Honest Discussion Over Member Accountability

[Melvin- Admin]

Our community has always worked hard to keep surgeons accountable. You guys have also kept me accountable. I'm not above reproach. I have made mistakes before and appreciate the feedback. That's what makes this community so wonderful. We can be vulnerable amongst each other and talk about an uncomfortable subject. The members who post and share their experiences here do so on their own accord. They're paying it forward to help the thousands who will come after them. 

Many of you post on the subreddit r/hairtransplants. I think it's great to have multiple platforms that educate patients. But I have a big problem with the images that are shared here being posted there in a disrespectful way. You guys have demanded we hold surgeons accountable, and rightfully so, but accountability is a two-way street. 

Just as we keep surgeons accountable, we should keep members accountable too. A member on the subreddit Lopsided_pair, aka Jimcraig152, has taken a repair patient's images posted on this forum and said something vile and disrespectful on multiple occasions. You can see what he said in the thread below. Furthermore, it looks like this same person disclosed information publicly that another user gave him privately in a dm. I don't think that's acceptable behavior, either. 

You may think disrespectful critiques and remarks about a patient only hurts the clinic. The truth is that the clinic is only mildly annoyed. What seems like a pesky fly to a clinic can be soul-crushing to a patient. Keep that in mind when you post. I don't have any control over what @Wallaby_Upstairs does on his subreddit.  But if I see someone from this community posting something vile and disrespectful towards another community member on Reddit, I will ban you. 

Our community is popular because thousands of patients trust us enough to share their pictures and reviews. We keep surgeons accountable by sharing genuine reviews. We're here to help build each other up, not tear each other down. I was distraught yesterday when I saw the vile things this person wrote about someone suffering. I wanted to cool down before I created this thread. I'm not stooping to their level. 

But for those of you who frequent both forums, I ask that you flag disrespectful posts. We cannot pretend to be moral crusaders against surgeons but stay silent toward other members. 

I would love to hear the communities thoughts. 

 

[Pbaird98]

It’s a double edged sword when someone is brave enough to come and share/show a poor or sub par work procedure, they are sharing sensitive information and pics, which does need to be shown, but this has led to misuse. For that person in particular it’s really not going to be of any help when the pics are being described in the negative, making those kind of comments is somewhat cruel and can stick in the members head. That is definitely the opposite of what forums are supposed to be doing, helping others and supporting them. Most of us probably are on multiple platforms, and this is a good thing in my eyes. What’s not cool is ridiculing others, it wouldn’t fly on this forum without repercussions. 

Edited March 10, 2023 by Pbaird98

[Shifty]

Obviously the correct answer is no but asshole's are gonna asshole unfortunately. 

[Melvin- Admin]

6 minutes ago, Shifty said:

Obviously the correct answer is no but asshole's are gonna asshole unfortunately. 

That is true, a person’s true nature always shines. 

[Parasol]

I don’t talk about my hair transplants too much in real life. For me, putting my face to my profile, and showing my face here was an important step for accepting myself. But, along with that, I also wanted others to feel welcome to comment to me, or even PM me if needed (which I get now that my face is shown) so having my face for the whole world to see added a bit of a human element to my internet element.

I decided to share my story here to help inform people about the reality of transplants, and show the truth of one man’s journey.

When I decided to post my pictures, gradually revealing more of myself, I realized it was possible others could take them and post them anywhere they want.

I don’t necessarily think Redditors posting images from here is a bad thing. In fact, referencing examples of what can go right, or what can go wrong, is invaluable information for someone researching what transplants are capable of (or capable of doing to you).

What I hope for is that each forum that encourages photos, has a good ground work in place to make users feel safe to share. This places a lot of responsibility on Mods. 

My thought is, if a user is using examples of good and bad work, that’s ok; regardless of the source. Users need to see the truth. But if users are humiliating people, and insulting them, then I don’t think they should have any place to participate on any of these forums. 

Let’s take my transplant as an example. It changed my life and I am thrilled with it! But, as I’ve said before, I have the completely bald spot from some bad healing, and the left half of my hairline is much less dense than the right.

If someone used my photo and critiqued the result in any way they wanted, that’s fine to me and I think should be fine for Mods. But, if someone used my photo and insulted me, I would hope any Moderator would do the right thing and ban them instantaneously!

I also post on another forum, a UK one. The Mod there is awesome just like Melvin! A very good dude that will do anything he can for you! I’ve seen him link my original thread (before my last transplant with HDC), and use it as an educational tool for what can go wrong if you stop using meds after a successful transplant.

He linked it not only on his own site, but I’ve seen it linked on other platforms as well.

And you know what? Thank goodness for that! If my story can help educate someone, and prevent even one disaster, I want them to share it anywhere and everywhere!!! Like I said, this mod is a GREAT guy and he shared my story graciously and with tact and with the hope of helping people.

But if, let’s imagine, someone used it to harass or belittle me? I’d feel much differently and would hope any decent Moderators on all sites related would can the user on the spot. 
 

[Rafael Manelli]

On the one hand, it’s hurtful to be needlessly cruel to a patient.

on the other hand, it’s harmful to create an environment where criticism of a surgeons work is euphemisespoken of euohemistically, hushed, or we walk on eggshells and avoid stating honest critique. I have always valued detailed criticism, even if harsh and graphically descriptive, and I think it is ultimately for the best of the community that this be allowed.

But the key difference is that it be done in support of the patient rather than in order to mock, belittle or bully. Problems like cornrows, plugginess, a botched donor, a ridiculously low hairline etc should absolutely be voiced, but not for the purpose of simply hurting the patient, but to point out bad results and call a spade a spade, build a reputation of trustworthiness, offer support to patients who have been botched by confirming it to them rather than gaslighting them that their result is good, and helping them get a good repair.

Depending on the person, one man’s constructive criticism is another man’s merciless bullying. There is no clear line, but you have to be judicious about it. Mere cruelty is not acceptable.

[Melvin- Admin]

1 minute ago, Parasol said:

I don’t talk about my hair transplants too much in real life. For me, putting my face to my profile, and showing my face here was an important step for accepting myself. But, along with that, I also wanted others to feel welcome to comment to me, or even PM me if needed (which I get now that my face is shown) so having my face for the whole world to see added a bit of a human element to my internet element.

I decided to share my story here to help inform people about the reality of transplants, and show the truth of one man’s journey.

When I decided to post my pictures, gradually revealing more of myself, I realized it was possible others could take them and post them anywhere they want.

I don’t necessarily think Redditors posting images from here is a bad thing. In fact, referencing examples of what can go right, or what can go wrong, is invaluable information for someone researching what transplants are capable of (or capable of doing to you).

What I hope for is that each forum that encourages photos, has a good ground work in place to make users feel safe to share. This places a lot of responsibility on Mods. 

My thought is, if a user is using examples of good and bad work, that’s ok; regardless of the source. Users need to see the truth. But if users are humiliating people, and insulting them, then I don’t think they should have any place to participate on any of these forums. 

Let’s take my transplant as an example. It changed my life and I am thrilled with it! But, as I’ve said before, I have the completely bald spot from some bad healing, and the left half of my hairline is much less dense than the right.

If someone used my photo and critiqued the result in any way they wanted, that’s fine to me and I think should be fine for Mods. But, if someone used my photo and insulted me, I would hope any Moderator would do the right thing and ban them instantaneously!

I also post on another forum, a UK one. The Mod there is awesome just like Melvin! A very good dude that will do anything he can for you! I’ve seen him link my original thread (before my last transplant with HDC), and use it as an educational tool for what can go wrong if you stop using meds after a successful transplant.

He linked it not only on his own site, but I’ve seen it linked on other platforms as well.

And you know what? Thank goodness for that! If my story can help educate someone, and prevent even one disaster, I want them to share it anywhere and everywhere!!! Like I said, this mod is a GREAT guy and he shared my story graciously and with tact and with the hope of helping people.

But if, let’s imagine, someone used it to harass or belittle me? I’d feel much differently and would hope any decent Moderators on all sites related would can the user on the spot. 
 

Very well said.  I have also taken cases from this forum and shared them across multiple platforms for educational purposes. I think that is absolutely invaluable. 

I think there’s a clear distinction between sharing something in a respectful manner to educate. It’s a lot different than comparing a persons head to a body part. The latter is meant to damage, nothing more. 

In my opinion, this behavior has no place in a community. I agree that it warrants an instant ban. It’s unacceptable. That said, the best way to enact change is to request it. I’ve reached out to the moderators of this subreddit and provided them with this individuals behavior. Moving forward, if you guys see someone behaving in this manner anywhere report it. I would hope the moderators and admins take action.

[Melvin- Admin]

16 minutes ago, Rafael Manelli said:

On the one hand, it’s hurtful to be needlessly cruel to a patient.

on the other hand, it’s harmful to create an environment where criticism of a surgeons work is euphemisespoken of euohemistically, hushed, or we walk on eggshells and avoid stating honest critique. I have always valued detailed criticism, even if harsh and graphically descriptive, and I think it is ultimately for the best of the community that this be allowed.

But the key difference is that it be done in support of the patient rather than in order to mock, belittle or bully. Problems like cornrows, plugginess, a botched donor, a ridiculously low hairline etc should absolutely be voiced, but not for the purpose of simply hurting the patient, but to point out bad results and call a spade a spade, build a reputation of trustworthiness, offer support to patients who have been botched by confirming it to them rather than gaslighting them that their result is good, and helping them get a good repair.

Depending on the person, one man’s constructive criticism is another man’s merciless bullying. There is no clear line, but you have to be judicious about it. Mere cruelty is not acceptable.

I agree, poor work should be called out. I’m not advocating for censorship at all. The only way we learn is through the truth. Saying something like this result doesn’t look natural for x reason is appropriate. That’s totally different than saying something like “you could look like this guy mr. cornfield 🌽” 

That’s totally inappropriate and unnecessary. I believe theres a way to approach things. That is why I didn’t write this thread yesterday when I was upset. I had so many things I could have said, but it wouldn’t have been appropriate. There’s a way to conduct yourself in a community and that isn’t one of them.

[Marko7t4]

I’ve always found this community, our community, to be mostly respectful, helpful and honest. The same can’t be said for Reddit. There are too many keyboard warriors on there, who do not think nor care about the comments they make. The testicle comment mentioned in the other thread is pathetic. It doesn’t even make sense, as the transplant they’re mocking with that comment actually looks fantastic. 

[Melvin- Admin]

The moderators of Reddit have also asked for community input for those of you who frequent Reddit. Feel free to pm @Wallaby_Upstairs and post comments here