I would love to help you! I am exactly one month post op with my HT from Dr. Jerry Cooley in Charlotte, NC. You can message me directly or look at my blog also.
The first thing I would mention is that have you been to any other Dr.'s to make sure that your hairloss is not caused by anything (vitamin deficiency, thyroid, hormone imbalances, etc....there are MANY things that Dr.'s can check for to see if they could be influencing your condition).
As far as your questions:
#1 - I would recommend go with a clean scalp so he can get the best view possible.
#2 - Can't speak for Dr. Feller, but with my Dr. he did an exam and used a microscopic camera to evaluate. He also asked a lot of questions and actually sent me to my regular physician to do some more bloodwork.
#3 - Not all women are candidates from what I am told...but if you have chosen a Dr. that is aligned with this site he will be honest and upfront and discuss what your options are, he won't go straight to HT.
#4 & #5 - I did not have to have the graft area shaved. Dr. Cooley worked between my existing hair and it was not a problem, just takes a little longer. The donor area was only shaved and it was completely covered by my hair in the back of my head. I took a week off of work, and after 7 days you could not tell I had anything done at all! It is truly amazing! Even on days 3 and beyond, I went out with a hat on (with saran wrap over the grafted site to protect it), still no one suspected a thing!
#6 - The financial part is your decision. My husband was actually the one that convinced me to use part of our savings $$ to do it because he knows how much it bothers me and how much confidence it will give me in the future.
I am new to this site...so many of the veterans should chime in to help you as well.
As a woman going thru the same thing as you, feel free to reach out for support anytime. I am finding this to be a GREAT group of people on here