Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 16, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 16, 2008 there was a lad with luscious locks. they were nice... girls spoke of him as the best of co$ks. one day his balls made dht. it wasn't nice... that was the last of girls he would ever see... the last of girls he would ever see. --(one more time for dramatic effect)-- the last of girls he would ever see... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 16, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 16, 2008 HAIRWEKNOW & JULLIETTE PART I; ACT THREE; BALCONY CRIES: (bald man crying from balcony gazing into the moon at midnight) "Oh, hairweknow ----oh, hairweknow, ----where art thou? ----------------where art THOU?" --(WEEPS and MOANS)-- "OoOoh, hairweknow ------OooOOooh, hairweknow; where ART though!?! -----OH *how* I long for your locks; HOW shall I go another *DAY* without you?(!) your soft touch against my skin, your sweet scent of intoxication; like beds of the finest flowers to bury my face between and partake of your beauty"... ---(sobbing, gasping INTOLERABLE weeping & moaning cradling himself on the balcony)--- "OOOh!!ooOOOoOHHhh!!, HAIRWEKNOW, OOOooooOh, HAIR......" (neighbors awake): ----"SHUT THE FU$K UP BALDIE!!!!!!!!" (apple core tossed at shiny moon reflecting bald head) ---SMACK!!!--- " YOUR BALD! GET OVER IT!!!.... & FOR GODS SAKE, GET OUT OF THOSE FU$KING TARTY TIGHTS, MAN !!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member nobuzz4me Posted March 16, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 16, 2008 NG, I used to hate poetry in school - but this I can relate too NoBuzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member flyby Posted March 16, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 16, 2008 Damn NG2GB. I'm sitting in bed with frickin flu, but this shit's making me laugh my ass off. NICE! HAIRWEKNOW & JULIETTE is and instant classic. Will you play HAIRWEKNOW with your spandex tights? Hopefully you'll have to purchase them and don't already have some in your closet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 16, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 16, 2008 HAIRWEKNOW & JULLIETTE PART DEUX; ACT ONESIES; BALCONY CRIES & HOPE FROM THE NORTH (bald man still moaning, head buried in arms, shiny scalp reflecting the glorious moon) "BAAA-HAAA..." "BAAAAAAAAAAAAA" (neighbor's AGAIN) "FU$K!!! Get a GRIP & SHUT UP BALDIE!!!" "Oh, sorry. Im sorry" "baaaAAA!!!" A man w/ long luscious golden locks wearing red and white tights w/emblems of maple leafs on his knees & chest, riding an elk w/strong antlers gallops in from the distance. (gallop-----gaLLop----GAllOP...) He arrives below the balding man... "Oh BALDING MAN!...OH BALDING MAN!!" (baah...sniffles....baaah.... balding man sees the red & white tights and the elk below, and by his estimations the most beautiful blond locks of hair he has ever seen)... "YES? From whence did you hither? Did you come to scorn me w/your beautiful hair? Whom are you I say! And from whence did you hither?" "I am Moptronic and I come from the North, from a BEAUTIFUL land flowing w/honey, hair, & hockey pucks... I did SURELY not come for scorn! I am one of the three wise men: Hasson, Wong, and Moptronic. I saw the stary reflection of your shiny head & it has led me to you"... still sobbing...sniffling..."What is that in your hand?" Moptronic steps off his elk, removes his hat, shaking his long glorious locks while holding a vile.... "Im sorry, one second. All of this DAMN hair has been in my face the whole way here!" BAaaaA!....BaAAaA!!!! "Shhhh...HAIRWEKNOW! I bring you a potion, which shall surely bring your loved one back!" "But how can this be? What will happen?" "Well, you shall partake of the potion. You shall never desire a woman's touch nor taste again; your balls shall shrink to the size of peas; your loins shall no longer allow you to gain entry to a woman again, you shall bear no children, and will die a man w/a full head of hair!" "Give me this GLORIOUS potion you hold & speak of!!!!" "I also come w/tidings of good news oh HAIRWEKNOW..." (hairweknow, slamming the potion in one shot-----GULP, GULP,GULP) "speak on lovely locks!" "there is a man in the north, who has a sword which he has made for himself; it is a sharp sword which he has customly cut for you! He sharpens it day and night and will conquer your plagued head and bring your love one BACK to life again!!!!" "Oh lovely locks if this is true...if this is true! Say no more, TAKE me to this man you speak of and adore!!!!" ...Moptronic & Hairweknow mount the elk, and gallop into the north..... gaLlUP...GaLLUP......GALLUP...... ----------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 17, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 17, 2008 HAIRWEKNOW & JULLIETTE PART THRICE; ACT TWOSIES; JOURNEY & SONG & DANCE gallUP...GalLuP...GALLUP... vooOOOM-----voooOOOM HONK!!!----HONK!!! "HEY JACK ASS!!! GET OFF 'A THE FREE WAY W/YOUR ELK!!! FREAKS!!!" HONK!--HONK!!! "NICE TIGHTS & FEATHERS QUEERS!!!!" "those beasts are passing us quickly". "those beasts have 2million Elk-power hairweknow"..."shall we pull of the road for a rest?" "yes, Im rather parched".... on a country road hairweknow sits in the grass and moptronic lies atop the elk.. tooT..ToOoOt...ToooOT... "what is that moptronic?" "oh, Im brushing up on my fiddle harmony. Do you play?" "no, but I love song & dance"... tooT...ToOoT... (hairweknow begins stroking his beard) Hmmm...God made MANY bald men, If I were a hairy man (?) would it spoil some VAST eternal PLAN!? (humming and singing): "If I ------WERE 'a ------------HAIRY -----------------MAN!!! Yubby dibby -DibBy-- DIbBy----diBby---dibBy-- diDDy-----Dum" hairweknow, folding his arms kneeling & dancing... Moptronic standing atop the elk.... "if YOU ----WERE 'a ----------HAIRY ---------------MAN!!!! YubBy diBby--DibBy-dibBy dibBy DibbY------- dIDDy dum What 'ed -------YOU ----------DO for ---------------FUN!!?? hairweknow pulling two long curly hairs from the elks ass wrapping one around each of his ears.... "if I -----WERE 'a ----------HAIRY -------------MAN!!!! YubBy, diBby---DibBy-dibBy didDy----- duM I would-----buILD 'a BIG----TALL MOP (hands gesturing to the heavens) w/spikes by the DOZEN!!!! ----that --------REACHED --------------THE ---------------SUN!!! So every'A---ONE ----------------KNOWS --------------------this is the HEAD of 'A ----------------------------------------HAIRY ------------------------------------------MAN!!! moptronic flittering atop the elk on his tip-toes, & hairweknow on the ground BOTH of them hands gesturing wildly & chests arched to the heavens singing in HARMONY: "If WE ----WERE --------HAIRY -------------MEN!!! YUbBy---diBby--DiBby- --------------dIbBy---diBby diDdy-----DUM WE ----WOULDN'T ----------HAVE TO ----------------WORK ----------------------HARD!!!! TO Play w/GIRLS ----for ---------------FUN!!!! yuBby---diBby--dibBy--diBby diBby dUM!!!! WE would ----MAKE -----ALL the -----------GIRLS ------------------COME!!!!!!!!!!!" (sample of song & dance below) ----CURTAINS CLOSE------ END OF ACT THRICE; SCENE TWOSIES, JOURNEY & SONG & DANCE................................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member thanatopsis_awry Posted March 18, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 18, 2008 Wow. How did I miss this gem...!? ----------- *A Follicles Dying Wish To Clinics* 1 top-down, 1 portrait, 1 side-shot, 1 hairline....4 photos. No flash. Follicles have asked for centuries, in ten languages, as many times so as to confuse a mathematician. Enough is enough! Give me documentation or give me death! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 19, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 19, 2008 ----HALF-TIME SHOW-------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 19, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 19, 2008 ----HALF-TIME SHOW PART DEUX---- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 19, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 19, 2008 -----Offering will be collected--------- ------------PRIOR----------- --------to the next act------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member thanatopsis_awry Posted March 20, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 20, 2008 I think we need a rendition of the musical hit "Feller on the Roof", which initially was only released to an extremely select audience. ----------- *A Follicles Dying Wish To Clinics* 1 top-down, 1 portrait, 1 side-shot, 1 hairline....4 photos. No flash. Follicles have asked for centuries, in ten languages, as many times so as to confuse a mathematician. Enough is enough! Give me documentation or give me death! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 20, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 20, 2008 My replication of that hit which climbed the pop-chart mountain and soared to success w/sizzling reviews to #1 is above!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member dabuski Posted March 20, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 20, 2008 More, tell us more!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 20, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 20, 2008 HAIRWEKNOW & JULLIETTE PART QUATRO; ACT BRAVO; THE SWORD & THE DRAGON of EXTRACTION gallUP...GalLuP...GALLUP... hairweknow was in a Jolly'O mood after the song & dance and was whistling as they continued their journey to the North. (whiStlE...WhisTle..wHIsTle...) "Moptronic we have so much in common. You know most people find it strange that I wear tights, boot's w/a feather in them and a hat w/a feather in it too. I even had to quit my job at starbucks because they sung me no praises and shunned me for thy manner by which I speak!" "really? Why whatever did thy say?" "Oh, nothing ny rash! I would call out the drinks--- Suzy? -Yes?- Come hither quickly! Come hither quickly I say! And do partake of thy deccidant, delicious dolce de lecce latte! May it bestow MANY blessings upon you! May it bring warmth to thy heart and joy to thy soul & to all of those surrounding thy! May it bring your bossoms into full fruition! May it bring fullness to thy thighs and child bearing hips! May it bless thy, NAY---may it not ONLY bless thy, but thy's children's children, and thy's children's children!!!" "that is rather odd that they would find that strange? surely thy would have showered you w/praise for such an eleqount RepRitOre!!!" "yes, rather strange indeed!" moptronic turned to look at hairweknow w/somber, sober eyes & tone... "hairweknow, our journey is not yet complete. you must endure trials & temptations before we meet the man in the North. But fear not, for thy hairs were not chosen out of a hat. We have chosen thy wisely." hairweknow thought nothing of it & continued whistling as the Elk continued them on their Journey... (whIstLe...WhiStlE...wHisTlE...) (gaLlUp...GaLluP...GALLUP...) they reached an amazingly beatiful land which bore a sign with the words: ---- FOLLICULAR FANTASY LAND---- there were young men w/full heads of luscious locks, each of them had four of the sexiest women hairweknow had ever beholden...it appeared none of the young men had ever suffered from MPB...and the sexy goddesses, four to each man, were running their dainty fingers through their mondo-million dollar-mops...praising them every hour on the hour for their hair... In the corner sat a man wearing a fine Italian suit...smoking a fine cigar & counting a pile of gold... "AAAaaaH! Moptronic, how are ju? and who iz diz, ju have w/ju?" "hello dr.r. Money. this is hairweknow". "aaAAAHH! hairweknow, it iz very nice to meet ju, I am dr.r Money. iz moptronic taking ju to zee dee man w/zee giant zword? AHAHAHAHAH!" hairweknow intently & jealously oggling the sexy goddesses as they praise the young men for their hair, as it was on the hour, which the women praise the men on the hour every hour every day... "ju zee da BA---U---ti-Ful women, yez? ju zee da Ba---U--ti-ful hair, yez? I do diz! Zee man in the North, he vill take his GIANT, SHARP sword... (dr. r. Money raising his hand in a karate chop motion over hairweknow's head) and he will (PoW! shAzAM!!) ---CHOP!!!!!----- jur' wittle head, and ju will be left with a nazty, nazty scar!!! so baR'bA'RiC!!! Zat, he ztill uzez zuch primitive methOdZ!! Zeee Swowd! hA! if I were to do ju (dr. r. Money stands closely -BEHIND- hairweknow and gently strokes each of his follicular units with his finger tips) I vould be Oh sO gentle! & no scar will be left, but I will pLucK zee hair 1 by 1 'pluCk--pLucK'... I vant to F ue you. (hairweknow somewhat feeling strange) "ugh...ummm...what?" I vant to F ue you... (hairweknow looking confused and troubled)... I VANT TO F UE YOU! I VANT TO F UE YOU!.... ----I! -------VANT!! -----------TO ------------F UE YOU! I VANT TO F UE YOU! (hairweknow now trembling & fearful) "ummMM...ughhh....I think I will just go to the man in the North w/the sword"... (dr. r. Money was both cunning & crafty, and he new he had better swiftly change tactics)... "how many unitz, vill he give you? hmmm?" (hairweknow trembling in fear...) "ughhh...fA'...fa'....fA'.fA'..five thousand...five thousand....." "hA! I spit on zee five thouzand---hA--PoOiE!!! zat iz noThing! I vill give you--- (r. Money leaning into hairweknow's ear) -one...miiiILLLLIooOOOoOOON UNITZ!!!!" "no...ummm....I really don't think that's a good idea"... "viE! ---vIE! ---VIE!!! vie wont Ju' leT me F ue YOU! I have F ue'd oH, So maNy, mAnY, MANY boyz, much of zem many YeArz younger den JU'!!! I vill be oH So gen'Tle vith Ju! Ju woNt feel 'a thing! juzt let me stand BEHIND Ju' & F ue YOU for a few hourz, eh? Den, ven Im done F ueing Ju No oNe vill know buT uz; it vill be OUR little zecret, no? jUst JuUuUU & meEeEE, & NO BODY else... Our wittle, wittle zecret, no? No One wiLl know I F ue'd JU! nO evidenze I F ue'd jU, I vill be oH So gentle vith jU' nO scarz, no Markz; I vill leave Ju looking unmolezted!" "uh...NO!...I don't think so... lets be our our way moptronic..." (gAlLup...gaLluP...GAULLUP...) dr. r. Money lying on the ground kicking & screaming... "VIE!?! ---VIE!?! -----VIE!?!?! VIE can't I F ue JU?!?!?" (he decides to call his assistant)... "nSane!...nSane!!!" (nSane appears out of thin air) "yes sir?" "go find me zome young boyz that I can F ue!" "yes, sir. will do"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member flyby Posted March 21, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 21, 2008 NY Times Theater review. All Hail Hairweknow & Julliette! "Hairweknow & Julliette is a buoyant, wacky and masterful play about a young balding man in tights and his journeys toward regaining his lucious locks and youthful appearance." The buzz keeps growing and the lines keep getting bigger. Dare we say Tony Award for Best Play in 2008? Bravo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 21, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 21, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member thanatopsis_awry Posted March 21, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 21, 2008 "and the sexy goddesses, four to each man, were running their dainty fingers through their mondo-million dollar-mops...praising them every hour on the hour for their hair..." This Dr. r. Money seems like quite the charachter! ----------- *A Follicles Dying Wish To Clinics* 1 top-down, 1 portrait, 1 side-shot, 1 hairline....4 photos. No flash. Follicles have asked for centuries, in ten languages, as many times so as to confuse a mathematician. Enough is enough! Give me documentation or give me death! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 23, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 23, 2008 -----PARENTHETICAL BREAK------------- (I think I could *learn* to love her...could you?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 23, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 23, 2008 more education... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 23, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 23, 2008 University level... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member notgoing2gobald Posted March 23, 2008 Author Senior Member Share Posted March 23, 2008 damn! I knew I was destined to Doctor'hood! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senior Member chucky Posted March 27, 2008 Senior Member Share Posted March 27, 2008 Great post NG2GB and she has very nice hair. 2 x strip ht`s with Norton,very poor results 1 x fue ht with DHI,very poor result Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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