Well, two days ago I took my first steps into total character reinvention. The goal being to eliminate all that is negative and neurotioc while retaining all the things I actually like about myself.



The first step I took was to delete my facebook page. I don't need the distraction or the hurtful drama that unfolds there and even within 48 hours my mood has improved and I'm being creative again.



I also started back on my workout routine. I've always ate healthily and I lost nearly 20lb last year and even though I've been drinking and feeling sorry for myself the last month or two I've kept a firm, eye on what I've been eating and I haven't gained a pound so I'm picking up where I left off. Alcohol is also off the menu for the next month or two at least as the depressant in in was dragging me down further.I haven't been trim and slim since I was 30 and I really miss having that confidence as well so if I can get to a point with my body and then have my transplant procedure then it will be a double whammy for my confidence which at the moment is absolutely shattered an needs fixing fast as I don't even leave the house any more. It's coming back a little, I'm fitting into t-shirts and trousers I haven't been able to for years and muscularity its certainly making it's way forward, but all this is nothing without a decent hairline to frame my face the right way and sometimes I think a well developed body with no hair is overcompensating. Women may disagree with this but I'm not doing this to impress women, it's all simply so I can look in the mirror and think "Yep, you look good" and be able to take that confidence out with me into the world and infuse it in all aspects of my creative and emotional life.



I'm also in the process of tallying up things that I own to sell to contribue to my transplant as I forgot to factor in flghts and hotel costs. I have appointment to see my GP in 2 weeks to ask about medication for flying (Xanax has been recommended) and if that is all go then I book my face to face consultation at the BHR clinic and if all goes wel then I will be boking my procedure for as soon as possble so that I can get healing as fast as I can.



It's a scary thought at 36 to just cut yourself off from everyone you know but to be honest all my real friends have settled down and I never see them and while I wouldn't call my facebook friends 'dead wood' it does feel like I'm trimming down all the unnecessary parts of my life. I would have had to disappear after my procedure anyway so it's best it happens now and I feel much more focused on what I want and the procedure is sucha a big part of that.



I do keep worrying that I'll get to the consultation and the doctor will refuse to give me what I want and insist on a much more conservative hairline. I have a firm idea of how I want to look and I think it's reasonably conservative anyway but any less and Iit would still be a receding hairline that's too far I'd be just and neurotic. I can't see it happening though but it's just a worry. Other things like donor density are a worry but my hair looks very thick so again I can't see it being a problem but even still looks can be decieving!



The waiting is the killer and then knowing I'll have to wait again after the procedure to get my results is torture but I'm going to use my time wisely in aforementioned fitness goals and creativity so it certainly won't be just sitting about waiting for hair to grow.



This is certainly going to be a year outside my comfort zone and it's scary, very scary with a lot of time, effort and money being spent but I'm confident that this complete character rebuild (Or refurbishment if you wish to call it that) will open doors for me that I never even dreamed of and all the effort will have been worth it!