Coming Clean With My Hair Loss

[EndlessRed]

Hi all, I've been lurking around this forum for quite some time, as I have been considering surgery and doing some due diligence since long ago. Until recently, I've always thought I was at peace with my hair loss, but as I turn the page into another decade (I'm now 30), I suddenly feel that I've lost a whole decade of real youth. Instead of enjoying it like everyone else around me, I feel like I've been singled out because of my hair line, get funny looks from others, and was told way too many times I look like I'm 40. So I've pretty much had enough. It looks like surgery is my only path to getting my hair back, but before that, I feel like I need to come clean with how I feel about my hair loss, despite telling the world that I'm "at peace" with it.

 

I hate it. Always had hated it. Still hate it.

 

To begin, I started losing hair around 17-18. At that time, I actually had quite an abundance of hair, and full of confidence. Talking to girls was the last problem on my mind. Fast forward a bit, by the time I entered college, the hair loss was beginning to be apparent, and by the time I was 23, my hair line had more or less retreated significantly. At that moment in my life, I was in denial. Despite my family and friends telling me about the lack of hair that is going on from the front of my head, I didn't want to believe it, and instead grew my hair out, which did not work well at all, and in fact got even worse as it kept thinning. It was only after another friend took a photo of me (I don't take photos often) that I was forced to admit that, yes, I'm playing with a few strands of hair on a significantly receded hair line.

 

For a while, I freaked out. I've tried Rogaine, Propecia, shampoos, etc. Probably haven't tried literally everything, but I've tried most hair loss prevention products, and had seen little to no effect, while the costs were burning a hole in my (then light) wallet.

 

After that debacle, I've been getting buzz cuts since. Always clipping off as much as I can to make sure the baldness as transparent as possible. Unfortunately, it's not much use. The ladies wouldn't even bother looking at me, never mind talking to me (they're not shallow - it's just first impressions), I look twice as old as I really am, and though I've lived with it day in and day out, not a day had gone by where I didn't wish I can have my hair back. For a long time, I didn't care about it, because I was more concerned about my career at the time, and thinking that there are ladies that would like a bald guy...while the career bit did pan out, the social aspect didn't work out that way.

 

Today, I'm fed up. I've grown tired of my younger relatives' friends calling me "uncle," tired of being unable to attract ladies because they think I'm way older, tired of knowing I won't go far with my love life just because my head's bald, tired of being literally the only one around my circles with such a serious hair loss problem.

 

So I'm taking action. I'm planning to schedule a consultation with Dr. Mohebi's office when there is an opportunity, wanted to know what can be done, and if surgery is the way to go. I think I've lived this down long enough.

[Greatdane]

Hello buddy.

Did you go Dr. Mohebi's office? What did they say?

In case the say that you are too young for a HT or that your loss are to advance to get a decent result dont despair. You are still the same person without much future hair.

As I read your message you worry about the ladies and there are indeed ladies out there who dont care about hairloss also hot ones, trust me on this. But you are also right that that first impressions matter, but why you think its only a matter of hair or no hair?

First of all if you come on as confedent it will create a real good impression. Of course I understand that can be hard if one is down about going bald and I have been there. But you can build your confedence. You could for example shave all your hair off, then start hitting the gym...a lot and if you dont already do that you could start eating clean. Slowly but surely you will be more muscular and girls dig that. In this way you will not be the balding guy in the corner, but a guy with more confedence. This is just something that helped me out for some of my problems even though Im in the same boat as you when it comes to wanting an HT, so who knows maybe you can use it also.

Best of luck!

[ArizonaGuy85]

I think everyone on this forum experiencing hair loss really feels for you. It's a tough pill to swallow. I don't think that you should blame problems in the romantic department solely on hair loss though, you're giving it too much credit. Like the poster above me said, there are people out there who are attracted to guys with thinning hair, no BS. If you are dead set on getting a transplant, I would recommend looking at FUE procedure over FUT. Do lots of research and don't go for it if it doesn't feel right for you! Good luck to you.

[pkipling]

Hey man. Thanks for coming clean. I did the same thing recently and it really is a good feeling. First off, regarding the hairline: Did you meet with Dr. Mohebi? Hopefully he gave you an optimistic report and this is something you guys can tackle. I'd really love to see you have the outcome you'd like.

 

As for the other stuff you mentioned, I want to add that my sister's fiance is completely bald and he makes jokes about it all the time, and I wonder sometimes if it really does bother him. Regardless, he managed to snag a wonderful, beautiful gal who loves him regardless of his hairline (or lack thereof). So don't believe that your hair loss is destining you to a life of heartbreak and loneliness. Confidence and personality are much more important than that.

 

Greatdane is right. One way to make up some ground for being bald is to get in really good shape. This alone will increase your confidence which automatically makes you more attractive which automatically opens the door for the ladies to get to know you. And just think of all the bald guys out there in the world who live happy, productive lives married/dating a wonderful woman. So you're not doomed.

 

Also, out of curiosity, what types of girls are you looking for that seem to always reject you? Are you only interested in the 9s and 10s? I ask that because I believe us men tend to be very visual and often miss the forest for the trees when it comes to the ladies. We focus so much on the 9s and 10s that we overlook the often better, smarter, funnier 5s and 6s, for example. And in a lot of ways, it would make sense. How harshly we judge ourselves is often a reflection of how we then judge others - so if you have a really poor self-image, that subconsciously gets redirected onto the women you interact with. You only seek out the ones who will affirm the negative ideas you already have about yourself. Just some psychobabble thoughts for you - for whatever they're worth.

 

Keep us posted on what you decide to do - and on that date I'm sure you're gonna have soon enough (with or without a new hairline).