Middleson,

 

"The bald computer guy" Crikey! All of us here could fit that description, OK formerly bald computer guys!

[Middleson]

....speaking of big full breasts..

 

I recently returned from spending a couple weeks in central America, a few of those days I spent in a particularly nice place on the pacific ocean which had a spectacular infinity pool which overlooked the ocean. Well, I don't know if it was coincidence or not, or maybe it's because I haven't spent any time around a public pool lately, but, well, if you haven't seen a group of women who've all had breast implants floating on those thin polystyrene rafts, it's an amazing sight.

[Bill - Seemiller]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! This was once a serious thread...I see it all went downhill . But it's definitely funny!

 

Bill Clone 5

[Bill - Seemiller]

Speaking more of breasts and implants....

 

The funniest thing I've ever seen...I was in the car with my wife and 2 friends going to see 4th of July fireworks. Well, finding a spot to park it near impossible...but as we were driving, we were passing a lot of people walking. Stopped at a red light, this group of girls start crossing the street and one of them made my jaw drop. All conversation in the car stopped and eyes were boggled starring at this girl. Now this was not a good stare...but it was one in awe. The girl's breasts were literally about as big as watermelons and they stuck straight out. I would say if you could remove it and turn it vertically, it would be the side of her torso. Of course, leave it to me to be the one to break the silence....I said "OMG, does that girl have watermelons under her shirt". Of course the entire car was roaring.

 

Seriously folks...whey would any girl do that to herself. It would be like one of us purposely wanting to look like wolfman and creating a hairline right above our eyebrows! The point to me is to look natural and to IMPROVE the way we look, not make ourselves look ridiculous!

 

Bill the original

[Gorpy]

That's a good point Bill. Over doing it with breast implants, lip enhancment or hair transplants is a bad idea.

[YoungGuy]

Speak for yourself. I want to transplant a patch of fur directly onto my nipples. Then I could walk around with my shirt off going "YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!"

[the B spot]

HAHA!!!!!!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I needed that today YoungGuy!!!!!!

 

Thanks Alot Buddy!!!!

[Bill - Seemiller]

Speak for yourself. I want to transplant a patch of fur directly onto my nipples. Then I could walk around with my shirt off going "YEAH BABY, YEAH!!!"

 

ROTFLMAO!

 

Bill

[Middleson]

You guys crack me up.

 

I knew this thread was heading south but I never saw the hairy nipples coming.

[Michael A.]

Of course we care about our hair b/c of the ladies. The take so much time doing their f***in hair nad try to look good, but for me personally, I've been obsessed with learning about balding b/c of the incident with my job a year ago. I was a banquet waiter at a luxurious place. I've worked hundreds of weddings over my 3 year stay there. What happened was I wouldn't get promoted to banquet captain($11.00 to $12.50) b/c I didn't like to gel my hair up. I wore bangs to cover my forehead. I felt discriminated against so I quit my awesome job. I didn't like the other 100 people i worked with knew this kind of.i mean women, booze, the atmosphere, it sucked quiting that job. But i couldn't stand being a work horse and knowing the only thing from a promotion was my appearance. It was a blow to my confidence, and knowing any other man, we are cocky S O B's. The perception of balding men affects our jobs as well. But the hell with everyone. I'm glad I found this website to vent. I know how you all feel. F*** Bi****, get money!!