Guess she told me!?!

[Middleson]

I just got my ego bruised.

 

There's a lady I was making small talk with a few minutes ago. She has a new convertable car and I was just outside striking up a conversation when I joked "So Kathy, when are you going to take me for a ride in that awesome car?"

 

I was feeling pretty good when she said "Anytime", but then she commented on the weather & how it would quickly get too hot to have the top down. She said "It would burn your bald spot at a traffic light."

 

OUCH!

[Middleson]

I just got my ego bruised.

 

There's a lady I was making small talk with a few minutes ago. She has a new convertable car and I was just outside striking up a conversation when I joked "So Kathy, when are you going to take me for a ride in that awesome car?"

 

I was feeling pretty good when she said "Anytime", but then she commented on the weather & how it would quickly get too hot to have the top down. She said "It would burn your bald spot at a traffic light."

 

OUCH!

[rp1979]

wHAT??!! Well two can play that game....Next time you see Kathy, you should ask if she would ever consider getting a lipo to rid some of her wobbly bits!!!

 

 

BTW how's your HT from Dr. Cooley coming along so far?

[pushing 40]

OUCH! Some people just don't realize, you know? A few years ago at work I made a comment about bumping the corner of my forehead on a door. One of my buddies replied "can you still call it a forehead when its behind your ears".....

[MrJobi]

Hi

 

Very insensitive and not right! Maybe she was flirting with you ? Anyway, it shows you how hairloss can impact your confidence and perception of others..

 

she shouldn't have said it but that is reality..

[Bayer]

Why is it acceptable to make "bald" remarks around the office? "Fat" remarks directed at people are termed as discriminatory or belittling.

[Guest]

A so called friend of mine pulled the bald joke on me at lunch with our peers.

1 guy said low blow I agreed & didn't say much eles.

Later, I blasted my friend! I almost took his freakin head off! Told him he was a fat!@#$%)(*&^%$##

He hasn't done it since...

[Guest]

Once, I went to look at a house with a lady on a sunny day in her car, porsche convertible.

She noticed my bald spot, pulled over & got me a hat out the trunk!

[Bill - Seemiller]

Middleson,

 

Sorry about the "harsh" comment made by the lady.

 

Interestingly enough though...she MAY not have been insulting you.

 

Most people don't realize that a comment like this could have great impact on our self-confidence (ultimately because we see ourselves negatively anyway based on these imperfections). Her words could have been playful banter.

 

If that happens again, just tell her: "It's not a bald spot...it's a solar panel for a sex machine"

 

Bill

[PCC]

Why is it "OK" for us to joke about our own imperfections but if others bring it up it's crosssing the line?

 

The one I always got a kick out of early in my hairloss: "Do you know you're going bald?" This was generally met with a sarcastic response. It's like they're doing us a huge favor by alerting us to it and we should be immensely grateful!

 

Phil

[MrJobi]

Hi

 

It's not OK to make rude comments about balding and it is just as offensive to racial or gender comments. For the record the legal ramifications can be severe if you pursued it

[Middleson]

Hey thanks for responses guys. I knew I could count on a little empathy here.

 

I'm sure her comment was completely without malice, and meant only in a lighthearted way. I've known this woman casually for many years and she knows me well enough to know she's pretty safe with me. I won't comment on her wobbly bits.

 

rp1979: My HT from Dr Cooley is doing great, thanks for asking. I'm about 4.5 months post-op with evidence of new growth throughout my balding crown and along my hairline. Obviously the growth is not enough for friends/casual aquaintences to notice. At this point I'm eagerly waiting for the more noticable stuff to come in the next 4-6 months.

[Tarasilk]

Middleson--I agree that her comment could very well have been playful banter, as Bill suggested.

 

It's just my opinion, but from what I've seen, there are many women who simply have no idea that this issue is a point of sensitivity with many men, and that it can affect their self-esteem very deeply. Now, of course I do, as I've been hanging around here long enough to know, but many women...even some women dealing with hairloss themselves...have the mistaken perception that for a guy, MPB is probably not that big a deal.

 

I'm not entirely sure why that is...but it is an area where some women can blunder into what we would consider an insult without even being fully aware of how hurtful their words might be. Obviously, I think that some of my fellow ladies could benefit from being better educated on the subject...but I'm not sure how that could come about.

[YoungGuy]

Next time she makes a comment like this, mention that you think a girl you both know is good looking. Then say, "why don't you hang out with her a bit? You could be cute if you worked at it a little."

[pushing 40]

Can someone please explain to me what "wobbly bits" are?

[MrJobi]

I think it is a Blues band

[hairbank]

Hang in there Middleson........

 

In another few months you can respond "what bald spot??"

[Middleson]

Originally posted by pushing 40:

Can someone please explain to me what "wobbly bits" are?

Well, here's a clue. If I would have commented on her wobbly bits after her comment about my bald spot, that would have been "tit for tat".

 

Does that help?

[Bill - Seemiller]

You know what's interesting? All a woman has to do to understand the hard time men go through losing our hair is to experience the problem or suspect they are experiencing the problem.

 

My wife is a sweetheart...she said even before I thought about considering a hair transplant that she thinks I'm the most handsome man in the world (liar lol) and that she'll love me forever. You know what? I believe her. I KNOW that I have more to offer than hair or lack thereof...and I am a relatively confident person in who I am...but...

 

Third party perspective puts it all into...well...perspective. We'll look at certain imperfections of the opposite sex and think they are yet cute or attractive sometimes...YES, even those characteristics that we hate about ourselves.

 

BUT, as soon as we are starting to experience the same problem or SUSPECT we are, we are worried and concerned.

 

As an example, and I KNOW this probably isn't nice...but I did this once partially to be funny and partially to prove a point. I started examining her hair one evening toward the hairline and started running my fingers through it. I had a "fake" concerned look on my face and she asked "what's wrong?". I told her it looked like her hair was thinning and she started to panic. Now...because I didn't want to really cause her worry, I told her I was just kidding, and she was relieved. BUT, then I asked her if she now has a better idea of what I was going through...which she then explained she did.

 

Anyway...my point is...I don't think people are nearly as concerned about other people's imperfections as their own...and yet somehow can even find attractive what we find unattractive about ourselves.

 

Interesting...

 

Bill

[PCC]

I have dealt with snide remarks, questions/comments and uncomfortable looks regarding my hair and balding for most of my life. Almost invariably these come from other men rather than women. My wife and previous relationships have always loved and accepted me for me and for that I have been blessed. To them it has always been a nonissue although it is a big issue for me.

 

Thank God I don't have to play the dating game anymore! My fear now is that it is hurting me professionally. We live in a society where "the best and brightest" are coveted and I am at at stage where I could find myself competing against others as much as 20 years younger. Although I'm in a field where perfect looks are not required I feel it is severely limiting my opportunties.

 

Phil

[its752]

Pcc, I was just replying to your post, when I suddenly lost my screen. Let me know if you received my message. Thanks.

[MrJobi]

Hi

 

It is very difficult for people to understand the effects of hairloss when they have not been through it.. They cannot picture what it feels like as they have not experienced 30 -40 hairs falling out in front of their eyes..

 

I also agree with PCC as hairloss and your appearence can have an effect on your career especially sales.. Let's face it , it is a form of "survival of the fittest" in the real world ..I know it's a harsh way of looking at it but if you owned a business and had a choice of two equally qualified persons, who would you pic?

 

You don't see fat and ugly Hooters girls..

[hairbank]

Good point, JOBI..............yes, unfortunately our world pays big attention to a person's appearance. Get fit, stay fit, look good, look younger.........bombardment from our media all day long!

 

I received a comment like the one you got about 10 years ago, at age 30, when my crown had thinned enough to be pretty noticable. As I've aged, before I contemplated HT's, I just figured I'd end up bald and started to adjust and joke about it, but back then it really, really pissed me off. This gal was about 10 years older than me at the time and was carrying an extra few pounds..........I briefly thought of replying with a condescending fat joke but bit my tongue and smiled.

 

Bill's comment when he joked with his wife is so true. My wife and daughters tease me about now being so concerned about my hair...........but guaranteed they spend more $$ on makeup, hairstyling, haircoloring (you name it) than I ever will on hair product! Well, maybe they won't spend as much as I did for my HT's !

[MrJobi]

Thanks HB

 

You know, everything is relative.. I'm sure nobody would feel good if they had an issue where it made them look less appealing and they could'nt do anything about it ( gaining weight doesn't count because you can diet and exercise)

[bezane]

This is the most important topic I've read on this forum. And also, the reason we're all here. Simply stated, baldness is devastating. It can melt years away from one's life, be it socially, professionally or just personally. I for one consider myself dynamic. I also can contribute many shortfalls in my history to not necessarily confidence due to baldness but humility.

 

Insensitivity to physical appearances has consistently grown decade over decade. The vanity factor is staggering. It causes many to seek refuge in, over-eating for example, and just give up on being with "the in crowd."

 

Society has gone beyond rational logic to trip over itself and be 'PC" to avoid racism, sexism and bigotry toward one's sexual orientation. However, to slam someone's appearance, in this case baldness, or even ugliness is beyond my comprehension.

 

The biggest culprit in my opinion is "AGEISM." It has crept into everything with zero emphasis on it's meaning. Every news report, starts with "John Doe, 45, was fired from the Town Council."

It is absurd that this information be highlighted in everyday life especially when there is such abias toward aging.

 

Whatever can't be helped is slammed by our ignorance. The buck stops with me. Never ask anyone's age. Never make commentary on weight. Never make a point to of someone's appearance. Even a compliment to one in the presence of others can be insulting to the discluded.

 

All that said, think of it this way Middle.....BALDNESS HAS MADE ME A BETTER MAN. It has. It made me more sensitive to others. A quality that regardless of what I achieve or acquire could never be matched as to importance. So many people successful in the world's eyes are insensitive. Make a mental list of those insensitive idiots that blurt out bald and fat jokes as though they're the life of the party. They are losers. The best rack of tits in the world won't excuse away insensitivity. Fuck them. If a gentleman means making everyone around you comfortable then it surely doesn't include comments like the ones mentioned here. And to be a lady? Well they should know better. With the mean spirited scrutiny they have been judged by through the decades, shame on them.

 

Some of you summed it up well with the no need for tit for tat. Real class guys. Really.