NEED ADVICE PLEASE - SHAVING

[arneycl]

I had two transplants done in 1993 by the Elliott-Thomas Medical Group in Indianapolis, Indiana. At that time, my only hair loss was to the front. Yes I was told that I might require future surgeries if my hair loss continued. I was only 23 at the time, desperate to keep my youth alive and had no way of doing any research. My results are horrible. I have the corn row affect.

 

Since my two surgeries in 1993, I have continued to use Couvre to "hide" my baldness and my transplants. I have also been on Propecia for a bit before my doctor moved me to Proscar since it was cheaper (it worked great - stopped my hairloss, but also stopped my sex drive).

 

Since my surgeries, my life and personality has changed considerably. I used to be very outgoing, loved to do things and was fun to be around. But now I am withdrawn, don't want to do anything and continue to avoid things that will obviously show my transplants (boating, swimming, etc...).

 

My loving wife has put up with all this crap for our 12 years we have been married. However, her patience is running thin and I don't blame her. I'm no fun to be around anymore. I hate that this is controlling my life and it is running every aspect of my life. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.

 

I'm to the point now where I just want to shave my head. But, as always is the case with anything I am afraid to do that. I'm afraid if I shave my head that my transplants will be so visible even shaved that I would be totally humiliated. I don't believe repair is an issue for me as my hairloss has continued dramatically and I don't have the money to do the repairs necessary.

 

All I want to be able to do is shave my head and be able to hide my transplants. I would appreciate any advice anyone might have. A doctor that I could go to that would be able to tell me if they will be noticeable or not; any advice on hiding the transplants once I shave; any doctor that would be willing to remove them but not cost me a lot of money; etc..

 

I can't afford to travel to see doctors out of state (I'm in Indiana). I know that the Elliott-Thomas Medical group in Indianapolis is still there but might be under a different name. But after my first experience with them I am leery.

 

PLEASE give me advice guys. I want to get my life back, enjoy life and have fun with my wife and do all the things I've been unable to do for the past 13 years. Thank you.

[arneycl]

I had two transplants done in 1993 by the Elliott-Thomas Medical Group in Indianapolis, Indiana. At that time, my only hair loss was to the front. Yes I was told that I might require future surgeries if my hair loss continued. I was only 23 at the time, desperate to keep my youth alive and had no way of doing any research. My results are horrible. I have the corn row affect.

 

Since my two surgeries in 1993, I have continued to use Couvre to "hide" my baldness and my transplants. I have also been on Propecia for a bit before my doctor moved me to Proscar since it was cheaper (it worked great - stopped my hairloss, but also stopped my sex drive).

 

Since my surgeries, my life and personality has changed considerably. I used to be very outgoing, loved to do things and was fun to be around. But now I am withdrawn, don't want to do anything and continue to avoid things that will obviously show my transplants (boating, swimming, etc...).

 

My loving wife has put up with all this crap for our 12 years we have been married. However, her patience is running thin and I don't blame her. I'm no fun to be around anymore. I hate that this is controlling my life and it is running every aspect of my life. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.

 

I'm to the point now where I just want to shave my head. But, as always is the case with anything I am afraid to do that. I'm afraid if I shave my head that my transplants will be so visible even shaved that I would be totally humiliated. I don't believe repair is an issue for me as my hairloss has continued dramatically and I don't have the money to do the repairs necessary.

 

All I want to be able to do is shave my head and be able to hide my transplants. I would appreciate any advice anyone might have. A doctor that I could go to that would be able to tell me if they will be noticeable or not; any advice on hiding the transplants once I shave; any doctor that would be willing to remove them but not cost me a lot of money; etc..

 

I can't afford to travel to see doctors out of state (I'm in Indiana). I know that the Elliott-Thomas Medical group in Indianapolis is still there but might be under a different name. But after my first experience with them I am leery.

 

PLEASE give me advice guys. I want to get my life back, enjoy life and have fun with my wife and do all the things I've been unable to do for the past 13 years. Thank you.

[hoose]

arneyci,as far as shaving your head--IMO, the most noticable thing will be the scar, not the transplanted hair itself--unless you have a lot of pitting/cobblestoning in the recipient area. Is the scar ear to ear?--how wide? You could do a scar revision with the top doc or get FUE into the scar--but with FUE you will have scaring also--so that may defeat the purpose. But, either way you are talking a lot of money. I've seen posts in Hairloss Help about this guy that shaved his head and exposed his scar and he is very happy--he was worried about the scar, but he said people rarely even mentioned it and said he looks much "sharper" with a shaved head. IMO, I wouldn't worry about removing the transplants. Like I said, I don't think the recipeint area will be that noticable shaved. The problem will lie in the scar. Do you have pics. to post? Also, maybe you could go to a top doc and do one megasession (3000+ grafts) and not even have to shave your head. But there you are talking $10K plus. These are just some of my thoughts.

[Bill - Seemiller]

arneycl,

 

I would suggest a couple things. The first I'll put under the category of practical...not that it may be practical financially, but practical in the sense of something you can consider doing if/when you have the money. The second I'll call psychological simply because I'm giving you advice outside of the world of hair:

 

practical: Consider repair work, send photos of the top of your head and the sides and back of your head to some of the top docs listed on this forum. See what they advise and see what they can do for you....WHEN you have the money. You can start saving now even if you don't have the money right now...there is always the possibility of 3 years from now or even longer.

 

psychological: I suspect I understand what you are going through, not because I can relate personally to having a bad HT, but every single human being is worried about how they look....that's why we go and have HTs in the first place. Then, we get hit really hard IF, like being in your shoes, that our HT made us look worse than we did if we gracefully went bald. I want to encourage you on this front my friend....there is much more to being a man than hair....I don't say this at all to mock, because like you, I've had an HT, actually 2 because of wanting to be youthful and attractive. That being said....I'm sure your wife is frustrated much more because you are not being the confident man that she married rather than the fact that you aren't satisfied with the way you look. Inevitably, we all age, and we never will look like we did in high school or college again....it is inevitable that we will all be old wrinkly people one day...so there has GOT to be hope in much more than our appearance. So I encourage you....be yourself, have a life, don't let you worrying about your appearance change who you are. My advice in this area would be to see a counselor perhaps, work on these issues, seek marriage counseling if necessary...THAT my friend is how you will get your life back. Getting your life back has much more to do with who you are then what you look like. All HT repair work can do is provide you with a "look". Who you are is so much deeper than this...and it will take more than an HT to provide you with that. I'm sure your wife loves you for who you are much more than what you look like. Again...if we married strictly on looks, everyone would end up divorced by the time age, gravity, and everything else sets in.

 

I don't intend by this post to "fix" your problem....only try to encourage you and show you that the reason why your life has changed has nothing to do with the way you look...it has to do with how you feel about yourself and the interpretation (cognitive) of how you think people view you. See a counselor...talk to your wife about how you feel....work through any marital issues with a counselor if necessary. And slowly save the money to get the necessary repair work done by a top doc (even if you have to go out of the state).

 

I hope this helps even a little.

 

Bill

[Bill - Seemiller]

P.S. Perhaps submit photos to us to review also...perhaps you are over-reacting about how bad things look. I know that I'm my own worst critic. Everyone is hard on themselves. But we have to realize that most people don't see what we see....where we see a flaw, those who love us see something charming and unique about us.

 

Bill

[wesley949]

I had 2400 grafts done with Bernstein. He did some repair work on me but did not charge me for the repair since it was all done at one session. He removed grafts that have to worse than yours since mine were done in the mid- 70's. At six months there is no indication the grafts were ever there. Your repair work would be more extensive and would probably require several sessions, but I am only guessing. Although, you don't have the money now, I would do some internet consulations with top repair doctors and get their opinions. I know Berstein does not charge for consultations and is considered very good at repairs. He is also very prompt at reponding to emails. I would email him your story and ask if you could sent pictures and what is the best way to accomplish it. I have found that taking action to address your fears or to correct an untenble situation is the first step to getting it resolved. Good luck.

[troy]

My heart goes out to you, I think you have come to a place where you are truley understood. i think the posters above me have given you great advise. We all feel for you.

[hairbank]

Originally posted by Bill:

 

psychological: I suspect I understand what you are going through, not because I can relate personally to having a bad HT, but every single human being is worried about how they look....that's why we go and have HTs in the first place. Then, we get hit really hard IF, like being in your shoes, that our HT made us look worse than we did if we gracefully went bald. I want to encourage you on this front my friend....there is much more to being a man than hair....I don't say this at all to mock, because like you, I've had an HT, actually 2 because of wanting to be youthful and attractive. That being said....I'm sure your wife is frustrated much more because you are not being the confident man that she married rather than the fact that you aren't satisfied with the way you look. Inevitably, we all age, and we never will look like we did in high school or college again....it is inevitable that we will all be old wrinkly people one day...so there has GOT to be hope in much more than our appearance. So I encourage you....be yourself, have a life, don't let you worrying about your appearance change who you are. My advice in this area would be to see a counselor perhaps, work on these issues, seek marriage counseling if necessary...THAT my friend is how you will get your life back. Getting your life back has much more to do with who you are then what you look like. All HT repair work can do is provide you with a "look". Who you are is so much deeper than this...and it will take more than an HT to provide you with that. I'm sure your wife loves you for who you are much more than what you look like. Again...if we married strictly on looks, everyone would end up divorced by the time age, gravity, and everything else sets in.

 

Bill

 

Amen, brother! Very well put, Bill.......I wholeheartedly agree.

 

arneycl- consider Bill's advice to you. I myself have had 2 HT's simply because I liked how I looked better with hair than my appearance going bald (eventually, all the way bald, I'm sure). My wife couldn't have cared less and actually would have rather spent the $$ on something else. I have not had to deal with a bad HT like you have so I can't say that I have your prospective on how it feels to experience what you're going through. However, I also want to encourage you to do what you can to move past this unfortunate experience. I calculate you're a few years younger than I (I'm 39), you have so much of your life left! Do what you need to do to move past this whether its some sort of counseling, or repair work by a QUALIFIED surgeon. As for travel.........most top docs include a deal to include your airfare and a 2 night stay so it's a non-issue. I venture to guess, if you are financially able, that you can have repair work done much to your satisfaction...............definitely to the point that you can't tell you've ever had a HT. Today's technology versus 13 years ago is like comparing living in the stone ages versus living in the 21st century.........night and day difference. You can consult by sending pics via the internet so check with several docs, then schedule the trip if and when you're ready. Shaving down, due to the donor scar, will likely be an impossibility unless you have repairwork at which point you may as well have them give you a head of hair you like. You can look into FUE, scar revision.....but FUE cost twice as much as strip surgery which could take care of your poor work from your prior HT's.

 

Best of luck to you,

[arneycl]

Everyone...sorry it has taken so long for me to respond. I finally got some pics to post but I'm having problems getting them posted here. It says they are too big so I need to work on them and figure that out. Please be patient with me as I am wanting advice. Thanks.