My story

[rogerthornhill]

Hi all,

 

I wasn’t sure which forum to post this in – I guess it’s just a general statement and a message of support for other hair loss sufferers. Also, I don’t really have anyone else to confide in at this point in my life and I need to get it off my chest.

 

I guess I can remember as far back as about age 15, when someone told me I was going bald in the crown. I laughed it off at the time – looking in the mirror everything seemed fine. I had a strong hairline, if a little high. The hair at my temples had been high for as long as I could remember, and besides, didn’t “highbrow” imply great intellectual capacity? I didn’t give it another thought and moved on with my life.

 

Fast forward to age 24: I had finished uni, was happily working in my chosen field, and had a steady girlfriend. One night I was playing my regular Monday night touch football (touch rugby for those of you stateside!) and one of the opposition yelled out “I’ve got the bald guy!” I looked around to see who he was referring to, and the penny dropped. Surely that’s not me?? I was mildly embarrassed at the time and when I got home asked my girlfriend “Am I going bald?” She did a quick scan and said “Yeah, it is getting a bit thin up there.” That threw me into a funk for a few days, but I figured it would stabilize at some point and that would be the end of the story. It didn’t seem to bother her, so why should it bother me?

 

About 12 months later that relationship ended in a fashion that devastated me. She had what I now regard as undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, and was aware of it, but refused to seek help. I can honestly say that was the most traumatic period of my life. I moved interstate for work sometime later and life gradually improved over the years.

 

Following another relationship breakdown at age 30, I was diagnosed with depression and have been on medication for the past four years. I had been steadily losing my hair over the years and I sincerely believe this contributed to my state of mind and lack of self esteem. I honestly don’t believe that I’m vain, but sensitive in matters of the heart and the opinions of others. A number of incidents which occurred in quick succession added to my distress.

 

Firstly, I was heading out on the town one night, standing on a train station escalator. Behind me I could hear two girls talking, and a young male voice piped up: “Hey girls, what do you think of a bald spot?” He was clearly referring to me, probably half drunk and trying to impress some potential marks. To their credit, they replied something along the lines of: “It doesn’t bother us….” During this exchange I did not turn around, but felt humiliated and it took all my strength not to leap down the stairs and throttle the punk.

 

Believe it or not, later that same night, I was walking (alone) down the local outdoor mall, and accidentally bumped into a group of highly intoxicated youths. I apologized and kept walking, but that wasn’t good enough for one of them. He assumed a drunken fighting stance and hurled a number of expletive laden insults challenging me to a fight, one of which referred to my Mother. I kept walking, thinking discretion the better part of valor, but he concluded by yelling “You’re going bald!” It was busy, the street was full of kids attending a rave, and I cannot describe to you the feeling I had as I walked on into the night accompanied by the giggles of a number of attractive young girls.

 

Finally, I was attending a drinks function at a bar one night, accompanied by a few mates. In attendance were a group of people I had recently met, including a couple of girls I was planning to get to know a little better! For some reason, a male member of this party decided to make fun of the fact I was going bald……all night. It became a running joke amongst a few of them over the four or so hours I was there. My heart dropped to the floor each time, and my confidence was shot to pieces, especially when they did it in front of the girls. I tried to keep a friendly smile plastered on my face. That night, I was in a terrible state and called my Mum. I promptly burst into tears and sobbed on the phone for half an hour. It may sound strange coming from an otherwise confident and successful 32 year old man, but I was heartbroken.

 

I remember each of these incidents with crystal clear clarity, which I think suggests they effect they had on me.

 

Anecdotal evidence suggests that most women don’t care if a man is bald, providing he is otherwise well groomed and in reasonable shape. Personality goes a long way too, however all that goes out the window for a single bald 34 yr old competing against others in the tough world of dating.

 

I didn’t, and still don’t care when my close friends have a go at me in jest, because I know they care about me and have my best interests at heart. After years of friendship, you can dig at each other about being short, a bit overweight…..or even bald. But when a complete stranger takes a shot at you out of the blue, I find the anger and embarrassment almost uncontrollable. In particular, a girl in my office who was morbidly obese used to make fun of me at length. If I was to respond in reference to her weight, that would be deemed out of line. It seems to be acceptable in society to make fun of bald (something which can’t be helped), but not fat (over which we have far more control).

 

I’ve learned the simple power of words and the incredible hurt they can cause. I also sympathise with anyone who has ever taken steps to improve their appearance. In the past I would snort in derision upon hearing of someone getting a hair transplant or any kind of cosmetic surgery. However, these days I can understand a girl wanting breast implants because after years of teasing she doesn’t feel like a woman. The benefits of 20/20 hindsight, I guess.

 

In summary, I would to thank you for reading – it has been a relief to unburden myself. I’m now on Propecia and looking at options for a transplant and will keep you posted. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’ve got something to work towards and look forward to. To any others suffering the psychological effects of hair loss, which can be devastating, I understand what you’re going through. If you ever want to chat, feel free to inbox me. I look forward to contributing to these forums in future....

 

 

Thanks for listening,

 

Doug

[tacolinowest]

great write up,, im sure you will eventually find a great surgeon and you will get the transplant and be very very happy

[TakingThePlunge]

Doug,

 

Welcome! I found your post riveting and all too familiar. I wish you the best of luck as you embark on your hair restoration journey. You've certainly taken the right first steps. I hope you'll stick around and continue to share your thoughts and insights.

 

All the best!

[michaeljames]

Hi Doug,

 

Thank you for sharing story. You've come to the right place since so many people in this community express the same feelings as you. Losing hair can be very emotionally distressing, especially at a younger age. You can definitely learn a lot here from others and the road they took to improve their self-image and esteem. Although it may be difficult, try not to dwell on the negatives too much. You will eventually find the right doctor to help educate you about hair transplantation and guide you in the right direction. Don't forget to keep us posted. All the best, Michael.

[mellyyy]

welcome! Thanks for sharing story . I'm not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and my advise should not constitute as medical advise. I found this site and sharing to all people problem . you will eventually find the right doctor to help educated you about hair transplantation and guide in the right direction . Don't ignore this . please concern this with your doctor . All the best