Can't sleep and need to vent:(

[Pk-hair]

Hey everyone,

 

I know it sucks alot.I hate how hair can mean so much to a person. I am glad that I have a supporting girlfriend, but still can effect you... how you live your life. I've seen really bad MPB, I feel their pain and mine not bad. I live my life behind hats and beanies. I just wish that I can go anywhere or survive 30 minutes without a hat, but I feel I can't. I just caught myself staring at young or middle age guys going bald while working out at the gym. I feel that alot of important ME went with the hairs. I try not to think about it and just keep shaving the head and no one will know. I havent been on this site like I used to cause I just didn't want my life to be all about hair. When I first found this site, I was hooked and seeing that it was very important for me to get what I've losted. I am not those guys...who let themselves go cause they got a girl. I always gotta look GQ when I am out and show her or myself that I am the same confident guy that she met.It's just hard try to absorb all this when you never had to worry about this problem. I never had to fake about looking my best and thats what bothers me sooooo much. Having to try so hard to look good or feel great about yourself cause I never had to.

 

One day out with my cousins and they would say some stuff about it. One cousin was telling my girlfriend about how his girlfriend of 10 years left him and he had to add that he was balding like me. My girlfriend defended me, but still it's not fair. That night I was not happy with myself,so to make me feel better I would tell my girlfriend that I can get that girl or that girl if I wanted to and she was looking at me like I was crazy. I just dont like my issue with my hair controls me. WHAT BOTHERS ME IS THAT I HAVE NO ONE IN MY FAMILY OF 17 KIDS WITH MPB. Dad,80 bothers,36-60. I don't understand !!!! At least one brother or cousins. I don't know suppose to see a Derm soon. I guess thats why I don't hang out with my cousins like I want to. It hurts 10 times more when someone you love makes a hair joke. I don't want to wish it on them, but at least be sensitive about it.I know... I should tell them, but commom sense and plus I guess I don't want them to know it hurts. It's like you can't have a good comeback cause its like a wind got knocked out of you.I know it's not end of the world,but just letting my problems out. There you have it guys and thanks for listening. I couldn't sleep and since I don't feel like talking about it to my girlfriend. Thanks

[wantego]

Thanks for such a great post. Most people on this board will understand how you feel. It is great that you stay in shape and keep the "GQ" look. There are a lot of guys that shave their heads that women find very attractive. It sounds like your lady is great so please do not take her for granted in any way. Talking about you being able to get other ladies probably made her look at you that way for a reason. As far as your family goes I'm sure they do not mean to hurt you but I agree jokes from people you care about hurt much more. Could you tell a family member you trust how much it hurts you and maybe that family member in private can let people know some things are not cool? I hope you feel better about things soon. I'm glad you have a lady and family you care about.

[Clint69]

PK,

I feel for ya man. Many of us have been there at one time or another. I have to ask, is there something preventing you from getting and HT? Are you on meds? Whatever the reason, just hang in there and your situation will improve. I would suggest that you refrain from comments to your girlfriend though. Letting her know that you can have this girl or that girl is a definate sign of insecurity and she will pick up on that. Don't let your insecurity drive her away. Get into a solution and remember that god will never give you more than you can handle. Clint

[Ron J]

Age?

NW level?

Meds?

If it bothers you this much, have you looked into getting a ht? I didn't read one mention of ht's in your post (?)

Originally posted by Pk-hair:

My girlfriend defended me, but still it's not fair. That night I was not happy with myself,so to make me feel better I would tell my girlfriend that I can get that girl or that girl if I wanted to and she was looking at me like I was crazy.

Your girlfriend sounds top notch. I understand your insecurity over the issue, but acting in this way to compensate only makes YOUR feelings of inadequacy transparent to her. It sounds as though your hair loss is not an issue to her and she's happy w/you for who you are. If a girlfriend used her insecurity about her breast size to continually point out to me which men she could get, not only would I think her actions were selfish and juvenile, but I wouldn't keep her as a girlfriend for very long. I'd be careful w/your attitude or you might have to deal w/another loss in addition to hair.

[wantego]

I agree about the girlfriend. If she is a good one than you are a lucky man.

[Pk-hair]

Thanks wantego,

Thanks for listening. I never had to try so hard to make myself look good. I been reading here alot and I took some advices to go to the gym. My girlfriend of almost 8 years is a beautiful person. She supports me on my losses, but its like your mom will say anything to make you happy. I know some girls like shave heads and I do like it too, but I like to see the barbar sometimes. I want to have the freedom to go with both looks cause I can and not cause this is the only way to make myself look better. I ask my girl, I guess to help me except my shave head...Do you like me better shave or hair. She say "You look good, but I prefer you to grow it out. I am thinking to myself that I don't want to have a noticable PALM size thin spot showing and I don't know why some guys embarass themselves more by having little hairs that they have and leave it here and there. I decided to shave my head about 3 years ago and I do miss being able to gel it. I guess it felt good for a second when my girlfriend's PRETTY friend made a comment on her myspace picture asking her whos that cute guy on right of her. It made me thinking all weird that maybe I do look good, but my confidents is not fully there. Growing up, we always joked on each other and I just don't have a good enough comeback. I was always the guy that say things that people usually don't come with and make everyone think....where this guy get his jokes to say what he say. I just say it and it comes out making everyone laugh. I feel my situation makes me weak like Kriptanite was supermans weakness and it SUCKS how this can almost kill you slowly. Don't worry guys not gonna be sucidal . My girl has made it clear that to them that this is a sensitive subject and they kinda laugh it off. I guess they know cause it did stop or maybe I havent been around them much to joke. To be honest, I am jealous of my cousins cause of there hair and not of their OK looks. They don't want to be in my shoes cause their life would suck more cause with their OK looks with thin hair. Right now their OK looks and positive confidents works. I say alot of times....Why me!! Why me!! out all my family me!!!!! I don't wish this upon anybody and to make it better I think of worse problems that people have to comfort me with my issue. So Bless you all with similar crisis and people that don't have it....Lucky you!!! Thanks for listening again.

 

 

 

Originally posted by wantego:

Thanks for such a great post. Most people on this board will understand how you feel. It is great that you stay in shape and keep the "GQ" look. There are a lot of guys that shave their heads that women find very attractive. It sounds like your lady is great so please do not take her for granted in any way. Talking about you being able to get other ladies probably made her look at you that way for a reason. As far as your family goes I'm sure they do not mean to hurt you but I agree jokes from people you care about hurt much more. Could you tell a family member you trust how much it hurts you and maybe that family member in private can let people know some things are not cool? I hope you feel better about things soon. I'm glad you have a lady and family you care about.

[Pk-hair]

Thanks for listening Clint,

Money,technology and informaion??? I am suppose to see a Dermatologist soon and don't know the cause or at least I thought it was a Dietry Supplement (Hydroxycut) that I have been taking for 3 years.I stop taking this about almost 6 years ago once I notice about it. I took it at 19-20, til I was 23 years old and then stopped. Went to see Hair Club cause I panic and went with the commerical I saw. They gave me EXT ($1,500 6mths supply) cause I still had alot of hair at the time and hair was still falling even worse. I got some Shinmin from GNC when my supply gone and it worked some. To cut my sad story short, I got tired of taking pills, going broke and not seeing much changes...I just stopped and let nature do it. I just turn 29, I still get carded once in a while or maybe cause I have my hat on or shave head. At 29, my hair has stop shedding 3 or almost 4 years now. So I guess thats it for shedding. She knows that it gets me when it comes to my hair and shes trying her best helping me. She knows how I carried myself and that I use to show up at the clubs with 8 girls before I met her. I never had to brag or talk about it before,so she knew that the comment that my cousins made to me hurts. Help me God!!

 

 

Originally posted by Clint69:

PK,

I feel for ya man. Many of us have been there at one time or another. I have to ask, is there something preventing you from getting and HT? Are you on meds? Whatever the reason, just hang in there and your situation will improve. I would suggest that you refrain from comments to your girlfriend though. Letting her know that you can have this girl or that girl is a definate sign of insecurity and she will pick up on that. Don't let your insecurity drive her away. Get into a solution and remember that god will never give you more than you can handle. Clint

[Pk-hair]

Ron,

I just turn 29, no meds. I don't even know or remember my NW leval, lack of information is my reasons and money of course. When I made those comments to her was towards my cousins and I guess it was my thought to show my cousins that I still got it and she happens to be only one there to hear it. Pretty much I was thinking tooo loud.

Thanks for waking me up, she is great. She was with me when I had thick and thin hair for almost 8 years. Damn!! Ron, you made see it another way. Thanks and good way

 

Originally posted by Ron J:

Age?

NW level?

Meds?

If it bothers you this much, have you looked into getting a ht? I didn't read one mention of ht's in your post (?)

Originally posted by Pk-hair:

My girlfriend defended me, but still it's not fair. That night I was not happy with myself,so to make me feel better I would tell my girlfriend that I can get that girl or that girl if I wanted to and she was looking at me like I was crazy.

Your girlfriend sounds top notch. I understand your insecurity over the issue, but acting in this way to compensate only makes YOUR feelings of inadequacy transparent to her. It sounds as though your hair loss is not an issue to her and she's happy w/you for who you are. If a girlfriend used her insecurity about her breast size to continually point out to me which men she could get, not only would I think her actions were selfish and juvenile, but I wouldn't keep her as a girlfriend for very long. I'd be careful w/your attitude or you might have to deal w/another loss in addition to hair.

[MrJobi]

We have all experienced the pain and discomfort of hairloss and the comments that go with it. Even though I have a full head of hair now there isnt a day that goes by when i don't thank my lucky stars ( & Dr. True) for ridding me of that BIG problem.

I really don't think a women leaves a man due to hairloss however, possibly due to the resulting low confidence / self esteem it can cause.

 

The good news is there are things one can do to address hairloss!!!

[james2009]

that's a really good post man!

 

i feel your pain!

[Judge Holden]

I find what helps me when I get down about hair loss is I think of some bad ass bald guy like a Jason Staham or such. Then I say to myself "what would I think of this guy if he were moping around all the time worrying about his hairloss?"Point is that we notice someones attitude far more than their hair. You have to find a way to make it work for you. Its great that you go to the gym, keep that up. Maybe pick up some other hobbies that will help build your self esteem, like boxing or something. I'd be cautious of hair transplants with your mentality, they will cause you to think about hair more, trust me. You may be best just shaving, telling yourself you look good like that, then moving on with your life.

[lost my swagger]

must say i agree fully with the last part of judges post.... be careful if your considering a HT...

 

ron is right too, your girl is awesome

[dahweed]

Seems to me, PK, that you hang a heck of a lot of your own self-worth on outward appearance and how others respond to your looks. So, you seem to feel a really intense sense of embarrassment about your thinning hair. I hope as you turn 30 and add a few more years of maturity, that a different kind of confidence will develop, independent of your hair. Maintaining your best looks is a good thing, but I have the feeling you instinctively place an unhealthy amount of emphasis on it. A sense of confidence is better than a full head of hair. Frankly, I'm not even sure I'd recommend you get transplant surgery. More important, I think, to deal directly with your "inner thinning." Just a thought from a random guy.