doctor says to male lyin in bed in hospital.. ive good news and bad news.. man says give me the bad news first.. doc says well im afraid ur illness has gone to far and uve only 3 or 4 days to live! man says well whats the good news???? doc says do u see that blonde nurse over there with the big boobs, im riding her!

__________________
2200 DHI Ireland june 2007
Rogaine 5% may 2007
Lasercomb jan 2008
Nizoral aug 2007

NOW,
ME!..ME!! ME!!!

....................
There's three old men on a park bench.
The first old man says: "I have the WORST problem"...
"every morning around 7 'o clock, I wake up,
walk over to the urinal. And try and take a piss.
for FIVE minutes and NOTHING comes out"...

The second old man says "I have an EVEN WORSE problem.every morning at 8 'o'clock I walk over to the toilet and try and take a shit. For TEN minutes I sit and NOTHING comes out!!"

The third old man says "I have AN EVEN WORSE problem. Every morning about 9 'oclock I take the BIGGEST PISS and the BIGGEST SHIT you have ever SEEN!"
The other two men scratch their heads and say
"what's so bad about THAT?"
He says-
"I don't get up
till ELEVEN!!!!"


keep 'em comin' Dubliner
and Ill follow suit...

This one's called: THE IRISHMAN WHO LAID THE SHEEP....

There's two Irish men sitting in a pub.
The first Irish man says to the other:
"hey Tommy, do ya' see that bridge over there?"

Tommy--"yeah, I see it".

"I LAID it. Board by board. I LAID it.
But do they call me 'The Irish Man Who LAID the Wooden Bridge' , Tommy? NO, they DON'T!!!"

A few minutes pass and the Irish man turns to Tommy again:
"hey Tommy, ya' see that brick wall over there?"
tommy--"yeah, I see it."

"I LAID it. Brick by brick, I LAID it.
But do they call me 'The IRISH MAN Who LAID the Brick WALL' Tommy? NO, they DON'T!

But, ya fuck ONE sheep!!!!!!"......

classic! ng2gb im from ireland and this reminds me of a story of a man from my village where i lived most my life.. around 40 years ago this guy was walkin home from work with his mates and steps on horse shit! he turns and says to his mates 'fuck ive stepped in horses cowshite!' every since hes been called cowshite or his full name cowshite reilly! even his family ae called the cowshites!!

__________________
2200 DHI Ireland june 2007
Rogaine 5% may 2007
Lasercomb jan 2008
Nizoral aug 2007

3 men land at the gates to heaven and are met by saint peter.. peter says i see by my report that you were all killed in the same building all at the same time??? what happened says peter.. the first man replies well i live on the 11th floor, i was on my balcony watering my flowers and i slipped! as i fell over my railings i grapped hold of them, i was pullin my self up when this guy standing next to me throws a fridge at me from the appartment above and knocks me to my death!! is this true saint peter asks the second man?? look he says i live in the apartment above, i come home early to find my wife naked in the bed and out of breath.. i searched my apartment for a man and when i looked out my balcony i see this guy hanging there! i presumed he was bangin my wife and was making a getaway so in a fit of rage i pick up my fridge and fired it at him! unfortunatly i lost my balance and fell to my death! saint peter comes to the third man and says so whats ur story?? the man replies.. well there i was, all innocent, sitting in a fridge...........

__________________
2200 DHI Ireland june 2007
Rogaine 5% may 2007
Lasercomb jan 2008
Nizoral aug 2007

BAD MOUTH JOHNNY JOKES...
An elementary school teacher is going through the alphabet teaching children new words.
She begins with the letter 'a';
"ok children, what word begins with the letter 'a'?

right away Bad Mouth Johnny shoots his hand up.
the teacher says to herself "I can't call on him. he'll come up with some bad word".
suzy raises her hand..."i know! apple, apple begins with the letter 'a'!"
"very good, suzy".

"ok children 'b' what word begins with the letter 'b'?"
right away Bad Mouth Johnny shoots his hand up.
the teacher once AGAIN thinks to herself, "I can't call on him, he'll come up with some bad word".
little mary raises her hand "I know, boy, boy begins with the letter 'b'"...

The teacher goes ALL the way through the alphabet like this with Bad Mouth Johnny raising his hand every time.
Finally she gets to the letter 'r'
and thinks to herself "well, I can't keep NOT calling on Johnny. He can't possibly come up with a bad word with the letter 'r'".

"yes Johnny. What word begins with the letter 'r'?"
Bad Mouth Johnny BELTS OUT:
"I know! I know!
RAT begins with the letter 'r'.
A big FUCKING rat,
with a COCK this long!!!!!"

doctor says to man in hospital bed.. ive good nws and bad news... man says give me the bad news first.. well says the doc we amputated the wrong leg, after we had removed it we realized and amputated the other one! mans says so whats the good news??? doc says see the man in the bed next to u? hes offering a good price for ur slippers!

__________________
2200 DHI Ireland june 2007
Rogaine 5% may 2007
Lasercomb jan 2008
Nizoral aug 2007

A man's wife ALWAYS complains that he never tells her he loves her.

So, one day the man goes out and gets
the words: 'I Love You'
tatooed on his Wang.
Later at home that evening his wife says:

"STOP tryin' to put words in my MOUTH!!!"

BREAST IS BEST

Paddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother breast feeding her baby boy. Paddy stops to speak to the mother. "That's what I like to see natural breast-feeding, I was raised on that"
.
The young mother tells Paddy to clear off. Paddy continues, "No seriously I was raised on the stuff, look at me, tall, lots of muscles, and really fit, looking at the baby breast feeding takes me back to my childhood", he pauses...., "can I try breast feeding on the other breast".

The young mother says again, "Get away with you Paddy". Paddy says convincingly "You've got plenty of breast milk for baby, and he doesn't need the other breast". The young mother looks and Paddy and thinks, well he is good looking, fit and lots of muscle, "Come over here Paddy and you can get on the other breast". Paddy being sucking on the other breast, after five minutes the young woman has become more relaxed and is starting to get aroused ,panting slightly, she lies back and whispers to Paddy "Paddy ..... is there anything else you want ?"

Paddy asks "err....have you got any Farleys Rusks"

A Farleys Rusk is a baby type teething biscuit for you Americans,ie woman thought her luck was in.