Dating while using concealers?

[giegnosiganoe]

Hey folks,

My personal situation - I was originally going to get a hair transplant this summer, but decided to put it off since I'm still young (25) and want to ensure my loss has stabilized (only been using meds for 1 year, and I see some miniaturization in my donor). You can check my previous threads to see my situation, I'm basically a NW 3V with retrograde and diffuse loss elsewhere, with the possibility of DUPA (unsure as of now).

I've gone through a long term breakup at the beginning of this year, and am thinking about how I will get back into dating. At the age of 25, the current state of my hair is NOT a good look to attract women. I also have an extra large sized head (and forehead), so I need really need hair to properly frame my face. Luckily, between NW 2 and NW 3, and at my crown, I still have a bit of hair (although it is very diffuse). With the use of either hair fibers or dermmatch at those locations, I'm able to replicate a mostly NW 2 head of hair quite well.

Obviously, I want to use these to my advantage when dating. Even if my hairline was perfect, I feel like I'd still want to conceal my crown - it wouldn't show up in my dating profile, so they wouldn't know about it prior to the date, but I see the large majority of women being turned off by that at my age.

There are obvious benefits to using concealer: I'll be able to date much more attractive women, and I'll be more confident in my appearance.

But there are real downsides as well:

1. Might get the sheets/pillowcase dirty when sleeping with a woman (unless I use my shirt as a cover, or we sleep at my place where I have dark sheets)
2. Might look bad the next morning
3. Can't shower with them (unless I avoid getting my hair wet?)
4. Can't let them touch my hair or their fingers will look dusty (may happen during sex?)

Does anyone have tips for dealing with these issues? Preferably someone with personal experience using concealer and dating.

Also, I'm not really looking for a long term relationship. For one night stands and such, I see no reason to tell them about my usage of concealer. But if I myself with someone longer term, I'm not sure how I'd break it to them. I know women have things they may be nervous about and are hiding on a date as well, such as being without makeup etc, so I could let them know as soon as I'd see them without those things, but those are more widely known and accepted than a man trying to hide his hair loss. I'm not sure what the general consensus would be from women, but I guess some will be completely turned off from me after finding out, and that's something I accept.

Would appreciate any thoughts. Thanks.

[jjsrader]

Do what YOU want - the rest is conversation.  Leave that to women to obsess over. 

[Sijac09]

I think the benefits of this stuff out weighs the cons, although I’ve not really used it myself, but I’ve seen what it can do. I wouldn’t worry about the dating side of things and I’d eventually just tell the bird you’re dating if it gets serious. Gym will also do you wonders, even if you do have some hair loss, if you are not already doing so. Will give you a lot more confidence too, in how you look

[BaldingBogger]

Recall it well in my concealer / single days. was such a nightmare as got called out on it couple of times when it was on the pillow and so on.. My advice is come clean post 3rd date and tell em.. before she starts gossiping to her friends wondering how to broach it with you!!  Easier all round and it will be a relief you won't have to be paranoid about using it..  You won't have her friends hearing about your stained pillows and analysing your hair when you see them..  

And she will also respect your openness and honesty

Quick anecdote - Damn i ran out of a house one morning when i woke up belonging to this hot chick as i had no concealer and didn't want to be exposed...  She was convinced i was married and it caused uproar lol

Edited June 3, 2020 by BaldingBogger

[giegnosiganoe]

Staying fit is definitely a priority.

4 hours ago, BaldingBogger said:

Recall it well in my concealer / single days. was such a nightmare as got called out on it couple of times when it was on the pillow and so on.. My advice is come clean post 3rd date and tell em.. before she starts gossiping to her friends wondering how to broach it with you!!  Easier all round and it will be a relief you won't have to be paranoid about using it..  You won't have her friends hearing about your stained pillows and analysing your hair when you see them..  

And she will also respect your openness and honesty

Quick anecdote - Damn i ran out of a house one morning when i woke up belonging to this hot chick as i had no concealer and didn't want to be exposed...  She was convinced i was married and it caused uproar lol

LOL at that story.

So, are you implying that it'll be obvious to the women that I'm using concealer? I'd like to avoid them finding out prior to me telling them about it, if possible. I don't think my usage of concealer is that obvious in itself - I'm more worried about the situations I listed in my OP (which it seems like there are ways to deal with them).

[BaldingBogger]

If you start staining the pillows and so on it will be a give away.  If you are seeing a girl regularly and staying over regularly it will be hard to keep it secret.  However if you are just ad hoc random dating you may be able to get away with it by avoiding certain situations like you have listed.   I agree with not disclosing until you are start seeing a girl regularly and see it going somewhere.

I used to bend the pillow and only use it as neck support and kind of keep my head elevated.  That would prevent contact with sheets and head and concealer staining when staying at a girl house.  Id perfected it to a level i could sleep soundly!!    If its at your place use black or dark bed wear and sheets.

Have a hat handy for the following morning for journey back or quickly put hat on post a shower or bring concealer with you if you can to reapply the next morning.

Perhaps by using a little less would be the optimum approach.  Less can be more when it comes to concealer. Are you using fibres or stuff like dermatch?  I only used fibres.  

Overall if you are seeing a girl a few times and see it as potential just tell her after a few dates..  Its really not a huge deal to most women and if she likes you she won't care.  When i was dating with concealer most women i have told just said they would doing exactly the same thing if they were a man!

Just paint a picture you are planning a HT and trying to become the best version of yourself to help your career etc and to stay young looking and don't relay too much insecurity if you can etc.

 

Edited June 4, 2020 by BaldingBogger

[nishchd]

SMP can be an alternative to the concealers but , as you said that you diffused thinning on your head, so SMP will do the job with longer hairs in Crown and mid scalp, but for Hairline ,you need to have some hair for SMP to look good.

Why don't you go for a small FUE procedure combined with SMP, its a thing now a days. Also by doing a smaller session now ,you can do a bigger later on. Just my opinion. But then you will be free from concealers which is a pain to apply everyday IMO.

[giegnosiganoe]

12 hours ago, BaldingBogger said:

If you start staining the pillows and so on it will be a give away.  If you are seeing a girl regularly and staying over regularly it will be hard to keep it secret.  However if you are just ad hoc random dating you may be able to get away with it by avoiding certain situations like you have listed.   I agree with not disclosing until you are start seeing a girl regularly and see it going somewhere.

I used to bend the pillow and only use it as neck support and kind of keep my head elevated.  That would prevent contact with sheets and head and concealer staining when staying at a girl house.  Id perfected it to a level i could sleep soundly!!    If its at your place use black or dark bed wear and sheets.

Have a hat handy for the following morning for journey back or quickly put hat on post a shower or bring concealer with you if you can to reapply the next morning.

Perhaps by using a little less would be the optimum approach.  Less can be more when it comes to concealer. Are you using fibres or stuff like dermatch?  I only used fibres.  

Overall if you are seeing a girl a few times and see it as potential just tell her after a few dates..  Its really not a huge deal to most women and if she likes you she won't care.  When i was dating with concealer most women i have told just said they would doing exactly the same thing if they were a man!

Just paint a picture you are planning a HT and trying to become the best version of yourself to help your career etc and to stay young looking and don't relay too much insecurity if you can etc.

 

Ahahaha the things we do to hide the facts... Pretty funny. I was just looking at an older thread, where many people told stories about how they've been hiding their hair loss and usage of concealer from their significant other who they've lived with for YEARS! WTF?! I would never want to deal with that, and doubt I'd get away with it even if I tried!

 

The pillow on the neck sounds awful TBH. I'll just use a t shirt and learn to sleep on my back (something I've wanted to do anyway). Hat could be a good idea.

I have both Caboki and Dermmatch, and have been testing them out while working from home. Dermmatch is pretty good, to my surprise. I believe it's better on the hairline and generally rubs off on my fingers less, but I'm undecided on which one I prefer. Maybe use a bit of both.

Yeah definitely agree with you there. I don't want to hide it for too long if I see it going somewhere, and I'm sure most women would be understanding. Plus I'd like to get a hair transplant in the future anyway, so this is only temporary.

[giegnosiganoe]

12 hours ago, nishchd said:

SMP can be an alternative to the concealers but , as you said that you diffused thinning on your head, so SMP will do the job with longer hairs in Crown and mid scalp, but for Hairline ,you need to have some hair for SMP to look good.

Why don't you go for a small FUE procedure combined with SMP, its a thing now a days. Also by doing a smaller session now ,you can do a bigger later on. Just my opinion. But then you will be free from concealers which is a pain to apply everyday IMO.

I've heard of SMP helping with diffuse thinning, and would definitely be open to it if it worked well, but have never seen any good examples.

Applying the concealer hasn't been too bad TBH, takes like 2-3 minutes.

[Melvin- Admin]

Concealers are nothing to be ashamed of, I can guarantee that 99.9% of girls that go on dates wear make-up. If they spend the night, don’t you think their mascara will be smeared on the pillow, if they don’t care why should you? 

[giegnosiganoe]

18 minutes ago, Melvin-Moderator said:

Concealers are nothing to be ashamed of, I can guarantee that 99.9% of girls that go on dates wear make-up. If they spend the night, don’t you think their mascara will be smeared on the pillow, if they don’t care why should you? 

 that's a good point Melvin, didn't think of that. If I was a woman, I'd probably be worried about smearing my makeup!

You're in a relationship now, right? When/how did you tell your girlfriend that you use concealer, and how did she take it?

[Melvin- Admin]

12 minutes ago, giegnosiganoe said:

 that's a good point Melvin, didn't think of that. If I was a woman, I'd probably be worried about smearing my makeup!

You're in a relationship now, right? When/how did you tell your girlfriend that you use concealer, and how did she take it?

I told her on the third date. She even told me that she wears make-up and eye lash extensions, so it’s no different. The thing is to own it, if you own it, they won’t care. Trust me.

[HTHope]

3 hours ago, Melvin-Moderator said:

I told her on the third date. She even told me that she wears make-up and eye lash extensions, so it’s no different. The thing is to own it, if you own it, they won’t care. Trust me.

This is great advice. When did you open up about your procedures?

[Melvin- Admin]

14 hours ago, HTHope said:

This is great advice. When did you open up about your procedures?

Same date. I told her about my passion, which is this forum, and how I myself had three hair transplants. I told her that my hair doesn’t always look this good, I still have a bald spot in the back, but it’s a long way from where I came. All in all, I owned it.

Never had an issue, and she’s even helped me film my latest introduction to the hair transplant network video. I’ll be showing you guys this week. 

[HTHope]

4 hours ago, Melvin-Moderator said:

Same date. I told her about my passion, which is this forum, and how I myself had three hair transplants. I told her that my hair doesn’t always look this good, I still have a bald spot in the back, but it’s a long way from where I came. All in all, I owned it.

Never had an issue, and she’s even helped me film my latest introduction to the hair transplant network video. I’ll be showing you guys this week. 

That’s awesome. How old is she? I feel like girls in their late 20s and beyond are less judgmental about stuff like this.

[Melvin- Admin]

7 minutes ago, HTHope said:

That’s awesome. How old is she? I feel like girls in their late 20s and beyond are less judgmental about stuff like this.

She was 26 at the time, so still young. Obviously, girls that are like 18 and 19 may not be as mature.

[Gagatek]

I've had bad experience with concelears when it comes to dating. Usually at some point girls noticed that something was wrong with my hair. Sometimes bad weather will mess it up, sometimes they will touch it and notice the "camouflage". If you're not looking for long term relationship you can get away with it but at some point girls will notice. You can tell them about it but if a girl is attractive then she has plenty of options to choose from.

[Melvin- Admin]

7 hours ago, Gagatek said:

I've had bad experience with concelears when it comes to dating. Usually at some point girls noticed that something was wrong with my hair. Sometimes bad weather will mess it up, sometimes they will touch it and notice the "camouflage". If you're not looking for long term relationship you can get away with it but at some point girls will notice. You can tell them about it but if a girl is attractive then she has plenty of options to choose from.

The problem isn’t the concealers, it’s the shallow girls you’ve dated. It also depends on you, if you’re really trying to hide it, then yea it’s weird. I dated A LOT of girls before my gf, and never once had any issues. 

I recall some girls sleeping over and leaving eye lash extensions on the pillow, so these girls are supposed to look down on me for having thickening powder in my hair. I don’t think so.

My assumption is that you were probably being secretive, and thus once they figured it out, they thought it was weird. It’s all about narrative.

Let’s say a guy who’s short has lifts in his shoes, if he right off the bat, mentions being short, and feeling better with “tall” shoes, most girls probably wouldn’t care as much.

Now, on the other hand, another guy pretends to be tall, but then gets confronted with having to take off his shoes, he gets “exposed” girls will always see the latter as worse, even though both guys wear lifts.

Everyone is insecure about something, but hiding it only makes it worse, if it’s discovered. When you own something, there’s not much another person can say, either they are okay with it or not, but you’ve made your peace with it.

[giegnosiganoe]

On 6/10/2020 at 12:29 AM, Gagatek said:

I've had bad experience with concelears when it comes to dating. Usually at some point girls noticed that something was wrong with my hair. Sometimes bad weather will mess it up, sometimes they will touch it and notice the "camouflage". If you're not looking for long term relationship you can get away with it but at some point girls will notice. You can tell them about it but if a girl is attractive then she has plenty of options to choose from.

That's unfortunate. I tend to agree with Melvin though. I'd try to tell them at around the 3rd date or so. Did you keep it a secret? Or did you tell them not too late into dating and most of them took it badly?

[Taken4Granted]

Hm, tough call. Hair loss in your twenties sucks. Older women are a lot more mature about it. 

[Al - Moderator]

One reason I always stayed away from concealers is because once you use it then you have to use it every day or else it will be known. What's the point of looking like you have a full head of hair one day and then looking bald another day? Once everyone knows you are actually bald does it really matter if you use concealer? All the women still know you are bald. Once everyone in at work knows that's when you get talked about. It's better to not even start. My opinion.

Edited June 13, 2020 by BeHappy

[Taken4Granted]

@BeHappy

I appreciate that POV, but I’ve been using Toppik every day for 10 years. If you use it sparingly and lock it in with a little moisture or hairspray (this takes skill), it’s virtually undetectable. I went several years before I finally disclosed to my fiancée what I was doing. Even though she’s known about it for years, she was still shocked by the extent of my hair loss when I showed her the photos I sent out for a virtual consultation.

The point is you can live that way if you have enough hair to work with, and I’m confident that 9 of 10 guys in their early twenties would choose that over being the one bald guy. But it doesn’t work unless you understand that less is more. You have to yield ground.

[Melvin- Admin]

28 minutes ago, BeHappy said:

One reason I always stayed away from concealers is because once you use it then you have to use it every day or else it will be known. What's the point of looking like you have a full head of hair one day and then looking bald another day? Once everyone knows you are actually bald does it really matter if you use concealer? All the women still know you are bald. Once everyone in at work knows that's when you get talked about. It's better to not even start. My opinion.

Well, in order for concealers to work, you need to have some hair, it works more as an enhancer. It’s similar to girls wearing mascara, they apply it to make their eye lashes look thicker. Who cares what people say, if you feel good, it doesn’t matter. It’s better to be open about it, cause if you hide it, that’s when people will talk. 
 

Jon Cryer did it perfectly, honest, nonchalant, and people didn’t really care.

 

[Guanyu76]

Any recommendation on which spray? The spray I use gets really hard 

[Taken4Granted]

@Guanyu76

I used Tresemme, for no particular reason. I think it’s more about the process. I’d put in a coat, drop some spray, run my hands through my hair a bit, let it dry, break it up, add a little water, comb it a bit, drop in a little more toppik, a little more spray...

Working with it and gradually adding moisture/spray and toppik gave me a thick, durable result. It still looked good in the morning and left nothing on the pillow. I got caught in the rain a few times and had no problems. You just need to experiment. I only had trouble when I used it more to coat my scalp than to thicken my hair. That’s a dangerous game.

Edited June 13, 2020 by Taken4Granted