What I would tell you before getting a HT.

[UnfinishedSymphony]

I'm offering some advice, or things to think about, and getting some things off my chest, regarding those who suffer from hair loss and are considering transplants/drugs...

 

Lower Your Expectations

 

I wanted to look like David Boreanaz but in reality I'm closer to Kevin Spacy. Very big difference. When anticipating the consultation my thought bubbles were playing the same images over and over - transforming receding corners into a neat square (or what transplant doctors insist on calling "a female hairline"). I love that square.

 

At the consultation I asked, "Can they fix the hairline?"

 

"Yeah!", he replied. [That's what I remember. This was 2001.]

 

Consultation was done by someone other than the doctor at a different office, in Seattle. Then, at Dr. Wong's, listening to my request, he drew the hairline - the square - and said "Like this?"

 

And I said "Yes".

 

And he said "No." and proceeded to erase the line, then drew the actual line which was BEHIND where my hairline already was. My heart sunk into my ass. In other words, nothing was going to change. We were just going to take what I already had and make it fuller looking.

 

But, this is the way it has to be, at least in some cases. I don't recall anyone telling me what my Norwood is, but when looking at the chart, I'd have to say 5 or 6. That's why I can't look like David Boreanaz. Even when I HAD all my hair, at like 10, I couldn't have looked like him. So, my expectations were really out there.

 

Here's what the hair transplant does: it makes you look better. That's it. You're not necessarily going to look great. You may not even be happy. But you'll be happier than you would have been if you had done nothing. That's what I'd say for my case.

 

More on surgery and drugs: You should feel good that you're doing something about it, that you have some control over your life. Its perfectly fine and natural to have preferences about how you want to look and present yourself to others. And if you get a transplant, and block your DHT, and you're still thinning or the outcome still does not meet your standard, that is also okay. Its okay to be dissatisfied.

 

No one can tell me what looks good or doesn't look good. I know. I know almost everything about what looks good and doesn't look good. If I say something looks good, that means it does. If someone disagrees with my evaluation, its because they are wrong.

 

Think of it this way. A lot of people don't like classical music. I'm fond of Beethoven. If person X disparages Beethoven am I supposed to be offended? No. I'm not offended. X has merely revealed to me that they have bad taste. That's it. We haven't learned anything from X about Beethoven. We've only learned that X can't appreciate finer things because X has a simple mind.

 

So, if someone tries to tell you that you look fine the way you are or you don't, or whatever, it will never matter because that evaluation is not coming from you. You should not care what someone's evaluation is of your hair anymore than I should care that X said Beethoven is boring. Or Bach. Unless their evaluation is in agreement with yours, they are wrong. That's all there is to it. So don't beat yourself up too much about beating yourself up, because that's just unnecessary. You're giving yourself too much to be frustrated about. You're frustrated squared. Just be frustrated about your hair and leave it at that.

 

When people suggest that we accept our hair loss, I try to do that, but also accept my disapproval of it.

Edited August 30, 2014 by UnfinishedSymphony