Should I tell him that I know about his transplant?

[BadBeat]

Let it go. Just because he isn't telling you doesn't mean anything about how he feels about you - bottom line. I would no plan to tell my better half unless I had to, doesn't mean anything. HT is deeply personal, please let him be. Hopefully that's not your real name and he doesn't read this site huh!

 

But it's not an HT...it's a hairpiece. I'm not sure that matters or not. It's certainly an interesting debate.

[mav23100gunther]

But it's not an HT...it's a hairpiece. I'm not sure that matters or not. It's certainly an interesting debate.

 

Well, if it is a hairpiece, then he is going to have to tell her at some point in time, esp if they move in together.

[lorenzo]

Since he appears to be wearing a hairpiece there is maintenance involved. I have a good friend of mine from Italy that was losing hair and decided to come to Vancouver for a hair transplant. When he put toppik in his hair he looked great, you couldn't tell he was thinning.

When he booked his ticket he decided to stay for 7 months and found that strange. After he arrived he explained that his girlfriend of 2 years had never seen him without toppik in his hair and he didn't want her to know about his hairloss. Therefore by staying here for 7 months she wouldn't see that he had a transplant and that his hair was thinning.

He explained that he had never gone on vacation with her, the beach or spent more than one night with her. To make a long story short when he returned to Italy she left him because the time apart had caused damage. Now he regrets not telling her and knows he made a mistake.

[TommyLucchese]

Yeah definitely sounds like a wig. Hair Care For Men is probably the company he gets the wig from and has to go to every now and then to get changed and cut/washed etc wigs these days can look incredibly real so it's no surprise you thought it must be a transplant

 

Once a transplant has grown in and it looks good, there isn't so much stigma so he'd probably be fine letting you touch it if that's what it was. Wearing a wig must just be a lifetime of worry.

 

For his sake, maybe you should just carry on not caring and don't press the issue any further.

[MrGio-WHTCClinic]

Regardless of what you decide... Let him have his confidence.

[pkipling]

Hey Carlene! Not sure if you're still around, but I was actually thinking about your situation the other day (in terms of what information is and isn't okay to keep from a significant other). I would love to know how you ended up handling it.

 

I know when you last spoke here, you were feeling a bit discouraged about the whole situation and the little white lies were (understandably) starting to take their toll on you.

 

I think this is a very interesting topic and I honestly don't think there's one clear right or wrong way to handle it. Each person has to decide for themselves what they're looking for in a relationship and what kind of transparency they expect. I keep going back and forth with how I feel about it, to be honest. I tend to be a pretty transparent person, so it's hard for me to fully understand why he's being so secretive about it all when you guys are/were in a committed relationship. (And if he can't open up about his hair loss, how are you going to commit your lives to each other should the relationship progress?) At the same time, I tend to be very understanding as well and could possibly see myself just letting it slide. So I don't know what the right answer for me would be.

 

Anyway - Curious as to what you ended up doing if you don't mind sharing. It could provide some really great insight for all of us here. (And whatever you ended up doing is OKAY - so zero pressure.) I could honestly understand your reasons for leaving and could also understand any reasons you may have had for staying.

 

Wishing you the best!

[DISpHAIR]

Carlene,

 

I think the reason he didn't tell you is because there is a negative connotation associated with men having any form of cosmetic procedure. It is far more socially accepted for a woman to have a nose job than it would be for a man to have a hair transplant. It is ridiculous but unfortunately the reality. I don't know how much time you spend together, which certainly makes a difference, but a year isn't that long for a relationship. I suspect he isn't comfortable telling you. If he was, I think he would have told you. I think honesty is the most important component of life. I use a small amount of toppik and would use it while my gf and I were getting ready to go out for the night in the very infancy of our relationship. My thought process is that there is no point of being with someone that doesn't accept you for who you are. In addition to that, you are starting a foundation on something deceptive, which is not a good way to start as that is part of the baseline of how open and honest you are.

 

I think you know him best and so you are in a better position than any of us as to how to approach the topic. Like I said, what is accepted for men isn't the same as women and is probably the reason he has been reluctant to bring it up

[mav23100gunther]

I suspect Carlene is long gone

[Mick50]

maybe during a session of heated passion she forgot herself and pulled on his hair [wig] and it came off difficult to get over that one

[HairJo]

If he makes you laugh, is kind and confident that should be the basis of a good relationship. I think if this is standing in the way let him know how you really feel about it and hopefully you can both move on together.I hope for the best for the both of you. Hair, no hair , Ht hairpiece it shouldn't matter it's the guys personality and how he makes you feel. If this bothers you about him then maybe it's something more than his hair that's bothering you.

[mav23100gunther]

If he makes you laugh, is kind and confident that should be the basis of a good relationship. I think if this is standing in the way let him know how you really feel about it and hopefully you can both move on together.I hope for the best for the both of you. Hair, no hair , Ht hairpiece it shouldn't matter it's the guys personality and how he makes you feel. If this bothers you about him then maybe it's something more than his hair that's bothering you.

 

I love it, Charlene seems to be long gone, she hasn't logged on in months - why bother?

[Paulygon]

I like the philosophy of telling your significant other about your first HT when you're about to get your 2nd procedure done!

I learned that from one of the other members on here..

 

This is applicable to. I'm now in a relationship, and I haven't told my gf that about my HT. She is a hair stylist and keeps trying to cut my hair, but I don't really want her to cut it. My 2nd HT procedure is coming up in a few months and I'm sure I will have to tell her pretty soon...

 

I wonder if she could tell..

In the last couple years I've dated several girls around whom I was initially insecure about whether they would find out about my procedure when they play with my hair... Actually, it seems none of them could tell... (One of them was even a former Hair Transplant Tech!) The only time that the beans were spilled was when I had Dr Mohebi's http://www.amazon.com/Modern-Hair-Restoration-Complete-Guide/dp/0991034317 book lying around my house.. The Hair Transplant Tech I was dating saw the book and thought I was looking into getting a 1st procedure (she still didn't realize I already had one) and recommended that I have a consultation with the clinic she used to work at.. she was very caring and at that point she was already attracted to me and liked me alot so it was okay to tell her that I had it done.

 

I think that at the beginning of a relationship, its very understandable to not disclose all your secrets and insecurities.. eventually, just open up when you're comfortable. We all have baggage and insecurities.. We're often too focused on our own.

[pranit]

Hair transplant is very major problem in this generation. Everyone has tensed about hair loss problem.

How to control hair loss? One of the most important solution of hair loss is hair transplantation technique. There are successful technique. No side effects.

After hair transplant feel just like a normal hair.

[arussell]

Transplanted hair would not feel like "straw" or have knots, I have to agree with Spanker that this sounds a lot like a hair piece. Some of these can be pretty good. There are usually "give aways" such as in the front a "piece" can't restore that temporal junction, leaving it a little out of balance.

 

Many people have certain things that they are just sensitive about. I have had patients who didn't tell their spouse.... not sure how they accomplished this but they didn't tell..... and everyone thinks a little differently. Disclosure about something that gives a sense of less esteem or discomfort may not be something you want to push for them to disclose.

 

Just my opinion!

[Bill - Seemiller]

Carlene,

 

Admittedly, I did not read all of the responses to your question but I wanted to chime in with my thoughts. For years, I was embarrassed to tell anybody about my hair transplant, even when I became the managing publisher of this community. For me, I got a hair transplant so that I could take the focus off of my head not put more focus on it. By telling somebody I had a hair transplant, I thought there may be judgment or people would think differently of me in a bad way. But frankly, everyone I have told about my hair transplant was fascinated by it, including pretty girls. For a long time, I wanted to hide my hair loss so I wore a hat. I was afraid that pretty girls would think I was ugly and did not want to show them I was practically bald. But even after hair transplant surgery, I did not want to draw attention to it. While I became confident enough not to wear hat anymore, I did not want to broadcast that I had work done because I thought that would be just as bad as telling them that I was bald. So that might be what your boyfriend is experiencing. He may think that you will be judge mental or think bad of him, or it may remind him that he was once bald and he doesn't want you to see him as the bald guy. However, as I have gotten older, I have been much more open about my hair transplant and as I said, everybody including pretty girls have been very interested in the work I've had done and it has boosted my confidence significantly. So not only has my new hair given me new confidence, but the fact that I can be open about it and most people are fascinated and interested in the fact that I had the procedure done, has also boosted my confidence. It has given me positive attention overall, not negative.

 

So to answer your question, it may be extremely relieving for him to know that you know about his hair transplant and not only accept it, but are proud of him that he got it done.

 

My hope is that one day people will stop looking at her loss and hair restoration as something to hide, but something to boast about. After all, people post about losing weight and going to the gym. Why can't people post about restoring their hair and looking better and younger?

 

In my opinion, just be delicate and how you bring it up to him. You might want to let him know that you think he looks amazing and that you really think his new head of hair looks great and that yes, you are aware that he had the procedure done. Let him know that you are not mad and that you understand why he might not want to share it with you, but that you are interested and fascinated and love him even more for it. After all, us men invest this kind of money in restoring our hair to look good for our women. So we like to know that our women think we look good and better since we invested all that time and money into it.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Bill

[Bill - Seemiller]

The only other thing I want to comment on is the fact that your boyfriend does not want his head touched and when you do touch it you said it feels different. That makes me think that maybe he did not have a hair transplant, and that he's wearing a hairpiece. Transplanted hair does not feel any different than a real hair, because it is real hair just simply moved from the sides and back of the scalp to the balding areas. And it grows like regular hair too. I also don't know why he wouldn't want his hair touched because the transplanted hair is permanent and there's no danger of the hair falling out or getting messed up if you touch it.

[Bill - Seemiller]

I just realizes that I'm pretty late to the party here, so it does seem like Carlene is long gone. However, it is an interesting conversation for other people to read. I'm sure other women struggle with the same thing so others who read this topic will at least get to read people's responses and even participate if they choose.

[MyNameIsRich]

Bit harsh, he's obviously very distraught by his hairloss to hide it from you, if you can't accept that maybe he's not the right guy for you? I don't blame him for hiding it, I didn't tell my wife for three years and she was totally cool about it and said that she suspected but if I wasn't ready to tell her then that was fine. They are white lies and are not a deception.

 

Kind of have to agree here. Clearly this is a guy who is very self conscious and insecure about his condition, and rightly so, aren't we all?

 

I honestly think at this stage you have to make the decision, is this guy right for you? not because of his hair, or lack of, but because of his insecurities and how its making you feel through him hiding all of this away. Your other option is to confront him about him, try and have a heart to heart and if you really don't care then tell him about it.

[MyNameIsRich]

An extra note here. A lot of men like us, are not mentally equipped to deal with hair loss. Not to come across as ignorant, but unless they have hair loss, I honestly can't think of a single thing that women deal with, compared to this problem that plagues so many men.