What to do if you are balding!!!

[drowninginshame]

Hey all! sorry I've been away for so long, but I spent the last week playing football (soccer to some of you) in Brussles, Belgium. I had a grand old time running around, balding reddish hair flowing in the wind.

 

While I was in Belgium (I only visit about twice per year), I took sometime to visit the Belguishs' proverbial, "Highest Point", which is the mountain Botrange. At 2,277 feet high it really isn't that high at all, but that's alright. I took some time to just sit and reflect about my baldness. I really thought that I knew my perception of my baldness was far better than what other people thought of balness.

 

But while I was there, I knew that today's balding man needs a great bald thinker in the world. I knew it had to be me. I must use all of my resources to free the world from the unevolved, "Hairies". *************Psychologist alert****patient has passed through phase one of his balding process. He has finished with denial, which took said patient through steps such as confronting co-workers, and facing up to some personal demons. The patient has moved to stage 2, which is contempt toward those who are more fortuate than he. Especially those that have been more fortunate in the crown area.************************** It would be my personal goal to be an inspiration to them.

 

I have devised these two simple Postulates which all of you that are balding should immediately begin applying to your lives.

 

 

[red]Going Bald rule number[/red] #1. Get advice, and draw up a baldness game plan.

 

What this means is that you should get advice on baldness from wherever you get it, be it family members, psychics, ouija boards, talk show hosts, drug dealers, coworkers, tall people, stand up comedians etc. Decide how you want to wear your baldness. Do you want a fully waxed head, or do wanna be like Devin Townsend, and grow it long, (somebody post a picture please), or will you do the "Einstein" which is undoubtedly the most popular way to style.

 

Draw up a game plan. Plan the transition from hairy, to not so hairy, to not very hairy at all, to hairy absolutely every where except your head. I was thinking of my Opa(dutch for grandpa)today. He is bald, but it looks good, like it suits him. I will someday, when my hair is white, grow it all back.

 

I may have mentioned this before, but I was born to be old, and nothing else. No other time period is suitable. I must be old. Because nobody else looks at old people, they know they're ugly, but no one cares, their all ugly. Well, I shouldn't say that, the extremely ugly ones get special attention, because some people like to laugh at the extremely ugly ones. If I hadn't mentioned that before, well then, now I have. Any how, back to our lessons in rules for the balding man

 

[red]Part One said that[/red]: Get advice, and draw up a baldness game plan.

 

[red]Part Two saids[/red]: Forgive relatives that did this to you.

 

As far as I know, we have been an all-bald family for a great many years. I used to look at relatives with contempt, because they have cast down this horrible travesty upon me, and they look so very smug. I used to think about stuff like getting hair tattoed on my head, and pulling off a family members toupee in public.

 

But I have just got a job in the far north, in Norway. A little city called Tynset. It will be very cold there, and I will wear my [red]red[/red]touque (just like my hair color tee hee)all the time. This will give me a few years to do my baldness planning.

 

thank you,

till next time,

drowninginshame

 

 

 

PS. Mom and Dad, I want you to know you'll never get any grand children out of me!

 

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Baldness defines me as a person.</pre>

[drowninginshame]

Hey all! sorry I've been away for so long, but I spent the last week playing football (soccer to some of you) in Brussles, Belgium. I had a grand old time running around, balding reddish hair flowing in the wind.

 

While I was in Belgium (I only visit about twice per year), I took sometime to visit the Belguishs' proverbial, "Highest Point", which is the mountain Botrange. At 2,277 feet high it really isn't that high at all, but that's alright. I took some time to just sit and reflect about my baldness. I really thought that I knew my perception of my baldness was far better than what other people thought of balness.

 

But while I was there, I knew that today's balding man needs a great bald thinker in the world. I knew it had to be me. I must use all of my resources to free the world from the unevolved, "Hairies". *************Psychologist alert****patient has passed through phase one of his balding process. He has finished with denial, which took said patient through steps such as confronting co-workers, and facing up to some personal demons. The patient has moved to stage 2, which is contempt toward those who are more fortuate than he. Especially those that have been more fortunate in the crown area.************************** It would be my personal goal to be an inspiration to them.

 

I have devised these two simple Postulates which all of you that are balding should immediately begin applying to your lives.

 

 

[red]Going Bald rule number[/red] #1. Get advice, and draw up a baldness game plan.

 

What this means is that you should get advice on baldness from wherever you get it, be it family members, psychics, ouija boards, talk show hosts, drug dealers, coworkers, tall people, stand up comedians etc. Decide how you want to wear your baldness. Do you want a fully waxed head, or do wanna be like Devin Townsend, and grow it long, (somebody post a picture please), or will you do the "Einstein" which is undoubtedly the most popular way to style.

 

Draw up a game plan. Plan the transition from hairy, to not so hairy, to not very hairy at all, to hairy absolutely every where except your head. I was thinking of my Opa(dutch for grandpa)today. He is bald, but it looks good, like it suits him. I will someday, when my hair is white, grow it all back.

 

I may have mentioned this before, but I was born to be old, and nothing else. No other time period is suitable. I must be old. Because nobody else looks at old people, they know they're ugly, but no one cares, their all ugly. Well, I shouldn't say that, the extremely ugly ones get special attention, because some people like to laugh at the extremely ugly ones. If I hadn't mentioned that before, well then, now I have. Any how, back to our lessons in rules for the balding man

 

[red]Part One said that[/red]: Get advice, and draw up a baldness game plan.

 

[red]Part Two saids[/red]: Forgive relatives that did this to you.

 

As far as I know, we have been an all-bald family for a great many years. I used to look at relatives with contempt, because they have cast down this horrible travesty upon me, and they look so very smug. I used to think about stuff like getting hair tattoed on my head, and pulling off a family members toupee in public.

 

But I have just got a job in the far north, in Norway. A little city called Tynset. It will be very cold there, and I will wear my [red]red[/red]touque (just like my hair color tee hee)all the time. This will give me a few years to do my baldness planning.

 

thank you,

till next time,

drowninginshame

 

 

 

PS. Mom and Dad, I want you to know you'll never get any grand children out of me!

 

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Baldness defines me as a person.</pre>

[Guest]

Sometimes...I feel the same way...

[drowninginshame]

Step 4: Learn to exhibit some personality traits that are postive for you.

 

Have you ever been forced into close proximity with a bald-headed person? I have,

and let me tell you, I was afraid of that head. It just seemed so foreign and...alien to me,

like it wasn't meant to be. I also feel that way about myself, strangely enough. But what this

taught me, is that a bald head doesn't have to be a harbinger of ugliness or a beacon of

lonliness; no, it can be those things, and it often is, but it can also be a symbol of power.

 

Some people believe that bald people are manipulative. This is because we have to be

manipulative and project an image of power. Otherwise, we will be walked all over,

especially in this baldness-loathing world that we live in today.

 

Got a cornflower blue tie? Throw it out. You are a bald man, and you only wear angry, loud,

menacing colors, colors that suit the absolute rage at being included in one of the very last

generations, where:

 

(A) Bald Men have not yet been rooted out of the gene pool.

 

(B) There is no cure for this great affliction that we suffer.

 

I want you to pay particular attention to exhibit (A). That is right. What I am saying is,

though my lips and heart may yearn for love, and the chance to reproduce, the only real

common sense I posess is that which flows through my fingertips. Do me a favor, ladies,

and don't feel compassion in your heart toward the bald man. Stay away, and do future

generations a favor.

 

Ladies, if you feel your heart warming to a bald headed man, just think of these three

simple things.

 

(1) He is stuck with that same bald hair style for the rest of his life.

 

(2) Lawyers are lonely people, and are often lonely because they are bald. Remember,

there is such a thing as Bald Unity, and you will not be able to find a divorce lawyer

who will side against a bald man.

 

(3) It may be bad now, but it can only get worse. The hair won't grow back. It has already

taken up residency somewhere else on the body, most likely the back.

 

Some of you may think that I am writing this with a laugh in my smile and a skip in my step.

That is, in fact, not the fact. My face is as straight as can be. After getting home from work, I

took a look in the mirror. You hairies, probably also do this. You see tiny flaws that no one

else notices, like acne, of eyebrows that need to be plukked. What I see, is a hideous,

orange, salmon puke looking mass of hair, which, with my blazingly quick hair rescension,

is starting to look very more like a toupee every day.

 

This is my hair, and I may not be proud of it, but there is nothing I can do about it, and it will be

with me for the rest of my days. This is how baldness defines me as a person.

 

This is not meant for your amusement. This is meant for my therapy.

 

But enough of the self-loathing. Back to the Steps a Bald man must take in todays threatening

world.

 

Step 4: introduce your baldness to others slowly.

 

Don't go to a Lil Bow signing session, with the intention to just let a few people see your

baldness. No, baldness these days is so rare and so hilarious, that it could steal any show at

any time of the day. How do I know this? Because I am a human, and I know that I think

alike, with other humans. And I know that nothing is more interesting to me than male pattern

balness.

 

Some of you have asked why I have chosen to report my baldness on this forum, of all the

internet message boards I could have chosen. It is because here, and here alone, do I find

other like minded humans. Let me explain more in detail.

 

When you are balding, you always look around to see if other men are balding. This includes

The grocery store, work, and especially TV. The only time I ever saw a similarly aged bald

person was on a, "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial (sad, I know, but this is life). As any bald man

will attest, we quickly become experts in identifying baldness in others, consciously, or

subconsciously. I was talking to a cousin on the phone today, when I suddenly asked him

if he was afflicted by male pattern baldness. The answer was obviously a resounding, "Yes".

 

I didn't even need to ask, even though I haven't seen him in years, I just knew. When I lurked on

this forum, I instantly identified a lot of men going bald. And let me tell you, I look around this room

and I see a lot of courage. I knew we had to come together, to congregate. After all, it is

hard to find people that understand each other as well as bald people.

 

I've been contacted by at least 20 of the members of this message board, thanking me for my

words and insight into the baldness in their lives.

 

Tune in next time where our topic will be, destroying the baldness taboo, and Project Baldhem.

 

Sincerely yours,

bald person.

 

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Baldness defines me as a person.</pre>

[Wookie]

A bald man,

 

I thoroughly enjoyed your composition.

 

This forum has become a limb of my life these past few weeks. I secretly scan the prose to find answers to my own questions.

 

People are evil and the great American has become a superfical follower, incapable of self-direction or thought.

 

Write on and I shall continue to learn.

 

Wookie.

 

P.S. While it is true that baldness defines you today, I do not believe that the condition of your appearance will define you tomorrow.

[drowninginshame]

finally, some conversation.

 

Yes, I think baldness defines me as a person today. I work at a job where I wear a hat, so no one can see my baldness. I feel deeply ashamed of my baldness, even though there is not really anything WRONG with me, it is just what society says.

 

Baldness defines me as a person, through the things I can and can't say, do, places I can't go etc.

 

For instance, I can't call the tires on my truck "bald" I have to call them Ungrippy. I can't visit wind-tunnels, as they will blow off my hat.

 

So baldness defines me today, as my fathers baldness defines him.

 

He has been wearing a rug for around 30 years now. He can't take it off, he has become reliant on it. Few people can handle changing the way that other people percieve them.

 

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Baldness defines me as a person.</pre>

[NW]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Topic: What to do if you are balding!!!

 

Well...aside from the self-imposed pity, you have found the right place to research hairloss, but I would say if you are fine with bald..no need to wallow in the gutter over it.

 

If you are looking for possible options....read up.