Keeping Personal Insults Off Our Forum - Respect is Required

[Bill - Managing Publisher]

There have been some very lively debates lately, some of which unfortunately quickly turned into grunge matches due to a few members problems in controlling their anger. As a result, I've had to remove some very insulting and antagonistic posts from various members. Why everyone is getting so emotional lately, I don't know, although I can't help but wonder if the full moon has anything to do with it.

Those who come to our patient driven community are here to find hair loss information and support from our veteran members. While technical debates and sharing genuine concerns and opinions are critical to facilitate learning, personal insults and unsubstantiated opinions presented as facts can be harmful and destructive to all of those who visit us.

Frankly, I've just about had it with those who quickly resort to hostility and try to tear one another down, especially with unsubstantiated opinions and personal insults.

None of this is brand new information. In the terms of service you all agreed to when you signed up, it states:

"You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this software service to post any material which is of a commercial or promotional nature, knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by this BB."

Anyone who violates these terms may be subject to the following "3 Strikes and You're Out" policy.

Strike 1) Their post will be removed with a private and possibly public warning

Strike 2) If it happens again, they will be suspended for at least one week

Strike 3) Once reinstated, if it happens again, they will be suspended permanently or at our discretion.

These insulting posts are destructive in nature and turns people away from this community. I see no reason why people can't hold a technical debate while respecting one another and varying opinons.

One more thing, if enough evidence has been presented to support a difference of opinion, there is no shame in admitting when we're wrong.

Regards,

Bill

[irish-2008]

Must be the recession affecting everyones mood

[wantego]

That was very well said Bill. Almost all of us are here because we faced the same problem. We should be able to discuss it without a bunch of personal insults or attacks. Actually there are hundreds of posters that do discuss things without the personal attacks and that is one reason why the web site is so successful in my opinion.

[thanatopsis_awry]

Well said! And I don't think a very spirited debate and mudslinging are mutually exclusive. Lengthy "grudge matches" simply end up obscuring the truth that debate has been gradually uncovering. This $%(@s everyone, especially patients....and the people who are right...

I don't think it's possible to *always* remain *100%* tactful, especially in a lively debate that has merit where people have strong beliefs that have strong ramifications; but you can draw a line between being forceful and blunt w/o self-sabotaging your own pursuit of "winning the war" by allowing personal insults to obstruct from the valid, important points.

[rsf]

Bill
thanks for the post. I hope Please Grow Please reads this as he seems to attack with insults more then anyone on his site.

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Note by Moderator: RSF and Dr. DeYarman share the same IP address. RSF was questioned on this but never answered. Thus, although technical anomalies occur (dynamic IP addresses, IP spoofing, etc), it's a possible conclusion that RSF is a representative of Dr. DeYarman. Due to his failure to adress the concerns of a shared IP address, he is no longer a member of this community.
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[thanatopsis_awry]

PGP is like a black panther in the deep parts of a jungle pouncing on anti-patient livestock!

For real, though, he has over 2k posts I believe...in addition to *countless* PMs and private conversations....much of which is directed on the important "red meat" of the HT world. As a result he tangles more with people, and *other* people tangle more with him -- and 99% of the time, even if he is wrong in the entire scope of his opinion, it results in positive benefit to the patient.

This can't be discounted. The "insults" are really a minor component of a small portion of threads, over the backdrop of a very, very large # of posts/PMs/etc. IMO, it isn't appropriate and most importantly it isn't beneficial to patients to hyper-focus on this one aspect of him and jump on a bandwagon while giving him a stigma that would discredit the good he has done and most importantly could hinder the good he will do.

I think he can ratchet up the intensity too much for the time and place and this should change, and I believe it will -- he'd be the first to admit it and if it had a negative effect on a patient's ability to be informed and make a decision he'd be the first to apologize. It's a two-way street, though, too.

/3cents

[PLEASE GROW PLEASE]

I agree RSF and Im working on this as Bill knows. Like he said he knows when Im joking but others dont
If you look though I only "attack" when provoked but even then its uncalled for.
Maybe I let all the positive pms from posters and docs get to me
I have always had guys back when I felt they were screwed and Ill no longer do that either since people want to harp on a negative.
If a guy has a poor result from a top clinic Ill just let it run its course.
Sorry I never answered your request on the pm but if you still want it Ill help you out. Been too busy. I hope you forgive me

[PLEASE GROW PLEASE]

Thana I was posting while you posted that .
Thank you my friend
You know how I always try and have the patients back but Ill leave that up to someone else for now on.
To be honest a couple of the guys I had words with have put that aside and we have been pming each other alot in the last few days.
If you want to know my opinion about something feel free to pm me

[lost my swagger]

its a sensitive age we live in....

some understand that posters like PGP do more good for this place than bad(franlky its quite onesided if you ask me)... and others cant handle his aggressive nature, i think its OBV which side i think ought to grow up. oddly enough it not the side who 'slings the mud' but rather the side that apparently does not realize that they actually do have the ability to brush the mud off quite easily..

we are not perfect, we are all different and as a result we make this site better... its a shame to see one of the more helpful posters here take heat(and be called out by rsf) over a character trait that some of you dont agree with.. im trying to say this with as much respect as i can but those who let PGPs occasional 'tuff talk' dictate who they think he is as a poster need to work on their observation skills. another option might be toughen up a bit...

wow, i type slow.. i stated this right after rsf's post.. then i finish to see thana and that beautiful vocab of his whipped my a** again

[wantego]

Originally posted by lost my swagger:
its a sensitive age we live in....

some understand that posters like PGP do more good for this place than bad(franlky its quite onesided if you ask me)... and others cant handle his aggressive nature, i think its OBV which side i think ought to grow up. oddly enough it not the side who 'slings the mud' but rather the side that apparently does not realize that they actually do have the ability to brush the mud off..

we are not perfect, we are different and as a result we make this site better... its a shame to see one of the more helpful posters here take heat(and be called out by rsf) over a character trait that some of you dont agree with.. im trying to say this with as much respect as i can but those who let PGPs occasional 'tuff talk' dictate who they think he is as a poster need to work on their observation skills. another option might be toughen up a bit...

Lost,
With all due respect I tend to disagree about this "toughening up" stuff. Most adults do not come to a hair transplant board to be insulted. They come because of a serious issue effecting their lives. They often are opening themselves up in a somewhat vulnerable position (including posting bad pictures of themselves) seeking advice. If this board ever becomes about "toughening up" to personal insults (thankfully Bill and Pat make sure that isn't the case) then many people will go elsewhere.

The internet is a place for some people to express their anger in a way that they would not do in person usually. That is why we have the term "internet tough guy". I have seen that it is often the same exact guys on sports message boards that often have trouble or get banned from many different boards because they can not deal with other posters respectfully. Shouldn't we treat other posters with the same respect on this board as you would if you were looking at them eye to eye? I'm only one person but I do speak to many people on this board and I know that some of them often choose not to speak at times because they do not want to be personally attacked. Personal attacks do not have a place on a hair transplant message-board in my opinion. If you do not like a doctors results than be critical of the results but insulting other posters only because they hold a different point of view is going over the line in my opinion.