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If you'd met your partner BEFORE your transplant...


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So, a more unusual post I guess, aimed at those who have already had transplants. I’m sure you have numerous reasons as to why you had it: to look and feel like you did before, to gain more confidence, to look your age, etc. All valid reasons of course. I’m sure another valid reason for going through with a transplant is to do better on the dating game. Not all will have that as a primary driving force, I’m sure some are already happily married/attached. But there are certainly some males here that went through with the HT for that reason: to feel as though you can confidently attract a better mate.

I’m not criticising that reason. Not one bit. This aspect is certainly one reason I would go for it if I ever do. Yet it plays on my mind at the same time. Now a lot of you are already waiting to reply with ‘I did it for myself and no one else’. That’s fine. I get that, too. A valid reason. But it’s just on my mind how visual we are as creatures, how transplants even exist, what they do for us, and how ‘superficial’ humans are.

Again, not criticising anyone here. Simply stating how we, as animals, like what we see, and that we can’t help what we are attracted to. So, assuming men look better with hair, (finally getting to my point here, forgive the long musings) I’m wondering how many of you singletons felt knowing you were able to attract better looking partners after a successful transplant.

More importantly, after having snagged a new, more attractive mate, does it ever play on your mind that the situation may have not come into play had you not pulled the trigger and got the transplant..? I ask this simply because this is a valid concern of mine. I imagine that, post-transplant, I would feel more confident and (hopefully) enjoy the new found attention from better-looking women. Though I do also wonder how it would make me feel in the long-run, always second guessing how that new girl would have viewed me a year before; perhaps I’d even worry how they would feel should the transplant eventually shed, fail or begin to look weird due to any other external factors.

I guess what I am trying to get at is this: for those who have had successful transplants and then gone on to find love, does it ever cross your mind that your partner would not feel the same had you met each other pre-transplant, and have any of you come to regard that person as shallow or untrustworthy for not liking the ‘real’ you? Genuinely curious and interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

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No, I'm not that hard on the ladies -and I'm between loves making this pandemic more difficult in some ways :D  We men are even more obsessed with physical appearance and still have the capacity to emotionally bond. Transplants are a foot in the relationship door, and something to help keep the fire burning, not a foundational element. And a kind of stick in the eye to mother nature/evolution too, since most of our history we were lucky to live to 30 yrs old, so the traits for longevity didn't get priority. The hard truth is we still inhabit a physical biology that formed when becoming less attractive with age was a good thing -decreasing the likelihood of having children we won't be around to raise, and reducing gene pool pollution since our reproductive systems, from performance down to the egg/sperm quality, decline with age.

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3 hours ago, follically challenged said:

Interesting reply. But, do you not see a 'foot in the relationship..' as also a potential 'foot out of the relationship..' if the transplant were to go south?

 

A bad hair transplant can certainly end a relationship, but rapidly going bald can do that also.

 

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4 hours ago, follically challenged said:

Interesting reply. But, do you not see a 'foot in the relationship..' as also a potential 'foot out of the relationship..' if the transplant were to go south?

It can definitely cut both ways, especially if the bad transplant zaps the guy's confidence and he obsesses over it, neglecting the relationship. and like @Behappy says not doing anything can be the end of it too.

 

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I feel like I'm typically on the outs when it comes to my views on this, buuuut... I can speak to this from three different POVs.

1) I was dating someone when I had my hair transplant. He was extremely supportive of my decision, and it truly was something that I was doing because I wanted to do it to feel better about myself. My bf at the time didn't think any differently of me either way - and me getting or not getting a hair transplant played absolutely zero role in us staying/not staying together.  

2) By the time I started dating my current bf, it had been about 5 years since my HT... Would he have been attracted to me if I had had a receding hairline? Who's to say... But also - I suppose I don't put much energy into thinking about it because it's not the reality. The reality is that we started dating after my hairline was in tact... And I don't feel like the what-ifs support me, so I don't do it. 

3) From my current bf's perspective, he's someone who is actually dealing with active hair loss at the moment, and has been since before we started dating. It didn't keep me from dating him in the slightest, and it's definitely not something that would ever make me want to stop dating him. I think this fear we have that people will leave us based on aesthetic reasons that are out of our control is largely unfounded, and I suppose I have more faith in humanity than that. I also look at my parents who have been married for almost 50 years, and believe me, neither of them look the way they did when they got married... But they don't leave each other over it. Physical attraction may play a huge role in relationships in the beginning stages, and while that attraction will always be important, we're designed as humans for our attractions to evolve and develop over time. It's why a 20 year old may not be attracted to someone in their 60s... But once that 20 year old reaches their 60s, all of a sudden people in their 60s aren't looking too shabby... 

Attraction and romance and relationships are extremely complex... And the more we let go of the idea of micromanaging them and overthinking them, the more freedom we create to really find what we're looking for. 

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I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.

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I’m not an expert by any means and everything I’m about to say is just my opinion.

 

for 99% of relationships, the initial “spark” is the physical attraction between two people. Looks basically help get ur foot in the door, it’s not the end all be all. As men, we are heavily looks biased. For many women (Mid 20s and above), u need to meet a minimum looks threshold, then other things come into play: your personality, confidence, status, etc.

 

As women start to fall in love with their partner, looks take less of priority. Of course you can’t just assume you can now become a slob and not have good hygiene and not take care of yourself.
 

there are exceptions to everything in life however and there are some women who are heavily looks biased. But that raises the question, did she love you bc of your looks only? If the answer is yes, that relationship wasn’t meant to last anyway. We all get older and less attractive as we age so it’s very unreasonable to expect someone to retain their looks as they get older.

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Yes, i think all of these answers have value. Overall, relationships are complex. And I suppose the what-ifs are not really healthy, though my brain still runs through them from time to time..

But parents staying together is certainly a good example of a deeper relationship. I guess the world which we inhabit now with insta etc,  on the whole perhaps we have become more aesthetically focused whether we like to admit it or not...

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On 8/16/2020 at 4:31 PM, follically challenged said:

Yes, i think all of these answers have value. Overall, relationships are complex. And I suppose the what-ifs are not really healthy, though my brain still runs through them from time to time..

But parents staying together is certainly a good example of a deeper relationship. I guess the world which we inhabit now with insta etc,  on the whole perhaps we have become more aesthetically focused whether we like to admit it or not...

It's a very good point about the world being heavily focused on aesthetics, particularly with social media and how connected we all are globally. It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, and also conditioning ourselves to never be satisfied because of this false belief that "something better" could always be right around the corner. 

That said, we don't have to live like that. It takes work, yes... And it will require creating new habits, but it is possible. I have friends who don't even have social media accounts for this very reason (or greatly limit how much they use them) and I must say that they all report that it makes them happier. I still use social media myself and I definitely think it has its place, but it's really easy for it to have a negative effect on me if I'm not careful. 

As for how to create the deeper relationship that you're mentioning, there's a spiritual/psychological principle that has served me tremendously in my life that says "only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation"... I remind myself of this anytime I find myself longing for something in my life that I don't currently have, and I look at how can play an active role in creating it. So in this case, if I want a relationship that's built on connection, love, acceptance, etc., (instead of built on superficial reasons) it's up to me to bring those things forth. Every now and then, I'll see a guy in an online forum who suffers from hair loss complaining about how "women don't like him because he's bald", for example, and that "women are shallow and yada yada yada"... And then in the same breath talk about the incredibly high standards he has for women himself. (Can't be overweight, must be gorgeous, have a good body, etc.) I don't think that's what you're doing at all, but am just using that example to make the point... The guy in this hypothetical scenario claims he wants women to see him for his value beyond aesthetic reasons, but it unwilling to do the same in return. It's a recipe for disaster. 

I hope that's not too much of a tangent... And all of that to say that you seem to have a very good head on your shoulders, and I truly believe that as long as you're focusing your energy and attention on being the same type of person you're looking for, I guarantee you that you'll keep creating exactly what it is you want. 

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I am a patient advocate for Dr. Parsa Mohebi in Los Angeles, CA. My views/opinions are my own and don't necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Mohebi and his staff.

Check out my hair loss website for photos

FUE surgery by Dr. Mohebi on 7/31/14
2,001 grafts - Ones: 607; Twos: 925; Threes: 413; Fours: 56

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You've hit the nail on the head there. I must say that I am guilty of seeking a girl that has both great personality AND great looks, and yet somehow hope she doesn't require the same high standards in a male, haha.

I am well aware of how hypocritical this is, but it still feels like a natural desire to aim high. I don't want to 'settle' for less when it's not what I truly want, so I focus on ways on how to improve myself, both physically and mentally. 

I must say that the comparison thing is correct too. I believe it was Teddy Roosevelt who said that 'comparison is the thief of joy', and it certainly has truth to it. While I avoid most social media quite successfully, I still find the hardest part of hairloss being around good-looking friends who have the thickest head of hair and see the way girls look at them. For what its worth I actually do OK with women, but as soon as i introduce them to friends my jealousy and envy begins again, and I feel almost certain that they are checking out my better looking acquaintances.


Paranoid..? Perhaps
But am I wrong...? Unlikely
Insecure..? Definitely

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If you want to read an expert on this subject check out Steelballs.com with R. Don Steele.  Steele is getting old now, but he gives excellent advice on appearance.  He concentrates mostly on older men and younger women.  If you are looking for a power business suit read his Dress for Success.  He will also tell you what colors to buy.  Be careful of the suits they are pushing today because they are too short and you look like Alfalfa.  Steve Harvey knows how to dress, and I understand he has his own clothes line.  We see a woman and imagine them naked.  A woman sees a man and imagines him dressed up.

"Imagination frames events unknown in wild fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, and what it fears, creates." Hannah More

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Excellent topic, really 10/10. 
 

Okay so here goes, for me I had all of my transplants in a previous relationship. Funny thing is my transplants prompted her to get a nose and a boob job 😁. I remember her getting upset that I always complained about my hair, she would say “all you ever talk about his your hair,” and she was right. Finally I did something about it.

Fast forward a few years, we broke up, and I was back in the dating scene, now with the appearance of a full head of hair (thank you dermmatch). I was overwhelmed by the dating apps, it was completely different from when I was single in the late 2000s getting numbers on my flip phone lol. I did ask myself would half these girls ever swipe right if I was bald? The answer in my opinion is NO. 

However, that is because the premise of the dating app is to swipe on the most attractive person, it’s superficial in its purest form. I went on tons of dates, and some of the prettiest girls had the ugliest personalities. I never went on a date with them again. Their initial attractiveness was not enough to keep me around.

My point is that hair can be enough to garner that initial spark, but it’s definitely not everything. That goes for everyone, yes attraction is important no doubt. Finances are important too, at some point you’ll be asking yourself, would my wife have married me if I was scooping up fries? The answer is probably NO lol. It’s okay to have standards, and lets be realistic we do the same thing. 

I’ve been with my current gf a year and a half now, and I’ve shown her pictures of me completely bald, she’s like “wow you were bald” she’s said that she would be with me regardless, and I believe her. If I lose all my transplanted hair tomorrow, she’s not leaving me, but would she have swiped right on bald me? Probably not, doesn’t matter cause this is how I should’ve looked anyways. I was born with hair, it’s not some alien thing I transplanted to look better. 

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My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

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On 8/25/2020 at 12:18 PM, follically challenged said:

You've hit the nail on the head there. I must say that I am guilty of seeking a girl that has both great personality AND great looks, and yet somehow hope she doesn't require the same high standards in a male, haha.

I am well aware of how hypocritical this is, but it still feels like a natural desire to aim high. I don't want to 'settle' for less when it's not what I truly want, so I focus on ways on how to improve myself, both physically and mentally. 

I must say that the comparison thing is correct too. I believe it was Teddy Roosevelt who said that 'comparison is the thief of joy', and it certainly has truth to it. While I avoid most social media quite successfully, I still find the hardest part of hairloss being around good-looking friends who have the thickest head of hair and see the way girls look at them. For what its worth I actually do OK with women, but as soon as i introduce them to friends my jealousy and envy begins again, and I feel almost certain that they are checking out my better looking acquaintances.


Paranoid..? Perhaps
But am I wrong...? Unlikely
Insecure..? Definitely

Sounds like you gotta deal with some internal issues, especially if you’re dealing with those issues now. If a girl is with you, it’s because she likes you, and yes, some of your friends might be more physically attractive, but that’s only one part of the equation.

Connection is something completely beyond attraction, it’s what keeps people together well past their sexual years, it’s the foundation. That is not something that can be replaced with a nice hairline. 

Women don’t want to settle either believe me, beyond looks, women want a man to be established, confident in who they are and where they’re going. Before thinking of a hair transplant, try and work on those internal issues pushing you to compare yourself to others, and coming out on the bottom.

 

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I do not provide medical advice, recommendations, all responses are my opinion.

My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

Follow our Social Media Instagram @thehairtransplantnetwork FacebookPintrest, Linkedin and YouTube.

 

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Dating aps suck.  Hit on the girl in real life.  She may be anywhere so always be prepared.  If you can attract her while losing hair, you can hold her with hair.  Dress good and use a lot of eye contact.  Eye contact is the most amazing thing I have found.  I am 73 so I really don't expect a 20 something to fall into my arms. even so if I maintain eye contact they will also, and I will get the look backs.  I show this to my buddies as we have coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  I tell them to watch, she will look back at me, and she does.  That is the beginning of interest.  I am doing this with young hotties not old women.  I used this on a woman I had been friends with for years, and within minutes she was looking at me totally different.  This shit is amazing.  They want to be dominated.

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"Imagination frames events unknown in wild fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, and what it fears, creates." Hannah More

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People who judge you or choose their partners based on the aesthetics or material wealth of individuals are the saddest and most miserable. It is rather best to be bald, blind, deaf, mute, paralized etc rather than have a life partner who only looks at your beauty and not the actual person inside.

This should be the last reason why people should even consider body modifications even in the worst circumstance. 

Cosmetic surgeries should only be for personal happiness.

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28 minutes ago, Dazed said:

Dating aps suck.  Hit on the girl in real life.  She may be anywhere so always be prepared.  If you can attract her while losing hair, you can hold her with hair.  Dress good and use a lot of eye contact.  Eye contact is the most amazing thing I have found.  I am 73 so I really don't expect a 20 something to fall into my arms. even so if I maintain eye contact they will also, and I will get the look backs.  I show this to my buddies as we have coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  I tell them to watch, she will look back at me, and she does.  That is the beginning of interest.  I am doing this with young hotties not old women.  I used this on a woman I had been friends with for years, and within minutes she was looking at me totally different.  This shit is amazing.  They want to be dominated.

What age range are you looking for Dazed, reckon a full head of hair 73 year old should be attracting some 50 year olds for sure. 

I do not provide medical advice, recommendations, all responses are my opinion.

My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

Follow our Social Media Instagram @thehairtransplantnetwork FacebookPintrest, Linkedin and YouTube.

 

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13 hours ago, Melvin-Moderator said:

What age range are you looking for Dazed, reckon a full head of hair 73 year old should be attracting some 50 year olds for sure. 

I am not really looking, but it is fun to play the game.  I actually have a 27 year old who I have known for a long time who is wanting to move down to Florida with me.  I have cold feet.  I can't see how a hot 27 year old would want to be with a 73 year old.  I am not George Clooney, nor am I rich..  I think she has daddy issues, and quite frankly my life is so easy right now the idea of bringing a woman into it is not that appealing.  Plus at 73 I don't know if I can keep up with her.

"Imagination frames events unknown in wild fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, and what it fears, creates." Hannah More

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54 minutes ago, Dazed said:

I am not really looking, but it is fun to play the game.  I actually have a 27 year old who I have known for a long time who is wanting to move down to Florida with me.  I have cold feet.  I can't see how a hot 27 year old would want to be with a 73 year old.  I am not George Clooney, nor am I rich..  I think she has daddy issues, and quite frankly my life is so easy right now the idea of bringing a woman into it is not that appealing.  Plus at 73 I don't know if I can keep up with her.

Holy smokes 27 😳 

I feel like at some point, the age difference can be too large. In 10 years you’ll be 83 and she’ll be 37. Will it last long-term idk.

I do not provide medical advice, recommendations, all responses are my opinion.

My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

Follow our Social Media Instagram @thehairtransplantnetwork FacebookPintrest, Linkedin and YouTube.

 

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3 hours ago, Melvin-Moderator said:

Holy smokes 27 😳 

I feel like at some point, the age difference can be too large. In 10 years you’ll be 83 and she’ll be 37. Will it last long-term idk.

It can't be long term, and I want to convince her of that.  If she wants to come for a couple years and get established in Florida that is a different story.

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"Imagination frames events unknown in wild fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, and what it fears, creates." Hannah More

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On 8/28/2020 at 7:12 AM, Melvin-Moderator said:

Sounds like you gotta deal with some internal issues, especially if you’re dealing with those issues now. If a girl is with you, it’s because she likes you, and yes, some of your friends might be more physically attractive, but that’s only one part of the equation.

Connection is something completely beyond attraction, it’s what keeps people together well past their sexual years, it’s the foundation. That is not something that can be replaced with a nice hairline. 

Women don’t want to settle either believe me, beyond looks, women want a man to be established, confident in who they are and where they’re going. Before thinking of a hair transplant, try and work on those internal issues pushing you to compare yourself to others, and coming out on the bottom.

 

Great post. Second paragraph is what a lot of guys fail to understand

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On 8/28/2020 at 3:12 PM, Melvin-Moderator said:

some of your friends might be more physically attractive, but that’s only one part of the equation.

Agreed, but it's such a HUGE part of the equation, which sucks. And to be somehow viewed as lesser due to genetics is so annoying. Life as a good-looking dude is simply life on easy mode ha, I feel like my buddies have no idea how easy they have it sometimes.

And as for women wanting confidence...again, agreed, but that comes so much easier if you are happy and content with the way you look. It enhances how you feel, much more than the other way around, i.e. the way you feel enhances how you look. The latter may ring true to an extent, sure, but it isn't as powerful in this aesthetics driven society we inhabit.

 

On 8/28/2020 at 2:53 PM, Melvin-Moderator said:

this is how I should’ve looked anyways. I was born with hair, it’s not some alien thing I transplanted to look better. 

Overall, this is the most important thing i guess. Cosmetic surgery as a whole (when done right) is the means to get what you believe you should have, and deserve to have been born with. 

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1 hour ago, follically challenged said:

Agreed, but it's such a HUGE part of the equation, which sucks. And to be somehow viewed as lesser due to genetics is so annoying. Life as a good-looking dude is simply life on easy mode ha, I feel like my buddies have no idea how easy they have it sometimes.

And as for women wanting confidence...again, agreed, but that comes so much easier if you are happy and content with the way you look. It enhances how you feel, much more than the other way around, i.e. the way you feel enhances how you look. The latter may ring true to an extent, sure, but it isn't as powerful in this aesthetics driven society we inhabit.

It’s important but I wouldn’t say HUGE. I would say being financially established plays a bigger role for men. Why do you feel like you’re not attractive? There’s a self-esteem piece that you’re missing.

Looks help your confidence yes, but being confident comes from within, its a self-belief. I’ve met beautiful women, I mean beautiful, but their self-esteem is trash. My ex was one of them, even after the nose and boob job, she still felt ugly. It had nothing to do with her looks, it was her self-perception.

Check into that dude, not trying to be an armchair therapist, but I’m a huge proponent for mental health and well-being, it’s something that’s neglected and often we do things to mask it, rather than fix the root of the problem.

I do not provide medical advice, recommendations, all responses are my opinion.

My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

Follow our Social Media Instagram @thehairtransplantnetwork FacebookPintrest, Linkedin and YouTube.

 

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Although this is not related to my HT procedures, I had the awful nightmarish experience of having my hair system fall off during the night and it had fallen down between the headboard and mattress.

I had just started dating this nice lady and when we woke up together the next morning, she nearly shrieked the words, "Your head!" 

I went directly to my wall mirror only to discover my hair system was missing and when I turned around, she was dressing and leaving and I never saw her again!

Obviously this takes alot of courage to share but the experience has much to do with motivating me to move forward with my first HT procedure.

I wore hair systems for roughly 11 yeas and I hated every minute of it!

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I am not a physician and not employed by any doctor/clinic. My opinions are not medical advice, but are my own views which you read at your own risk.

Supporting Physicians:  Dr. Robert True & Dr. Robert Dorin, New York, NY

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When it comes to hair it's all about confidence (or lack of it). It's our self perception that seems to dictate much of our self esteem. At 25 after two failed hair transplants and nothing but scars across my forehead (and donor region) and a receding hairline I opted for the one thing I thought I would never do. I got a hair piece. Did I regain my hair? No. Was my confidence and self esteem sky high? Fucking A! Throughout my 20's and 30's I never worried about not be able to attract a girlfriend and I had plenty. I was also a gym junky and would work out without the hair piece or just wear a cap. Some girlfriends knew it was a wig as I would tell them or make a joke of it and let it fall off and others didn't know. I remember a few 'intimate encounters' where half way through a partner would want to run her hands through my hair and I would say something like 'just not right now love!' 🤣

However it would be fair to say that I could never go out with a woman who had an issue with my hair (my car, my bank balance, etc, etc). And neither should anyone, be it follicilarly  challenged or otherwise! I have a gorgeous girlfriend now, much younger than me and she couldn't care if I had hair or not. Love doesn't operate like that. If only we too could see ourselves as others do. We would be far more self loving and so much more happier too.

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4 hours ago, gillenator said:

Although this is not related to my HT procedures, I had the awful nightmarish experience of having my hair system fall off during the night and it had fallen down between the headboard and mattress.

I had just started dating this nice lady and when we woke up together the next morning, she nearly shrieked the words, "Your head!" 

I went directly to my wall mirror only to discover my hair system was missing and when I turned around, she was dressing and leaving and I never saw her again!

Obviously this takes alot of courage to share but the experience has much to do with motivating me to move forward with my first HT procedure.

I wore hair systems for roughly 11 yeas and I hated every minute of it!

That sounds like a horrifying experience, but all you can do is laugh about it now. 

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I do not provide medical advice, recommendations, all responses are my opinion.

My Hair Transplant Journey

Melvin- Associate Publisher and Forum Moderator for the Hair Transplant Network, the Coalition Hair Loss Learning Center, and the Hair Loss Q&A Blog.

Follow our Social Media Instagram @thehairtransplantnetwork FacebookPintrest, Linkedin and YouTube.

 

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