dating and hair loss

[john36]

My name is Michael Corleone....I am an American.....hiding in Si***** I just had a hair transplant.....some people would pay allot of money for that information....but then your daughter would loose a father with advanced hair loss.....instead of gaining a husband...with full head of hair...

and so there was a wedding...

and she lived happily to the end...

[Chuckisduck]

Originally posted by bro:

How is it that we are shallow for being here in this forum, I do not really understand, can you please expound.

Its simple. We are worried about our appearance, in this case our hair loss. Worrying about things that are just visual and not meaningful is shallow.

but you can drown in 2 inches of water....

 

I would say someone with a really botched job, cancer treatment or weird shaped loss need it. Us with normal MBP just want to look good and pay for it.

[bro]

sdfsgdfgdsfg

[GLH Formula # 9]

Originally posted by bro:

Originally posted by Chuckisduck:

 

Its simple. We are worried about our appearance, in this case our hair loss. Worrying about things that are just visual and not meaningful is shallow.

but you can drown in 2 inches of water....

 

 

There may be something far deeper than vanity for some. We are turning into a nation of looks are better than accomplishments in allot of our workforce areas. Regions in the County like the East Coast and West Coast have made personal looks more valuable than performance and it's spreading to every state in the U.S. Simply put if you are not slim, good looking and don't have a full head of hair, don't apply and don't expect promotion in many white and now blue collar jobs.

[john36]

Originally posted by bro:

Originally posted by Chuckisduck:

 

Its simple. We are worried about our appearance, in this case our hair loss. Worrying about things that are just visual and not meaningful is shallow.

but you can drown in 2 inches of water....

 

 

No you are not getting it. We are not worried about our hair loss. What we are worried about is that we are not experiencing a normal healthy dating life, which eventually leads to not having a married life with wife and family. Now worrying about that I would hope you would agree is not shallow. Where hair loss enters the equation, is that we attribute the reason for the non-existence of a dating life to hair loss. So do you understand now, or are you still off into some tangent space?

 

If I offended anyone I sincerely apologize.

I was just trying to brighten up the topic with my "poems" which I designed to make fun of me really not you guys.

 

I hope you are not upset.In fact why did I do it?For same reasons of course.I wish your surgery is with the most desirable outcome,both cosmeticaly and applied to dating.

[Desperately Seeking Hair]

It's nice to see that you have a sense of humor john36

 

Nice poems.

[Chuckisduck]

I guess I never had problems with dating and am an engineer, so my work is more important than my looks.

 

I understand your reasoning, but I know lots of bald guys who managed to get married without hair. I guess its just the lack of confidence attributed to hair loss. Its a tiny bit of vanity, but not nearly as much as myself when I got a HT.

[bro]

dfsfgdfsg

[Chuckisduck]

Originally posted by bro:

Originally posted by Chuckisduck:

 

 

... I guess its just the lack of confidence attributed to hair loss. ...

 

You are playing the "blame the victim" game. I find it hard to believe that from your world view, bald guys have absolutely no disadvantage in securing dates and wives. No bald guys I know , nor do I, have a confidence problem - I don't know how you can say that when you don't even know me. While you are at it why not blame it on me not taking showers or brushing my teeth hahahaha!

 

That is why I guessed it and not assumed it. Since you are on this site about hair loss and calling it being a victim, I just would guess it affects you in some way. On a different note, brushing your teeth and taking showers would help!

[bro]

sdfsdgfgs

[Vasilius]

I'm not trying to get into a debate about evolution here, but this is my opinion on how much women care about baldness and why:

 

Baldness doesn't stop anyone from getting the girl, unless it makes you feel unattractive. Lack of confidence can have a halo affect on other areas of your life that can make you less attractive, for sure. But baldness in itself has been given way, way too much weight on this thread. There are many attraction factors that are way more important.

 

Women are genetically programmed to be attracted by a man's social status value MUCH more than they are by the physical cues of youth and health (which imply verility) such as hair. I'm not saying hair and looks don't matter at all. I'm saying that men care more about them than women.

 

Men choose mates because of health and youth traits that imply fertility - waist-to-hip ratio, youthful appearance, breast size, facial symmetry, etc.

 

Men are programmed by our genes to reproduce with as many fertile women as possible and with women who can successfully bear our offspring. This is why breasts matter - we don't want our babies to starve. Youth matters because younger women are more fertile and survived childbirth more often. Beauty matters because it implies health and good genes. This is instinct, pure and simple.

 

Women are programmed to choose their mates more carefully, and to choose the 'alpha' males. 'Alphas' are leaders of their tribe and have the highest social status. They are dominant and good providers. Females are programmed to choose alpha males because for our ancestors it greatly enhanced the chance of survival for them and their offspring.

 

Tall and athletic men appear to be dominant and good providers, that is why women are attracted to those traits. Dominant men tend to be leaders, so height infers social status. This is also why they seem to prefer assholes, by the way - aggression + no approval seeking = dominance. But social status (leadership within the tribe) is the most prevailing indicator of social value, so even if you are short AND bald, if you are successful, ambitious, and have many friends, that will trump height and baldness. Ask Bruce Willis or Andre Agassi if they have trouble with women.

 

Women are still attracted to health and verility cues such as facial symmetry, and yes, even hair, but it is much less important than most men think.

 

I'm 5'7" and a NW5. Hair and height has never, ever been a factor in my lovelife. I've dated taller women, smart women, who I considered to be 9s and 10s. I'm married to a beautiful women who could care less about my hair. My baldness bothers ME though, because it impacts my confidence in everyday life. It makes me feel old, and I guess deep-down I don't want to get old.

 

Be the best at whatever you do, take good care of yourself and others, and be happy with who you are. Women are just people, and if you don't beg for their approval they'll wonder why and start seeking yours.

 

For dhoose75, regarding the girl who rejected you - sorry dude, but it wasn't your hair.

 

My two cents.

 

 

-Vasilius

[thanatopsis_awry]

I agree w/ much of what Vasilius wrote. But, the younger you are -- and the younger your dating demographic is -- the more vital of an importance hair takes on. The over-arching factor, however, is confidence and the ability to be yourself. For many, this is unfortunately impossible to realize after their locks get plundered; for some it is possible, and I would say that is the ideal route to go.

 

Loss of hair puts you at a disadvantage, and it's the ensuing loss of confidence that creates a vortex of hurt on your chances w/ girls.

[bro]

sdfgsdfgsdfg

[Vasilius]

Thanatopsis, I agree that with very young women (teens - tweens), guys losing their hair have it tougher. The competition (other young guys) is in their physical prime and most of them have hair, so it's a disadvantage. You're right though, that the impact balding has on your confidence is what kills your dating chances, for the most part. Looks do matter, and more so to women of that age than any other.

 

Bro - you missed my point entirely. Men and women care about sexual and social traits. Sexuality is more important to men, social status is more important to women. That's why a hot girl will date a fat funny guy with a lot of friends who dresses like he's the boss, but you'll rarely see the reverse.

[Vasilius]

Another thing I'll add - any woman who would reject you because of your hair loss isn't worth the time of day, let alone your time.

 

 

-Vasilius

[bro]

sdfsdfgdg

[bro]

sdfsdfgsdg

[thanatopsis_awry]

I've gone the "ultimate" route of HTs, so I feel a bit disingenuous saying this now....but while baldness is always a detriment, it also creates the opportunity/challenge to rise to the occasion.

 

Pre-MPB, while I was never too socially awkward, I had little to no "game"; MPB killed me for a while, but it also caused me to have some newfound perspective that has allowed me to now live it up and not take things for granted and be so superficial.

 

Whether it's accomplishment, talent, humor, physique, confidence....women are drawn to this. Are women also drawn to superficial looks? Absolutely. How much is the question I think we're all speculating on. I'd argue that the "status quo" superficiality that surrounds our media-culture has prodded many guys (and girls) to obsess over the aesthetic, quite possibly at the expense of "accomplishment, talent...confidence".

 

But this doesn't necessarily mean that if presented with a legit dude who has these **rare** qualities but is bald he is fucked. Possibly, the rarity of this makes him an even greater bird.

 

It's tough, though, because it's so natural to compound the negative that baldness inherently is by obsessing over it (part of the aesthetic) at the expense of all else.

 

If I knew then what I know now, and if I could "do it all over again", I would probably buzz my head, take good care of my body so I feel solid, and see if I could make it work....augment my positive charachteristics and develop my talents, which we should all do regardless, but being afflicted by baldness gives us all the more reason, even though it's all the more difficult to initially do.

 

EDIT -- I do agree w/ bro that hair, followed by height, are the critical points that for better or worse women focalize around when gauging someone's aesthetics.

[Vasilius]

Bro - I know how you feel, and as I said, height and hair do matter. I started losing hair at age 17. I'm also below-average height, so I got the double-whammy. I could've given up, but I didn't.

 

Listen to Thanatopsis dude, there is a lot of wisdom and a good example in his post of how to overcome what you've inherited from mother nature. I've had 2 HTs now, so I'm not here to preach that hair "doesn't matter". But having your shit together, focusing on what you are passionate about in life, and enjoying yourself comes first.

 

I wish you well Bro-

-Vasilius

[bro]

sfdvsddfs

[thanatopsis_awry]

bro, I know what you mean...Vasilius does too, for sure. IMO, part of this "dilemma" on looks is the twisting that gender roles have gone through in recent time. What I think you are feeling -- and what most of us feel too -- is a sort of backlash. There's been this dogma that charachterizes men as chauvenistic fools with a concern simply for the aesthetic and how big a girl's tits are in proportion to how bulbous her lips are; and that women are in turn self-conscious creatures that just want a "decent" guy to be freed from the shackles of superficiality.

 

The reality is that this is bullshit, which you clearly recognize. But it is Thunderdome out there -- I don't think we can easily say who is what and what what is.

 

Looks and image are also two different things but are part and parcel; like Vasilius said, image can be glorified by humor, accomplishment, etc. I would prolly say that women care more about *image* than men....looks I would say is a division of image.

 

The good thing is that even if we get screwed by looks, there are other components that comprise image. Just keep fighting.

[bro]

sdfdsgsg

[Dr. William Lindsey]

I hate to break it to you but most people are superficial. One of my very few close friends is just as bad as the girl that started this thread. My buddy, Mr. J, had no interest in this really nice young lady and strung her along, cancelled dates--the kind of thing that if someone did them to my daugher that I would shoot them for.

 

Anyhow, the young lady pops up a year later now with breast implants and Mr. J can't say enough great things about her. She went out with him, got a bunch of nice dinners and then dropped him. Sweet revenge.

 

And he really is a great guy, I have known him since the first day of med school in 1990. But the point is, most people are pretty superficial with regard to what attracts them to the opposite sex.

 

So as bad as whatever physical gripe you may have...hairloss, being skinny, having acne scars etc, some folks just aren't going to look at you. Just another unfair part of life. There are nice people out there who will like you for who you are, it just may be harder to initially find them.

 

Wow, I sound like a dad.

 

Dr. Lindsey McLean VA

 

Speaking of which....my kids asked me 2 days ago how come I have so much more grey hair than all of the other dads......life isn't fair.

[bro]

sdfgsdfg

[Bill - Seemiller]

bro,

 

Though I agree with you to some extent, I think you are generalizing too much.

 

There is a guy at my gym who is about 5 ft 7 and completely bald, but buff. He's married to one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

 

But you are right - it's true that some women won't date a bald man. Just like some men won't date an overweight girl. We all have our likes and dislikes. But there are plenty of beautiful women out there that are attracted to a man's soul much more than their looks. Besides, women like when a man fights for them anyway. If you like a girl, don't be afraid to show her. If she's not into you, find another woman. And just maybe after you restore your hair the girl who wasn't interested will be kicking herself

 

Bill