Need some advice...

[leftygolfer71]

I've been dating someone for the last couple months and everytime we go out I almost always wear a baseball cap and I hate it. She's never mentioned anything about my hair loss and I dont think she even cares because she's seen me without a cap.

 

I'm scheduled to have my HT at the end of Oct and I dont know if I should just do it and not tell her or tell her before I get it done? I have no idea how she's going to react, but I have a feeling she might say you dont need to do it.

 

What would you do??:confused::confused::confused::confused:

[TakingThePlunge]

I think most people have good intentions when they advise others that cosmetic procedures are not necessary. I got that from some family members prior to my first hair transplant and even before each of my subsequent procedures. Interestingly, my sister who was one of the most outspoken in this regard recently told me how much younger I look since my third transplant while video chatting.

 

She may very well say advise you that you don't need surgery and she may be very sincere in that but two things to keep in mind are that it's difficult for some people to empathize unless they've faced similar concerns about their own appearance and, most importantly. the general populace still equates hair transplant surgery with "plugs" and believes that they are either ineffective or unnatural in appearance.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably tell her after the procedure. You'll avoid any urges she may have had to talk you out of it and, if she cares about you, she'll share in your excitement and anticipation.

 

I see you chose Dr. Rahal so I'm sure your results will be impressive.

 

Just my two cents.

[pkipling]

She'll most likely tell you that you don't need to do it - and this will also most likely be said with the best of intentions. I still think you should tell her. This question has been raised from time to time, (and I think I'm in somewhat of the minority with my opinion), but I would be upfront and honest from the get go.

 

The truth is so much of what another person thinks about a decision like this is the confidence with which we talk about it. It's amazing how simply owning your decision can change the way that that information is received on the other end. If you present it to her as something you're not ashamed of, something you've thought long and hard about, and something you're really excited to have done, I have a hard time believing that she wouldn't be receptive. And if she's not receptive, then maybe she's not a match.

 

You'll most likely get compelling arguments from both sides of the issue ranging from when (or even if) you should tell her, how women feel about about men getting a cosmetic procedure, how she'll find you less masculine, etc. etc. But I don't buy into any of that. Women like confidence. Heck, not even just women... People in general like confidence, and when we own our decisions confidently, it's amazing how much easier it is for the people around us to accept them.

[newbie33]

I guess a couple of months of dating isn't a very long time. All the same I'd tell her before you get it done. Seems unlikely you'll be able to hide it afterwards and you'd end up with more problems trying to hide it than just being honest from the start.

 

Seems entirely likely she will say you don't need it - and of course she's right: you don't need it. I think most people who care about someone else would advise them not to get an elective medical procedure.

 

Let us know what you decide to do. And good luck.

[leftygolfer71]

I guess a couple of months of dating isn't a very long time. All the same I'd tell her before you get it done. Seems unlikely you'll be able to hide it afterwards and you'd end up with more problems trying to hide it than just being honest from the start.

 

Seems entirely likely she will say you don't need it - and of course she's right: you don't need it. I think most people who care about someone else would advise them not to get an elective medical procedure.

 

Let us know what you decide to do. And good luck.

 

Thanks!!

[leftygolfer71]

Thanks guys for all the great suggestions!

[voxman]

Yep - own it and live it large.

 

I tell everyone. Family, friends, strangers at a bar, homeless guys with great big mounds of tousled greasy full heads of hair.

 

Actually, no. Not those guys. The tend to want to talk politics.

[leftygolfer71]

"If I were in your shoes, I'd probably tell her after the procedure. You'll avoid any urges she may have had to talk you out of it and, if she cares about you, she'll share in your excitement and anticipation. "

 

 

 

 

Ive decided to tell her after the procedure when it comes up. I dont know her well enough where I feel she would understand the pain I have gone through all these years - and I agree that a lot of people still think "barbie doll plugs" when they think of transplants...

[TakingThePlunge]

Good luck! Let us know how it all turns out.

[esrec]

I think most people have good intentions when they advise others that cosmetic procedures are not necessary. I got that from some family members prior to my first hair transplant and even before each of my subsequent procedures. Interestingly, my sister who was one of the most outspoken in this regard recently told me how much younger I look since my third transplant while video chatting.

 

She may very well say advise you that you don't need surgery and she may be very sincere in that but two things to keep in mind are that it's difficult for some people to empathize unless they've faced similar concerns about their own appearance and, most importantly. the general populace still equates hair transplant surgery with "plugs" and believes that they are either ineffective or unnatural in appearance.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably tell her after the procedure. You'll avoid any urges she may have had to talk you out of it and, if she cares about you, she'll share in your excitement and anticipation.

 

I see you chose Dr. Rahal so I'm sure your results will be impressive.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Really nicely put David. It's just difficult for people to empathize with something they haven't endured themselves, even with good intentions.

 

I can empathize with you. My hair loss has long been a mental struggle, causing me to plot and plan for weather and rain and all sorts of things nobody can possibly comprehend. It caused many challenging moments in my previous relationship, as my hair loss has been heavily masked with agents (quite effectively) to the point where I felt much better about myself hiding it even if it came with the exhaustive process of concealing my frustrations.

 

To me, the journey to surgery has been about keeping up appearances, which of course is largely dependent on your degree of loss. Why the elaborate routine and time off for surgery if only to alert the world. Seems counter-intuitive to me, but everyone has a different situation.

 

If you're uncomfortable with the surgery stigma, you could always tell her months down the road you're on a "new medicine". For whatever reason that's considered to be less shameful.

 

Try and focus on the upside--the road of frustration is drawing to a close. Be confident and be excited.