petesman

as they say, god gave ireland the drink to stop us taking over the world...

give me a Y, give he a ... hey all i have to do is push Y, and here i was typing e and s like a sucker! MARGE! mister u dont find sexually attractive anymore just tripled his productivity!! hmmm maybe im in a different i have no life club

yo man, i sent u a PM, i think i sent it ok.. just to let u no what i paid etc.. very little growth on that patch,, maybe 3 or 4 hairs.. i was under the impression they charged per graph but positive they done it by the hair

Dr. Mejia is there any long term side effects? will my skin suffer in the long run if i start botox and then decide to stop a year or 2 down the line??

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Irish Declare War On America President Bush, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" bush paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Bush asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Bush sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Bush! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fuckin way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.

what do u call an irish man under a wheel barrow? a mechanic!

a man takes a vow of silence and enters a monastery.. the head monk tells him that he can only speak 2 words every 10 years so choose them carefully.. 10 years pass and the man goes to see the head monk.. well my son have u anythin to say.. man replies.. bed lumpy.. ok says the head monk ill get someone to sort that 10 years pass again and hes before the head monk again.. well my son its now 20 years have u anything to say.. food cold.. ok says the head monk, ill have a word with the chef for u and sort it out another 10 years pass well my son its 30 years have u anything to say? .. water warn.. ok says the head monk ill have then to give water from the colder tap another 10 years pass and the man is in front of the head monk.. he asks well son have u anything to say.. yes says the man, its been 40 years any to tell u the truth im sick of this and i want out! oh thank god says the head monk, uve done nothing but moan since u got here!

an english man, a scotts man and am irish man were facing a firing squad.. the captain says to the scotts man have u any last requests.. yes he says, can u get someone to play the scottish national anthem from start to finish with bag pipes.. the same question to the english man.. yes says the english can u get a great singer to sing the long version of god save the queen? then the question was put to the irish man.. well paddy, any last requests? yes, shoot me first!

how do u no its bed time in michael jacksons house? when the big hand touches the little hand

two dyslexic skier were on top of the slopes about to take off down the hill but were not sure about this particular slope.. they stopped a passer by and said ,, excuse me sir but do we zig zag down the slope or zag zig? the man replies.. im not sure im a tobogganist.. oh replies one of the dyslexics, in that case can i get 20 malboro and a lighter please!

did ya here about the dyslexic raver? he was caught dealing F's

what does I.D.A stand for?.... dyslexic association of ireland

doctor says to man in hospital bed.. ive good nws and bad news... man says give me the bad news first.. well says the doc we amputated the wrong leg, after we had removed it we realized and amputated the other one! mans says so whats the good news??? doc says see the man in the bed next to u? hes offering a good price for ur slippers!

over 100 posts in a day... how u do that ng2gb?? took me 8 months to get to 100!

so far the ht has been fine bar the small patch mentioned,, what im sayin is surely id be intitled to a good discount if i went for number 2 as they made a mistake on 300 hairs? also if no hair grow on the patch surly its up to them to fix?

man you were at 900 last night when i was off to bed, wake up this mornin and ur over 1000?? took me 8 months to post 100 times!!! fair play!!

been everyday to gym so these work.. come on need some more..

that is the closest thing to perfection and she nos it!!

3 men land at the gates to heaven and are met by saint peter.. peter says i see by my report that you were all killed in the same building all at the same time??? what happened says peter.. the first man replies well i live on the 11th floor, i was on my balcony watering my flowers and i slipped! as i fell over my railings i grapped hold of them, i was pullin my self up when this guy standing next to me throws a fridge at me from the appartment above and knocks me to my death!! is this true saint peter asks the second man?? look he says i live in the apartment above, i come home early to find my wife naked in the bed and out of breath.. i searched my apartment for a man and when i looked out my balcony i see this guy hanging there! i presumed he was bangin my wife and was making a getaway so in a fit of rage i pick up my fridge and fired it at him! unfortunatly i lost my balance and fell to my death! saint peter comes to the third man and says so whats ur story?? the man replies.. well there i was, all innocent, sitting in a fridge...........

classic! ng2gb im from ireland and this reminds me of a story of a man from my village where i lived most my life.. around 40 years ago this guy was walkin home from work with his mates and steps on horse shit! he turns and says to his mates 'fuck ive stepped in horses cowshite!' every since hes been called cowshite or his full name cowshite reilly! even his family ae called the cowshites!!

chinese writing!

ah i see!

doctor says to male lyin in bed in hospital.. ive good news and bad news.. man says give me the bad news first.. doc says well im afraid ur illness has gone to far and uve only 3 or 4 days to live! man says well whats the good news???? doc says do u see that blonde nurse over there with the big boobs, im riding her!